Pause

So I had a bit of a moment today. 

I bought a new dress, black with green birds on it, which is all very nice but it's quite low cut and I didn't really notice before I tried it on. Seeing all that hair on my chest reminded me of what I am, of the stereotypical cross dresser. We may like to think we look super sexy in a hot dress but there are things that remind you that you're a hairy, misshapen lump in a piece of clothing not even designed for your gender but for some pretty young woman. 

I realise that this is easily remedied though; I can shave my body or put on a t-shirt (which is what I did and am in fact wearing at this moment) but I guess seeing myself like that brought it into sharp focus. I am considering taking it back but now I've worn it for a bit, plus the addition of a necklace, it's not so bad. I like a nice bit of neck space and I'm not considering breast forms anytime soon but I may watch out for more low cut stuff in future. 

For further clarification, for anyone that cares, I'm wearing the dress (white t-shirt underneath) with a pair of black leggings and a grey sparkly jumper. I've also painted my nails again and trying something new, light red with half painted in a darker red. Very nice and not chipped yet which is a first. Also bought some red lipstick recently. I've been thinking about trying some bright red lipstick for a while now and it looks nice but I still need more application practice. 

Money or Humiliation

Ok, so I should probably detail a few things that have happened recently.

1. I saw a lovely pair of shorts the other week (there may have been some fantasizing) so today I took the opportunity to try them on in the store. Top tip if you're planning on trying them on in store: take a few pieces (depending on what the store allows) of male clothing around with you to hide your real purchase. I grabbed a t-shirt and did this and then the unthinkable happened - I actually bought the t-shirt. I know, I must be sick in the head (in my defence, it did have a snow Dalek on the front). Unfortunately, the shorts were a bit too big for me (I'm actually surprised I seem to have gone down a size) and, bizarrely, I would have liked them to have been a bit shorter. Did feel a bit embarrassed though when the shop assistant asked if I wanted them put back after I failed to put them on the return rack. I mumbled 'yes' and walked away sheepishly. 

2. As you know, I've had some thoughts about telling my parents and I haven't done so in so many words yet but last week my mum did some repair work on a dress for me. I kind of covered this by making some cosplay excuse although she has been asking why I keep dressing up like a girl. I still have another dress I need some sewing done on so I may ask her again. Now I could just go to a shop in town and ask them and it would be a fraction less uncomfortable. It just goes to show I value money over embarrassment.

3. I've been shoe shopping again recently, seen a few things but not bought anything yet. I feel the need to buy a pair of boots for going out plus maybe a fleecy lined pair for the winter (along with more leggings). Now I've actually started going out dressed, I've started think more practically which is rather exciting rather than buying a dress, trying it on once and putting it away.

4.I have been thinking about necklaces too. I've seen a lovely heart one but I think it's too big for me (is a heart a bit too cliche too?) but I expect I'll find something. Frances on this year's The Apprentice always has a nice key necklace on and that looks cool. It is a learning curve after all, I'm still finding my style which at the moment veers between chavvy and preppy. There is a part of me that really wants to try on some trashy stuff just to see how it looks. 

5. I'm spending a lot of time clothes shopping at the moment (not actually buying much I add) and I'm really excited. There's just so much I want to buy and I'm holding myself back a little. 

6. The other week a friend of mine said I now dress like Amy Pond, (not referring to the crossplay) and I suppose I do and it feels quite cool although technically I think that outfit was half Clara and half Amy but perhaps more intriguingly it wasn't a million miles away from what I would have been wearing anyway. Jumper, jeans and trainers. Just a bit more girly. 

7. The dress code at my work has tightened up a bit recently so I'm now in a suit a lot more. I find it ironic that in a year I've started to dress more that I'm almost being forced back into a stereotypical male look. Now, I could propose the idea of wearing a skirt suit but that may be a step too far.

Blondie and Beyond

I had intended to buy a dress today but unfortunately the shop was closed however I did end up purchasing a nice denim skirt from another shop which is something I've wanted to get and thankfully it fit. I did start getting a bit nervous in the shop again though. No matter how much I tell myself I should buy things if I want to, the nerves still end up setting in. We do have only one life after all trouble is that doesn't help me in convincing myself as much as it should.

I was watching a documentary on Blondie and the making of their Parallel Lines album last night and it dislodged a few memories. I was really into the group in my late teens which coincided with their late 1990s resurgence. I even went to see them in concert in 1999 (or possibly 1998) and I remember a Vulture t-shirt being on sale. this t-shirt was worn by singer Debbie Harry back in their late 1970s/early 80s heyday and I really wanted one but I was just too scared to buy one because I saw it as female clothing. However I later saw videos of the male members of the band wearing it. Perhaps I might see if I can buy one now.

Here's a picture of Debbie Harry in the T-shirt

Culture Vulture
Source: emikokal.tumblr.com

Just as a quick P.S there was recently a Doctor Who comic cover parodying the Parallel Lines cover featuring the Twelfth Doctor, Clara Oswald and The Silence which looked wonderful.

Relative Dimensions

In my last post I talked about dressing as the TARDIS at the next con and I've ordered a few things to help that along, namely a t-shirt and some blue tights.  Now, I've been thinking about possible accessories, maybe even a purse or something to carry about, especially a headband. There are a couple of nice designs around featuring a TARDIS blue lamp on top which would be a nice addition to the outfit...except they all seem to be sold out.

So I've been thinking of making my own little lamp thing. Making things with my hands isn't really something I do that much but I'm still considering it which means I've been looking at yogurt pots in a funny way recently, trying to find one that looks right. No idea how to do the top though, I need some kind of blue triangle thing and at the moment I'm just thinking of some blue card.

Now, there's also a problem with the bottom and I suddenly thought of using a blue ribbon tied around it, maybe in a bow. This is possibly one of the girliest thoughts I've had and it intrigues me how comfortable I am with it now that I consider ribbons and bows and accessorizing in this way. Now, if only I can get someone to lend me a hot glue gun without saying what it's for...

Nine Worlds

Over the last weekend I've been attending the Nine Worlds convention in London. It was unlike any convention I've been to in that it was mostly talk based whereas I'm more used to the odd talk amongst signings or celebrities doing Q&As . This was mainly made up on panels discussing various subjects and it was a very enjoyable weekend which covered a wide range of subjects. 

So I expect you may be wondering whether I'm about to reveal a brand new attempted cosplay for the weekend, well...unfortunately not. Once again I was struck by chronic indecision after not really wanting to do the same cosplays as I have before. So the convention crept up on me a bit and I couldn't settle on an idea. There's still a lot that I would love to do one day though. I could go for Amy Pond again but a different look. Pirate Amy from The Curse of the Black Spot would be cool. I would also love to do Clara one day too or perhaps wear one of those Star Trek OS mini dresses complete with tights and boots. Since I've been watching Farscape for the first time I've also had thoughts about doing Chiana but to be honest I would never want to go as far as all that grey body make-up. My inherent laziness would kick in. 

Of course, I need not have gone in cosplay at all if I wanted to dress as the con was very friendly towards those with trans issues (not that I have trans issues I'm more CD but you get my meaning) so I could have easy just worn a dress or put on a skirt. Indeed I saw one or two guys doing the same and to be honest it's all I really want, I think. A t-shirt, a mini skirt (maybe black), tights and a pair of Chucks. Simple. 

Fashionista #4

Ok, so when I write these try and imagine a Posh Spice kind of vibe with me wearing a tight black dress, large sunglasses and big black handbag.

I blame The Killing. Sarah Lund has made chunky knitwear fashionable again for the first time since the 1980s. Not just as a fashion item too but that kind of design has been used for labels and t-shirts .

Sarah Lund celebrating The Killing's success

Stripes are in at the moment especially stripey leggings. One girl on a Gok Wan show called them her "Beetlejuice Pants" which is a very fitting title.

Doing it Zebra style

Striped T-shirts are also fashionable now. It appears it's in to look like a French stereotype. 

'Allo 'Allo there

Back to trousers and disco pants are coming back in. I started seeing these stretchy black leggings a month or so ago and they seem to be popular. At least they definitely keep out the cold weather. 

A different (and more reserved) disco diva

Staying with black, pleated leather mini skirts are becoming popular too. Very nice. 

Leather minis FTW

Back up to the head now and if we're short of money it seems we just want to look rich with lots of faux fur coats and hast about plus the fur hat ring.Leaving the top of the head exposed seems like an odd idea but it must be warm as there are plenty about. 

Warm your head with a furry hat ring

Also, if we're not trying to look rich then we go right out into the woods and look as if we've killed our own hats as having a wolf on your noggin is getting to be popular. 

Gorgeous like the wolf

Doctor Who started up again recently and I'm loving new girl Clara's look already. I especially love the publicity picture below of actress Jenna Louise Coleman. Such a cute dress with lovely bows! 

Jenna-Louise Coleman in a rare visit to Earth, 2013.

And finally, two current fashion items (well perhaps more last year) that I really dislike: The Onesie

Onesie is enough

I get why people like this but I think the overgrown toddler look. 

The second item is these boots: 

Das knee high boots

Now, I have nothing against knee high boots, I used to dream about having to wear a pair when I was in my late teens but I think it's just the scoop at the top which turns me off them. 

That's all for now! 

Ciao!

Fashionista #3

Ok, so...

Remember last time I mentioned studs and spikes? Well this is now officially A Thing. Little studs and spikes are now adorning the shoulders of jackets, handbags and shoes as women are trying to look that little bit more badass and teen-emo punk.

Studded shoes

Studded Jacket

One little twist to this is also the jewelled collar on that Noughties favourite the sheer blouse. Notice on the picture below that the blouse is also tucked into the skirt. This is another little thing that has now become popular. The free flowing shirt or top is gone and the future is tucked shirts with skirts riding a bit higher up the waist.

Tucked and Bejewelled

Patterned tights are in mainly with hipsters and geeks but are slowly creeping into the mainstream. Leggings with floral patterns are in especially with matching jackets.

Patterned Tights and Leggings

Speaking of jackets, Superdry Japan are out and this years essential jacket is quilted. It seems that the Sloane Ranger look may be about to make a comeback. Ok, yah!

Quilted Jacket

Staying with jackets, this is more men than woman but it's now becoming fashionable to have the collar of your overcoat turned up and some colour underneath. Can't really find the right picture to illustrate this one.

Sticking with comebacks, the military look may be on the rise again. This is one look that keeps emerging and it's understandable considering the times we live in. The military look, green shirts and khakis, was quite popular in the 1970s following the Vietnam War and let's not forget that one of the biggest and most durable fashion items is military in origin: the T-shirt. US Veterans started wearing them casually after World War II and they really caught on in the 1950s. The last time it came around was in the late 1990s and I doubt I will forget the cargo trousers and multicoloured khakis that adorned market stalls everywhere as I was in my late teens.

In the Army Now

To finish off, one item I'm seeing more of is the dress or jacket and skirt combo with the frill in the middle. A tight dress with a frill looks sexy, stylish and professional. A 21st century version of 1980s power dressing.

Fantastic Frills!

 That's all for now. Ciao!

Sex and Sexuality

I remember a very specific time when I was about 16 floating in a swimming pool thinking about girls and deciding that as I get older I will understand them more and perhaps actually begin to fancy them. I thought that the knowledge would come with time and it never did. I was a bit of a late bloomer and by college I think I must have fancied near enough every girl in there at one point or another. Not that I got anywhere though.

While gender has always fascinated me, I've never really had the chance to explore my sexuality. As mentioned before, I'm straight and happy with my current gender. I have never really had the desire to be a girl, only dress like one on occasion. I can't say I've ever fitted in with either gender. I'm not a manly man into football, birds and booze and those kind of guys and discussions do make me uncomfortable and I can't say that talking with girls make me feel any less socially awkward. I seem to walk in two worlds yet belong to neither. A T Girl friend of mine always said that she preferred hanging out and talking to girls, it made her feel more feminine when she was at school. There were a couple of times at college I was eating my lunch and it was just me and a group of girls in the classroom. Somehow the conversation always got onto useless men and I ended up just trying to finish and get out of there.

The first time I was in college it was the late 1990s and two items of female clothing really took with me. Gradation jumpers and lines t-shirts.

Gradation Jumper

Teacher's Lines T-Shirt

I remember hearing another guy talk about the jumpers too which cheered me up - until I found out he was gay and it made me wonder about myself. As I said, I was young at the time and of course being a crossdresser doesn't mean that you're gay and vice versa. Not every gay man wants to dress up in drag and perform on stage, these are just stereotypes.

Now, not to go into too much detail but I have never enjoyed much of a love life although I have at least been on a few dates and lost my virginity (just). I saw the film The 40 Year Old Virgin the other week and I love how Steve Carrell's character  is portrayed not as a geeky man child Mr Bean like character but just as someone who it just never happened to and of course over time it makes you more nervous. I've also never really had the chance to explore my fetishes with a partner so who knows it could make things better. Never really had the chance to be a sexual being either and I wonder if it's too late now. I have been thinking about internet dating recently and it was during a discussion with a friend that he admitted some girls have complained that I stare at their breasts. This has horrified me and made me ever more nervous as I've never thought about myself as that sort of guy and now it's something I can't get out of my head. I rarely look people on the eye anyway, maybe it's been misinterpreted although I'm probably just making excuses.

I've recently put up a Dalek poster on my wall too. It's a nice picture and I wanted something to cheer up the blank and bland walls. What if I bring a girl back? What would she think? It never crossed my mind until recently that she could look at it and think it was the coolest thing ever. I used to think that I would get married in my early twenties like my dad and that it would mean compromising things but now I know a lot of couples in great relationships and that's what I want now.

And just maybe there's a perfect geeky girl out there who would love to see me in a skirt...

Fashionista #2

Ok, so...

Due to the Olympics there's been a lot of patriotic clothing around with 'Team GB' and the Union Jack on.

Team GB T-shirt

I love the little lion symbol and our 'Pride the Lion' mascot is certainly better than the official ones although obviously you couldn't have anything as nationalistic as that to be the official mascot. It will be interesting to see how much of this patriotic style remains in a few months once the games have been forgotten. Another thing I've noticed is the rise in leggings with the flag, and not just the British one, on them stretching down the side.

Flaggings: UK Style!

Flaggings - USA style!

Of course with the sun out there are plenty of sunglasses around and not the big black Victoria Beckham ones either but cheap, very 80s looking ones with neon rims. The 80s still seem to be in at least. Also rising in popularity are the Pussy Bow blouse and the round collar blouse. I didn't like the latter when it first started getting popular but now it's growing on me. Still not sure if it's the sort of thing I would wear though. Maybe, but it looks quite cute especially with the outfit below.

The Round Collared Blouse

I've seen some wonderful outfits recently too, for example a woman looking a bit like a rock chick with a shock of blonde hair wearing a band t-shirt, fashion jacket, skinny jeans and fake leopardskin high heels. So stylish.  Lastly, there are the shorts. Cut off denim shorts with the pockets pulled through although, unlike the picture below, I've seen quite a few pockets painted with different designs like, and I'm sensing a theme here, flags.

Jean Shorts with pockets pulled through

  
Since I saw this picture I've also noticed that studs have been creeping in to clothing. I saw some on a few jackets recently. Very bad-ass.

When I was talking about posting some caps before, Alectra suggested having caps added as part of the theme of whatever I was talking about and sinceI sourced this picture here to do a cap I thought I would share. This was done for the Haven's teen dream Totalditz since she did a similar post over at Tis My Life - OMG!

Laters!

New Shorts (2012)