Check-Up #19

So what's been going on lately? 

Well quite a bit as it goes. I bought a new pair of jean shorts which I'm quite pleased with although they are advertised as 'mom shorts' which mostly annoys me because here in the UK it should be 'mum shorts' plus it makes me feel my age. I've not worn anything out recently unfortunately but hopefully I'm get some more chances over the summer months although they are never my favourite due to the amount of hair I have and the effort I have to put into it to shave it all. I have been thinking of maybe going for a waxing at some point though which may be expensive but could work. Might make me feel better anyway and less like a hairy lump. I still regularly see things I would love to buy though and recently there's a lovely matching pink jacket and skirt I've seen. If the store in question still had changing rooms I would have loved to try it on but they don't and for some reason they've never re-opened that part since it was closed during lockdown. The set does appeal to my Clueless sense of style though, or something Legally Blonde's Elle Woods might wear, and I don't know if I would ever wear it anywhere but it is tempting. I also hope to get in some cosplay at some point. I still want to buy new stuff but I hardly wear it anywhere and I don't know if I want to go to conventions on my own just to wear an outfit. 

Last month I talked about Twitter and I finally joined. Nothing much up yet apart from some comments on caps and a few tweets of posts from this blog but if you want to drop on by I'm at @TerriDesires. It will probably mainly links to this, maybe some news stuff to do with crossdressing and other bits I find interesting. I don't know if I will do any caps yet but I probably will do and it will be a challenge to keep to 140 characters. 

Finally 'what's in a name?' you may say. Well, this week the actor Dennis Waterman died and that name may not mean much to anyone outside the UK but growing up he was quite the small screen action star in programmes such as The Sweeney, Minder and New Tricks. He was also sent up in the sketch show Little Britain as a diminutive actor who liked to 'write the theme tune, sing the theme tune' (all of which sounded like the Minder theme) on all his projects. Yes, that was based on a real person and yes he really did sing the theme to a number of his shows. He also had the good grace to join Matt Lucas and David Walliams on stage once to perform. 

George Cole (left) and Dennis Waterman (right)
in a 1979 publicity shot for Minder

Photo credit: IMDB

So what does this have to do with me? Well, Waterman played the role of Terry McCann an ex-con turned bodyguard to shady entrepreneur Arthur Daley in Minder which ran from 1979 to 1994 (although Waterman left a few series earlier) and I often thought I would like to have been called Terry (not my real male name though for any that thought I was just being lazy and switching the 'y' for an 'I') so when I joined Rachel's Haven and wanted to put in a female name I thought of Terri. I think mainly though the more femme way of spelling it is Teri but looking it up today I see that is in use as a female name and is a common way of shortening Teresa. It can also be used as a male name and means 'late summer' which I didn't know before. If ever I did go by a more femme name it probably wouldn't be Terri but incidentally if anyone can think up a more suitable name for me, please let me know as I would love to know what people think would suit me. 

First Day of Advent

The regular '25 Caps of Christmas' thread has kicked off over on Rachel's Haven and I did want to post my first caption here as I was quite pleased with how it turned out but first of all I may just mention something that happened today which was a little embarrassing.

One of my favourite looks and one I wanted to try once I started dressing was a pair of denim shorts, rolled up at the leg and paired with black tights. I have a pair which don't really fit that well and have meant to replace them (wore them to a party once. Not sure why). I saw a pair in a supermarket today at a reduced price so decided to get them. Unable to try them on as the fitting rooms are still off limits due to COVID. However it was only when I got them to the self-service tills that I found out they were a maternity pair. The reduced sticker was covering the description. Unfortunately I had to call a member of staff to cancel the whole order so that I could rescan the rest of the goods I was buying. Dreading speaking to a member of staff about it at least she didn't ask me why I was trying to buy them. I left feeling somewhat humiliated but not really sure why. At times I feel so angry that other people's opinions or what I feel they will be are holding me back.

Anyway, here's the caption I wanted to post featuring my witchy character Ember entering the advent calendar market. I think my favourite part of this one was writing about the various final things that will change the opener into a variety of different women. The photo is of a beauty advent calendar produced by Chanel. 

First Day of Advent (2021)

 

Making a Match

Hi everyone,

As usual I have a number of things I would love to post about and have meant to over the past few months but haven't because of things and stuff and reasons so I thought I would combine them in one post (which I haven't written yet and will be a bit long) but there is also a new entry in my Quantum Leap series (which is long and mostly written) so I thought I would just put something up as to that effect but luckily I have something to say.

A few months ago I bought some coloured tights (red, green, blue) cheaply and today being a Bank Holiday and I'm at home so I thought I would try the red pair out but I was a little stumped as to what they would go with so I sought some answers online (it holds the answers to everything).  I came across an article by Jessica Booth on Gurl.com from 2014 which was very enlightening for example pairing a pair of coloured tights with all your neutral colours, a striped dress, a black dress or using them to give a pop of colour to an outfit. Alternatively you can just go for it with whatever outfit and see what happens. I know from experience that things just go together sometimes when you didn't think they would.

Here's the link: How To Wear Coloured Tights

The one piece of advice I really took on board was to draw a colour from your outfit. For example, when I wore the green tights I paired them with a black dress that has green bird shapes on. There's also my Lost dress (which is not named for the mystery island TV show which ran from 2004-2010 but because whenever I wear it I get lost. This is the dress I got myself stranded in London in) which has pink and light blue flowers on it so I began thinking of the combinations I could use.

So what did I go with in the end? I am presently wearing a pair of blue denim turn-up shorts, black T-shirt (with Optimus Prime on) and a black cardigan with the red tights of course (not a a bright red but more of an earthy colour) plus bright red nails. They've also gone quite well with a pair of brown faux-sheepskin boots I have and some blue trainers. Ended up going for a walk in them too which still takes a spurt of confidence.

May Update

Well, time does fly and it seems I've missed out any sort of entry for April so I'll endeavor to update a bit on this Bank Holiday Monday while I have some time of from a stressful time at work.

I have bought a number of things over the weeks and in fact nary a week goes by without me picking up something new but it still does give me a lot of pleasure looking round all the clothes shops of a Saturday and picking up something. Two things I've bought recently among some new necklaces a ring and some skirts is a lovely red plaid dress with a black pleather collar (a bit worse for wear unfortunately) and some shorts. Now, ever since I started thinking about getting in to CD proper, I've wanted a pair of denim turn up shorts and love the look they give when paired with black tights. They have some fashionable rips in them which is to be honest not a style I like but I can bear it although some people take it up to stupid levels, walking along the street in jeans with such huge rips and tears in you wonder if they had just been attacked by a wild animal. The shorts are a little big for me but otherwise I'm loving them.

I've had my eye on a dress with a Harry Potter theme recently and I've just taken the plunge and ordered it. Vintage clothes are something I've dipped my toe into especially those from around the mid 20th century, I already own a 1940s style Land Girl dress from Hell Bunny and something else I've been thinking about now is a 1960s mod style dress so I've been eyeing up some of the stuff at Atom Retro. Perhaps paired with some Go Go boots too. I do mean to invest in some more shoes as well. I've been looking around but nothings seems to catch my eye.

I continue to dress quite often, usually when I get home from work as a way of reclaiming myself, but sometimes outside which I still hope to do more of. I have considered putting on a dress to go shopping in but although I can brave London, my local area feels a little too much for now.

Speaking of work, I've often had the fantasy of getting up at the normal time, catching the normal train...and then turning right round and catching the next one back. This started years ago back when I was in college and I used to see the bus home leaving just as I arrived. Now I'm wondering how cool it would be to wear a dress just for this little trip (on a day off obviously) and there are obviously thoughts of whether to get breakfast (this is a very important point). So that's a little fantasy of mine to round off.

May Update

Wow! Three months just flies by doesn't it?

Ok, I honestly didn't mean to leave it that long before I posted but, truth be told, ever since I've been dressing and going out dressed more regularly it's not a big thing anymore to chronicle every little step I make or everything new I buy. Funnily enough, I do seem to be buying things once a week now. This is not to say that there is, um, nothing left to say. I still feel myself wanting to post on various topics and life in general as I still feel that there is plenty left to say. This isn't over for me by any means and I still feel that this is a journey. I'm still experimenting with looks and myself in general.

I can't recall actually going out dressed in the last few months but I have spent the odd day dressed (when I have a day off) rather than on the weekends or in the evenings when I come home from work. I'm still using it as a bit of a crutch; a way of escaping the day. So anyway, new clothes bought include a black and grey striped dress (which I love), black mini skirt (for cosplay), green and black polka-dotted top with Peter Pan collar, plain white top, purple top with flowers embroidered on and plaid mini skirt. The latter I was unsure of because its not exactly me and a bit chavvy/poor little rich girl although those are both looks I like. I discarded another dress for much the same reason. I still have a problem with dressing rooms although a few weeks ago, bold as brass, I took two dresses into one. Then again yesterday I felt a bit self conscious while out in Camden market and to be honest if there's any place which is likely to be cool with all types of people, it's Camden. Not been down there in many years though and I've always felt like I wasn't alternative enough for it which is a bit silly, I know.

Cosplay wise, I've had a bit of a boost recently as I may be getting some clothes made for me by a seamstress which will be nice because I've not been feeling that good about it since the end of last year. I have been meaning to elaborate on this further though. I've also been meaning to do a few more reviews of TG related film and TV including getting back to the Quantum Leap reviews.

Another thought: how come wearing shorts I don't mind having hairy legs but I feel the need to shave while wearing a skirt or dress. Is it just the aesthetic aspect? Shaving is probably for the best though.

Money or Humiliation

Ok, so I should probably detail a few things that have happened recently.

1. I saw a lovely pair of shorts the other week (there may have been some fantasizing) so today I took the opportunity to try them on in the store. Top tip if you're planning on trying them on in store: take a few pieces (depending on what the store allows) of male clothing around with you to hide your real purchase. I grabbed a t-shirt and did this and then the unthinkable happened - I actually bought the t-shirt. I know, I must be sick in the head (in my defence, it did have a snow Dalek on the front). Unfortunately, the shorts were a bit too big for me (I'm actually surprised I seem to have gone down a size) and, bizarrely, I would have liked them to have been a bit shorter. Did feel a bit embarrassed though when the shop assistant asked if I wanted them put back after I failed to put them on the return rack. I mumbled 'yes' and walked away sheepishly. 

2. As you know, I've had some thoughts about telling my parents and I haven't done so in so many words yet but last week my mum did some repair work on a dress for me. I kind of covered this by making some cosplay excuse although she has been asking why I keep dressing up like a girl. I still have another dress I need some sewing done on so I may ask her again. Now I could just go to a shop in town and ask them and it would be a fraction less uncomfortable. It just goes to show I value money over embarrassment.

3. I've been shoe shopping again recently, seen a few things but not bought anything yet. I feel the need to buy a pair of boots for going out plus maybe a fleecy lined pair for the winter (along with more leggings). Now I've actually started going out dressed, I've started think more practically which is rather exciting rather than buying a dress, trying it on once and putting it away.

4.I have been thinking about necklaces too. I've seen a lovely heart one but I think it's too big for me (is a heart a bit too cliche too?) but I expect I'll find something. Frances on this year's The Apprentice always has a nice key necklace on and that looks cool. It is a learning curve after all, I'm still finding my style which at the moment veers between chavvy and preppy. There is a part of me that really wants to try on some trashy stuff just to see how it looks. 

5. I'm spending a lot of time clothes shopping at the moment (not actually buying much I add) and I'm really excited. There's just so much I want to buy and I'm holding myself back a little. 

6. The other week a friend of mine said I now dress like Amy Pond, (not referring to the crossplay) and I suppose I do and it feels quite cool although technically I think that outfit was half Clara and half Amy but perhaps more intriguingly it wasn't a million miles away from what I would have been wearing anyway. Jumper, jeans and trainers. Just a bit more girly. 

7. The dress code at my work has tightened up a bit recently so I'm now in a suit a lot more. I find it ironic that in a year I've started to dress more that I'm almost being forced back into a stereotypical male look. Now, I could propose the idea of wearing a skirt suit but that may be a step too far.

Shorts and Dress

I forgot to mention a couple of other pieces of clothing I bought recently, namely a pair of leggings (first time I've bought a par) and a pair of flippy shorts. Really like the shorts, wearing them right now in fact and I might continue throughout the summer.

Anyway, I have an event coming up fairly soon. I have some friends renewing their wedding vows and I'm considering wearing my new black dress. Rather excited by the thought actually. So should I just wear it or go full girlie with wigs and make-up and stuff? I think I'll have to wear tights with it and buy some appropriate shoes plus a handbag (no pockets and I need to have money and my phone and stuff near me).

The only trouble is that the dress has no unfortunately got a couple of holes in it due to the intricate embroidery on the top. While it fits well, it's not the easiest to get on and off which is how I think it got torn. In fact I tried it on again today and spent a while trying to take it off without tearing it further. Sounds like a subject for a TG caption doesn't it? Stuck in a dress. Maybe I could try and get it repaired or cover it up with a coat or cardigan or something. Ooh I might need one of those too. Not sure if I'll go through with this but it will be fun to see.

Dreams

A few weeks ago I had a dream.

Now, I'm always interested in what they might mean because it's usually a sign of what's currently bothering you or otherwise on your mind. Dreams can be hard to interpret too. You could dream yourself going into a shop and buying a pasty and it could turn out to mean you wish to travel more.

In this dream I was wearing pair of pink shorts, a little velvety I think but with a very bejeweled button at the top so I was in no doubt they were for women.

I've looked into some interpretations of this and it appears that for a man to cross-dress in a dream means he is worried about his feminine side or he wishes to acknowledge it more; a caring and more sensitive side of himself however it may also reflect fears of subordination. For a woman it mean much the same thing but with their masculine side; worries over being too aggressive or wanting to be more assertive.

I wonder whether with me it is a little more literal. Maybe I seek to let out my feminine side a bit more these days, purchase more clothes and dress up a bit more. Maybe I also feel more submissive, more under the cosh these days. I have dreamt of cross-dressing before but never that much over the years. I suppose I hope in some weird way that it could be a vindication of my feelings and that my mind is confirming that, yes this is really what I want to do, what I yearn for.

Still, I can dream...

New Years Day

Well, not much to report for today. New Years Eve was a bit of a let down to be honest because we didn't find anything much to do. I've become a little depressed by the whole changing of the year. I should have more hope I guess but it just reminds me of everything that's happened over the last year. Of everything that happened with my ex-girlfriend I guess it's the sexual side of things that worried me the most. At first I wondered whether it's worth even trying to get into another relationship again, whether I would be able to trust someone not to up and leave no matter how much they profess to like you. At the end of today, I think I have my answer and its more positive than I thought.

Today has been a cloudy, overcast day and I've been hit by a cold which I hope to get rid of by next week. 

One thing I did enjoy tonight was the final episode of the sitcom Miranda and I must give a quick shout out to the wonderful outfit that Stevie wore tonight (right of the picture below). Lovely blouse, shorts and black tights. Eclectic but still stylish. 

Miranda and Stevie toast their finale 

Photograph: Radiotimes.com

Pink Library #4: Bimbos and Backwoods Beauticians

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Temptation

Hello everyone.

I have been meaning to do updates before now but I've been finding myself a bit blocked recently. As any writer knows, sometimes the hardest thing to do can be just to make yourself sit down and actually write no matter what subject you happen to be writing about. Well, that's been my experience anyway.

Anyway, I had an experience today that I thought I would share. I was doing some shopping this morning and needed to buy a new pair of trousers. I went to the changing room and on a hook on the door was a pair of girls shorts and a pink lacy top. I wondered if the lady who had just vacated the room would be returning for the clothes but she never did. Having them there it was very tempting to try them on. It's just clothes after all isn't it?

I tried on my trousers and looked over at the clothes. Gingerly I tried on the shorts...and was surprised that they actually fit me. Then I started to wonder if there were CCTV cameras around and felt a bit embarrassed. I didn't see any though. The shorts felt nice, just like normal jeans really. I nearly tried on the top but felt it was a bit too small for me. For some reason I also felt that if I put them back wrong on the hanger then that would further expose me.

A small opportunity then but one I may have regretted if I passed it up. I've been watching a TV show recently, Drag Queens of London, which has given me a bit of renewed confidence.  

February 09 2013

Hi everyone!

Wow, a month goes by quickly. So much I wanted to stop on by to write about. The stories I've been writing, another Fashionista and some of the gripes I've had recently but I just don't seem to have the time to sit down and write anything. This kind of why I've stopped capping for a bit to try and catch up with some stuff.

I joined a dating site recently and haven't really had much interest but then I haven't given much out. It's still all a bit new and even though there is someone I like, I'm a little afraid I won't be acknowledged. This did happen to me last time. The site gave so many reasons you could reject someone, such as the distance you lived away or an age gap, but I just heard nothing and that really pissed me off. I'm meant to be going to a disco tonight too and although I love dancing and I do get some female attention, following it up is something I really get nervous about. Plus my feet are aching from breaking in new shoes all week and I've woken up with neck ache. Still, should be fun and I've been looking forward to it.

I'll be going to another convention in a few weeks and decided to dress up in my Amy pond costume again. this time I've found the perfect red hoodie. I was reliably (as much as the internet can be) informed that it was the actual design used in the series and readily available from American Apparel. And in unisex. The arms are a tad short but otherwise it fits well and I like it. The other day my housemate was out and I took the opportunity to indulge a bit. I put on  a pair of star tights and some shorts which I managed to pull up and fold back like the sexy girls shorts and tights combo you see about nowadays. Perhaps not the best for this cold weather but still fun for a while.

Hopefully, back soon with more posts. If anyone's still reading that is.  

Nigella and Caitlin

Just a quick one.

I saw this picture in The Times today, briefly while shopping, and loved it.

Nigella Lawson and Caitlin Moran.
Photograph by Mark Harrison for The Times

The two women are TV cook Nigella Lawson (right) and writer/journalist Caitlin Moran (left) and they have both swapped styles for this photoshoot. I expect not many poeple outside the UK will know who they are. Nigella is usually dressed more conservatively in long skirts and dresses while Caitlin has a more eclectic yet modern style. In fact it's quite odd to see Nigella Lawson in such a crazy pose, she must have enjoyed herself a lot.

This appeals to my love of personality and clothes swapping. When I was much much younger I used to draw pictures of people, mainly fictional and cartoon figures, with their clothes swapped. The only ones I can recall right now are Asterix and Obelix. I think there was also something involving Madonna and that conical bra she was famously pictured with back in the early 1990s. 

Ok so not much but just another look into my psyche.

Fashionista #2

Ok, so...

Due to the Olympics there's been a lot of patriotic clothing around with 'Team GB' and the Union Jack on.

Team GB T-shirt

I love the little lion symbol and our 'Pride the Lion' mascot is certainly better than the official ones although obviously you couldn't have anything as nationalistic as that to be the official mascot. It will be interesting to see how much of this patriotic style remains in a few months once the games have been forgotten. Another thing I've noticed is the rise in leggings with the flag, and not just the British one, on them stretching down the side.

Flaggings: UK Style!

Flaggings - USA style!

Of course with the sun out there are plenty of sunglasses around and not the big black Victoria Beckham ones either but cheap, very 80s looking ones with neon rims. The 80s still seem to be in at least. Also rising in popularity are the Pussy Bow blouse and the round collar blouse. I didn't like the latter when it first started getting popular but now it's growing on me. Still not sure if it's the sort of thing I would wear though. Maybe, but it looks quite cute especially with the outfit below.

The Round Collared Blouse

I've seen some wonderful outfits recently too, for example a woman looking a bit like a rock chick with a shock of blonde hair wearing a band t-shirt, fashion jacket, skinny jeans and fake leopardskin high heels. So stylish.  Lastly, there are the shorts. Cut off denim shorts with the pockets pulled through although, unlike the picture below, I've seen quite a few pockets painted with different designs like, and I'm sensing a theme here, flags.

Jean Shorts with pockets pulled through

  
Since I saw this picture I've also noticed that studs have been creeping in to clothing. I saw some on a few jackets recently. Very bad-ass.

When I was talking about posting some caps before, Alectra suggested having caps added as part of the theme of whatever I was talking about and sinceI sourced this picture here to do a cap I thought I would share. This was done for the Haven's teen dream Totalditz since she did a similar post over at Tis My Life - OMG!

Laters!

New Shorts (2012)

Skirts Vs Shorts

Well, yesterday went pretty much as I had feared but it wasn't that bad in the end and the alcohol does seem to make my mood, whatever it may be, higher than it is.

So anyway, here's another little observation of mine. Now, I love the mini-skirt and in particular a nice pleated one.

However, if I was a girl I wonder if I would be the sort to wear one or just stick with trousers. I mean, it has to be really hot weather to get me to wear shorts so a mini skirt? But then if I was a girl I expect I would have worn plenty, especially as part of a school uniform so it's also a surprise that I like the combination of shorts and tights that seems to be in fashion these days. Needless to say I would also pick one of Mary Quant's creations over hotpants. 

Perhaps it's just the hipster chick in me trying to get out but I think it's a really classy look and the woman who made me fall in love with it was Becki Newton who played Amanda on Ugly Betty. If I had a choice of something to wear on a night out it would probably be this but then a skirt is more overtly feminine; shorts are at least still a bit masculine so again it comes from the fear. I was reading Eve's Rib's blog a while back, Jamie Vesta is so wonderfully talented, and it hit me that maybe men are more suited to skirts and women to trousers and shorts. The latter could be as tight as possible because there is noting to crush or embarrassing bulges to hold back but in a skirt it could all hang loose and free although the aforementioned man reaction would probably look a wee bit worse in a skirt. 

Hmm back to the drawing board maybe.