Breaking Free: Part Two

Here is the second part of my Breaking Free story which I wrote as part of the writing challenge on Rachel's Haven. The theme was 'Sun Down'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don’t think I’ve ever properly seen the sunset. I mean, I guess I could have caught it if I had wanted to but it’s not an easy thing to catch. I imagine if you intend to catch sundown then you’re either too early or too late. Once I finish college for the day most times I just slump in front of the TV so I miss the sunset and by the time the thought enters my mind, it’s pitch black outside.

It’s not like that with Lucy. She’s one of those people who likes to run barefoot through fields of grass no matter the weather and insists on dragging me out into nature to see things. Tonight though I’ve brought her down to my level, well almost, we did intend watching something on Netflix but we never got out of the pub. It’s the most beautiful, and hot, summer's night and I’m sitting on a vaguely damp bench outside The Kings Head watching the sun slowly sink into the distance. I finally caught it. A cool breeze wafts through the beer garden and whips up my dress a little. I shift my body, padding my dress down lest anyone should see, and feeling the heels of my shoes dig into the ground a little reminding me that I’ll have to walk home in them. It was my own fault for wanting to try heels and I’m determined to master it – until I fall and break my ankle at least. I raise a hand to wipe my hair from my eyes and tuck it behind my ears as my bracelets jangle on my arms and my bright red nails shine in the dimming light. It’s hard not to feel self conscious as I sit here alone with only two other patrons for company although they’re more interested in each other than they are in me. At least I hope. After dressing like this on and off for a few months you wait for the inevitable moment when they turn to you and start asking questions.

And then my fear goes just that because she’s back. Lucy comes through the back door unsteadily carrying a tray of drinks for us both. She smiles at me and I smirk back and once again it feels like we are the only two people in that garden. Lucy’s wearing the same black dress as I am but carrying it off a lot better. She’s wearing it as it’s meant to be worn, as it’s meant to look on a woman and not a misshapen lump like me. If I said that out loud she would scold me for it. This was her idea though, in fact we bought the dresses together in Next. Ever since that night Lucy has encouraged me to dress more and far from switching clothes she finds it quite amusing for us to wear the same outfits. It’s certainly perked the interest of some of the photography students we know.

Lucy put the tray down, spilling some of my beer onto it in the process. I laughed slightly but I knew that my turn would be next and that these heels would not make it easy but at least we’re wearing the same thing so it’s a level playing field which is more than can be said for the garden which has more varied surfaces than Crystal Maze zones. The crazy paving alone looks like it will be my downfall. Lucy asks me why I was looking into the sky. “The truth is out there” I tell her and receive a playful slap on my arm. Then I told her that I think I had just seen my first sunset. “Rubbish!” she replied. “What about our weekend at Beckfest or the prom last month or when we all had to walk back three hours from Stanford?” “Yes, ok, Miss Memory” I replied “maybe I could be wrong and it wasn’t the first. It’s certainly the best though,” I smiled back, contented, and no longer confined.

Check-Up #6

As has now become traditional for these posts, I've not really got a lot to say about continuing life in lockdown other than that things keep rolling on as they have before.

One thing I've been doing a little of is trying to get used to wearing heels. I've got a couple of heeled boots that I've been meaning to wear more but I shirk away from them a bit as I'm wary of not being able to walk without tripping over. As I've been walking everyday I've started wearing them a bit more and I feel more confident now. Whether or not I'll move on to proper high heeled shoes, I don't know yet, but it would be inteesting to try. Summer has hit as well and the weather is getting hotter. I'm not a big fan of it and I think I've explained before my issues with body hair and going bare legged even though when I do it does feel really good. Bare legs make me feel a little more nervous when going out, perhaps because I can hide behind tights and, if cold enough, a big coat but there's nowhere to hide with summer.

This year I have had a thought though that perhaps I need more long summer dresses rather than my usual short skirts and knee length dresses. I was looking at some earlier in the week in one of the supermarkets although the other problem now is that changing rooms are closed off due to social distancing so it's a case of hoping that your size will defiinitely fit or trying it on in the middle of the shop and I'm not that bold plus that's probably against health guidelines now.

Stay safe everyone.

Terri is Sick #1 The Giggle Virus

Ok, so the world is quite a scary place at the moment. I work in London and the streets are getting more and more deserted every day. So anyway I thought I would counteract the Coronavirus with some of my own viral creations from down the years so I hope you enjoy.

The Giggle Virus was a one-off bimbofication virus I created and the below caption was made for Brittany7 over at Rachel's Haven.

The Giggle Virus (2015)

The Shopping Forecast

Here's a mini-update things that may turn into a rant.

I've been getting really frustrated recently with myself for not going out dressed more. It's like I see women in the street now and feel more jealous than I usually do. Sometimes just opening the door is a big step for me and for a while I've wanted to do my Saturday shopping dressed. Part of it I think is because this area is so familiar to me and with London I can keep moving and get lost in a crowd plus there's also the fact that most of my clothes have come from the charity shops round here. I do suffer from chronic indecision and this time my fears got the better of me and I didn't today. In case you were wondering, it was going to be a denim miniskirt (which I'm wearing now) but I do have bright red nails at the moment so a bit of it was there. Nearly went out dressed to a quiz the other week but the dread words 'replacement bus service' made me decide against it. I can just about do the train but not that. Not that I mean all buses but any travel issue will send me reeling.

Only bought a shirt today. A male shirt.  I know, I'm disgusted with myself too.

I'm still looking to buy some new shoes but can't seem to find anything I like. Shoes have never really been a thing for me as I wear trainers a lot but I think in some situations it calls for something a bit smarter just to fit the feminine aesthetic. This is also the reason why I tried to shave off my body hair last week. Now, I did see a nice pair today, shiny black and with chunky heels and they did have a bit of a gothy/alt look about them. I saw them in a charity shop before, tried them on and left it to chance. they disappeared the next week but turned up in another shop. I tried them on again and came close to buying them but I left it to chance again as I'm not sure about the height of the heel. Never worn heels before so of course it felt a bit odd. I'm undecided about them so should they be still there next week I may even get them.

Also nearly bought a jumper from ASDA in the sale which i really liked but it's near the end of the month and while money is not tight I still think I should stop for a bit as I seem to be buying clothes every week. Just last week I bought what I have dubbed 'The Most Impractical Jumper in History' which is green and white striped with bell sleeves and ties on the end. I would still like the other jumper so perhaps if it's still there next week I'll nab it. Oh and I also tried on a pair of light blue boots. Trying now to recall what else I've bought. There was an octopus necklace which looked like a cursed idol from a horror film, a black rose ring and a grey midi pleated skirt. Also, as you know I was looking at mod dresses from Atom Retro and now there's a sale on so...yup back to chronic indecision.

 

Working from Home and Dressing for it

So it turns out I may have the opportunity to do more working from home in the NewYear. Now, despite my moans I don't mind coming into the office and at least it's structure which I'm not sure I could give myself.

However...it would of course give me the opportunity to properly dress for work for once. No slacking here, perhaps a nice skirt suit and tights along with a pair of heels or at the very least shiny black court shoes perhaps with a bow on top. A nice blouse maybe with a pussy bow or a bow tie (quite popular these days). A nice short skirt or long one tightly wrapped around my legs. Immaculate make-up including painted nails with some subtle jewellery. Perhaps a nice dress with Peter Pan collar or perhaps a jumper if I'm feeling casual.

Mmm maybe this won't be so bad after all...

Quantum Leap #1: What Price Gloria?

What Price Gloria? 

(16 October 1961)

Sam is: Samantha Stormer, sixties secretary. 

The Mission: to stop Sam's flatmate Gloria from committing suicide. 

This is perhaps the episode of Quantum Leap I have seen more than any other. I bought it on video back in the mists of time. They released episodes two to a tape and this shared it's space with The Americanization of Machiko in which Sam leapt into a sailor in 1953 bringing his Japanese war bride home to his small town. I've not seen it in years but still I was mouthing along with much of it, a sign of how well I know this episode. 

Surprisingly, they didn't have the idea of leaping Sam into a woman until season two and as the first one it tackles all the things you would expect such as complaints about the clothing women have to wear and rampant sexism. I've never seen Mad Men but this feels like it could be much the same world but instead of advertising, Sam is thrust into the world of the automobile. 

Scott Bakula puts in a wonderful performance as a grumpy Sam forced into heels and all kind of female activities and hating every minute of it especially after the elation of being called by his own name on a leap. He has some wonderful moments of physical comedy too especially when he's hobbling along in heels at the start. Dean Stockwell also has fun with Al who suddenly finds his best friend so attractive although I had to wonder how on Earth Al recognises Sam when he first leaps in. Indeed, the woman who plays Sam's mirror image (LaReine Chabut) probably had more to do here than any other mirror image in the whole series. I swear that one day I want to write an out of work actor character who's main claim to fame was appearing as the mirror image one week in Quantum Leap. 

Most men in this are the stereotypical letches but then the plot requires it I suppose but then I've also no idea how rampant sexism was in the 1960s. The supporting actors do well here especially the excitable Gloria (Jean Sagal) (who does seem to go suicidal a bit quickly) and the slimy Buddy (John Calvin) who feel like they're having fun and help you believe the conceit. The dinner scene was used in the opening credits and it really made me want to see this episode, Sam's cheeky eyebrow raise was also fun. Gloria is saved (I wonder if the girls had to pay for all that falling masonry? Hope no-one was under it) and ready to change her career. It's a lovely twist that goldigger Samantha turns out to have the talent while Gloria goes on to marry Parker, the man she met on the date. Sam's final seduction of Buddy is a little odd to watch but it's shot very well. In the end, it almost feels like a public information film about gender dysphoria. A pretty woman to the rest of the world, we see her as the man she really is protesting that she's wearing the wrong body and expected to behave as such. I have to wonder what Samantha came back to when she leapt back. An assault charge? Perhaps Buddy wouldn't want to admit he was knocked out by a girl so he was more than happy to shunt her and Gloria onto the design course. 

While looking at a couple of things on the net for this I realised that this is the one show I really don't want to know a lot about or read the usual torrent of bitchy posts. I would rather just leave as this wonderful little show from back in the 1990s. Not that it looks it though, the period detail is good and having a show set in the past ensures that it never looks that old. Samantha Stormer even makes brief return in the season three finale Shock Theater which, upon leaping into a mental patient in 1954, Sam is given electro shock treatment and starts thinking he is some of his previous personas. 

I wouldn't say this is my favourite but it's certainly memorable even if it is a bit on message at times plus once they got Sam's initial discomfort with swapping sex out of the way they were able to explore the subject better.