December Update

Well, things have been quite busy recently.

I've bought a couple of tops recently too. One of them is a wonderful jumper which has part of a shirt underneath with a pixie collar and oh I wish I could wear it to work. I'm unsure of the actual material but it's so lovely. It's funny that now I've started to buy more I've started to get a bit more cagey. I wonder if I should not go in those stores for a while in case someone 'catches on' or if I should stop buying things altogether because now I've reached that point I wonder if it's worth it all. What's the point of having nice clothes and not getting the use out of them because I only dress once in a while and it's not like I actually go out in them. This hasn't stopped me feeling that I want more though like a nice skater dress or a tight knee length skirt or a new black skirt. It feels that a new world has opened up a little this last year or at least one I'm allowing myself to be part of.

I had a family Christmas and it was as nice and as filling as usual. Enjoyed this year's Doctor Who as well.  

I've started reading some more TG fiction recently as well but I should be doing some separate posts about that hopefully soon. I've also been writing some. I wanted to write a Role Exchanger story about an office Christmas party and put it up here in time for Christmas but sadly that wasn't to be but I;m still working on it and if you're on the Haven part of it has already gone up in caption form. 

Here's a little snippet though. It may be a bit rough at the moment: 

Disclaimer: The Role Exchanger concept is the property of Morpheus and the original stories can be found at Fictionmania. The below is my own work. 

~~~~~~~~

Natalie and Tim were talking in the corner. Tim put down his drink and headed for the door. “Back in a minute, just going for a smoke,” he said as she sighed. They had been going out for 6 months now and one of the only things they disagreed on was his smoking. “I told you, you should get one of those vape things,” she replied. “Nothing like the real thing,” he added. “Well, enjoy the rain,” she smiled as a blue light caught her eye. “I won’t,” he said, walking down the stairs. The lingering smoke from Tim’s jacket, now resting on the back of the chair suddenly set something off in Natalie. Usually she found it a turn off, it used to get right up her nose, but now there was something so warm and familiar about it. She grabbed the jacket, put it around her shoulders and headed outside after Tim.

Sheltering from the rain, Tim just about got his cigarette lit but started coughing as the disgusting taste spread throughout his mouth. It can’t be the brand I always buy the same? Why was the taste so terrible? How had he managed to smoke this much for the last ten years? Suddenly Natalie appeared from behind him. “Say, um, maybe I out to try one. I never have before,” she said meekly. “Here, knock yourself out,” Tim sighed, passing her his still burning cigarette. He felt frustrated and smoking was supposed to relieve that but perhaps he was better off without it. Natalie seemed to be enjoying it though and indeed it felt like a comfortable and relaxing old habit to her. This was great; all her frustrations seemed to drift away. What hadn’t she been doing this before? “I think I’m going back inside and get some food, are you coming?” Tim asked. “Actually I might stay for another,” she replied, already thinking of nipping to one of the nearby shops for her own pack. “ Here you go,” he said, pressing his half empty pack and lighter into her hand. “Enjoy the rain,” he added, heading inside.

~~~~~~~~

Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde (1971)

I think I mentioned this film in an earlier blog but today I gave it proper watch after having it on my DVR for the last couple of months so I thought I would do a quick blog. 

This is a sex-swap Hammer horror take on The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson which has to be the granddaddy of all transformation fiction. The film was written by Brian Clemens who sadly died earlier this year and who wrote for many great TV shows including The Avengers and The Professionals. 

The story is set in Victorian London and sees workaholic scientist Dr. Jekyll begin work on an elixir of life using female hormones. The potion turns him into a beautiful but deadly woman whom he passes off as his sister 'Mrs Hyde' whenever anyone asks. Jekyll is forced to continue killing young women to continue his research and as Hyde becomes the dominant personality, she takes over the killing to sustain herself. The two personalities battle for their body and things reach a head over the Spencer family who live upstairs. Jekyll begins a friendship with doe-eyed Susan while Hyde falls for her brother Howard. Ultimately the police catch up with Jekyll after his latest killing and he falls to his death from a rooftop caught in mid-transformation for ever more while his hastily written confession burns in the lab. 

This is an entertaining Victorian mash-up which includes the elements of the real life stories of grave robbers Burke and Hare and Jack the Ripper which Jekyll becoming the feared Whitechapel killer. Although he isn't named as such (and is only referred to as The Ripper once) all the elements are there from the top hat and cloak and the removal of organs with surgical precision. I think there's even a Sweeney Todd reference. Sadly, we don't see Jekyll in drag after changing back but we do get Hyde in a dressing gown. Martine Beswick is brilliant as Hyde in a succession of red dresses (starting with a curtain) symbolizing her bloody birth, talents as a murderess and sexuality. Hyde is her own separate personality rather than being just Jekyll in female form. The first transformation is marvellous too as we seamlessly switch from one actor to another.

Sexual repression is often a theme with TF stories and here Hyde is the more sensual but after the transformations also wake Jekyll up to his feelings for Susan. There is a lovely moment though when Jekyll reaches out and touches Howard's face; confusing his feelings as Hyde becomes more dominant. 

This was an enjoyable movie overall. 

November Update

I have earth shattering news today! 

I walked into a shop and exchanged money for goods! Incredible isn't it. 

OK, so it's not that incredible but after having moaned on here before about my failure to buy female clothing in shops but today I succeeded in buying a couple of skirts in a two different shops. One is a long peach skirt and the other is short black and had ruffles on it. tried them on and they look lovely. I just need some more suitable tops to go with them now. 

I've been thinking more about cosplay recently since some friends of mine have started doing it in the last couple of years and if they start doing more I am considering joining them at more conventions. Their enthusiasm has made me what to do things properly because I do tend to slpa together something last minute either due to having left zero prep time, suffer chronic indecision or my bottle goes. Perhaps I should start planning a bit more. i would still love to do the red Clara dress and accessories. The ultimate cosplay for me though would be Cher's yellow plaid suit from Clueless. I saw a skirt the other week and considered buying it even though it would have been too small but it got my interest back up so I went looking online. I may be able to get one custom made so I'm seriously considering it. Not sure where I would wear it though but I do know a cinema where they show it occasionally so it could receive a outing there. 

This leads me on to TV and Scream Queens which I've been watching recently. Wonderful outfits. There's always something thrilling about a bitchy Queen Bee with a stylish wardrobe and Emma Roberts is brilliant as Chanel. I've also been watching and still loving DC's crop of superhero shows along with the always stylishly dressed Felicity Smoak from Arrow and Caitlyn Snow from The Flash. Can't say I'm totally getting into Supergirl but it's still a decent show and Melissa Benoist is a wonderfully enthusiastic lead.  

October Update

Well, Halloween came and went. No dressing up for me though. Didn't get invited anywhere and didn't feel like dressing up anyway. I bought a new dress recently though and it actually fits this time. Makes me look a bit pregnant though but I'm sure I can change that.

Went to a convention recently too, only for a few hours, but the cosplay on show is just amazing and makes me want to step up a bit and actually do things properly. Part of it is still fear I guess. Not sure when I'll be cosplaying next but hopefully I can put a bit of time into it.

I keep meaning to do a Fashionista column but I will say that one thing I've seen about that I'm loving recently is a nice black jumper or polo neck coupled with a tight pencil skirt and tights.

Fetishes

Last month I posted about possibly dressing again for an 80s disco thing. It was something I had been thinking about for a bit but ultimately I didn't in the end. I left it a bit late and once I got to the thing it probably wasn't the best place to do it anyway although there were a few people about in fancy dress and it would have made me feel better I guess.

As far as CD goes, I've ordered another dress and I've even been dressing on the odd occasion in the evening, usually in a skirt and tights. Physically going into a shop and buying things is still a problem which I guess I need to overcome. I've also been checking out a few videos by Vera Wylde on YouTube recently with some good tips. One of them being that shop assistants either think you're buying for a wife or girlfriend or they just don't care. Of course, it's hard not to fee that all eyes are upon you and that everyone in the shop has 'guessed' what you are or that the shopgirls won't have a good snigger about it after you leave the store.

I think it just feels so taboo and that you need to de-fetishise it which is why I like to dress sometimes in the evening, to make it feel normal to myself. One a season four episode of RuPaul's Drag Race Sharon Needles, when having to dress a burly bloke for a challenge, advised him that "we don't fetishise the clothes" and that's really stuck with me or a few months. It needs not to be a taboo thing, in the mind anyway. It's just clothes after all and I need to believe that.

Oh, and I've now broken my record for most blog posts in a year since I started in 2012 so that's something anyway.

Doctor, Doctor

Ok, so not much to report lately but there are a couple of things I thought I might mention.

Firstly, the new season of Doctor Who has started and I LOVED Clara's outfit in the opening two parter. A cute green dress with white polka dots. Possible new cosplay but there's so many with Clara. I would still love to do the red dress from Asylum of the Daleks. Apparently Jenna Coleman's quit now too so i wonder who my next fashion icon will be.

Doc Martin is also back on TV which for those that have never seen it is a comedy drama about a grumpy doctor in a small Cornish village. There's always a gaggle of teenage girls wandering around in short skirts or tiny shorts wearing lots of coloured bangles and bracelets and feathered earrings and stuff. Oh, to be one of those girls.

Now, after my recent confidence boost I find myself wondering about dressing up for an upcoming disco/70s and 80s night near me. I could get some coloured tights and a tutu and stuff, go a bit Cyndi Lauper. Not sure i would want to walk through town like it thought but who knows, we'll see. I've been a bit down recently especially where work is concerned so it would be great to get a lift.

Why?

As I said last time, there was a photo of me up on a social media site for a while and last week was the first time that I saw some of my friends for a drink and most people took the opportunity to ask me about my TARDIS outfit with question being why the hell I did it. I don't really have an answer beyond "because I thought it would be cool" or just a shrug of my shoulders and nobody pressed me on the issue. I doubt I would ever admit the truth, can't really hear the words coming out of my mouth.

I was asked if I would wear the outfit to another gathering later in the month and I admit I did consider it but first of all I would be a bit wary walking through the town up to the station dressed like that never mind central London. Of course, it does sound quite tempting to me and it might depend on the future circumstances but not this time around. As nice as my friends are, I would just be made fun of all night and the regular jokes would be trotted out (although I have had some compliments about my legs). Although I'm always looking for excuses (I would love to wear a skirt suit to work one day perhaps under the banner of 'for charity') to dress, I don't want it to be like this.

Nine Worlds 2015

I went to the Nine Worlds convention a couple of weeks ago and had a really positive experience.

Now, I wasn't sure if I was going to do any cosplay at all there. As I said a few months again, I was going to get a Star Trek dress from a friend of mine which unfortunately fell through as she couldn't go any more plus time constraints and I needed to get some boots too. I did have a TARDIS themed cosplay ready for the other convention that fell through though (still waiting to hear about that) so I still chucked it in my bag along with some other stuff just in case.

This convention is extremely welcoming to all types of people and, as I said last year, there were quite a few crossdressers there and even more so this year. This wasn't restricted to cosplay though as come the Saturday afternoon and evening I would see more guys in geeky dresses, leggings, playsuits, tops and skirts and nobody batting much of an eyelid about it. This made me think a lot about my own situation and whether I should do anything about it since I had some clothes with me. I used to think that even if the societal rules did change within my lifetime then I wouldn't be of much use to take advantage of them but as I looked around me that evening I realised that the world was already changing and maybe I hadn't missed the boat after all. Plus, change doesn't just happen overnight; it needs people standing up for themselves and living how they want to in order to make other take notice. We are only here for a short time so you might as well make the most of life while you can and live it how you want. Trouble is, that's easy to say, even easier to type, but not so much when you get the fear and paranoia creeping in. Conventions are one thing but walking through some towns at midnight or getting caught on a bus with a bunch of yobs is another. Sometimes you have to take those knocks though. Oddly enough, this is one area that doesn't affect me that much. I can be overly sensitive about a lot of things but my crossdressing I've always been able to front out perhaps because I'm prepared for it. I know that I'm putting myself in harm's way and I know why I want to. Because fuck it, that's why.

So anyway, come the Sunday and I had all this swimming around my head. I knew I wanted to do something but what? I began to think that cosplaying would still be hiding it a way. Maybe I should just wear the skirt and some tights, come out properly. In the end I went with the cosplay and my TARDIS costume (t-shirt, blue skirt, blue tights, blue Chucks and a blue wig. No make-up though) after a quick shave of my legs. Now, a lot of my friends have seen my previous costumes but there were a few there that hadn't and it was their reaction that I was dreading most of all and the reason why I hadn't done it earlier. Their reaction was the the usual "what the fuck?" but very positive...and my photo went up online which is something I genuinely hadn't counted on. I should have expected it but for some reason it didn't occur to me. I now wish I had the guts to do it on the Saturday which was the busier day of the two. I had some really positive comments from others and even had a long discussion with someone about my outfit.

It did give me an overwhelming confidence boost though and I was very much at ease walking around the convention dressed how I was. Not overly fond of the wig though but that can always be changed for another time. Maybe I should go all decora girl and put a lot of Who themed hair clips and bows and stuff in it. I even had a brief fantasy of a girl putting my long blue hair in pigtails. As I went back to my room to change for the night, I even had cause to go to reception still clad in my costume to complain about the fact my keycard didn't work. Took the wig off though but regretted it as it got caught in the zip of my bag. That's another thing as well, I'm considering maybe getting a smaller TARDIS themed bag. Maybe a key to put around my neck as well. Not sure how many more times I'll use the same costume though as I'm always looking to do other things but it was fun.

I fretted so much about my costumes for this convention because I didn't want to squander the chance I had and ended up forgetting about the other good stuff: the talks, panels, entertainment and just having a drink and a laugh with friends but as I said earlier, it had given me renewed confidence and vigor for continuing to crossdress. Maybe one year I won't need a costume or character to hide behind.



 

Aftercon

Hey everyone.

I was going to write something about what happened to me this weekend. Something I was dreading but it turned out to be a really positive experience and actually has given me a renewed vigor for crossdressing.

However, I've not had the best time at work during the last week and actually for the past month which is ironic since I've taken some time off recently. Yesterday was a really low ebb for me. I'm sick of my fears getting the better of me and it seems like I'm constantly trying to prove myself time and time again. I just don't seem to develop and yesterday saw me chicken out of something important and lie about it afterwards.

It looks like I'll have to rectify this by the end of the week and I hope that things will get better during the coming weeks. I would really love to do another Fashionista post as there are quite a few things I've noticed recently. Don't know how much time I'll have this week anyway.

Oh, and I won the Haven caption contest for the first time in five years which has made me quite happy.

Anyway, hopefully more soon.

July Update

Well, provided I get this one in under the wire this will be my first update in a month.

It's been an odd month, not much in the way of crossdressing and the like. I've taken some time off and have just got back from a week's holiday so I do feel rested although I do wish I had left work on better terms. Still, all that to come Monday I suppose.

Earlier I mentioned the TARDIS outfit I was going to do, well everything turned up but the convention I was going to was cancelled. Non-refundable hotel tickets though so i had a weekend away. I have another convention coming up so I may wear it there. Sadly I may not be able to get the Star Trek dress though. My bottle is starting to go anyway and I think it's because of some friends of mine going to the same convention. Now, these are good people who i don't expect will react that badly to me if I do choose to wear a dress but I still have a little fear about what their reactions will be so that's kind of giving me some angst.

I've been having a few fantasies recently and they seem to revolve around a convention and me being forced to wear various things by a woman or women I meet there. Being forced to act like a little bimbo or dressed how they want me. Nothing more specific I'm afraid.

Relative Dimensions

In my last post I talked about dressing as the TARDIS at the next con and I've ordered a few things to help that along, namely a t-shirt and some blue tights.  Now, I've been thinking about possible accessories, maybe even a purse or something to carry about, especially a headband. There are a couple of nice designs around featuring a TARDIS blue lamp on top which would be a nice addition to the outfit...except they all seem to be sold out.

So I've been thinking of making my own little lamp thing. Making things with my hands isn't really something I do that much but I'm still considering it which means I've been looking at yogurt pots in a funny way recently, trying to find one that looks right. No idea how to do the top though, I need some kind of blue triangle thing and at the moment I'm just thinking of some blue card.

Now, there's also a problem with the bottom and I suddenly thought of using a blue ribbon tied around it, maybe in a bow. This is possibly one of the girliest thoughts I've had and it intrigues me how comfortable I am with it now that I consider ribbons and bows and accessorizing in this way. Now, if only I can get someone to lend me a hot glue gun without saying what it's for...

June Update

I've been a bit up and down recently due to work stuff and general life stuff. I'm still letting fear consume me in nearly all areas of my life. It can make you so tired too. I still intend to try and start dating again at some point. Recently I realised that it would have been my two year anniversary with my ex. I really don't know how to feel about her anymore. I miss her an awful lot though, all the conversations we used to have but I don't think I would want to get back with her. I don't want her as a friend either; that would be too weird. At least I don't see her about that much on social media these days.

 I haven't bought any new clothes recently but I have been dipping in and out of crossdressing as my mood takes me. Hopefully I'm going to be cosplaying again soon at an upcoming convention. I did want to put together a Clara outfit but time has got the best of me although I did have an idea that I might go as the TARDIS if I can get a t-shirt and a few accessories to go with my blue skirt. Very excited!

Dressing Service

In addition to thinking about going on holiday I did think about going to a dressing service while I have some time off. Pay for a couple of hours and get a fully feminine makeover. As you know, for me it's mainly about the clothes and the freedom to wear what I want. Make-up has never much been something I want to experiment with, I'm too much of a slob for that, but it would be nice to get the full works from a professional: wig, make-up and a nice dress. Maybe it might change my mind about a few things.

I'm still scared going into shops and looking through clothes. I should just go back to shopping on the internet to expand my wardrobe. I saw a wonderful dress in the window of a charity shop yesterday. It wouldn't have fit me but wow I would have loved to try it on or wear something similar.

Anyway, that led me onto a little fantasy I've been having recently regarding this. I keep thinking of a scene, undertaken while I'm at the dressing service, so it's all staged purely for my benefit. I would enter a sitting room dressed a bit 1950s in a Lindy Bop dress, matching cardigan, heels, tights and hair styled in a particular way with a large headband and clutching a handbag. I would join a couple of other (GG) girls and our 'men' would be dressed in suits sitting on the sofa talking (now these could be real men or maybe even women in drag. I like a woman in a tie, very sexy, which I expect says something interesting about my tastes). I would gossip with the girls before being called over by my man and sitting by his side. He would ask me to fetch things for him and generally be a subservient wife. Not sure how it would go from there. Perhaps we leave and I wave goodbye to my new friends. Might have to think more about that one.

Update: May 2015

Hello everyone,

I have been meaning to write something recently so here is a kind of omnibus edition of stuff.

~

I haven't really had a good month at work and had a very bad week at the beginning of the month. Things are starting to even out now though but I'm in a profession in which there's so much negativity that I don't know if I can put up with it any more. Never mind the fact that I'm drowning in work. The boss seems happy though and I've begun to get a better attitude to it thanks to a friend of mine. I've started leaving earlier and that's been a boost.

~

I'm beginning to think that when I split up with my girlfriend that it was a greater knock to me than I thought it was. I'm still expecting to look down and find a text from her and the issue of sex still worries me. It's like being a horny teenager again, I feel a desire to go out and find someone to have sex with just to prove that I can. It's an odd thing to say in a place like this but I don't feel like a man. I feel I've lost whatever masculinity I had. Of course I know that sex isn't the be all and end all but having never had much of it I really was looking forward to getting into it with a partner. It's like fixing something. If the TV breaks I must try to fix it straight away or whatever device is on the turn this week. I'm the same when I come back from holiday, I must unpack my stuff within a few hours to get things back to normal; to maintain the status quo (nothing to do with Rick Parfitt) and this is something I feel I need to fix for my own peace of mind. I had over a year with her and I still couldn't get it right but then I did get the feeling that I would have more time. I guess that's another thing I resent her for, throwing me back into dating and forcing myself to try and socialise and chat up women again. I was supposed to be rid of all that.

~

The summer is upon us so I might go away for a holiday soon. Last year I realised that I wanted a bit more out of a holiday than seeing the inside of a convention centre. Not sure where to go though but it would be nice to get some sun. I'm also thinking of going to Cardiff, see some Doctor Who locations at some point this year.

~

Finally: Tagging. When the Haven got a new tagging system I have to admit I didn't see much use for it but a lot of people have been using it so I've been trying it recently, going back and tagging my old captions. It's been quite a fun game for myself. While out walking I would recall a caption and try and think what tags I would need for it, what the story entails: TG change? Crossdressing? Brother to Sister? Boyfriend to BFF? Personality change? I hope to go through all my work but I've not long finished updating all my links after the Haven's data loss so this one may have to wait. 

Lingerie for Men

Apologies for not posting anything recently (if there's anyone who actually gives a damn about my digital musings). I've had a lot of things to put down but haven't had the impetus to sit and do it...and today is no exception.

Anyway, I spottted this on MSN earlier and it tickled me: http://www.msn.com/en-gb/lifestyle/style/sexy-lingerie-for-men-is-now-a-thing-apparently/ar-BBjgen.

An Australian company is now producing sexy lingerie for men. Lovely idea and wow I love the set in that first picture but I have to wonder what use a man has for a bra unless you have moobs that are out of control. Still, looks great though and it's nice that someone somewhere is producing clothes like this for men.

New Skirt

Well, I ended up sending the dress back. There wasn't an option to swap it unfortunately but I will be either buying it again or another one. It would be great to have a proper dress for myself.

Luckily though the skirt I ordered arrived and it fits well. It's a lovely flared blue skater mini skirt. I'm also thinking of getting something tighter like a pencil skirt. The style seems to be against me these days; all neat and buttoned up. Tops and t- shirts are tucked into skirts and shirts are buttoned up to the top. I often joke that perhaps it was because I was born in the 1970s, the age of open necks and medallion man, it's not natural for me. I do tend to wear shirts out and top buttons undone though because it relaxes me more plus not being exactly a slender man it covers up the bulge a bit. Wearing a long coat often helps too.

It's been a busy week although I have been talking to a t-girl friend of mine about some stuff and she may give me some help regarding make-up and going shopping. I've developed a possible tactic for shopping and it's not up to much but perhaps if I just take one item and just look it over for a minute or so rather than rush looking through stuff it might take some of the stigma away.

One more thing, I caught part of the old hammer horror movie Dr Jekyll and Sister Hyde. had to switch it over but it might be fun to stick a review up here when it comes around again. There were some lovely Victorian dresses though.

Getting

Well the knickers I ordered arrived a few days ago and they fit very well. They're pink cotton with some embroidery and frill on the side. Never worn knickers before but they feel really nice. 

Now, I ordered from a well know online retailer so the packages may not be quite as, um, discreet as you may expect. Luckily I've been ok so far but the latest one was too big for the letterbox and I had to pick it up from the post office...and there was a label emblazoned across the front with exactly what was in it. The guy in the post office never said anything though thankfully and I suppose the situation could have been worse if the parcel had been delivered here and I hadn't got to it first. I've still got a skirt to come too so I wonder what will happen there. 

I was really excited about the dress though. The only time I've worn one before was for a school play about 20 years ago and now I'm buying one of my own. Unfortunately I feel a bit bummed out now. The colour wasn't what I expected, it was a purple instead of a wine red-type colour but that's no big deal. Sadly it was also a bit tight so I will probably need the next size up. Not sure whether or not to send it back, keep it in case I slim down or just order another. I never like returning stuff especially something like this.

Hopefully the skirt will be a bit better. 

For a little while though it was nice to be almost fully 'dressed'.

Waiting

"No they're not mine, I let someone else use my account"

"Yeah, my sister sometimes orders stuff"

"Fancy dress party next week."

"Girlfriend's birthday coming up soon. Sssshh!"

"Yes those are mine. Problem?"

"I can lend them to you if you want."

"Yes, certainly I can model them for you."

Sorry, may have drifted into fantasy there but I'm just practicing some excuses. You see, I've ordered some clothes from a website: a dress, skirt, tights and some knickers and I'm more excited than I thought I would be about them arriving.

There's always the thought though that they may end up being delivered to another address. Our letterbox is quite small and often parcels have to be taken in by neighbours or back to the post office. It's almost worth everything going back to the post office so I can pick it up in one shot rather than risk my housemate or someone else opening it. Still, I might be able to cover it up. The first piece of female clothing I ever ordered was an ice princess dress a couple of years ago and it was taken in by a neighbour.

I procrastinated so much about this but I'm glad I did. I've also been doing a bit of dressing in the evenings recently too.

The tights arrived this morning and very nice too. Grey this time, not black, as I thought they would go well with my new dress. Hmm looks like I'm starting to accessorize now.

Anyway, I'll do an update when the rest arrives I expect.  

Pink Library #7: The Secret Stash

Since I was discussing goth girl fantasies recently it put me in mind of this story which can be found on Fictionmania:

The Secret Stash by StickySteph

One trope of the TG/TF story is a despicable protagonist and here James is trying to steal his gothy sister's money in order to take his date out. Having magical clothes forced on you is a wonderful idea and one I occasionally come back to (hey, anything as long as those clothes get on). The descriptions of the clothing are wonderful too and I love that the wig also rubs his face giving him some gothy make-up.

Obviously the guy has to be humiliated but I have to wonder how everyone laughing can tell it's him under all the clothes, make-up and wig . This story also leaves you wanting more and wondering what will happen when he meets up with the other goths and what they'll make him do to earn freedom. It would be cool to see him become a full member of the group.

A wonderful forced femme tale.

Fancy

I'm probably very behind the times regarding todays popular hit parade but I heard about the video for this song a while ago and after having a still pop up in a picture search I decided to give it a shot.

The song is Fancy by Iggy Azalea featuring Charli XCX and is inspired by the movie Clueless. The video is from YouTube

I've spoken before about my love for Clueless and I'm glad to see scenes recreated for this video. Regarding the song, it's not normally my thing but I found it quite catchy after a few listens and for a tune about rich party girls it's great that they chose to homage something like Clueless rather than the usual kind of rap video content. It really gels with the subject of the song and, rather than just a feel, it heavily references particular scenes from the movie.

Growing up with it it feels odd to see Clueless referenced and held up as a classic but I suppose it was girls my age that fell in love with it back in 1995 especially the look. I know that if I was a teenage girl back then, I would have been hooked by it and there is still something sexy about knee socks. Many of the outfits are recreated well and of course there's Cher's yellow plaid suit and Iggy definitely wears it well. As I've said before, this is a dream outfit of mine. If I were to achieve one thing through cross dressing it would be to wear that outfit (probably at a fancy dress party) and feel like a spoiled 90s teen princess for an evening.

Update

Things haven't really got much better this week.

It kind of hit home to me last night how socially inept I am. In some ways it doesn't feel like any time has passed since I was mumbling around a sixth form social nearly 20 years ago. Of course I realise that I have changed in the intervening years. I'm more worldly, I have life experience and, yes I'm more confident but I still can't apply myself. I still get too intimidated.

A long time ago I thought that I would suddenly have this knowledge when I reach a certain age - I have a very specific memory of it while swimming in a pool - but that doesn't happen. It takes experience like everything else in life. I don't believe I can change though. It would have happened by now if it's going to but I think I'm stuck with myself a certain way for the rest of my life. It's why I don't think I should try therapy or anything like that. You can say whatever platitudes and do as many exercises you want, it's not going to change how of think or how you feel at a core level. It makes me so frustrated. I hate myself because of it. Is this how I'll be remembered? A fool? A drunk? A sissy? I guess as long as I'm remembered.

I think with my ex I'm either going to have to put up or shut now she's reappeared. Either I start talking to her again or just defriend her altogether.  Believe it or not though I think I'm genuinely close to being over her which is what makes last night so frustrating.

I had an idea for a short story too, well, a short piece of fiction. For a while I've been thinking of doing some Role Exchanger captions but not involving TG which of course means I can't really do them on the Haven plus I would have to find pictures. What I may do though is write one just as a short piece for here. I've had an idea and I've been thinking about it for the last few days and I really like it. At least there's the bank holiday coming up.

Dark Fantasies

I've not been having a good time of it recently.

I've had a cold for the last couple of weeks that I really can't shift plus I feel like I'm drowning at work. It's not been this bad for a while now and I feel like I can't keep up. I still see occasional updates from my ex girlfriend on social networking sites. I know I probably should defriend her and one day it will become too hard to see her pop up but I just can't take that leap for some reason. It's tough to see someone with whom you shared nearly everything living their life without you.

I should really buy those dresses I wanted to. I've been on my own a lot recently so I've been wanting to dress up again.

Anyway, just wanted to write a bit about a current fantasy of mine relating to goth girls. A few years ago there was a gothy club in London that I thought of visiting. I never did, a bit nervous about sticking out like a sore thumb as it's not really my scene to be honest, but I always had a little fantasy about a girl dressing me up so we could go together. For some reason that came back to me again recently.

I would go to her place, some loft apartment close by, to get dressed. Strip off and put on bra and knickers, black with skulls on them (yes stereotypical I know but for some reason it turns me on) and fishnet tights. Now there are many clothes I could go with but at the moment it's a big frilly black dress perhaps with ruffles, bows with a cameo collar that thrills me. Long elaborate frilly dresses, perhaps in a southern belle style and long gloves, have been a little fantasy for a while now. Gloves of course, either long black ones or short sheer black ones with frills on the ends. A big pair of gothy boots too. A friend of mine's ex-girlfriend had a lovely pair I coveted a little and tried to think of situations in which I could borrow and wear them. Not sure whether I would wear a wig or just some long, colourful hair extensions. A fascinator too or maybe a small top hat. She would do my make-up and perhaps add some accessories and give me a handbag, perhaps something really stereotypical like a coffin shaped one. Maybe it would be filled with things like a gothy purse, some make-up, maybe cigarettes and condoms. Perhaps I may carry a parasol too.

We would then head over to the club. She would be dressed in a similar style.I would probably stick by her and just enjoy myself or maybe we would agree on a name and persona for me. She could tell me what to do for the rest of the night. Perhaps I might even just stay quiet and enhance my mystery.  Not sure what would happen after that, probably just crash back at her place. It would be such an exhilarating night.

Gothic Wedding Dress

Photo from: Heeyfashion.com

Dreams

A few weeks ago I had a dream.

Now, I'm always interested in what they might mean because it's usually a sign of what's currently bothering you or otherwise on your mind. Dreams can be hard to interpret too. You could dream yourself going into a shop and buying a pasty and it could turn out to mean you wish to travel more.

In this dream I was wearing pair of pink shorts, a little velvety I think but with a very bejeweled button at the top so I was in no doubt they were for women.

I've looked into some interpretations of this and it appears that for a man to cross-dress in a dream means he is worried about his feminine side or he wishes to acknowledge it more; a caring and more sensitive side of himself however it may also reflect fears of subordination. For a woman it mean much the same thing but with their masculine side; worries over being too aggressive or wanting to be more assertive.

I wonder whether with me it is a little more literal. Maybe I seek to let out my feminine side a bit more these days, purchase more clothes and dress up a bit more. Maybe I also feel more submissive, more under the cosh these days. I have dreamt of cross-dressing before but never that much over the years. I suppose I hope in some weird way that it could be a vindication of my feelings and that my mind is confirming that, yes this is really what I want to do, what I yearn for.

Still, I can dream...

Quantum Leap #3: Miss Deep South

Miss Deep South

(07 June 1958)

Sam is...Darlene Monty (AKA Miss Sugar Belle), Southern Stunner.

The Mission: Find out why fellow beauty pageant contestant Connie Duncan disappears.

We now reach 'Beauty Pageant Contestant' in the big Quantum Leap checklist of feminine situations to put Sam into. The plot is quite a common one for this show, namely that Sam has to find out why/stop someone disappearing. Sam is a beauty pageant contestant and has to find out what happened to roommate Connie. In the end it turns out to be a sleazy photographer selling nudie photos of the contestants. 

Watching this again it reminded me of Sam's first foray into femininity in What Price Gloria. Sam is clearly hating being a woman again and going through the rigmarole of the contest with the parasol parade, swimsuit show and talent contest and it's a nice touch that he has to finish third in order to keep Darlene's life on track and thereby meaning he can't just ignore it. His relationship with Connie is reminiscent of Gloria too as the two share many nice moments together. Gloria was the stronger character and I think the actress was better but Connie is a different, more innocent person than the more independent Gloria. The time period is much the same as well with three years between both episodes settings and photographer Clifford, although sleazy, is a more low key performance than Buddy. 

Since we are now in the third season, Scott Bakula and Dean Stockwell know their parts very well and Scott really shines in this episode with so many bits of physical business such as covering his face with his hand while talking to Al. Remarks are made on his masculine walking and grip and, again like Gloria, once he gets back into his room after his interview with Colonel Sanders, he immediately dispenses with the earrings and heels. There's a lovely reveal of him at the beginning of the episode too as he emerges from a bus and it dawns on him, thanks to a poodle skirt, that he's a woman again. There is of course also the Carmen Miranda outfit too and two great musical moments come out of this episode as Sam and Al perform Cuanto Le Gusta and later Sam give a great rendition of Great Balls of Fire. This show always made use of Scott Bakula's lovely singing voice and he's clearly loving it here and despite the character's reticence at entering a beauty contest he's overcome with genuine emotion at the end as it's revealed that he's won and it's lovely that he wishes his sister was there to see him win. 

Overall I liked it. It's not a favourite for me but still an enjoyable story. It comes at an interesting point in the series too. It's a comedy episode in between the chilling and a bit surreal Halloween story The Boogieman and racially charged Black On White On Fire. I have to wonder whether Sam would take his pageant teachings into his next lives and what the hell Darlene thought of 'her' performance of Great Balls of Fire. One minute she's on the bus to the contest and the next she's won it. There's a rather sober end for Connie too and we don't get the 'she became a famous actress' end but just the fact that she continued acting and led a good life. Quantum Leap often gave a rather low key end for its supporting characters, they may not make it but they would live a happy life. In the end, I guess that's what we all hope for.    

Pink Library #6: Houndstooth

I found this story only recently but it really hit my preferences so much.

That story is Houndstooth by Lyodor Tolstoyevski and it can be found in:

Funky Lady: A TG Mixed Tape

These Mix Tapes are a lovely compilation of  short TG stories, interviews and essays and are a great rear if you're just getting into TG fiction. The same Tape also contains an interview with Morpheus although the interviewer sadly (for me anyway) doesn't ask if one of my fave concepts, the Role Exchanger, will be coming back. I had read an earlier story of Lyodor's in another Mix Tape and I will probably talk about that another time.

This story is quite short, in fact I've written bigger captions but that's definitely no bad thing at all, and concerns a man and a woman on the bus. The woman (wearing a stylish houndstooth skirt) falls onto the man (wearing jeans) as the bus stops short and they slowly swap garments. Now anyone reading this knows how much I love clothes swaps and this one is one of the best and most original I've ever read. The slow description works so well as the clothes reform starting from their zippers and slowly switching material with the narrator unaware of the changes; his world reshaping around him. At the end, it's never confirmed if a TG change has even taken place and I would guess not since the woman is definitely still a woman. This does not matter one jot though especially as the narrator doesn't think it odd that he's in a skirt. The final line suits it perfectly too.

I definitely need to check out more of this author's work.
 
Lovely piece of writing!

A stylish Houndstooth skirt

Photo Source: wholesaleclothing4u.com via Pinterest

Love Is A Drug

So then, Valentines Day again.

I've been feeling a bit down today for obvious reasons. Least not because last year was the only time I was able to do the day properly so it's not perhaps the day itself but just the memory of last year. Looking back, I think that was the day my relationship started to fall apart. The first time we tried to have sex. Thinking about it recently perhaps even if we did have a decent sex life it wouldn't have mattered. It might have kept her around for a few more months before she still decided to go. Still, I would have felt better and although there are always things left unsaid it's the fact that this is hanging in the air that depresses me the most. I feel not only that I let her down but I don't feel like a proper man. I had a few chances and I physically couldn't do anything about it. It makes you feel so helpless. I think that was also a factor for her in that she couldn't stand how frustrated it made me feel. Not that she ever did that much to help me, mind.

I've been thinking a lot about starting dating again recently and for that means dating websites. Finding someone in the big wide world has never been a skill of mine; I'm not a person who can go to bars and pick up women so I guess this is my only chance. A friend of mine said to me I shouldn't date until I'm ready but  have to at some point. There's not a day go by when I don't think of my ex and I keep expecting a call or text from her but would I even want to get back with her now? I would have done like a shot a few months ago but now I'm not so sure. I guess you keep going with the thought that there's someone better out there, someone you click more with and, for someone like me, a girl who will love to feminize you. Dating again does both excite and frighten me and it's scarier when you realise you might be pissing in the wind for the rest of your life when you thought you had someone.

Love is a drug though and once a spark is struck, your find yourself wanting more. It happened to a friend of mine a few years ago. The first time I met her, I don't think she dated much, I never used to hear about boyfriends or anything but about 5 years ago she started up with another friend in our circle. They broke up but since then she's nearly always had someone new. I really do want to experience other people and I did have some worries that that part of my life was over when I was with my ex but that's just my nature. I'm always looking back and over analysing stuff, afraid that I had missed out on stuff. The grass is always greener on the other side, as they say but if I was to have ended up with her for the rest of my life I would have been lucky. I always wanted a relationship so perhaps that was it. My one shot, my one chance and now that's that, over and done with. The rest of my life. Things were supposed to be a lot easier when I reached this age. I was supposed to be in a different place. I was supposed to be normal. But I keep lingering on like this.

Apologies for the long, whiny post. I'll be going back to the Quantum Leaps at some point, promise.      

Men In Tights

I came across the below article today:

Men In Tights: The Latest Trend?

It seems that a lot of designers are using tights in their shows however the reality seems that it's this current cold snap rather than a desire to follow fashion that has sent blokes searching through their partners' drawers. I didn't even realise that there was a store that did tights for men and the idea of a fly in them seems a bit odd. The writer is correct though crossdressers will most likely go for women's tights.So much softer and patterned I expect. You can see men's tights as being a very functional rather than a fashionable item for showing off your legs.

It's interesting to read some of the comments below the article ranging from the usual whines of "gay" to the delights of many men in macho professions such as the police and army admitting to wearing them on cold night shifts to keep them warm. Of course these can easily be popped under a pair of trousers rather than being on full display.

The reporter used an odd phrase though 'my female' to describe his partner as if he doesn't quite know what she is to him.

Anyway, it's certainly a good thing and it's interesting to see how the ways the world has been turning recently.

Trekkie Girl #3

Hello there, yes it's another new post from me tonight. I was going to include this as part of the last one but I wanted to write two separate parts rather than gel them together in a 'My Week' sort of a thing plus this is linked to something I was writing about last week which has gained a bit of momentum.

I am still thinking about it at this stage but I saw a female friend of mine at the weekend (not the one I mentioned in the first post, I may add) and thought I would mention my Star Trek dress idea to her, knowing that she normally likes it when I do this sort of thing. I have gained a certain reputation over the years going back to an incident I haven't spoken about on here yet. No-one has ever asked me outright about this which is nice but it can go two ways in that I do feel a bit put out if people just assume that I (a) will be dressing up when we have a party or are around cosplay and (b) that I will be crossdressing. I don't know, something about the assumption and my slight rebellious streak that doesn't like people thinking they've got me figured out. Sometimes it does work for the better though as some of the girls have been supportive. Of course there are the usual jokes which do get my dander up a bit but then I'm not even the biggest crossdresser in our group.

So anyway on with the story and she, as a big Trek fan, has offered to lend me her blue dress and possibly a bag to match!  I do remember this dress from a con a few years ago too. This has made me a little excited and I guess it adds a little something to it that it's someone else's clothing too. A bit like a TG caption story in the making. I have tights although a new pair may be required so all I need now is those black boots.

Might even have to make an effort to watch the show now...

Dress Size

Ok, so as I mentioned last week I was considering buying a dress and perhaps a few more things online and I...have not done that yet admittedly but I have been checking out how to measure my dress size (or as near to as I can get I guess) so I thought I would share a couple of websites that helped me. That is after all what I wanted to primarily do with this blog; help other people in a similar situation and provide something I would have liked to stumble over growing up to make me make sense of the odd feelings I was experiencing and feel like I wasn't the only one. To be honest it was more of an inkling than a full on feeling in the beginning. I never thought seriously about something being there until later.

Anyway, websites:

1. What size am I?

2. ASOS.com guide to dress sizes

These should at least work in the UK. Outside that I'm not sure but at least it's handy to know where to measure:

1. The fullest part of the bust

2. The natural waistline

3. 20cm down from the natural waistline (hips)

Exactly how good this is for us chaps remains to be seen. I appear to be a size 18 so hopefully a bit of shopping with that in mind will help. Always nice to have a guide though rather than randomly searching through clothes racks for something that may fit.

Here's also a link to the dress I was thinking of getting on Amazon:

Ladies Belted Pleated Sleeveless Skater Dress

Hope this info helps.

Gender Neutral Clothing

I read on MSN today that Selfridges (and yes, I believe that they do in fact sell fridges. Sorry, a running joke of my dad's) are to start stocking gender neutral clothes. No mens and womens departments, just one big clothing area thing.

Here's a link to the story: Selfridges to Stock Gender Neutral Clothing.

Part of this worries me a bit, like it's one step away from everyone wearing the same styles, bland jumpers and trousers and no individuality. On the other hand, it's a step in the right direction although I doubt that it would make buying a dress or skirt a bit easier. The embarrassment wouldn't get any easier and you would probably still get stares as a man trying one on but that may just be my own paranoia. This is a step forward and hopefully it will make future generations less self conscious.

On the flip side, there is something quite attractive about a woman in a suit and tie...

Trekkie Girl #2

Over on Rachel's Haven this week the subject of Star Trek clothing has come up again and it led to Felicia Hextus posting these wonderful knickers:

Starfleet Regulation Underwear

Source: www.bunnyjump.co.uk

I just love these for their bright, colourful and somewhat garish look. Something a true fangirl would wear under her uniform. So if I was ever to be, say, made to dress like a Trekkie girl then these would be included making me look like total Trek nerd. Perhaps the red pants if I get the red dress, have to stay true to my sector which I believe is engineering. Or getting killed. Or hypnotised.

Now I don't think the same thing would happen if it were to be, say, Doctor Who, which I'm a big fan of. TARDIS panties wouldn't do it. Something that brands me as a fan of something I'm not a fan of like Star Trek, Twilight or The Only Way is Essex is such a delicious idea and panties would be such a personal item to have it stamped over.

In other news, I've started thinking about a certain story idea I had, possibly for the next A Little Bit of Girl Time collection involving a boy in a bikini...

The Nineteenth Hole

Last year I had a bit of a wobble while writing this blog and at the end of the year, for some reason, I decided to have a go at getting over that hump and my solution was to write something on here every day. That was one month ago on the 19th December and I think it's been a success. 

Looking back over my posts, it may not seem that I have posted every single day according to the dates but normally I would write at the end of the day and end up pressing 'Publish' the wrong end of midnight. To my mind, it was only one day I ended up missing due to being slightly drunk coming back from a night out. 

Doing something like this does force you to be creative and I'm pleased with the amount of ideas I have had and the stuff I've covered however often I must admit my laziness has got the better of me and I simply won't start writing something because it will take me too long. This is why I've also ended up doing more actual blogging and talking about my day or my feelings towards Christmas and New Year. 

I was thinking about doing something special to blog about here today like buying some clothes. I did have a dress in my sights but I'm not too sure what size I would be and I don't seem to have a tape measure here at the moment so it will have to wait. 

I will of course still update the blog but just not every day. Hope everyone's been enjoying it so far. 

My idea for it was always to chronicle my girlier side, the things I do, the things I've done and what I noticed within that world and I stopped doing that and so it's sadly not as current as I wished but I do hope to get back on track now. 

Pink Library #5: SlutFest

The title might put you off a bit but this is one of my very favourite TG stories combining so many elements that I love and the author, Wyrdey, has become one of my favouirtes. I expect I shall be covering more of their tales in the future.

SlutFest by Wyrdey

The premise is simple: in order to make a name for themselves a frat house holds a competition to find the biggest slut on campus, the titular SlutFest. On the night of the contest, a disgruntled goth girl casts a spell (because they always know magic in TG storeis) which freezes time and makes the girls switch clothes with the guys which of course ends up with them fully changing genders.

The clothes swap is described in wonderful detail through every stage from underwear through to hats, make-up and accessories. Everything switched. One of my favourite lines describes the girls slipping their feet into sneakers while the guys cram theirs into heels and it's one I've since used variations on in my own caption work. Once it's over, time restarts and the everyone at the party slips into their new roles. It's a lot of fun to read about the guys suddenly slipping into the roles of attention seeking 'sluts'. For example, Marcus and Rod starting to snog and grope each other, making sure everyone's looking before starting wrestle in jelly. The frat becomes a sorority with a line in racy parties.

I loved this story so much I've used a similar device in a series of captions. I've also added a touch of Role Exchanger in that it's a mysterious alien entity. The Silent Swapper makes time freeze and a clock can be heard striking in the background before two characters exchange clothes. After the initial swap, they fully become the gender of the other person and take on their personality.

The below caption was created for Commentator on Rachel's Haven.

Poolside (2013)

Noticeable Styles

Just a quick one tonight (or this morning now I guess since it's coming up to 1.30am here).

A little in relation to what I was talking about yesterday there was a girl I saw on the train today. She had long blonde hair and was wearing a black cap, black top and black leggings with gold chains around the neck and pockets and some blinging trainers. I've never seen an outfit like it before and I'm not sure of the right word to use but I loved it. It was something that I would never personally wear (not all the same colour) but yet I wanted to so much; I couldn't look away. It would have been such fun to swap clothes with her there and then, it's another common fantasy for me. I also find it fascinating why people wear the things they do and when. How what's stylish and the right way to dress for one person is opposite for another. Wearing a tracksuit may be a common look for one person but another would abhor it and you could say the same about long, fancy, elegant dress.

Another style I was thinking about recently was the 1940s. I've been watching some episodes of Agent Carter. Love Hayley Atwell in her blue suit. Long pencil skirt, tights and heels, just so smart and stylish. I'm liking the show so far with a highlight being the banter between Jarvis and Peggy. There's a lovely shot of Peggy walking to work in the opening episode in her blue suit and red hat, standing out amongst a sea of men dressed in dark suits.

Hmm maybe a future cosplay, who knows.

Agent Peggy Carter surveys the office

Photograph: www.thestar.com

Girl Gang

One fantasy I've been having recently is being made to join a girl gang.

This is a variation on my usual transformation fantasy in which I'm being taught by someone how to be like them. My version is mainly about a bunch of chavettes, the clothes, the cheap jewellery, the Croydon facelift, the attitude, smoking, drinking, swearing etc.

I would be given longer hair and made to tie it back, big gold hoop earrings, a necklace with my new name on and made to shave my eyebrows off. I would have to get a fake tan, learn to smoke and wear clothes given to me like tracksuits and crop tops. Perhaps I would have to do dares like steal stuff or go clubbing in a short dress. We would just watch TV all day or hang around in the park drinking. Maybe I'll even have to get a tattoo.

Not sure why this is. Perhaps it's a case a being something so different from who I am now that appeals or just a strong archetype to have to fit into.

Here's a caption I did for Fratboy2sororitygirl on Rachels Haven illustrating it. This was a hard one to do because i had to use my own preferences and as ever it was a case of too much choice.

Kim the Chav (2012)

Fashionista #6

Ok, so...

Here are some cool winter coat styles and stuff I've been noticing.

Leather Clad Coat

Photo: shelikes.com 

First of all, leather (or pleather) sleeves on a coat, normally a green parka. This has been a growing trend over the past couple of years and looks quite nice, something a bit different. Normally I see coats a lot longer than the one in the picture. Love those shiny high leggings too! High waisted shorts and leggings are quite big at the moment or at least were in summer. 

A Case of the Pink Furries

Photo: Oasap.com 

Faux fur coats are coming back. I'm seeing a lot of pink ones out there too. They always look soooo warm and snuggly too like wearing a whole fur blanket. 

Animal Magic

Photo: ASOS.com

Fur gilets are also quite popular in various styles and colours most looking a bit odd and mottled like various cats have been skinned. I think Game of Thrones is probably to blame for this look. It's very caveperson, like you've just killed an animal and are wearing its fur. I guess many styles do come round again even if they are thousands of years old. 

Gorgeous Gilet

Photo: Houghtoncounty.co.uk

Quilted bodywarmers and gilets are also a handy way to keep warm in the winter, many wearing them under clothes or going for a full quilted jacket. I remember bodywarmers from the 1980s, I used to wear one too I think. 

That's A Wrap!

Photo: Elleryland.com

Clara Oswald wore a wrap skirt in The Time of the Doctor and now I've been seeing them quite frequently. It's an interesting style although it looks uncomfortable and like it might come undone at any moment. They have been getting shorter though and start looking more weird as they do, like a couple of shirt tails.

Anyway, that's all for now

Ciao!

Chances

I sat next to a woman on the train today. Well, she sat next to me, truth be told. Lovely red hair, nails and a wonderful pair of leggings. Usually I dread sitting next to a pretty woman as I will feel inadequate but for once I felt happy, invigorated. She actually smiled as well, most people on the train at the end of the day have a face like thunder. I should have taken the time to talk to her, I should have at least said something. I can never find the words no matter how bland they may be and I've missed my chance now.

I worry about that a lot, missing chances. One day I'll be old and looking back on my life with no power to change it. Back in the days before iplayer and DVDs when watching something on TV at the time was the only time you were likely to see it I worried that I would forgo a social occasion for the television and end up catching a repeat years later. I would have missed that chance just for the TV.

Ever since the break-up I've dreaded being in that situation again and the slowly dawning fact that I should probably try to start dating again, not that I ever did an awful lot anyway.

Sorry if I've sounded a little maudlin tonight, I don't mean to be. Actually the experience cheered me up a bit, it's been a stressful week so far.

Quantum Leap #2: Another Mother

Another Mother 

(30 September 1981)

Sam is...Linda Bruckner, multitasking mother

The Mission: Save son Kevin Bruckner from running away from home and subsequently vanishing without a trace.  

This is another favourite episode for me and one I have watched a number of times.

We are still in season two and this story comes a mere nine episodes after What Price Gloria. We've done 'single girl in the city' so 'mother' is the next logical step. As such, we are over the whole "oh no I'm a woman" thing and struggles with heels and getting into the situation at hand. Sam looks a lot better in Linda's pirate-y blouse and long skirt than he did in Samantha Stormer's revealing dresses. I noticed Al's bizarre clothes a bit more this time with his tie with bites taken out of it and flurry of buttons on the collar. 

While Linda is dressing as a pirate, all the cool kids in 1981 are dressing as cowboys and cowgirls it seems. Speaking of which, up to this point 1981 was the furthest the show had ever travelled forward for a mission. I suppose it was like a present day Doctor Who episode, saves money on period detail at least. This episode also introduced the idea that kids could see Sam and Al because they exist in a natural alpha state and could not be lied to. "That's not mommy, that's a man," repeats younger daughter Teresa at the beginning, and no doubt to several psychiatrists in the years since. She's was played by Troian Bellisario daughter of producer Donald Bellisario and this episode's writer Deborah Pratt.  

Michael Stoyanov (whom I remember mainly from the early 1990's sitcom Blossom) plays Kevin well and has some of the most pop-culture laden lines pre-Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Somehow he's involved in Demons and Dragons, an odd Dungeons and Dragons game in which ranking is based on sexual encounters for some reason. When school hottie Jackie agrees to embarrass Kevin in front of his friends he is soon sent into the night and into the clutches of two mute perverts who we have seen heading towards the town in a beaten up van in various previous scenes. Al has a wonderful line in response to one of the Kevin's so-called friends, telling him he won't lose his own virginity until 6 years time although how he has this information to hand is another mystery. Sam gets the opportunity to kick ass in a long skirt ("Watch that knife, Sam. It could be sharp," is Al's helpful advice) and it's worth it to see the stunned look on Kevin's face when he stumbles out of the van to see his mother has beaten up his kidnappers. Their motivation is never explained but perhaps they don't need one beyond being generic dirty old men and providing someone for Sam to fight which he does so while Al reels off a list of all the fighting styles Sam handily knows. 

So, it seems a bit like an 80's teen sex comedy in places but there's a lovely dynamic with the kids, Kevin and his sister Susan bicker all the time but make up and Al's scenes with Teresa are lovely as she embraces the logic of the leap. Teresa also appears in a novel sequel Angels Unaware (1997) by L. Elizabeth Storm. Not only does Sam have a schedule to keep up with but there's some interesting moments as he finds he can't have a heart to heart with Kevin as he feels he can't relate to his mum. 

This story was less about Sam being a woman and more on his role as mother and it was all the better for it, the outfits he wore for it worked better too. 

That's not quite it for season two though as we also have a snippet of the finale M.I.A (01 April 1969) in which Sam leaps into it, at first sight, a hooker standing in an alleyway. This is a wonderful little fake out which appears in the credits but our crossdressing leaper is for once actually crossdressing and the figure in the big hair, red top and orange mini skirt is actually undercover cop Jake Rawlins. After leaping twice into a woman this season, you couldn't blame Sam for thinking otherwise. It's not the first crazy costume he wears this episode too. As a newbie detective he also finds his locker filled with frillies and once again he's delighted to see a pair of jeans. That's where the CD element ends but this is a lovely bittersweet story in which Al tries to get Sam to stop his first wife remarrying while he's MIA (missing in action) in the Vietnam war. Ironically, the next story after this sees Sam try to change his own past in season three opener, The Leap Home.

Next time we enter the world of the beauty contest...

Nerdy Girl

Posting that random cap yesterday made my think about many of the others I've done on the theme of nerdy and geeky girls.

Now this is not just capping girls wearing Star Wars one piece swimsuits or rolling around in comics but full on personality changes. I seem to have done it more often than I realise. I guess the main draw is the personality change, and I'm talking strictly stereotypes here and I do not intend in any way to cause offence. The image of the nerd, girl or guy, is a shy person, bad hair, braces on teeth, big black rimmed glasses, perhaps wearing a shirt and tie or some other geeky t-shirt. A love of all things sci-fi fighting for brain space with subject such as science, maths, astronomy, physics and the like. The delicious element is when you take a popular guy or girl and turn them nerdy. Role swaps are always fun to do and there are suprisingly a lot of them out there on this subject. Perhaps nerd is a more popular archetype than I thought.

I'll have to discuss the TV series Sabrina the Teenage Witch at some point because it contained many magical changes and I used to watch it as a teenager. One 1996 episode Geek Like Me saw Sabrina turn popular girl Libby (a bully and therefore sharing the brunt of the witch's magic with her boyfriend Harvey) into a geek and, by the end of the episode, most of her class in an effort to save the science club. In The Role Exchanger 3 by Morpheus, a group of popular cheerleaders and nerdy guys switch places with the cheerleaders sitting down to play Dungeons and Dragons while the guys start thinking it's lame. Funnily enough, the next Quantum Leap I cover features D&D too.

There's also something about being jacked in with a lot of new knowledge, stuff that wasn't there before and is perhaps unwanted. I discussed in an earlier post about Star Trek and suddenly knowing all about the show. Years ago I recall a game show called Swapheads in which contestants answer questions on each others specialist subjects after a quick cram session and this appealed to the role change fan in me. The modern version of Doctor Who turns 10 years old this year and it suprises me how much I know about a show I didn't really watch until then. Never watched it as a kid, perhaps I thought it would be too scary, but when I  went back into the classic series and watched it for the first time I loved it. Ten years ago I certainly didn't expect to be able to name all the Third Doctor's companions or all the stories to feature the Sontarans.

Below is one of my favourite captions that  I've done over the years which illustrates this idea well. This was created for Lyndee Mason over at Rachel's Haven. I love this picture; sexy and stylish with her red hair standing out among the blues and greens of the image.

Dalek, I Love You (2012)

 

Weekend Ramble

Hi everyone.

Sorry, not much from me tonight as I've been working on other things plus near the end of the day I've not been feeling too well either. I've been catching up on The Walking Dead though which I'm enjoying in its fifth season. Hmm, not much to say about that though unless they decide to use a transvestite zombie.

I think I've mentioned my earlier apocalyptic fantasy here too about going into malls and trying on whatever clothes I wanted. Probably still looking over my shoulder, more afraid that someone living would come in and judge me more than a zombie. It comes to something when a rotting corpse is preferable to a proper human being. A friend of mine put a picture up on Facebook today too noting that when it comes to animals we are much more prepared to say hello than other human beings. If we pass someone in the street we are less likely to make eye contact. Not sure what that says about us as a species though.

Speaking of avoiding people, I have been a little depressed over the past few days over my romantic situation. I genuinely thought I had turned a corner with it, with getting over my ex, but it still seems as bad as ever. Well, definitely not as bad as a few months ago, at least I'm not crying every day. It still seems weird writing the words 'my ex'. I think it's the sexual problems we had that stick in my craw the most. At least then I could say I had given it my all. I think I got complacent too, I relaxed too much, thinking she would always be there from here on in. I don't know how I'm going to trust another woman knowing that it could mean nothing but then again I know a lot of good couples so I guess it just finding the right person. That's my answer. I guess I want to rush into dating again just to try to get it right, make myself feel better. Not sure if that's the best attitude to have. Maybe that's just it. I always wanted to be in a relationship so perhaps this is it. My one chance.

I generally stay away from posting caps on here unless they have something to do with the subject matter but, although I've rambled on for a bit, it's all rehashed stuff so here's a little reward. This was posted from the March 2013 caption contest on Rachel's Haven which had the topic "Nerdy Girls Need Love Too."

Quick Quiz (2013) 

Quantum Leap #1: What Price Gloria?

What Price Gloria? 

(16 October 1961)

Sam is: Samantha Stormer, sixties secretary. 

The Mission: to stop Sam's flatmate Gloria from committing suicide. 

This is perhaps the episode of Quantum Leap I have seen more than any other. I bought it on video back in the mists of time. They released episodes two to a tape and this shared it's space with The Americanization of Machiko in which Sam leapt into a sailor in 1953 bringing his Japanese war bride home to his small town. I've not seen it in years but still I was mouthing along with much of it, a sign of how well I know this episode. 

Surprisingly, they didn't have the idea of leaping Sam into a woman until season two and as the first one it tackles all the things you would expect such as complaints about the clothing women have to wear and rampant sexism. I've never seen Mad Men but this feels like it could be much the same world but instead of advertising, Sam is thrust into the world of the automobile. 

Scott Bakula puts in a wonderful performance as a grumpy Sam forced into heels and all kind of female activities and hating every minute of it especially after the elation of being called by his own name on a leap. He has some wonderful moments of physical comedy too especially when he's hobbling along in heels at the start. Dean Stockwell also has fun with Al who suddenly finds his best friend so attractive although I had to wonder how on Earth Al recognises Sam when he first leaps in. Indeed, the woman who plays Sam's mirror image (LaReine Chabut) probably had more to do here than any other mirror image in the whole series. I swear that one day I want to write an out of work actor character who's main claim to fame was appearing as the mirror image one week in Quantum Leap. 

Most men in this are the stereotypical letches but then the plot requires it I suppose but then I've also no idea how rampant sexism was in the 1960s. The supporting actors do well here especially the excitable Gloria (Jean Sagal) (who does seem to go suicidal a bit quickly) and the slimy Buddy (John Calvin) who feel like they're having fun and help you believe the conceit. The dinner scene was used in the opening credits and it really made me want to see this episode, Sam's cheeky eyebrow raise was also fun. Gloria is saved (I wonder if the girls had to pay for all that falling masonry? Hope no-one was under it) and ready to change her career. It's a lovely twist that goldigger Samantha turns out to have the talent while Gloria goes on to marry Parker, the man she met on the date. Sam's final seduction of Buddy is a little odd to watch but it's shot very well. In the end, it almost feels like a public information film about gender dysphoria. A pretty woman to the rest of the world, we see her as the man she really is protesting that she's wearing the wrong body and expected to behave as such. I have to wonder what Samantha came back to when she leapt back. An assault charge? Perhaps Buddy wouldn't want to admit he was knocked out by a girl so he was more than happy to shunt her and Gloria onto the design course. 

While looking at a couple of things on the net for this I realised that this is the one show I really don't want to know a lot about or read the usual torrent of bitchy posts. I would rather just leave as this wonderful little show from back in the 1990s. Not that it looks it though, the period detail is good and having a show set in the past ensures that it never looks that old. Samantha Stormer even makes brief return in the season three finale Shock Theater which, upon leaping into a mental patient in 1954, Sam is given electro shock treatment and starts thinking he is some of his previous personas. 

I wouldn't say this is my favourite but it's certainly memorable even if it is a bit on message at times plus once they got Sam's initial discomfort with swapping sex out of the way they were able to explore the subject better. 

Quantum Leap

"Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Doctor Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator - and vanished. He awoke to find himself trapped in the past, facing mirror images that were not his own, and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better. His only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from his own time, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Sam can see and hear. And so Doctor Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong and hoping each time that his next leap... will be the leap home."

Quantum Leap is one of my all time favourite television shows. 

I'm a big sci-fi fan and my favourite area is time travel. Love time travel stories, they fascinate me and I first came across this show in my teens. Running for five seasons from 1989-1993 (it ended in 1994 over here though, I remember) it featured a scientist from 1999, Sam Beckett, who bounced around through time fixing things. He would leap into a body, fix something wrong which would normally involve someone going missing or dying in order to leap back out and into someone new. He would have the 'physical aura' of the person (looking just like them so no-one would notice the swap) and arrive standing in their clothes in some odd situation. It was heavy on nostalgia and love of Americana. Sam was a top scientist but also grew up on a farm in a small town, could kick ass and had a number of useful skills he would somehow be reminded off on his mission. 

Sam's time travel had a limit though and it was a lovely detail. He could only travel during his own lifetime: 1953 - 1999 although they did tweak it a little so he could visit other time periods such as leaping along his own DNA strand back to the American civil war. Part of the reason it worked so well was the chemistry between Scott Bakula (Sam) and Dean Stockwell (his holographic adviser, Al). The final episode, Mirror Image, was a headscratcher but it was an ambitious idea and one that has never left my mind. Sam leaps into a bar on the exact moment of his birth. The bar is populated by many of the show's actors with lots of references to past episodes and a God-like barman also called Al. Sam fixes a wrong for his friend Al leaps on his way at the end and we are left with one of the saddest sentences in all of science fiction: Dr. Sam Beckett never returned home. 

So, why am I going into all this? Well Sam may have predominately leapt into young white men but he leapt into a wide range of people and even a monkey so of course there were some episodes he became a woman. I think my mum used to watch it too but I was intrigued by an episode description which said that Sam leapt into the body of a young black singer, (A Song for the Soul) and even caught the last few moments of the previous episode in which we saw a snippet of the leap in, an ingenious TV hook (in more ways than one I guess). I had never seen it before but the next week I tuned in. I watched it up in my room, it felt so illicit like I was indulging in a fetishistic pleasure which I suppose I was to some extent. I loved it though. I've seen the whole series through quite a few times now and its also given me a new appreciation of the actors in supporting role who perfectly sold the idea that this thirty something hunk was really a 10 year old boy or a teenage girl or a pensioner or various other personas. Favourite epsiodes include Good Morning Peoria, All-American, The Camikazi Kid and Stand-Up. Ultimately, its a very uplifting and enjoyable show. 

I thought I would do a quick round-up of Sam's female adventures on here relying on my sketchy memory...but then I have the DVDs so I could just as well re-watch them and do them individually. Not sure how frequently this will be I think there's around 10. 

Anyway, I look forward to it. The first should be up soon.