Friday, 29 December 2017

December Update

I always seem to start my posts apologising for not updating this blog and this is no exception to the rule. every year  aim to improve my posting but I seem to have fallen behind this year. I hope there are people still out there reading this and enjoying it and if it proves inspiring at all as that was always part of my aim.

Back in October I went to a talk by Sophie LaBelle, author of Assigned Male comics ( which was a nice evening and I met some great people. It was also interesting that the centre, Lime Wharf in Hackney, where the talk was held also hosts G(end)er Swap a pop-up clothing swap initiative (@genderswap on Facebook) that helps people donate and choose the kind of clothes they want to wear whatever gender they are.

November I came out of feeling that I was Daredevil, the man without fear, not because I started dressing in a red suit and fighting crime but because after a mix-up with some train times following a friend's birthday party, I ended up spending a few hours wandering the streets of London in a dress with no route back home until the early hours. Luckily no-one really noticed or at least mentioned it but I was left with the feeling that after that I'm not really scared to do it anymore. That doesn't quite bear out but I will be going out dressed tonight. Since then I also attended a screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show dressed as Magenta (a domestic) and I tried eyeshadow for the first time. I can't really remember I've bought anything in the last few months apart from a couple of new dresses, some Ugg-like sheepskin boots and a handbag.

December has not been the best month so far. Went to another convention intending to cosplay but somehow I never ended up doing so which was a bit disappointing. Some changes at work mean I'm really not looking forward to going back in the new year but at least its been a nice Christmas so far. i may have a bit more time on my hands so hopefully I will be able to update this more in 2018.

Sunday, 5 November 2017

Handbags and Gladrags

Sorry I haven't updated this for a while but I have been quite busy with work this month and a couple of other things. For a quick update though, I spent all last night dressed while at a friend's birthday in a pub and once more I ended up changing in the train station toilet beforehand. I'm getting quite good at it now. I bought another dress today as well; black with flowers in different colours on it. Bit difficult to describe really.

I've been thinking about getting a handbag recently. It's something I didn't think I would consider but, as I've said earlier, it's been a bit like Pokemon at times. It's like I have to collect everything girly to complete the picture: proper shoes, boots, dresses, jewellery etc. Anyway, since I've been going out dressed I realise I often need something to put keys, wallet etc in (and I don't doubt it will fill up with sundry others over time). I have a small backpack for cons but I need something a little more nicer, prettier perhaps.

I'm not really the sort to carry a bag with just handles and I don't think it would look good on me. I think I need something with a strap and I've been coming back to the idea of a backpack again, perhaps in black or light blue. I've not really been one for backpacks, too easily stolen from, since I was at school some 25 years ago however small backpacks were quite a thing for girls in the 90s so they're something I do associate a little with femininity. On the other hand, I've seen a nice looking small shoulder bag with one of those big chunky zips that everything seems to have to have now that I like but I'm not sure of and I still keep leaning towards the backpack. I could by both after all I considered I might need something for best but then I know I wouldn't have any place to use it.

Some part of me though also wants to be a girl with a large handbag hooked over her arm marching down the road in heels. 

Sunday, 24 September 2017

The Week in Crossdressing

Here are a couple of things I've noticed in the media this week.

The sitcom W1A returned this week for its third series and featured a cross-dressing footballer. For those unaware of this show, it stars Hugh Bonneville as BBC Head of Values Ian Fletcher trying to cope with various crises within the corporation and was a sequel to Twenty Twelve in which Fletcher was organising the London 2012 Olympics as Head of Olympic Deliverance.

Anyway, the plotline saw footballer Ryan Chelford raising a stink because, having revealed he was a crossdresser in a documentary, he thought that his subsequent rejection as a pundit for Match of the Day was due to this when in reality it was simply because he was boring. I've only seen this once but I admired how it was handled for the most part. Ryan didn't seem ashamed of his dressing and proudly showed off his wardrobe and favourite dresses in the snippet of the documentary we saw. When he finally did get his shot on MOTD he did it fully dressed in a black dress, tights, boots and make-up and although the tone was that of bemusement (plus I think he may not have kept his legs together as much as he could have) it could have been much worse and sneery. In the end, Ryan didn't seem ashamed of it and the BBC staff didn't really care that he was a crossdresser. The character is set to return this week so I may well come back to this.

Over to that cookery institution The Great British Bake-Off which appears to have survived the move from the BBC to Channel 4. Comedian Noel Fielding (mainly known for comedy duo The Mighty Boosh) is one of the new hosts and is well known for mixing up his wardrobe in a very Bowie/Bolan/glam rock kind of way. Last week he invoked the wrath of parents everywhere by presenting a link from inside a fridge while this week it was for wearing the same ice cream themed shirt as previously seen on YouTube star Zoella (may need to check with members of the young generation for that one). It was interesting to see some wonder if it was unisex as if that would make it more 'acceptable' for men to wear although it was confirmed as a blouse due to the buttons being on the left.

That's all the news that's fit to print, I'm Rita Skeeter.

Sunday, 17 September 2017


About a year ago was the first time I started painting my nails. 

Having never been much into the make-up side of feminisation, it wasn't anything I had ever thought about until it was suggested to me by a friend who also gave me some bottles. In the last year it has afforded me another level of creativity. I've always been a bit creative, drawing a lot growing up and training in graphics and illustration (a career I was sadly never able to get into) and even doing some writing from time to time. 

I never expected to take to it like I did but I've done a lot of painting since in different shades, colours and themes and if I'm going out doing my nails has become an essential part (if I have enough notice).My favourite design at the moment is a Harley Quinn one - alternating black and red nails. As far as trends go, a few years back it was neon colours but now I notice that pastels are in and there is a trend for having one nail painted a different colour. 

Saturday, 19 August 2017

Telling My Parents

I've had an interesting August (so far anyway) and I do mean to talk about the positive experiences I had at Nine Worlds a few weeks ago and it's perhaps because of those that led me to my present situation.

Last week I told my parents about my crossdressing, in fact I wore a skirt to visit them. I thought I was prepared for their reactions but I wasn't for all the questions about why I do it. In the end there were some reasonable points that I had considered myself but I have never come away feeling so ashamed of myself in all the years I've been doing this. So this week I've been processing that. I haven't dressed since. I'm still interested in it but I'm not sure I have the strength now.

Saturday, 29 July 2017

July Update

Well, it's been quite a few weeks since I last posted and July's been a month that's gone by quite quickly. Bought some new clothes and even nearly gave the whole thing up.

Firstly, I went to a birthday drinks thing for a friend of mine and it's the first time I've dressed in public for quite a while. These days I do on most nights if I can and feel like it whether it's just putting on a dress and some leggings or maybe swapping out jeans for a skirt. Anyway, I was wearing a black dress with hearts on, tights and boots. As the night wore on I did begin to get really self conscious about it because sometimes no matter how great everyone is, I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. I'll never be like the girls in their pretty dresses on the dance floor and at that time I wish I hadn't bothered and just dressed like one of the guys. Of course, I realise that those wishes are not the same. While I may covert, say, a nice blue dress and black heels, I don't really wish to be dressed as the guys say in a red shirt, jeans and shoes. Nothing about the actual outfit, it's just a vote for conformity and a wish itself to blend back into the background and be 'normal'.

It didn't help that once I got home, after having had enough to drink, I fell down the stairs. Now, this isn't as bad as it sounds. It was only a few stairs but still left me injured enough to make sitting down for the next couple of weeks a bit hard plus i was going on holiday for a few days. There and then I wasn't sure if I would dress again. I've heard of a few people taking the 'scorch the earth' approach and getting rid of everything to do with their fantasies: clothes, captions, wigs, the lot. In the back of my mind I never truly thought I would take this approach but I was thinking about it quite a lot.

Once I got back I purchased a new dress, a Hell Bunny Land Girl dress. I've been wanting something Hell Bunny for a while now and a friend recommended this to me at the birthday drinks and said they thought it would suit me. I also bought some tights with seams up the back to compliment it although you can barely see it because of the length of the dress ( a bit too long for me actually). I also bought some black shoes (flats) which I've now worn twice and seem both too big and too small at the same time.

Last week I headed up north to another birthday party wearing the dress. While I felt better this time because I had a lot of friends around me, a bout of stomach ache early on in the evening caused me to sit by myself and internalise a bit. Going to the toilet has been a nervy experience in the past and someone did remark on me but to be honest I'm not sure how malicious it was as I was halfway out the door plus it was a pub and you have to expect drunken comments. Not one of my friends either. Just because people don't understand, it doesn't mean you are going to get set upon at every turn. I didn't end up travelling in the dress that time (I had a hotel room) but it was nice to do.

And so to earlier this week. Rarely will I change out of my work clothes to go out for drinks with friends mainly because I can't be arsed lugging around extra clothes and shoes however this time I needed a larger bag because the zip on my usual one had just broke. I had a book group to attend later that night so I considered changing. I took the clothes and was thinking about it all day. At the end of the day I headed to a nearby station, downed a half pint of liquid courage and headed to the toilets to change. It was quite a walk but worth it. The night went wonderfully. I wore my black Wednesday Addams dress with black tights and the flats. Some said it was very pretty and that I looked nice. Very uplifting so I will definitely see if I can do that again. Partly I was having the fantasy that I had just come from work dressed like that and I started to wonder what I would wear if I was allowed to.

Tuesday, 20 June 2017

Shopping Stories

I was in town at the weekend looking at dresses again. I'm getting braver with some of the bigger stores but I prefer the smaller, second hand stores. Not sure why, smaller maybe. Looking through the dresses, the guy behind the till called out "They won't suit you, mate." I didn't have much of a response mainly because I didn't hear him initially. This is the the most negative comment I've had come my way in a while and to be fair it was just a joke but it shook me a little. I still ended up buying a dress (held back until a different assistant was there though). Black with a white collar. A bit Wednesday Addams (which has now started me thinking about a Wednesday crossplay possibly mixed with a Harley Quinn). Had a lot of trouble actually doing the zip up at the back but it looks quite nice.

As I go on, it's suprising me a lot how many clothes have a 'sewn in' kind of feel with a zip or a button you need to open just to get into it. I guess after wearing men's clothes for so many years, I hadn't realised just how easy they are to put on. It shows I'm still learning new things. Sleeve length is another odd one too.

Anyway, there was one more thing I meant to mention which happened at the convention a few weeks ago. I was looking at some dresses at a stall (I was crossplaying at the time I add) when one of the assistants came over and asked if I wanted help with anything and that they had a changing room I could use if I wanted to. It was so wonderful just to be acknowledged that, as a man, I would be interested in not only making a purchase but for myself too.