Saturday Shopping

This weekend I bought some new clothes and these days although I love it I do feel I may be buying a bit too many or maybe I just don't have space but yet I just can't resist.

Anyway so first I bought a black, pleated pleather mini skirt and I have to note it was not unlike one I was going to buy last year but was stopped by a patronising sales assistant (Look for my entry 'Some Dude, a Zip and a Changing Room'). For those wondering what I did in the wake of this, whether I went back or not, the answer is no. I've never darkened their door since although I walk by there at least once a week. I still think about going back fully dressed and just walking around a bit but I doubt anyone remembers me and sure I think I'll stand there and make some grand speech like in a TV show but ultimately it won't make a difference. I guess the fact that that I still think about it indicates how strongly I feel about it. It's a lovely skirt though and I do love the pleated maxi skirts that have been in for the last few years so i hope to finally get one for the warmer weather 

The other item was a black checkered dress that I was initially unsure of but it fit me so nicely I bought it and sometimes you just love the look of something on you. Last year I bought a lovely pink jacket in the same shop. Initially I didn't get it but I went back the next day and as I was leaving the male shop assistant complimented me and said it would look nice on me (no, you haven't just wandered into the beginning of a TG story). Now, I wasn't quite sure how to take this and spent  minute or so trying to work out whether it was good natured humour, sarcasm, banter or a compliment. In the end I believe it was a compliment and I was quite taken aback by it as I didn't expect it. I'll leave out the part about walking through a supermarket on the way home and was suspected of stealing the thing from there. I think I mostly expect a negative reaction from people but perhaps I shouldn't. Coincidentally I was in there the other week buying a top. Usually it gets rung up as a ladies garment but it went through as a mens. Because of me? Who knows. 

   

Resolutions

I'm not normally one for New Years resolutions these days. For a long time, certainly over the last couple of decades, my resolutions remained much the same. I wanted a new job, wanted to move out of my parents' house and to have a relationship and for one brief point during 2010s I achieved all three. You may be surprised, especially considering this blog, but crossdressing never featured that highly on it as it was something that lived in the back of my head and for a while I thought it was something I would explore with a sexual partner. While I came close, it was ultimately something that never happened.

This year though I was having some thoughts about things I might want to do and writing more is one of them so hopefully I can update this a lot more (can't be worse than last year) but another one is having a full MTF makeover one day. As I've said before, I'm not really one for a lot of make-up, wigs, breast forms, bras, hip pads etc. I mainly just like the clothes. Recently however I've been thinking about it a lot, just getting the full makeover just once to see what it would be like. Some services also offer photoshoots as well and they have some lovely outfits to choose from. So anyway, that's what I hope to do at some point the year. You may see me go full girl.

One thing I was determined to do those was to continue dressing and try not to be too scared of doing it around my home town. On New Year's Day I went to have breakfast in a nearly restaurant dressed in a t-shirt, tights, skirt and cardigan. Pleased to say everything went alright and I've even started going up to do my weekly shopping wearing a skirt and leggings. Oh I haven't even mentioned the gorgeous pink coat I bought last year (which I'm still a little nervous of wearing for some reason.I guess it's a bit more striking than my usual long black coat to try and hide in).

Anyway, just to end up I just thought I would put a picture up of a lovely 2 in 1 black dogtooth dress I saw in New Look today. Not in my size at the moment unfortunately but you never know.

Photo Credit: Newlook.com

Some Dude, a Zip and a Changing Room

While in the last few years I feel I've grown in confidence every so often I get a bit of a knock and occasionally wonder why I continue to do this. Thankfully it seems my resolve is strong enough to keep on despite the knocks but today was one of the worst.

Now changing rooms have always been a sticking point for me and I've gradually built up my confidence in using them. Today I went into a vintage store and there was a male store assistant standing in front of the small changing rooms. I've had my eye on a black pleated mini skirt for a while and decided to try it on today. It depends on my mood sometimes how I approach a situation like this and I'm suprised I actually had the will to go up there with this dude in front but I've had largely positive experiences and London is quite understanding, so to speak. 

The upshot was I wasn't allowed to try on the skirt. Apparently they have a 'big problem'with men trying on women's clothes and noted that zips get busted by men trying them on. So in one way it a little comforting that there are so many out there but I felt a bit humiliated by this I tried to stick up for myself by saying that I knew my own size and wouldn't have wanted to try if I didn't. According to this guy he has more experience and he can see that it won't. Not wanting to get into an argument and to be honest not having any arguement to present I left the store.I also didn't want to have a row with some guy just doing his job and having worked with the public I know how trying it can be but I felt humiliated. To be fair I do sort of see his point especially with vintage clothes and it wasn't like I was banned form buying it but I'm sure the guy could still have handled the situation a bit better rather than basically tell me I was too fat to try something on and I don't think there are many who would want to try anything on, male or female, with some dude standing in the way. I don't know why I just didn't buy it untried. Damn changing rooms. 

Now like anyone I have fantasies of going back and saying something or maybe buying the skirt outright but I'm leaning towards never darkening their door again. Screw them I'll spend money elsewhere. Should I stand up a little more though? Not just for me but for those who are too embarrassed to? Not sure.

I feel a bit rubbish and humiliated tonight but I hope it will pass. I don't want this to stop me.  

Back For Another year

Hi everyone,

Well I had a few technical issues but hopefully I'm ok now and hope to start making posts a bit more regularly. Things haven't changed that much to be honest, bought a few more clothes including a red plaid skirt, pink striped top and some knee high boots.

So I never really thought of myself as a pink sort of gal before but I'm getting to like it. I think because it's so far from my usual style that it makes me feel like a different person. Sorry, that's about all I can muster about now but I wanted to say something.

Changing Rooms

Today was not one of my betters ones. 

So anyway I mentioned in my last post about a few skirts I had my eye on and today I went into the shop to try them on. Trying things on in a shop is one of the more stressful things I find about my little adventures in crossdressing. Luckily most around my way have a single unisex room (even though in most I have to approach an assistant and mumble my way through asking for a key while trying to conceal my possible purchase. Those are mostly second hand shops though but this time it's a chain store with both a male and female department. 

I picked out my stuff, three miniskirts a black leather look one, a pink leather look one and a light brown one. There was a yellow tartan one which I have been coveting since I saw it because it looks very Cher from Clueless but unfortunately it wasn't there. Not wanting to take my chances with the women's changing room I slunk upstairs to the men's, grabbed a t-shirt to cover the skirts, and tried on the skirts. All too small for me. I picked out my usual size but it seems that means a touch smaller in this store. Oh well, that's sometimes the way it goes. I searched in vain for the right size but it wasn't there so I left. I was quite stressed at this point due to the usual fears and paranoia. 

However, after a cup of tea and a look round some other stores I decided to return. Managed to find my size in the black mini and I finally found the yellow tartan skirt! This time I got a little bolder and went to the women's changing room and was promptly asked to go to the men's upstairs because it was the women's department. Of course I could have explained that although I was a man I was intending to purchase articles from the Womenswear department but I couldn't be bothered to offload all this on the poor shop assistant and cause a scene. So I slunk back up to Menswear (which must always be said in a John Inman type deep voice. I'm imagining it now), grabbed another t-shirt and tried to avoid eye-contact with the guy I met before.  

Well, this time they seemed to fit except that the yellow tartan one had a fairly dodgy zip on it which I managed to get stuck! Yes, sometimes TG captions do come true. It was a fairly hot day anyway and I was getting more stressed with this thing plus I think there was a bit of a gap in the curtain in the changing area too so sweat was pouring down my face. Even though I've done this so many times I'm still aware of what the world at large thinks of it. My own fears, stresses and paranoia get the better of me and it makes me so angry and that causes me to crash and get depressed. So anyway I was able to wriggle out of it and get out of the changing room. Swapping the skirt for a better one and paying for it was a breeze compared to that and I was relieved to get out of there. 

Except that when I got back home I found that I had inadvertently bought a smaller size in the yellow tartan skirt. The hanger lied to me. So anyway, I'll probably head up there early tomorrow to change it and hopefully I might even enjoy my purchases. 

Oh and the girl in the bakery said she liked my nail polish. Which was nice. In case you're wondering, this weekend it's a sparkly red. Try to imagine Dorothy's ruby slippers from Wizard of Oz in liquid form and you have it. So anyway, swings and roundabouts. 

July Update

I've had a few ups and downs this month.

I did go to a friend's birthday wearing a dress (the one I bought last time) and did get a little self conscious. Not too sure why this time, sometimes I just get attacks of doubt especially with the amount of travelling I have to do although I am learning to manage it more. I did have someone ask me my pronoun though for the first time.

I haven't bought much recently but again I had a few doubts when I was trying on some stuff. I just thought I looked lumpy and hairy and horrible. However this can change because I also saw some skirts I really wanted earlier that same day.

Lots more I've wanted to post about recently but I never seem ti have the time to sit down and do it. Hope to have more soon.

June Update

So then after a brief wobble last time, I actually had a really good night a couple of weeks ago when I did a pub quiz. Seriously, I was still smiling the next morning in work and a Monday morning at that so it has to have been really good. I wore a dark blue top with a white Peter Pan collar (which I adore and it fits me so well. Not too tight or too loose) and a lighter blue skirt with a some black tights and my trainers (which always make me feel more at ease anyway).

It wasn't a great night for us in the quiz but I ended up in some interesting conversations especially on the bus back about why I do this. So yes, overall positive.

As for any recent shopping, I bought another dress. I totally didn't mean to though as I have enough already... but I thought I would just try it on...just to see what it looked like...and I loved it. It's black with a small collar with squares and flowers and is a bit Clara Oswald which I suppose it part of why I like it. Rule one - don't fall in love. Oh and there was also a bright red heart necklace.

The Shopping Forecast

Here's a mini-update things that may turn into a rant.

I've been getting really frustrated recently with myself for not going out dressed more. It's like I see women in the street now and feel more jealous than I usually do. Sometimes just opening the door is a big step for me and for a while I've wanted to do my Saturday shopping dressed. Part of it I think is because this area is so familiar to me and with London I can keep moving and get lost in a crowd plus there's also the fact that most of my clothes have come from the charity shops round here. I do suffer from chronic indecision and this time my fears got the better of me and I didn't today. In case you were wondering, it was going to be a denim miniskirt (which I'm wearing now) but I do have bright red nails at the moment so a bit of it was there. Nearly went out dressed to a quiz the other week but the dread words 'replacement bus service' made me decide against it. I can just about do the train but not that. Not that I mean all buses but any travel issue will send me reeling.

Only bought a shirt today. A male shirt.  I know, I'm disgusted with myself too.

I'm still looking to buy some new shoes but can't seem to find anything I like. Shoes have never really been a thing for me as I wear trainers a lot but I think in some situations it calls for something a bit smarter just to fit the feminine aesthetic. This is also the reason why I tried to shave off my body hair last week. Now, I did see a nice pair today, shiny black and with chunky heels and they did have a bit of a gothy/alt look about them. I saw them in a charity shop before, tried them on and left it to chance. they disappeared the next week but turned up in another shop. I tried them on again and came close to buying them but I left it to chance again as I'm not sure about the height of the heel. Never worn heels before so of course it felt a bit odd. I'm undecided about them so should they be still there next week I may even get them.

Also nearly bought a jumper from ASDA in the sale which i really liked but it's near the end of the month and while money is not tight I still think I should stop for a bit as I seem to be buying clothes every week. Just last week I bought what I have dubbed 'The Most Impractical Jumper in History' which is green and white striped with bell sleeves and ties on the end. I would still like the other jumper so perhaps if it's still there next week I'll nab it. Oh and I also tried on a pair of light blue boots. Trying now to recall what else I've bought. There was an octopus necklace which looked like a cursed idol from a horror film, a black rose ring and a grey midi pleated skirt. Also, as you know I was looking at mod dresses from Atom Retro and now there's a sale on so...yup back to chronic indecision.

 

February Update

Wow, it's been quite long since I last updated this. My apologies to anyone still reading.

Well nothing startling has happened during the last couple of months apart from my work situation getting progressively worse and I'm actively considering a change. I also played football for the first time in 20 years (because I'm totally all macho and stuff). I have also been buying some new clothes including a couple of skirts and the absolutely marvellous find of a green and black Ro Rox Boutique dress for £6.99. Really looking forward to wearing it...now all I need is an opportunity.

I did have such an opportunity a few weeks back when I went out for drinks with some friends. First thing that went wrong was that I had recently bought a new pack of tights which weren't as thick as I was expecting and ended up showing that I hadn't shaved my legs that evening. The next thing was that I went and got lost around Chelsea looking for a pub...and wearing the same dress I got lost in a few months ago. There's almost a cap in there somewhere. I seemed to do what I do most times I drink and drag and that's to end up feeling sorry for myself near the end of the night. I feel silly and end up almost cursing myself for not just dressing 'normal' instead and saving myself a lot of trouble.

Not that I get in trouble though because thankfully the other shoe hasn't dropped yet. In fact I'm getting very nice comments on my nails especially from shop staff. That night I also had some lovely compliments especially about the necklace I had on. However my regrets didn't stop me from going out again the next night wearing a denim skirt and pair of purple tights. That got a few looks. Luckily I remembered to shave my legs and some of my arms. Not the best idea during all the cold weather we've been having as I've learnt the past few weeks.

I'm also still experimenting with the nail polish I got for Christmas and I'm hoping to try some eyeshadow I bought soon. Also bought a new bracelet. Oh and today I tried on a few things, white skirt, a dress and some shoes, but didn't come away with anything. I think I may have to resist the dresses for a bit.

Telling My Parents

I've had an interesting August (so far anyway) and I do mean to talk about the positive experiences I had at Nine Worlds a few weeks ago and it's perhaps because of those that led me to my present situation.

Last week I told my parents about my crossdressing, in fact I wore a skirt to visit them. I thought I was prepared for their reactions but I wasn't for all the questions about why I do it. In the end there were some reasonable points that I had considered myself but I have never come away feeling so ashamed of myself in all the years I've been doing this. So this week I've been processing that. I haven't dressed since. I'm still interested in it but I'm not sure I have the strength now.

May Update #2

A few things from the weekend: I crossplayed at the MCM Expo again, wearing my Star Trek dress and it seemed to go over just as well as it has done previously. I even had someone ask me to pose for some professional shots which was fun. It's always confidence boosting to have people ask you for photos and I had quite a few.  

Today was a Bank Holiday and I was at home so I dressed for the day. My green top with black spots and white collar and a black mini skirt I bought for cosplay. Oh and bright red nails and a heart necklace. Now, I rarely go for a walk in my home town dressed and in the past it's only been when I'm going up to the station but today I walked around the corner to the cornershop to get something to eat. May not sound like anything but I was a bit nervous since it was such a familiar place. Strangers are one thing but people know me round here although I would be prepared to go shopping like this although I'm a little wary for the odd reason that most of my clothes come from the second hand shops in town. In the end I also ended up walking back and forth to the car helping my housemate unload it. 

May Update

Wow! Three months just flies by doesn't it?

Ok, I honestly didn't mean to leave it that long before I posted but, truth be told, ever since I've been dressing and going out dressed more regularly it's not a big thing anymore to chronicle every little step I make or everything new I buy. Funnily enough, I do seem to be buying things once a week now. This is not to say that there is, um, nothing left to say. I still feel myself wanting to post on various topics and life in general as I still feel that there is plenty left to say. This isn't over for me by any means and I still feel that this is a journey. I'm still experimenting with looks and myself in general.

I can't recall actually going out dressed in the last few months but I have spent the odd day dressed (when I have a day off) rather than on the weekends or in the evenings when I come home from work. I'm still using it as a bit of a crutch; a way of escaping the day. So anyway, new clothes bought include a black and grey striped dress (which I love), black mini skirt (for cosplay), green and black polka-dotted top with Peter Pan collar, plain white top, purple top with flowers embroidered on and plaid mini skirt. The latter I was unsure of because its not exactly me and a bit chavvy/poor little rich girl although those are both looks I like. I discarded another dress for much the same reason. I still have a problem with dressing rooms although a few weeks ago, bold as brass, I took two dresses into one. Then again yesterday I felt a bit self conscious while out in Camden market and to be honest if there's any place which is likely to be cool with all types of people, it's Camden. Not been down there in many years though and I've always felt like I wasn't alternative enough for it which is a bit silly, I know.

Cosplay wise, I've had a bit of a boost recently as I may be getting some clothes made for me by a seamstress which will be nice because I've not been feeling that good about it since the end of last year. I have been meaning to elaborate on this further though. I've also been meaning to do a few more reviews of TG related film and TV including getting back to the Quantum Leap reviews.

Another thought: how come wearing shorts I don't mind having hairy legs but I feel the need to shave while wearing a skirt or dress. Is it just the aesthetic aspect? Shaving is probably for the best though.

About Last Night

So, leading on from my last post, I did indeed go to a birthday party dressed last night (still fully clothed, to avoid confusion, well that's a misleading phrase although I doubt with my face and body there's a lot of confusion going on but, well, if there was it would be good for the ego).

Now, my primary concern was the travel and I'm happy to say that nothing really happened. It was much easier to open the door this time perhaps because I was a bit more convicted this time around. This had been in the back of my mind, and the outfit I wanted to wear, for most of the week. I knew what outfit I wanted to wear too and, apart from a few tights based considerations for the cold and rainy weather. For those that want to know, I wore a beige jumper with Peter Pan collar, blue denim mini skirt, black tights and a pair of Chuck Taylors. I've also found out that it helps with my nerves if I listen to music or a podcast on the way so I spend most of my time with my earphones in. This journey was a bit long and involved a walk, train journey, walk through a shopping centre, tube journey (including through the Death Star AKA Canary Wharf station. To further explain the hilarity of this joke, they filmed parts of Rogue One there) and another walk trying to find the place.

A couple of incidents stick in my mind and possibly that was due to my paranoia. I passed a guy while I was walking who definitely said something but I couldn't make it out because of my headphones. Probably nothing, probably just talking on his phone. There was an older lady who appeared to be looking in my general direction on the tube but she was just looking for a seat and then while walk on the way back there was a girl who appeared to be trying to look up my skirt. Not sure what to make of that. For the rest of my night, no-one even commented on my appearance although some of the girls I was with did say that I could wear a smaller size than I and perhaps I could wear a shorter skirt. Indeed, I have had much appreciation for my legs. Of course, if a transvestite standing at the bar doesn't seem to get noticed in an effort to get served I'm not sure about anyone else.

The Silhouette

It's been quite a busy few weeks and I think it shows just how far I've come that any one of these things would have, at one time, been huge steps for me.

One thing is that I've had the conversation about my crossdressing with my roommate, a friend of mine for over 20 years, and he's fine with it. Only done it once in front of him (bit too cold for tights in this house at the moment) and it hasn't really changed anything as I thought it might.

A few weeks ago, I went for a weekend away in a large town in the north of England and on one of those days decided to dress, spending most of the day in a glittery jumper, blue skirt and leggings. I was quite pleased, I walked around the town and even went for a meal with my friends although we spent most of the day in the hotel. Everyone was fine with it and the only time I felt uncomfortable was when I was at close quarters with someone in a lift. Indeed, the only time anyone questioned my choice of attire was in a lift when one girl asked why I was "wearing a girls top". I didn't answer in the end because by that time the lift stopped and I got out.

Now, why the title? Well, I was thinking about the last time I dressed in public a couple of months ago and why I was so annoyed with myself. I never added at the time how much of a wrench it was to walk out the door that evening and it certainly took an alcoholic contribution but sometimes I reach the point where I just want to do it and to hell with the consequences. The rage and frustration just builds up so much I just want to throw myself into the fire, or dance into it as Duran Duran would have it, and take whatever is thrown at me. Nerves do get the better of me at certain situations and despite initial nerves I reach a point where I just don't care about it any more and just want to get it over and done with. Don't want to be scared any more.

Anyway, back to the title, after the last time I figured out that I'm not used to the silhouette. I'm used to looking down and seeing a pair of trousers, not a skirt and my legs (which I have been told look wonderful) in tights or leggings. It looks unusual. I started to think about this after going to the toilet in that pub and a friend remarked that it was 'weird  to see a skirt coming down the stairs'. In the nicest way you understand. Another friend later got me to have a word with him as he was scared he had offended me. I have to accept that as me now and once I get used to it, I think things will be better. Wearing a jumper or top is different, mainly because I can hide it but you can't hide the bottom half so well.

As a brief update on clothes and make-up, I have bought another couple of tops (one I'm still waiting for, Amazon), tried lipstick briefly and also continued to paint my nails. Last week while out drinking with friend's again, one pressed some nail varnishes into my hand while at the bar. I'm so grateful to this woman for a lot of things. When she first saw me dressed, she asked whether I had always felt odd wearing trousers (or something to that effect, I can't quite recall at this late hour) and I was quite taken aback. I had never considered anything like that. Anyway, she passed me them at the bar in case I didn't want anyone else to see which is very considerate although it has strengthened my resolve. Why should I be ashamed of this? I'm only wearing clothes after all.  I should own it more, not feel so ashamed. Then again it's not as if I've not been in a fight or been threatened in my life and that was wearing my normal clothes. I wear a suit every day for my job and that seems to draw all sorts of people to you thinking that you've got pots of money to give away (bust my lip the other week after I slipped over trying to run away from someone, true story). I think also because I expect it, I can front it out a bit more.

All of which leads me up to the present and another birthday party at a London bar (I'm not an alcoholic, honest) this coming weekend in which I'm considering/really wanna dress for. My earlier experiences have led me to another source of frustration and that is travel. When I'm with my friends, I'm fine and even up north there was a hotel in easy running distance but like the other month and this up coming weekend I will have the stress of train and tube travel, feeling that everyone's starring at me. I think it goes back to feeling at close quarters with someone. It doesn't help that a football stadium has recently been built on the line I travel on. I guess the only way to get over this is to do it more until I get more relaxed with my new silhouette.  

October Update

So, I've been meaning to update this for a while and as always it seems to slip away from me. 

September has been a bit of a lean month for me money-wise with changes in my payment structure so I've had to make a conscious effort to save which means no money for new clothes. I'm thinking about more shoes now and perhaps more experiments with make-up. I would love some more dresses, tops and at least one more black skirt. Work has also been crazy busy recently and I'm feeling more and more overwhelmed as the days go by. There's also the thought at the back of my head that I'm going to end up in real trouble one day

No more trips out dressed although I expect to have some this month and it may get a bit hectic. I also need to get a couple of my dresses repaired at some point. Just a couple of bits of sewing needed. I usually take things to my mum but that's out for various reasons and any knowledge I did have from school has now been forgotten but I wouldn't trust myself to do it anyway. Still, I am considering learning. 

My latest experience seems to have made me more convicted, if anything. I've always said that I needed to allow myself to look at clothes in a different way and I'm certainly doing that now. I keep noticing outfits and clothes I like and there's no hesitation at all. I now get a pang in my chest when I think about it and I get excited. Not nerves or dread but something more. It's becoming something I need to do. This is still a work in progress of course, I'm still developing my style and my feelings are ever changing. I went into some shops today and couldn't help but feel self-conscious, like everyone was looking at me like I was some kind of deviant, for want of a better word. It didn't stop me looking but I certainly felt like all eyes were upon me. One tip is to stick to the jewellery section though, people think you're looking for a present for someone. I've started wearing my leggings a lot and they seem to make me feel more relaxed when I wear them with a skirt so I may be doing that more. 

It feels odd being so out in the open, to most people anyway, now.  

The Path of Least Resistance

In what looks like to be another of my what-happend-next style of posting, I better reveal what happened at the party I went to recently. As you know, I was in a quandary about what to do, whether to take this moment of opportunity or choose the path of least resistance. I was procrastinating about it all day and even a little liquid courage did nothing to bolster me further.

Now, the outfit I was considering was basically a t-shirt (male), denim skirt, black tights (later unfortuntly laddered) and my usual trainers. Very simple. As time ticked down, I thought I would just put the skirt on just to see how I felt in it and...actually left the house in it. Now, you may think the opposite from the blog title but this kind of typified my inner struggle plus I think it made a better title. So I took the journey, about an hour or so, to the pub the party was being held in. I think I got some looks but I could just be paranoid. It did help having my ipod on too. The rain however did not help.

So a good night right? Well, a bit of a setback for some reason I was in a foul mood most of the night, angry at myself, my own procrastination and still feeling very self conscious. Nobody minded though and the only person who said anything was me. It was even broadcast live on social media. I had some great discussions with some of the women there though and someone even lent me some nail polish to try it out which has excited me a little, trying out someone's own colour. Despite a positive experience, it has left me a little hesitant to do it again for a while and to be honest I almost wish I had worn my trousers that night and just blended in. I may have enjoyed the party more. Still, it's another step at least.

Quandary

I've been thinking about another public outing recently but this time I'm a little more hesitant.

I'm due to go to a party in a pub in London in a few days time most of the people there will be friends, an I was considering wearing a skirt. Hell, I spent at least an hour on the underground in a dress so it can't be hard right?

So why am I so hesitant? Well, despite everything, I've always been quite shy, bit of an introvert, and in fact it's fascinating to me that God or fate or whoever saw fit to give me these feelings which, If I decided to act on them and stay true to myself, puts me in the spotlight. Lights me up for everyone so I can't crawl into the background. If I want to. If I follow through.

I know I'll end up answering the same questions and replying to the same comments all night if I do and I don't know if it's worth the hassle. Might be better just to have a trouble free night but am I taking a backwards step if I do? Or maybe I'm just shooting a bit too high for now.

Nine Worlds 2016

Ok, so I got back from the convention last weekend and I really enjoyed it.

Even though I was sad that some of my friends couldn't make it, it was still a blast and one of the best cons I've been to for years. Of course, if you're reading this I expect you want to know about the cosplay. Well, my nerve has gotten greater with each passing year. Didn't do it for the first year and only managed a quick one on the Sunday the second but this year I had three planned. The first I didn't do in the end which would have been Castiel from Supernatural (no crossplay) but because I didn't have the correct coat and would have been a bit hot in three layers. Still might do it at some point though. I ended up with one that has the merest suggestion of Wash from Firefly.

So anyway, on the Saturday out came my Star Trek dress and the boots and it was as brilliant as I hoped it would be. I initially had a blue wig and I did mean to go for a whole 'blue haired alien babe' vibe but I got a bit tired of it after a while and since I wasn't playing a proper character so decided to ditch the wig and felt all the better for it. In a way, I felt a bit of a fangirl, like this was a proper thing a fangirl would wear to a on rather than just being a costume. It was a nice feeling.

On Sunday, the blue wig returned, luckily, because my purple one has started going bald! Today I went as a Hogwarts schoolgirl from Harry Potter. This was an old costume left over from when a bunch of us dressed as teen Nymphadora Tonks for a party. Bought myself a Hufflepuff headband and a cute necklace to add to it too. This too went down well and I got a lot of good comments simply for the effort.

Luckily the girl I'm dating, who was also there in crossplay at one point, was OK with it. As for anything outside cosplay, I left it for now although I did bring a denim skirt with me. As I've said before, cosplay is one thing but admitting you dress outside of that is another matter altogether so I've put that on the backburner for now. So, all in all, a fun weekend and quite a boost.  

May Update

Apologies once again for not writing sooner but a bit of lethargy has set in. Work has also been very busy and extra stressful recently.

Bought some new clothes recently including a nice Tartan mini skirt and a grey sparkly jumper which has become my new favourite thing. Probably more as well but I can't remember. Need more tops though and dresses and I need to try shoes at some point. Lately I've been veering towards wanting to try the full thing with wigs and make-up and everything.

There is a very mixed cosplay update too. I started constructing my Cher costume...which has ultimately failed at this point at least. The suit I bought was too small (although the skirt sorta fits) and the cardigan I bought was too small. Bought a white top and white knee high socks though which seem to be fine. I can't lie that it's disappointing but I hope to give it another shot soon. I also got a red Star Trek dress which looks lovely. Now all I need for that is a pair of boots.

April Update

Well it hasn't been the best month so far.

I've just had a very trying week at work and one that's just shot my confidence to shit although it has left me thinking that if I can suffer through some of the people that I do then maybe going out fully 'dressed' wouldn't be as daunting as I think it would be. I almost want to do it just to 'get it over with' so to speak. I know I've done it at conventions and parties before but taking a walk in public is a bit different to that. I'm wondering if I should take it slow at first and build up. Baby steps. Perhaps try a top or jumper, something that people might not look twice at, before trying a skirt and tights. Then again I wouldn't be inclined to go full wig and make-up although I've been thinking a lot about that recently. Perhaps I need to do some experimenting. I did see a man on the tube recently with a long skirt on and full beard. Have to say I respected him.

Not bought anything new recently (apart from the denim skirt which I think I've mentioned) but I've also been coming back to a few old cosplay ideas too. The Star Trek dress and one of my top fantasies (as I've stated before) Cher's yellow plaid suit from Clueless. It's really only the blazer that I think I would have trouble with. It's easy enough to find a yellow plaid skirt, cardigan, white top, white knee highs and black heels. I think I've found a place to buy it though and I've been a bit excited thinking about it this weekend.

There's so much stuff I keep meaning to write but I've fallen behind again and I can't believe its been a year since I did a Quantum Leap. Hopefully more soon.