Saturday, 19 August 2017

Telling My Parents

I've had an interesting August (so far anyway) and I do mean to talk about the positive experiences I had at Nine Worlds a few weeks ago and it's perhaps because of those that led me to my present situation.

Last week I told my parents about my crossdressing, in fact I wore a skirt to visit them. I thought I was prepared for their reactions but I wasn't for all the questions about why I do it. In the end there were some reasonable points that I had considered myself but I have never come away feeling so ashamed of myself in all the years I've been doing this. So this week I've been processing that. I haven't dressed since. I'm still interested in it but I'm not sure I have the strength now.

Saturday, 29 July 2017

July Update

Well, it's been quite a few weeks since I last posted and July's been a month that's gone by quite quickly. Bought some new clothes and even nearly gave the whole thing up.

Firstly, I went to a birthday drinks thing for a friend of mine and it's the first time I've dressed in public for quite a while. These days I do on most nights if I can and feel like it whether it's just putting on a dress and some leggings or maybe swapping out jeans for a skirt. Anyway, I was wearing a black dress with hearts on, tights and boots. As the night wore on I did begin to get really self conscious about it because sometimes no matter how great everyone is, I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. I'll never be like the girls in their pretty dresses on the dance floor and at that time I wish I hadn't bothered and just dressed like one of the guys. Of course, I realise that those wishes are not the same. While I may covert, say, a nice blue dress and black heels, I don't really wish to be dressed as the guys say in a red shirt, jeans and shoes. Nothing about the actual outfit, it's just a vote for conformity and a wish itself to blend back into the background and be 'normal'.

It didn't help that once I got home, after having had enough to drink, I fell down the stairs. Now, this isn't as bad as it sounds. It was only a few stairs but still left me injured enough to make sitting down for the next couple of weeks a bit hard plus i was going on holiday for a few days. There and then I wasn't sure if I would dress again. I've heard of a few people taking the 'scorch the earth' approach and getting rid of everything to do with their fantasies: clothes, captions, wigs, the lot. In the back of my mind I never truly thought I would take this approach but I was thinking about it quite a lot.

Once I got back I purchased a new dress, a Hell Bunny Land Girl dress. I've been wanting something Hell Bunny for a while now and a friend recommended this to me at the birthday drinks and said they thought it would suit me. I also bought some tights with seams up the back to compliment it although you can barely see it because of the length of the dress ( a bit too long for me actually). I also bought some black shoes (flats) which I've now worn twice and seem both too big and too small at the same time.

Last week I headed up north to another birthday party wearing the dress. While I felt better this time because I had a lot of friends around me, a bout of stomach ache early on in the evening caused me to sit by myself and internalise a bit. Going to the toilet has been a nervy experience in the past and someone did remark on me but to be honest I'm not sure how malicious it was as I was halfway out the door plus it was a pub and you have to expect drunken comments. Not one of my friends either. Just because people don't understand, it doesn't mean you are going to get set upon at every turn. I didn't end up travelling in the dress that time (I had a hotel room) but it was nice to do.

And so to earlier this week. Rarely will I change out of my work clothes to go out for drinks with friends mainly because I can't be arsed lugging around extra clothes and shoes however this time I needed a larger bag because the zip on my usual one had just broke. I had a book group to attend later that night so I considered changing. I took the clothes and was thinking about it all day. At the end of the day I headed to a nearby station, downed a half pint of liquid courage and headed to the toilets to change. It was quite a walk but worth it. The night went wonderfully. I wore my black Wednesday Addams dress with black tights and the flats. Some said it was very pretty and that I looked nice. Very uplifting so I will definitely see if I can do that again. Partly I was having the fantasy that I had just come from work dressed like that and I started to wonder what I would wear if I was allowed to.

Tuesday, 20 June 2017

Shopping Stories

I was in town at the weekend looking at dresses again. I'm getting braver with some of the bigger stores but I prefer the smaller, second hand stores. Not sure why, smaller maybe. Looking through the dresses, the guy behind the till called out "They won't suit you, mate." I didn't have much of a response mainly because I didn't hear him initially. This is the the most negative comment I've had come my way in a while and to be fair it was just a joke but it shook me a little. I still ended up buying a dress (held back until a different assistant was there though). Black with a white collar. A bit Wednesday Addams (which has now started me thinking about a Wednesday crossplay possibly mixed with a Harley Quinn). Had a lot of trouble actually doing the zip up at the back but it looks quite nice.

As I go on, it's suprising me a lot how many clothes have a 'sewn in' kind of feel with a zip or a button you need to open just to get into it. I guess after wearing men's clothes for so many years, I hadn't realised just how easy they are to put on. It shows I'm still learning new things. Sleeve length is another odd one too.

Anyway, there was one more thing I meant to mention which happened at the convention a few weeks ago. I was looking at some dresses at a stall (I was crossplaying at the time I add) when one of the assistants came over and asked if I wanted help with anything and that they had a changing room I could use if I wanted to. It was so wonderful just to be acknowledged that, as a man, I would be interested in not only making a purchase but for myself too.

Summer in the City

Well, It's been a hot couple of days. I'm not really one for the heat to be honest so I'm hoping it will cool down a bit. There was a piece in the paper the other day asking employers to relax the rules on men wearing suits to work in the heat and it even made a point of the fact that women are able to wear shorts, skirts and dresses. School uniforms even made the news as well allowing students to wear either shorts or skirts and girls to be let off wearing tights. I have to wonder if some schools would even accept boys in skirts although if they did, I doubt it would be with any seriousness and any boy doing so would probably just be thought of as mucking about by teachers never mind the jibes of your peers. To do so would take more bravery that I certainly had back in school.

Some many lovely summer dresses around this time of year, it would we wonderful to be allowed to wear one and a darn sight cooler too. Maybe things haven't changed that much, just the arenas.

It's also interesting to note that apparently a 'must have' swimsuit for women this year is one of a man's hairy chest.

Sunday, 11 June 2017

June Update

As I've said before, I never really figured on revealing my crossdressing to anyone let alone my parents. I do want to tell my nephews and nieces as I feel they should know while growing up and that will involve my parents and...I still haven't done it. We all went out for a meal tonight and I did have thoughts of wearing a certain dress and it was something I really wanted to do. 

In the end I chickend out partially because of the whole travel thing but this is the first time I've had strong feelings that it's something I needed to do. Once I got home I put on a skirt.

I also saw a gorgeous girl on the train with a cold shoulder top on, a leather mini skirt, strappy heels and long blonde hair. I so wanted to be her in that moment. Curse of the hetero cross dresser; do I fancy the girl or just the outfit? 

Oh, I also bought a lovely short sleeved top last week, blue (because I'm so manly) with a white collar. Very nice, love it.  

Monday, 29 May 2017

May Update #2

A few things from the weekend: I crossplayed at the MCM Expo again, wearing my Star Trek dress and it seemed to go over just as well as it has done previously. I even had someone ask me to pose for some professional shots which was fun. It's always confidence boosting to have people ask you for photos and I had quite a few.  

Today was a Bank Holiday and I was at home so I dressed for the day. My green top with black spots and white collar and a black mini skirt I bought for cosplay. Oh and bright red nails and a heart necklace. Now, I rarely go for a walk in my home town dressed and in the past it's only been when I'm going up to the station but today I walked around the corner to the cornershop to get something to eat. May not sound like anything but I was a bit nervous since it was such a familiar place. Strangers are one thing but people know me round here although I would be prepared to go shopping like this although I'm a little wary for the odd reason that most of my clothes come from the second hand shops in town. In the end I also ended up walking back and forth to the car helping my housemate unload it. 

Sunday, 21 May 2017

May Update

Wow! Three months just flies by doesn't it?

Ok, I honestly didn't mean to leave it that long before I posted but, truth be told, ever since I've been dressing and going out dressed more regularly it's not a big thing anymore to chronicle every little step I make or everything new I buy. Funnily enough, I do seem to be buying things once a week now. This is not to say that there is, um, nothing left to say. I still feel myself wanting to post on various topics and life in general as I still feel that there is plenty left to say. This isn't over for me by any means and I still feel that this is a journey. I'm still experimenting with looks and myself in general.

I can't recall actually going out dressed in the last few months but I have spent the odd day dressed (when I have a day off) rather than on the weekends or in the evenings when I come home from work. I'm still using it as a bit of a crutch; a way of escaping the day. So anyway, new clothes bought include a black and grey striped dress (which I love), black mini skirt (for cosplay), green and black polka-dotted top with Peter Pan collar, plain white top, purple top with flowers embroidered on and plaid mini skirt. The latter I was unsure of because its not exactly me and a bit chavvy/poor little rich girl although those are both looks I like. I discarded another dress for much the same reason. I still have a problem with dressing rooms although a few weeks ago, bold as brass, I took two dresses into one. Then again yesterday I felt a bit self conscious while out in Camden market and to be honest if there's any place which is likely to be cool with all types of people, it's Camden. Not been down there in many years though and I've always felt like I wasn't alternative enough for it which is a bit silly, I know.

Cosplay wise, I've had a bit of a boost recently as I may be getting some clothes made for me by a seamstress which will be nice because I've not been feeling that good about it since the end of last year. I have been meaning to elaborate on this further though. I've also been meaning to do a few more reviews of TG related film and TV including getting back to the Quantum Leap reviews.

Another thought: how come wearing shorts I don't mind having hairy legs but I feel the need to shave while wearing a skirt or dress. Is it just the aesthetic aspect? Shaving is probably for the best though.