2024 Wrapped - Part One

Over on Twitter they've now introduced a 'wrapped' feature so I was interested to see which were my most popular tweets/captions of the year. The results may surprise you. They did me. My three most popular caps came from later in the year and I don't know if they are the ones I would have chosen but it's interesting to see. 

So here's the countdown...in third place we have: 

The Applicant (2024)

In second place...

Skinny Dipping (2024)

And finally the winner is...

Trapped! (2024)

Of the three I think I prefer the first one and I'm quite surprised at what came top as it was quite a quick one. In fact whereas I work more on long form captions the Twitter ones are just a case of finding a picture and thinking something up and only occasionally do I plan things out. 

Although I know it's an AI and I should take everything with a pinch of salt but I think that there is some truth there. For example, apparently I seem to do bimbo captions the most of all which is surprising because I've been doing some more sissy stuff this year. It does mention a love for the Barbie movie though which I don't think is correct although I did use it for some caps in the early part of the year. Apparently my top words of the year were: Bimbo, Transformation, Sissy, Pink and Elixir. It's also nice to hear some words of praise as to my caps using a blend of humour and TF fantasy and some witty dialogue. Yes of course it's all AI BS but it's nice to think about. 

So what of my captions for Rachel's Haven? Well I haven't done that many this year but I think my favourite would be the below one for Dementia. 

Hostile Takeover (2024)

A Note on Captioning

 I did want my first post of 2024 to be something slightly happier, maybe about some of the stories I've been reading over the past year but today was one of those days in which I sometimes regret taking up captioning at all.

Purely by chance I was checking out my Twitter and someone had liked an old caption of mine from about 6 months ago which was nice until I came across an old comment that I had somehow missed first time around calling me disgusting for what I had written and asking me to delete the tweet. This was mainly to do with the picture used which was of a 16th birthday party. I probably never gave it that much thought at the time but maybe the poster was right and I should have been more careful about the source material used especially regarding the sexual content.

I have heard arguments for using AI in captions now. It would certainly take the effort out of looking for that perfect picture to have fit the story in your head but then I also like stumbling across a photograph and having an idea on the spot. Maybe I'll see if I can give AI a go for a bit and although I say I want to stop captioning I probably won't but this has made me think twice about what I do and I will delete the tweets. I'll probably feel like shit for a few days too. I would still like to preserve the text so I'll add it here: 

1. Kelly was really looking forward to her birthday party but knew her dad would probably spoil it for her. He would tell her to cover up, keep her away from guys  and stop her fun. Why couldn't he see things from her point of view? Perhaps he could with the help of some Teen-X.

2. "OMG Kels this party is awesome. Thanks for inviting me and giving me this cute dress!"

"No probs dad, sorry Steph, I knew you would love it if you were a teen girl like me."

"I'm so glad I am, now I see all the hot guys here ready to fuck."

"Like daughter like daddy!"

Check Up #26

Once again I say I have been meaning to update this for quite a while. 

In March I went to a convention again. I did get back into it last year although lately I've been feeling that I don't really want to keep doing so on my own. Back when I was a teenager I did end up going to a lot of conventions and things on my own simply because no-one else wanted to go with me and I was determined not let that spoil what I wanted to do. These days I think I feel the loneliness more and sometimes I just can't face it. It's why I have been thinking that if I do want to do more cosplay it will mean travelling to a lot more conventions and probably spending most of the day on my own trudging round merch halls. 

Anyway, this time I was staying with some friends and I ended up dressing for more or less the whole time I was there. I did a couple of new cosplays with varying degrees of success and I'm even thinking about more for next year. On the Saturday night I was probably the prettiest I have ever looked. I had a very gothy dress on, tights, boots and a friend leant me a fascinator and I did get some really nice comments on it. I still probably should experiment with make-up at some point. 

I haven't really bought much else, perhaps a blue and white striped top and another blue pleated maxi-skirt. I'm still really enjoying wearing maxi skirts. I had a couple of events on recently so I was able to dress up for those which I'm always pleased to do although it does bring a dose of anxiety as well. I'll go through the motions of regretting what I'm doing but knowing that if I don't do it I'll regret it more and more. The current climate and endless gender debates don't really help either.

I've also recently completed my caption debt list on Rachel's Haven and it feels good. I don't know how often I'll cap from now on but I doubt I'll stop completely and although I enjoy doing it on Twitter sometimes I prefer something a little longer form. One thing I also enjoyed doing on Twitter recently was a 'Choose Your Own Adventure' type story made up of various polls. It was fascinating to see the answers that I got and to be able to write something every day. 

Moving House

 I have meant to update this blog more often since the beginning of the year but the big event in January was my decision to move house and that kind of put things on hold. 

I had lived in my old place for over a decade so it was was quite emotional for me to move especially into a house that I also had an emotional connection with as my new house was previously owned by relatives of mine and is now owned by my parents. In fact one concern of mine was that I would lose a little of my privacy which is quite important to me considering my crossdressing. Also I knew that I would have to bag up everything and take it over to my new place and I was afraid that someone would see as people were helping me move. 

To be fair I don't think my parents have a real issue with it, they'll think it's strange but also don't want to see me get my head kicked in and unfortunately it looks like the situation is only getting worse out there. I don't think anyone saw anything but at the same time I wouldn't be surprised. They certainly haven't said anything to me if they have. Ever since I tried to speak to my parents about it and it went slightly wrong I haven't broached it since plus it was never important to me that they know and, hell, I never saw myself doing this. I considered it a secret I would take to the grave with possible exception of a sexual partner willing to explore that with me so the fact that I've been able to reach the stage I have has been a blessing. I did have a slightly odd conversation with my mum about coat hangers though recently and the inference that I know what sort of coat hangers you use to hang up skirts. If that sounds odd reading it sounded odd to type and I may be slightly paranoid. 

So anyway I been here over 6 weeks now and I feel more settled than I was when I first moved in. Early on you just need a few creature comforts I think and once I was able to watch the TV I was more or less fine. I have more space but having trouble trying to arrange my clothes and to be honest it was one of the only times I've felt bad about my dressing. If I had just stuck to male clothes I could have had it sorted out within an hour but it's still there waiting to be done. At least I don't have my incredible collapsing clothes pile anymore and I also have a full length mirror at last which is very helpful. 

As for new clothes, I bought a lovely blue pleated maxi skirt. I've always wanted one like that as I think they look so beautiful. I never used to be one for long skirts but these days they really make me feel feminine. I did have an issue with it though as some stores seem to have decided never to reopen their changing rooms since lockdown nearly 3 years ago. This led to me getting the wrong size and having to take it back and exchange it the same day. I was at least able to wear it out for some birthday drinks though, pairing it with a grey sequined jumper. I've also been able to get a new houndstooth dress and a lovely vintage 1950s look Hearts and Roses dress from a charity shop which was another lucky find. Nearly bought a pair of pleated ladies trousers this weekend but unfortunately missed out. 

I haven't been doing as many captions for the Haven recently as I mostly stick to Twitter now and I have given ChatGPT a go this week to see what kind of stories that would produce. I hope to get back to the Haven at some point though. 

 

Check-Up #22

After a bit of a bumpy start to the month I'm feeling a lot better about myself now after a couple of experiences this week. 

Cosplay has been a worry for me over the last couple of years particularly whether I still enjoy it. I have no doubt that there are plenty of costumes that I would still like to do but do I have places to wear them and if I do will I be doing it alone? I've attended conventions alone for most of the time I've been doing them and after giving them up for a bit I came back when I started cosplay but that was for the most part doing it with friends. I thought I might just feel a bit lonely. This week however I did attend a convention and took the opportunity to wear my 13th Doctor cosplay and, despite once more having to do a quick change in the toilets, I really enjoyed myself. I even met a former cast member who asked me why I wasn't wearing the wig. Also, if you wish to take any fashion advice from me then I must advise that the current geek threads du jour are a Hellfire Club t-shirt from the fourth series of Stranger Things. 

I didn't really get a lot of other comments on my costume but I did get some nods from other Doctor cosplayers which was nice and it was a lot of fun walking around with a big swishy coat. Ok, perhaps not the smartest choice given the hot weather but I didn't feel that bad plus I was wearing a skirt so I was cool in other areas and that's something I've learned through crossdressing. It doesn't matter if parts of you are more exposed than usual, covering up elsewhere helps it. Wearing a short skirt or dress? Try a cardigan or knee socks if it gets too cold.  Anyway, back to the costume and it is a decent one for all weathers as you can choose to do without the coat and just go with the t-shirt for the heat but in the cold you can also wear a jumper for a top or a the t-shirt with a long sleeved white top underneath. So anyway it was a largely positive experience so it might be something I continue in the future.

I also forgot how many great artists you get at these things and there are a couple in particular I would like to mention:

Passing one stall I also saw something on display that made me think of this blog and it was a replica Hooters uniform except the top read 'Femboy Hooters'. So far I have resisted buying it but there was a lot of great stuff on there: https://occulttrash.com

Another one I adored was the work of the Retro Draughtsman over at Cult Locations Ink who draws buildings from cult TV and films and I even left with a couple of them. 

Speaking of movies, I watched Enola Holmes recently starring Millie Bobby Brown from the aforementioned Stranger Things as Sherlock's younger sister. A very fun movie but also one including crossdressing as Enola chooses to wear male clothes as a disguise from time to time and one running gag saw her offering money to a couple of men to switch clothes with her. The TG caption writes itself there. To one, a gardener, she even stipulates that he doesn't have to wear the dress and even offers to tie him up to further cover up why his clothes are missing. Tied up and wearing a dress - this must be the best day of his life! Sadly we never saw any shots of the chaps wearing the dresses but you can always hope. 

Finally, I had an event to go to one evening this week and decided to wear a dress to it as it was a hot night. A good choice, as it turns out, as it was nice and cool. Toilets once again played a role as I got changed in one at work and luckily was able to avoid anyone I worked with despite nearly meeting someone at the traffic lights. The event was in a pub so of course I needed to go to the toilet part way through the night and while I was awaiting the single cubicle in the Gents I spoke briefly with a man in there who seemed genuinely confused as to why I was in there rather than in the Ladies. Whether or not he was being nice or really thought I was a woman (reader - I do not pass) I don't know but it was interesting considering the horrible nature of the Trans discourse recently much of which seems to be centred around lavatories. In fact the same discourse has been worrying me of late (too much Twitter I expect) and I nearly didn't dress that night for those same reasons. Life works in funny ways sometimes. 

Check-Up #20

So what have I been doing recently? 

Not much really. I haven't bought anything new clothes wise apart from a necklace with a large silver heart on it but I have had some opportunities to dress recently as I've had some time working from home. I've also found that shaving most of my body hair has helped with my mood as I've often looked down at my various hairy limbs and despaired somewhat. I always pledge to shave more often but I rarely do plus you do get those horrible stubby hairs that you can never entirely get rid of. Maybe I ought to try waxing or go somewhere professional to try and get it done properly. 

Speaking of work (and I know I may be sounding like a broken record here) but we have a staff event coming up that is partially going to be on a boat. So do I dress? I've thought about it and the various dresses I could wear for it but I fear the confidence may leave me unless my old friend alcohol becomes involved as it has whenever I took a big step in my dressing. I haven't decided whether I will do yet but I still have a few more weeks to think about it. If I don't I know I will be miserable for most of the night but if I do it may be one of my more nerve-wracking nights and I've had quite a few but it's different this time as I won't have any of my friends around me. I expect it's one of those times when I just have to get over the initial awkwardness and questions and it will be fine. Funnily enough also in July I have a friend's wedding coming up in which I have no qualms about dressing for but I'm torn between wearing a suit, at least for the ceremony, or buying a new dress. Well, I probably have something I could wear anyway if I didn't get something new. That should be fun anyway. 

I finished watching Sex Education and I would recommend it and it has some wonderful LGBTQ+ representation. I certainly wish I had something like this when I was younger. Everything I learned about sex I had to pick up myself as neither school nor my parents taught me anything. I doubt it would have made much difference as I still would have been a shy child but you never know. 

I've started to do more captions for the Haven again too and I'm still enjoying producing work over on Twitter so it's a surprisingly creative time for me. 

Sex Education

 Things have been a bit busy recently but there are a couple of things I wanted to talk about. Firstly I mentioned joining Twitter last month and I've really been enjoying it. My captions have been doing quite well (I think, anyway) and it's also taught me the value of brevity as I only have 140 characters to play with. Doing a new caption for the Haven recently I could feel myself editing it a bit more so hopefully it has sharpened up my skills a bit. 

Now, like a lot of other Doctor Who fans have been doing recently, I have started watching Sex Education on Netflix as one of the main roles is played by the new Doctor, Ncuti Gatwa. The show had been on my list for a while but other things had taken precedence so this was as good an excuse as any to begin. For the uninitiated, the show is a comedy drama which revolves around teenager Otis Milburn (Asa Butterfield) and his sex therapist mother Jean (Gillian Anderson). Otis attends sixth form at Moordale Secondary School (which weirdly seems to resemble an American high school) and with another pupil, Maeve Wiley (Emma Mackey) starts an under-the-wire sex clinic of his own advising his fellow students for money. Gatwa plays his gay best friend Eric Effiong. From here on in the spoilers for season one start so please look away now if you are still wanting to watch this and go in cold (please come back if you do though. I'll still be here, hopefully). 

Promo poster for Season One of Sex Education
(L to R: Ncuti Gatwa as Eric, Emma Mackey as Maeve and Asa Butterfield as Otis)
Credit: IMDB

The episode I want to discuss is the fifth episode of season one (no title given) which (surprise, surprise) involves crossdressing. It's Eric's 17th birthday and he and Otis have tickets to a screening of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Both dress in drag for the event and both have very different evenings. While Otis gets side-lined by Maeve and the main plot which involves finding out who has been sending photographs of school mean girl Ruby's vagina to everyone, Eric continues on alone. If he were already being written by Russell T Davies he would doubtless be a super confident charmer and would mostly probably seduce someone at the bus stop but not so much here. We are not in some bustling metropolis but a small town and you feel for Eric as he stands alone at a wooden shack of a bus stop out in the woods. On his own and out of his element he retreats into himself and I know just how he feels. Two lads approach and he turns away and tries to hide himself in a place where he has nowhere to run which is another feeling I know all too well. I often wear a big coat if I can which is all the better for covering yourself up from other people. At least the station platform I often frequent is longer than Eric's bus stop. Noticing his birthday badge though one of the youths smiles and says that not only is it his birthday too but offers Eric a drink and compliments his outfit. 

Sadly that's the best that Eric's evening gets. Not only does Otis never show but his coat is stolen and he gets attacked on his way home. Calling Jean for a lift he returns home with her only to have a bust up with Otis over his desertion. Over the next couple of episodes he's a broken man, choosing less flamboyant clothing and trying not to be seen eventually getting into fights and being suspended from school. I have to say I have been feeling this a little at the moment too due to what happened to me at work a couple of weeks ago. While I've never been the type to scorch the Earth, I haven't painted my nails again since. This being television it does have a happy ending though as Eric rediscovers himself through a service at his local church and a stranger with fierce nails on his way to a wedding. A school dance proves his big opportunity for a comeback and of course he makes up with Otis. 

For Otis himself I'm pleased to see that, being straight, he has no qualms about dressing in drag and attending the show with his friend. No feeling of being made to do it or embarrassment (well no more than that of an average awkward teen). I have to wonder where they both got the outfits though and despite saying it's a yearly thing they do it seems like the first time unless of course it's normally something they do at home. I'm just nitpicking though. Even Otis gets compliments on his outfit which, again is nice to see. We don't have universal acceptance or universal hatred but something inbetween which is what real life is like. Otis may be a little sheepish about his new look but he shrugs it off as no big deal and no-one particularly makes fun of him either. Of course he also stays within the confines of their cosy town and not into the wider world like Eric. 

One final person I would like to mention in all this is Eric's dad, Abeo Effiong (DeObia Oparei), who goes on a journey of his own towards acceptance of his son. A couple of episodes earlier he catches Eric in drag and demands he remove it so you get the impression this he is your typical religious, unaccepting father. In episode five he tries to stop Eric going out in drag by almost pleading with him to rethink his outfit. I recognise this too from the time I told my own parents by turning up at their house wearing a denim miniskirt. It's that same look of trying to work it out, trying to make sense of it and also the realisation that your child has just painted a target on their back, the 'oh he's going to get the shit kicked out of him' look. I can sympathise so much with that. Later when Eric returns home he can tell that something has happened but Eric is in no mood for talking. The next morning he spares his blushes with the rest of the family by making up a cover story and when Eric rediscovers himself and gets dressed up for the dance his father offers to drive him. Outside the school they have a heart to heart and Abeo admits he admires his brave son and that maybe he should be braver himself. Revealing his background as an immigrant made me realise that he must have been hiding for a lot of his life, scared to put his head above the parapet, and that there must be people in this country who have been settled for over 50 years but still have that same sense of keeping their heads down lest somebody try to throw them out. 

I must admit I didn't expect any crossdressing in this show and I doubt it will happen again but I'm glad at the way it was handled.

Check-Up #19

So what's been going on lately? 

Well quite a bit as it goes. I bought a new pair of jean shorts which I'm quite pleased with although they are advertised as 'mom shorts' which mostly annoys me because here in the UK it should be 'mum shorts' plus it makes me feel my age. I've not worn anything out recently unfortunately but hopefully I'm get some more chances over the summer months although they are never my favourite due to the amount of hair I have and the effort I have to put into it to shave it all. I have been thinking of maybe going for a waxing at some point though which may be expensive but could work. Might make me feel better anyway and less like a hairy lump. I still regularly see things I would love to buy though and recently there's a lovely matching pink jacket and skirt I've seen. If the store in question still had changing rooms I would have loved to try it on but they don't and for some reason they've never re-opened that part since it was closed during lockdown. The set does appeal to my Clueless sense of style though, or something Legally Blonde's Elle Woods might wear, and I don't know if I would ever wear it anywhere but it is tempting. I also hope to get in some cosplay at some point. I still want to buy new stuff but I hardly wear it anywhere and I don't know if I want to go to conventions on my own just to wear an outfit. 

Last month I talked about Twitter and I finally joined. Nothing much up yet apart from some comments on caps and a few tweets of posts from this blog but if you want to drop on by I'm at @TerriDesires. It will probably mainly links to this, maybe some news stuff to do with crossdressing and other bits I find interesting. I don't know if I will do any caps yet but I probably will do and it will be a challenge to keep to 140 characters. 

Finally 'what's in a name?' you may say. Well, this week the actor Dennis Waterman died and that name may not mean much to anyone outside the UK but growing up he was quite the small screen action star in programmes such as The Sweeney, Minder and New Tricks. He was also sent up in the sketch show Little Britain as a diminutive actor who liked to 'write the theme tune, sing the theme tune' (all of which sounded like the Minder theme) on all his projects. Yes, that was based on a real person and yes he really did sing the theme to a number of his shows. He also had the good grace to join Matt Lucas and David Walliams on stage once to perform. 

George Cole (left) and Dennis Waterman (right)
in a 1979 publicity shot for Minder

Photo credit: IMDB

So what does this have to do with me? Well, Waterman played the role of Terry McCann an ex-con turned bodyguard to shady entrepreneur Arthur Daley in Minder which ran from 1979 to 1994 (although Waterman left a few series earlier) and I often thought I would like to have been called Terry (not my real male name though for any that thought I was just being lazy and switching the 'y' for an 'I') so when I joined Rachel's Haven and wanted to put in a female name I thought of Terri. I think mainly though the more femme way of spelling it is Teri but looking it up today I see that is in use as a female name and is a common way of shortening Teresa. It can also be used as a male name and means 'late summer' which I didn't know before. If ever I did go by a more femme name it probably wouldn't be Terri but incidentally if anyone can think up a more suitable name for me, please let me know as I would love to know what people think would suit me. 

Check-Up #18

Once again I have meant to update this more often and I seemed to have missed March out but sometimes I don't feel that I have enough to talk about even though there are a few things I also want to do. I never saw it as a cap blog but I do like putting some of my stuff up from time to time. I also still want to put one of my caps up for each of the years that I've been doing it which will be 12 this year. 

I've been out a couple of times en femme over the last month including to the other end of the country. Had a bit of a girly strop because I forgot my handbag so had to stuff everything into my coat and also had to de-knot a necklace shortly before I did go out. Luckily I was with a nice group of friends. Funnily enough I had someone at work ask me to also de-knot a necklace a few weeks later. I seem to be getting a reputation as a man who might have certain things or would know how to do certain things (apologies for vagueness) which I guess is mostly due to the fact that I paint my nails. I did get a very good assessment recently too and I did feel there was a moment I could have asking about dressing en femme a little more but it's a conversation I just don't know if I'm ready for. I know I seem to comment on this virtually every month on here now. 

As summer approaches we are having warmer weather and even today I'm getting quite down about the amount of hair on my body once again. One advantage of the warmer weather is being able to wear skirts and dresses (even though I prefer to do so with tights) but I always feel self conscious about body hair and it's why I tend to wear longer dresses if I can. 

One thing I have been getting into recently is Twitter. I've been on there for a few years now but I never realised that there was such a capping community there which I have been reading quite a few of including Haven alumnus Evie who can be found at @MissEvieHyde and still produces very hawt work. I do wonder whether I should start a profile on there myself and give it a go if only to show appreciation. I do have a profile and share crossdressing photos sometimes but it's very different from the erotica side of TG stories and caption making and I'm not sure if I could explain that side of myself. One concept I've also enjoyed recently is possession caps which I've not seen a lot of over the years and I've never done one myself but I'll certainly try it at some point.