It's All Yellow

My friends, I have crumbled.

Now, my pledge to stop buying clothes wasn't going to last forever of course but I had hoped to resist buying everything that caught my eye. Unless I bought a bigger wardrobe in the process. This week I did come away with a couple of purchases. I've mentioned before that I do want to cosplay Cher from Clueless in her yellow plaid suit at some point and this week I saw a lovely yellow cardigan that I could wear with it. It's not perfect as the original is lower cut and has bigger buttons but this should do until I find something closer but I still have to try it with the suit to see if it properly matches up. Also in cosplay, a friend of mine gave me some stuff to help with my Missy costume. I'm still looking into getting the actual suit which hopefully will be soon. The more I think about it, the more I'm looking forward to it.

The yellow cardie came along at the right time really as I have been looking into wearing brighter clothes as I do tend to go for blue and black quite a bit. Funnily enough in the last week I've seen a lot of mustard yellow tights around so it may be something that's coming back in at least for Winter. I actually have a pair myself. Dark red is also quite a Wintery colour I've seen around and I have a skirt which I bought quite cheap recently and I'm still finding out how wonderful it looks with various combinations of tops although it feels a little loose so I'm having to pair it with a belt quite a bit. Sometimes you need to feel that bit of bite to know that something is on.     

One dress I did have my eye on was a lovely blue and black zig-zaged number with a slim black belt. also had a bit of a boob window. For a while, lots of clothes seemed to shapes randomly cut out of them. I remember seeing one range of jumpers advising the consumer to check the back lest they get home and find a dirty great hole in the back that was in fact intentionally there. I didn't try it on but I can't stop thinking about it so I may go for it if it's still there at the weekend. What I did buy however was a dress I think I mentioned a few weeks ago, it's a gold and black houndstooth patterned dress with a black collar. It was down to half price. I may have resisted but for the black tights I was wearing at the time and oh it just looked so good.

This week, with an informal staff day looming, I've been thinking about dressing for work again. I'm fairly confident I could handle it and I even have an outfit in mind I would feel comfortable in. Perhaps I'll wait and see how I feel in a couple of months. No links for this week but I hope you've enjoyed this little missive.

The Shopping Forecast

Here's a mini-update things that may turn into a rant.

I've been getting really frustrated recently with myself for not going out dressed more. It's like I see women in the street now and feel more jealous than I usually do. Sometimes just opening the door is a big step for me and for a while I've wanted to do my Saturday shopping dressed. Part of it I think is because this area is so familiar to me and with London I can keep moving and get lost in a crowd plus there's also the fact that most of my clothes have come from the charity shops round here. I do suffer from chronic indecision and this time my fears got the better of me and I didn't today. In case you were wondering, it was going to be a denim miniskirt (which I'm wearing now) but I do have bright red nails at the moment so a bit of it was there. Nearly went out dressed to a quiz the other week but the dread words 'replacement bus service' made me decide against it. I can just about do the train but not that. Not that I mean all buses but any travel issue will send me reeling.

Only bought a shirt today. A male shirt.  I know, I'm disgusted with myself too.

I'm still looking to buy some new shoes but can't seem to find anything I like. Shoes have never really been a thing for me as I wear trainers a lot but I think in some situations it calls for something a bit smarter just to fit the feminine aesthetic. This is also the reason why I tried to shave off my body hair last week. Now, I did see a nice pair today, shiny black and with chunky heels and they did have a bit of a gothy/alt look about them. I saw them in a charity shop before, tried them on and left it to chance. they disappeared the next week but turned up in another shop. I tried them on again and came close to buying them but I left it to chance again as I'm not sure about the height of the heel. Never worn heels before so of course it felt a bit odd. I'm undecided about them so should they be still there next week I may even get them.

Also nearly bought a jumper from ASDA in the sale which i really liked but it's near the end of the month and while money is not tight I still think I should stop for a bit as I seem to be buying clothes every week. Just last week I bought what I have dubbed 'The Most Impractical Jumper in History' which is green and white striped with bell sleeves and ties on the end. I would still like the other jumper so perhaps if it's still there next week I'll nab it. Oh and I also tried on a pair of light blue boots. Trying now to recall what else I've bought. There was an octopus necklace which looked like a cursed idol from a horror film, a black rose ring and a grey midi pleated skirt. Also, as you know I was looking at mod dresses from Atom Retro and now there's a sale on so...yup back to chronic indecision.

 

Other People's Clothes

I was reading one of the Sunday papers the other week and comedian Jenny Eclair, when asked who her style heroes are, answered "young women on the street" and I have to agree with her. The best thing you can do to know what's in and how to wear it is by observing other people. That's not meant to sound/be creepy by the way.

For example, I could tell you that big coats, hats and scarves are in especially this week. Go figure. Well, if I were to go into more details I would say that bobble hats are in often with a big furry ball on top (some have two for that extra Minnie Mouse look). In fact fake fur is in now especially dyed all sorts of bright colours. This winter I've seen lots of coats, many green anoraks with the hood covered in bright fur (often pink or blue). Furry gilets are still in and coats of fur that are many different colours and patterns. I think I did mention this before and I feel that it's Game of Thrones inspired.

I have to also admit that while my interest in Take Me Out has waned over this last series, I still like seeing what outfits the girls wear and there have been some lovely dresses and tops/skirts combos this year. I'm noticing necklaces more these days too. I've also very recently been looking at 60s Mod dresses too. So cute.

About Last Night

So, leading on from my last post, I did indeed go to a birthday party dressed last night (still fully clothed, to avoid confusion, well that's a misleading phrase although I doubt with my face and body there's a lot of confusion going on but, well, if there was it would be good for the ego).

Now, my primary concern was the travel and I'm happy to say that nothing really happened. It was much easier to open the door this time perhaps because I was a bit more convicted this time around. This had been in the back of my mind, and the outfit I wanted to wear, for most of the week. I knew what outfit I wanted to wear too and, apart from a few tights based considerations for the cold and rainy weather. For those that want to know, I wore a beige jumper with Peter Pan collar, blue denim mini skirt, black tights and a pair of Chuck Taylors. I've also found out that it helps with my nerves if I listen to music or a podcast on the way so I spend most of my time with my earphones in. This journey was a bit long and involved a walk, train journey, walk through a shopping centre, tube journey (including through the Death Star AKA Canary Wharf station. To further explain the hilarity of this joke, they filmed parts of Rogue One there) and another walk trying to find the place.

A couple of incidents stick in my mind and possibly that was due to my paranoia. I passed a guy while I was walking who definitely said something but I couldn't make it out because of my headphones. Probably nothing, probably just talking on his phone. There was an older lady who appeared to be looking in my general direction on the tube but she was just looking for a seat and then while walk on the way back there was a girl who appeared to be trying to look up my skirt. Not sure what to make of that. For the rest of my night, no-one even commented on my appearance although some of the girls I was with did say that I could wear a smaller size than I and perhaps I could wear a shorter skirt. Indeed, I have had much appreciation for my legs. Of course, if a transvestite standing at the bar doesn't seem to get noticed in an effort to get served I'm not sure about anyone else.

The Silhouette

It's been quite a busy few weeks and I think it shows just how far I've come that any one of these things would have, at one time, been huge steps for me.

One thing is that I've had the conversation about my crossdressing with my roommate, a friend of mine for over 20 years, and he's fine with it. Only done it once in front of him (bit too cold for tights in this house at the moment) and it hasn't really changed anything as I thought it might.

A few weeks ago, I went for a weekend away in a large town in the north of England and on one of those days decided to dress, spending most of the day in a glittery jumper, blue skirt and leggings. I was quite pleased, I walked around the town and even went for a meal with my friends although we spent most of the day in the hotel. Everyone was fine with it and the only time I felt uncomfortable was when I was at close quarters with someone in a lift. Indeed, the only time anyone questioned my choice of attire was in a lift when one girl asked why I was "wearing a girls top". I didn't answer in the end because by that time the lift stopped and I got out.

Now, why the title? Well, I was thinking about the last time I dressed in public a couple of months ago and why I was so annoyed with myself. I never added at the time how much of a wrench it was to walk out the door that evening and it certainly took an alcoholic contribution but sometimes I reach the point where I just want to do it and to hell with the consequences. The rage and frustration just builds up so much I just want to throw myself into the fire, or dance into it as Duran Duran would have it, and take whatever is thrown at me. Nerves do get the better of me at certain situations and despite initial nerves I reach a point where I just don't care about it any more and just want to get it over and done with. Don't want to be scared any more.

Anyway, back to the title, after the last time I figured out that I'm not used to the silhouette. I'm used to looking down and seeing a pair of trousers, not a skirt and my legs (which I have been told look wonderful) in tights or leggings. It looks unusual. I started to think about this after going to the toilet in that pub and a friend remarked that it was 'weird  to see a skirt coming down the stairs'. In the nicest way you understand. Another friend later got me to have a word with him as he was scared he had offended me. I have to accept that as me now and once I get used to it, I think things will be better. Wearing a jumper or top is different, mainly because I can hide it but you can't hide the bottom half so well.

As a brief update on clothes and make-up, I have bought another couple of tops (one I'm still waiting for, Amazon), tried lipstick briefly and also continued to paint my nails. Last week while out drinking with friend's again, one pressed some nail varnishes into my hand while at the bar. I'm so grateful to this woman for a lot of things. When she first saw me dressed, she asked whether I had always felt odd wearing trousers (or something to that effect, I can't quite recall at this late hour) and I was quite taken aback. I had never considered anything like that. Anyway, she passed me them at the bar in case I didn't want anyone else to see which is very considerate although it has strengthened my resolve. Why should I be ashamed of this? I'm only wearing clothes after all.  I should own it more, not feel so ashamed. Then again it's not as if I've not been in a fight or been threatened in my life and that was wearing my normal clothes. I wear a suit every day for my job and that seems to draw all sorts of people to you thinking that you've got pots of money to give away (bust my lip the other week after I slipped over trying to run away from someone, true story). I think also because I expect it, I can front it out a bit more.

All of which leads me up to the present and another birthday party at a London bar (I'm not an alcoholic, honest) this coming weekend in which I'm considering/really wanna dress for. My earlier experiences have led me to another source of frustration and that is travel. When I'm with my friends, I'm fine and even up north there was a hotel in easy running distance but like the other month and this up coming weekend I will have the stress of train and tube travel, feeling that everyone's starring at me. I think it goes back to feeling at close quarters with someone. It doesn't help that a football stadium has recently been built on the line I travel on. I guess the only way to get over this is to do it more until I get more relaxed with my new silhouette.  

December Update

Well, things have been quite busy recently.

I've bought a couple of tops recently too. One of them is a wonderful jumper which has part of a shirt underneath with a pixie collar and oh I wish I could wear it to work. I'm unsure of the actual material but it's so lovely. It's funny that now I've started to buy more I've started to get a bit more cagey. I wonder if I should not go in those stores for a while in case someone 'catches on' or if I should stop buying things altogether because now I've reached that point I wonder if it's worth it all. What's the point of having nice clothes and not getting the use out of them because I only dress once in a while and it's not like I actually go out in them. This hasn't stopped me feeling that I want more though like a nice skater dress or a tight knee length skirt or a new black skirt. It feels that a new world has opened up a little this last year or at least one I'm allowing myself to be part of.

I had a family Christmas and it was as nice and as filling as usual. Enjoyed this year's Doctor Who as well.  

I've started reading some more TG fiction recently as well but I should be doing some separate posts about that hopefully soon. I've also been writing some. I wanted to write a Role Exchanger story about an office Christmas party and put it up here in time for Christmas but sadly that wasn't to be but I;m still working on it and if you're on the Haven part of it has already gone up in caption form. 

Here's a little snippet though. It may be a bit rough at the moment: 

Disclaimer: The Role Exchanger concept is the property of Morpheus and the original stories can be found at Fictionmania. The below is my own work. 

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Natalie and Tim were talking in the corner. Tim put down his drink and headed for the door. “Back in a minute, just going for a smoke,” he said as she sighed. They had been going out for 6 months now and one of the only things they disagreed on was his smoking. “I told you, you should get one of those vape things,” she replied. “Nothing like the real thing,” he added. “Well, enjoy the rain,” she smiled as a blue light caught her eye. “I won’t,” he said, walking down the stairs. The lingering smoke from Tim’s jacket, now resting on the back of the chair suddenly set something off in Natalie. Usually she found it a turn off, it used to get right up her nose, but now there was something so warm and familiar about it. She grabbed the jacket, put it around her shoulders and headed outside after Tim.

Sheltering from the rain, Tim just about got his cigarette lit but started coughing as the disgusting taste spread throughout his mouth. It can’t be the brand I always buy the same? Why was the taste so terrible? How had he managed to smoke this much for the last ten years? Suddenly Natalie appeared from behind him. “Say, um, maybe I out to try one. I never have before,” she said meekly. “Here, knock yourself out,” Tim sighed, passing her his still burning cigarette. He felt frustrated and smoking was supposed to relieve that but perhaps he was better off without it. Natalie seemed to be enjoying it though and indeed it felt like a comfortable and relaxing old habit to her. This was great; all her frustrations seemed to drift away. What hadn’t she been doing this before? “I think I’m going back inside and get some food, are you coming?” Tim asked. “Actually I might stay for another,” she replied, already thinking of nipping to one of the nearby shops for her own pack. “ Here you go,” he said, pressing his half empty pack and lighter into her hand. “Enjoy the rain,” he added, heading inside.

~~~~~~~~

October Update

Well, Halloween came and went. No dressing up for me though. Didn't get invited anywhere and didn't feel like dressing up anyway. I bought a new dress recently though and it actually fits this time. Makes me look a bit pregnant though but I'm sure I can change that.

Went to a convention recently too, only for a few hours, but the cosplay on show is just amazing and makes me want to step up a bit and actually do things properly. Part of it is still fear I guess. Not sure when I'll be cosplaying next but hopefully I can put a bit of time into it.

I keep meaning to do a Fashionista column but I will say that one thing I've seen about that I'm loving recently is a nice black jumper or polo neck coupled with a tight pencil skirt and tights.

Christmas Day 2014

Merry Christmas everyone!

Lovely day, I spent it with my family as per usual. Christmas Day always has a real buzz about it and a feeling like no other day of the year. Everything seems to shut down, in this country at least, people head over to friends and relatives houses to eat and drink way too much and there are tons of specials on TV.

I really enjoyed Doctor Who this year too. It has that stripped down feel of much of the last series. I won't say much more just to be wary of spoilers.

On a more feminine note, I loved the outfit Michelle Keegan had on tonight on the Michael McIntyre Christmas show. Black jumper, beige skirt, black tight and boots. Smart and sexy,I used to love the look of a short skirt and knee length boots when I was a teenager. Although there must have been something alluring about knees that I'm missing since they are the only part not covered up...

Alan Sugar In Tights

I was watching the final of The Apprentice tonight.

One of the candidates' business ideas  was to start a company selling tights matching skin tones and it was interesting to note some of the comments made by the men when talking to each other about "getting into tights" in a jokey manner. Now I don't mean to get all mad and po-faced about it because that's just the way things are, it's still very much a joke to a lot of people to see men in traditionally female clothing like it's unmanly. Hell, we have a pantomime industry built on the foundations of people playing roles of the opposite gender. I just wonder if we will ever get to a point when it's normal. Probably not in my lifetime anyway.

Then again, look at the ways we dressed in years gone by and look at some of the things in today's society that are more acceptable than they were decades ago. Everything changes. This year in fashion, tacky Christmas jumpers have made a comeback and now they even have an element of cool to them as geeky icons like Star Wars or Guardians of the Galaxy have been put into patterns in pixelated forms. Back when I was growing up in the 1980s this kind of jumper was still in vogue a little until it became a symbol of naffness. Now, this is a bit of a glib example but it's the one that sprang immediately to mind.

I was watching QI the other night and apparently back when women were campaigning to get the vote, there were some women that disagreed with the idea. Of course, men made a joke of it and I remember seeing propaganda once in history class suggesting that even criminals and madmen should be given the vote ahead of women. It seems like such an obvious decision to us in this day and age. Again, I'm probably being too glib. Perhaps with some of the gender fluidity that's beginning to emerge these days, the idea of a man wearing tights won't be something to make fun of in the future.

Fashionista #4

Ok, so when I write these try and imagine a Posh Spice kind of vibe with me wearing a tight black dress, large sunglasses and big black handbag.

I blame The Killing. Sarah Lund has made chunky knitwear fashionable again for the first time since the 1980s. Not just as a fashion item too but that kind of design has been used for labels and t-shirts .

Sarah Lund celebrating The Killing's success

Stripes are in at the moment especially stripey leggings. One girl on a Gok Wan show called them her "Beetlejuice Pants" which is a very fitting title.

Doing it Zebra style

Striped T-shirts are also fashionable now. It appears it's in to look like a French stereotype. 

'Allo 'Allo there

Back to trousers and disco pants are coming back in. I started seeing these stretchy black leggings a month or so ago and they seem to be popular. At least they definitely keep out the cold weather. 

A different (and more reserved) disco diva

Staying with black, pleated leather mini skirts are becoming popular too. Very nice. 

Leather minis FTW

Back up to the head now and if we're short of money it seems we just want to look rich with lots of faux fur coats and hast about plus the fur hat ring.Leaving the top of the head exposed seems like an odd idea but it must be warm as there are plenty about. 

Warm your head with a furry hat ring

Also, if we're not trying to look rich then we go right out into the woods and look as if we've killed our own hats as having a wolf on your noggin is getting to be popular. 

Gorgeous like the wolf

Doctor Who started up again recently and I'm loving new girl Clara's look already. I especially love the publicity picture below of actress Jenna Louise Coleman. Such a cute dress with lovely bows! 

Jenna-Louise Coleman in a rare visit to Earth, 2013.

And finally, two current fashion items (well perhaps more last year) that I really dislike: The Onesie

Onesie is enough

I get why people like this but I think the overgrown toddler look. 

The second item is these boots: 

Das knee high boots

Now, I have nothing against knee high boots, I used to dream about having to wear a pair when I was in my late teens but I think it's just the scoop at the top which turns me off them. 

That's all for now! 

Ciao!