Check-Up #43

Just as a quick addendum to my last post as I thought I would do an update about some other stuff. I've bought some new skirts recently just in time for the hot weather. A nice red maxi one which I'm currently wearing, a black pleated maxi and a knee length denim one with a nice pattern on the bottom. I also bought a nice green dress which is exactly the same as a red one I bought last year. Now I just need a chance to wear them. I was also called 'Miss' in the street recently which was slightly weird considering I was wearing my work suit. I can't deny it cheered me up a bit. 

I also bought some new Star Trek cosplay recently - a blue TOS era dress to match my red one and a yellow SNW era one. Neither of which I've coveted much but one of the cosplay websites had a special offer on which I couldn't resist. Both fit wonderfully as well. I also see that Loungefly have bought out a new Tricorder inspired bag which I may have to purchase. As the new Supergirl has been released this weekend seeing lots of cosplayers online makes me which I had bought that costume last year after all although I still intend to.  

To end with, a couple of links to some stuff I've been enjoying recently: 

1. I don't need to tell you how great Evie Hyde is at this stage but I've really been enjoying her most recent stories featuring Lexi the Gen-Z Genie who is a wonderful character. There are three so far featuring Lexi's brand of twisted wishes helping us oldies 'understand' the younger generation: Gen-Z Genie

2. Many moons ago I used to be on DeviantArt and recently I've been looking back in on it. Now if you've been reading this for a while you'll know how much I like Quantum Leap and that it was a formative show for me that very much stoked my interest in gender swaps. One of the stock scenes in each episode was when Sam Beckett looked into a mirror to see the person he had leaped into well the artist Tharzog has created a number of these scenes which put Sam into numerous other bodies and characters from pop culture. I've really been enjoying their work recently so if this may interest you then please take a look: Tharzog's Gallery 

 

Check-Up #39

 It's been a busy month. I went on a work's trip to Italy which in some ways felt like a 3 day long panic attack as I don't really travel well but it was a more pleasant experience than some trips I've had. Italy is of course a beautiful country and ultimately I'm glad I had the opportunity to go there and experience it. I don't think I took full advantage of it though as I never felt I could relax properly. Perhaps if I had been there for a few more days. I did paint my nails the colours of the Italian flag though which went down quite well but that only made me feel worse for not being able to dress on a couple of other occasions and I definitely had dress envy. Perhaps that was part of it, I just felt a bit down most of the time for not being to live more authentically, which is a phrase I rarely, if ever, use but I guess it applies here. 

I've bought a couple of new things recently. I was able to get some new boots for a Star Trek cosplay which are really nice and fit really well so much so that I may wear them on other occasions. I also bought a nice purple maxi skirt a few weeks ago and just yesterday I bought yet another variation on the black dress with white flowers look I seem keen to cultivate. I do have quite a few dresses like that now. The weather is getting a bit cooler now so the summer dresses may have to fall by the wayside however I have lost a bit of weight recently which is nice so there is some stuff I may now be able to fit into. 

Last thing I want to mention is that Gen V came back recently. This is the second season of the spin-off from superhero series The Boys set at a university for young heroes. I did have a look back as I'm sure I shared this opinion before but one of the students is Jordan Li who is bigender and has the ability to switch between genders at will (played by Derek Luh and the wonderfully named London Thor as the masc and femme personas respectively). They do explore this quite well in the series but I am wishing that they would lean a little into more femme clothing sometimes. However this does fit with the character as someone who is still learning about existing as different genders. There is no sudden change in personality as you may get with a Jekyll and Hyde type transformation but Jordan is just themselves however they decide to present at that moment. It will be interesting to see how the series develops this further. 

Publicity photos of Derek Luh and London Thor
as Jordan Li in Gen V

Check-Up #36

 I've meant to write this one for a while but I keep getting sidetracked by other things. First of all a bit of fashion stuff, recently I've been buying some more stuff: a black maxi skirt with a pleat, a black dress covered in blue and white flowers and a gorgeous red dress, a darker red with a pleated skirt and a roman kind of style. I will probably never have the opportunity to wear it but it's nice to have in case. I do get pangs of doubt now about buying more stuff as I maybe I feel I have enough however I have trouble getting rid of clothes especially my guy stuff which I probably should given how things are going. A couple of other things I've noticed recently too is that more people are wearing coloured tights especially burgundy and extra buttons seem to be back to, the sort that don't really do anything. I've always liked this, especially on skirts, as a kind of rich, preppy girl style look.   

Last month I went to a convention which was a lot of fun and gave me the opportunity to dress up a bit, basically for the whole weekend. I cosplayed as Missy from Doctor Who and as Glinda from Wicked. I loved being Glinda so much! She's not a character I ever thought of doing before a friend took me to see the movie. In fact I did end up trying on the cosplay with a bleeding finger I never spotted before and had to get undressed while trying not to get blood on my clothes. As someone who doesn't dress that brightly it was odd to be dressed in purple and pink and basically be the brightest one there. While not the most forthright person I did my best to chivvy my friends along in a very Glinda style. I had some much needed assistance with my hair and make-up and was called 'Miss Glinda' for much of the day. It was one of the best times I've ever spent in cosplay. 

A friend of mine who is also non-binary said that while they are prepared to present male for work reasons I obviously hate it which is apparently a difference. I think I agree with that. I think dressing male now is so ingrained that there are certain things I'll never stop doing but it's beginning to grate on me more and more.

Check-Up #35

Ok so I wanted to do a brief section on some television I've been watching recently so this may be a bit reality show heavy. 

RuPaul's Drag Race

This year's Drag Race is reaching its finale and this year I've been quite taken with transwoman Lexi Love. I'm not sure that she'll go ahead and win the actual title as there are a few strong contenders this year (although one has just been given the boot which was quite the surprise). I've loved her Werk Room outfits as well and she managed to beat Snatch Game! Notice I didn't say 'win' but she managed to lose in such a funny way that Ru saved her anyway which, after all these years, is surely a game changer. You can be bad but as long as you somehow manage to be funny with it then you'll scrape through. I didn't think her impression of Gilbert Gottfried was all that bad though but as ever it's just that she didn't do much with it. I'm not sure I could either, truth be told, never one much for improv. She has been very funny in other challenges though and had a lovely tender moment when her mum came on during the Drag Families challenge and used her pronouns correctly for the first time. Good luck Lexi!

Lexi Love in a promo shot for RuPaul's Drag Race season 17

The Apprentice

The Apprentice is also entering its finale week and I've already expressed my sadness that Aoibheann Walsh didn't continue (I mean even the coat she left in was fab) and since then there has been some notable fashion from contestants Mia, Anisa (who made it to the finale) and Amber-Rose. In fact I did see Anisa wearing one of Aoibheann's dresses a couple of time throughout? Did she leave it behind? Did they both have the same dress? I've thought about this more than I should have done. One challenge that she would have slayed though is the fashion challenge and in this one I was pleased to see Mia making a passionate argument for skirts and dresses for men as forward fashion. Unfortunately this didn't quite work out for her and, despite being a very strong candidate, she was fired. Despite the crop top, jacket and skirt she designed looking quite high fashion perhaps it was the fact it was made out of parachutes didn't work. The other team had very basic outfits but sailed through on their commercial viability and introduced the concept of a scrunch bum (nope, I didn't either) to a grateful public. It's hard to know if skirts would have been a winner anyway with most of the male populous understandably turning their noses up at the very concept anyway.  Then again whenever the idea of male skirts comes up they usually turn out to be a bit grey and utilitarian.  Perhaps if they had been designed differently, which brings me on to my last section...

Screenshot from The Apprentice Series 19 ep 10: Fashion
(left to right: candidates Mia, Anisa and Jordan alongside a 
model wearing their parachute skirt) 

Doctor Who

Yes, it's back! Ncuti Gatwa's Fifteenth Doctor is no stranger to fashion and indeed in his first full story (The Giggle aside) The Church on Ruby Road he was wearing a kilt which also represented Gatwa's Scottish roots. In the first episode of the new series (and in the promos) The Robot Revolution he wears a long blue pinstripe skirt which looks quite nice. It's this kind of garment that does look more like a male skirt (at least as a concept) should be, made of a hard wearing material, with pockets and worn with trousers but at least with a pattern. It will be interesting to see if the Doctor wears anything similar during the upcoming series. 

Ncuti Gatwa and Varada Sethu in
a publicity shot for Doctor Who

Also, I previously mentioned sitcom Smoggie Queens on here which I really enjoyed and am now pleased that it's been renewed for a second series.  

Check-Up #34

 It's been a bit of a rough month especially getting back to work after a short break for Christmas and the New Year. I've often come back to the idea to dressing at work and sometimes I think it's a good idea and sometimes bad. For my birthday a friend even bought me a nice blouse I could wear and I may still do at some point but at this point it feels like it would be a hollow victory. Dressing how I would like is not going to change certain aspects of the job that I hate and colleagues I have issues with. What would be the point of it all? 

I've managed to get some new clothes over the past few weeks too; a nice purple dress with a black floral  pattern, a blue and grey top with a lilac collar trim and little bow on the side which looks quite cute, a beige maxi-skirt and a red plaid dress that looks a bit 1960s. I've had a look at the dress in the shop a few times and never really thought it was for me but I decided to try it on at the same time as the skirt and grew to like it plus it was a nice fit. Also bought a make-up kit as well so hopefully I can start experimenting with that. 

I was thinking of doing a new 'Outfits of the Week' section on here featuring some of the great stuff I've seen on TV series or films although it may take a bit of work by sourcing various screencaps plus even without the time aspect I sometimes get a bit overly focused on things and what does and does not count so it may not materialise. That aside, I still thought I would give a quick shout out to hair and beauty salon owner Aoibheann Walsh who was recently on the new series of The Apprentice. 

Aoibheann Walsh in a BBC
publicity shot for The Apprentice 

From the shot above you may able to see why. I've always found something alluring about a woman in a suit and tie since seeing Amy Acker in an episode of Dollhouse. Unfortunately Aoibheann didn't last beyond episode two which is a shame because she seemed like a nice person and had some great outfits including some fab dresses and it would have been great to see more. 

2024 Wrapped - Part Two

Last year I meant to post more on the blog but ended up doing about one per month which was at least something. I discovered that maxi skirts can look quite good on me, especially pleated ones, and were quite nice to wear in the summer when I was a little self conscious about my legs. I got some new cosplay, some of which didn't fit and others which I still need to complete. I did go to some conventions but it just felt easier to go in more casual clothes. For the coming year I would like to try and complete some of those cosplays and also learn a bit about make-up. 

Recently I've bought a new top and some new skirts, a nice red maxi one and a black one. This past weekend I bought some jewellery too. Buying new clothes still gives me a confidence boost too. There was a lovely blue and gold skirt I saw a few weeks ago which was too big for me (usually the other way around though). It's getting so I'm falling for retail tricks now. A shop I went in had some lovely cream jumpers paired with some black plaid skirts which looked like such a cute outfit. Didn't get them though but you never know, I might go back...

Recently I also rewatched Legally Blonde and while it is still a fun warm hug of a movie it now has added nostalgia vibes. Everything seemed so colourful back then. I sometimes wonder if it was genuinely a better time 20 - 30 years ago or if I was just younger and had more of my life before me. There was one line that puzzled me though. When Elle is about to jack law school in she swears off wearing suits and pantyhose. Suits I understand but are pantyhose mainly worn by professional women in America or maybe is it just warmer over there so bare legs is more of an option whereas over here tights are worn both professionally and more casually?

I also went to see Wicked before New Year. A friend of mine really wanted to see it and although it wasn't on my list I really enjoyed it. It has high school mean girls vibes and some of the songs are more subversive than I expected. What is This Feeling? for example has the structure of a love song but it's really about two people hating each other. Then there's also the song that's been living rent free in my head which is Popular. I love it the more I listen to it. Glinda is a wonderful character. I have considered cosplaying her so who knows. Most of the men I know seem to have been dragged to this by their partners but it's probably on brand that I really enjoyed it. So anyway, I've leave you with Popular. I know, that's what makes me so nice!

The Maxi Skirt: A Love Story

 Well it looks like summer is over more or less and it's not normally a month I'm fond of because of body issues. It's nice to have bare legs but then there's always a worry about now matter how much you shave them, there's always going to be hair on your legs. It's taken me a while to embrace certain aspects of feminine clothing. When you're starting out it's like trying to find your own style all over again and a lot of trial and error is involved. I always liked wearing short skirts and tights but it took me a while to start wearing dresses and now I have way too many. I mean, I just bought another yesterday which is purple with some flowers on it. It fits lovely but is a little shorter than I would have liked. 

So anyway, this is the year I finally embraced the maxi skirt. I've worn them before and in particular I've always loved pleated maxi skirts but I've amassed quite a few now and this year during the heat I enjoyed wearing them and in particular a light purple one that has become a go-to item for me when I come home from work. At least it means I can still have bare legs and not worry about the odd hair that may crop up although it doesn't stop me shaving them when I go out. I've also worn a thin pink jacket on occasion when going out and it's really made me feel that my outfit is a more complete than it has been before, if that makes sense. 

This summer does seem to have been a time for maxi skirts as I've spotted quite a few out on the streets mainly a smooth, silky look in a metallic colour. Bows in the hair also seem to be more of a thing and it's something I wish I could try but I think my time for having long hair is probably passing unless I wanted to start wearing a wig. It looks so pretty though.  

Check-Up #31

So I've not been having that good a time recently. My job is just getting worse and worse at the moment and I'm considering resigning. Not sure what I'll do otherwise but I hope I would find somewhere. I think I'm in a marginally better place than I was when I was last unemployed about a decade ago. 

Crossdressing does seem to be one thing I can enjoy though but summer can be hard especially with all this body hair needing attention. I have managed to feel a bit better about it this year though by wearing long dresses and maxi skirts. At least I don't feel quite as bad. Bought a lovely black pleated maxi skirt recently and it fits like a dream. I also have a cute Batman handbag which has the look of Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman outfit from Batman Returns coupled with a logo and cute bat ears on top. One thing I thought of after I wrote my last blog is how brave I can be sometimes. One event I went to recently took place in the top room of a pub which was crammed with football fans watching the Euros and I was quite please I managed to fight my way (not literally) to the room and back down again a couple of times for drinks all without incident. Even had a lovely compliment on my nails from the barmaid when I went back a few weeks later. 

I did go to a convention a couple of weeks ago. Not in cosplay again but I ended up wearing a skirt. Cosplay is one of those things I run hot and cold about these days. There's so much I want to do but I'm also hit by this feeling that I'm just not good enough when there are others that do it so much better. I think I also prefer being in a group than on my lonesome again. Summer can be a hard time especially with all the pretty dresses and summer outfits about and I still have to wear a suit most days. In fact I will be going on a trip with some of my work colleagues abroad and there is going to be a big party so of course everyone is talking about what they want to wear. This has generally put me in a bad mood as I wasn't particularly keen on going anyway but knowing that I'll just have to wear my usual suit in a different country is just depressing. On the upside I think it proves growth because it wouldn't have been an issue for me a decade ago. 

Make-up can be very intimidating although I did see a video last night which reduces it to the basics for MTF crossdressers which is nice. I did try some eyeshadow tonight, don't think it turned out that well. The whole discourse around trans people doesn't exactly help either with self confidence. 

I used to think a lot about suicide and to be honest I still do. When you're young you think of ending it all just to spite people and make them miss you because of whatever crisis is going on (or at least I did anyway, I know everyone has different circumstances) but when you get older and more people have passed away you realise that this is it. Nothing (unless you believe in an afterlife). Back in my old job i would occasionally need to climb up racking to get boxes and I used to wonder what would happen if I just dropped but then the survival instinct kicks in and I knew I didn't really want to die. It's hard going on sometimes. I've come to the conclusion now that I don't want to die. I think. 

Check-Up #23

On the hottest days of the year so far I attended a wedding. 

Now what was I wearing you may ask? Well I did end up wearing a shirt, tie and trousers but in the end it was my decision and not something I felt compelled to do due to the social situation plus there was a specific outfit I was thinking of doing. My friends are quite liberal and accepting and we were all in a big hotel out of the way so I did feel safe to dress a couple of times, mainly on the night before the wedding and at the reception. I wore my short summer dress I mentioned in a previous post and I did have some nice comments about it particularly how cool it looked on such a hot day although I was constantly trying to make sure it didn't fly up while dancing. I even had someone say to me that they thought that seeing me wearing trousers looked odd now. Always nice to receive some validation too. There were some lovely dresses on show that day as well and I got very envious. 

Speaking of which, I bought a purple maxi-skirt recently and I'm really liking it. I don't often wear maxi-skirts, mainly in summer, and I adore the pleated ones you can get but as of yet I only have meshy light green one. This one is made of a heavy material and is a bit hippyish but I'm liking wearing more than I thought I would.    

Finally, I did have another opportunity to dress at work on a recent dress down day (which are very rare) but in the end I decided not too. I do hear occasional comments from others that make me think it may not be that well received but I may be over-exaggerating slightly. Generally I think it would be ok enough so I don't know what puts me off but maybe it's the different way I think people will look at me if I do end up 'coming out', so to speak. I've been thinking a bit more about this recently and why it concerns me so much and I think that I've got to a point now where it's getting harder to put the genie back into the bottle. I used to think that I would be able to separate my feelings but as I've started to dress more and more especially in more social situations it has started to make me angrier when I feel that I can't because, I guess, that I've gotten so used to it now and myself like this. I used to think it was a secret I would take with me to the grave or that it was the next generation's fight and not something for someone like me but over time I've changed my mind. Maybe one day but then maybe it shouldn't matter as much as I think it does. 

Check-Up #13

 I had meant to post something earlier but I've not been doing an awful lot recently.

I've bought a new (well, second hand) skirt which has a blue and grey checked pattern. I've not worn it yet as it's more of an autumn/winter wear and it's been really hot here recently. As always with the hot weather though I feel a little trapped between wanting to wear cooler clothes and the amount of hair I have which just disgusts me at times. No matter how much I shave there always seems to be stubble there so I don't seem to be able to get rid of it completely plus I do enjoy wearing tights over having bare legs as I think it looks better. Maybe this is the time for longer skirts although not today as it's quite grey at the moment. I also bought a quite cute Harley Quinn t-shirt. 

Cosplay is something that continues to be on my mind, not that I have plans to go to any conventions at the moment and in fact I'm not even sure if any have started up again. I do wonder whether eschewing wigs and make-up in the future might be the best for me although I do feel that they do lend themselves better to some characters like Amy Pond with her gorgeous red hair, Cher Horowitz with her long blonde hair and of course Harley Quinn with her pigtails and white make-up which brings so much to the character I couldn't imagine doing her without it. I am thinking though that maybe it's my five o'clock shadow that's causing me the most grief so if I find a way to cover it up that may be half the battle. I expect all I would need to learn is a few tips on concealing it and it would probably be easy to do in fact I don't know why I put off just sitting down and learning about this stuff. I think my interests lie more in the clothes themselves than any other part of my appearance.  I guess they are the main thing for me. 

Sorry I haven't got more to add at this time but hopefully more soon. 

Check-Up #9

I'm continuing my trend of not having an awful lot to talk about recently due to one thing or another. I guess it may be the time of year or the ongoing crisis although the lockdown is easing here so things may be back to normal, or approaching normal, quite soon. I'm probably still going to be on my amended work schedule for the next couple of months which is no bad thing as I've been getting more downtime recently and it's quite nice.

Anyway, I've been buying clothing again and this time I bought a smart black skirt for work. Still no changing rooms so it had to be a rough guess that my regular size would fit me and thankfully it did. I don't really have the confidence to slip it on in the store in front of people.  I know I did say it was a work skirt but I am still working from home a lot so it's mainly for that but like the traditional LBD I think a smart black skirt is something that comes in useful and already I've coupled it with some tops and it looks really nice. There are a couple of decorative buttons on the top as well and I'm a sucker for that sort of thing and I think this is also down to the costumes from Clueless and that spoiled rich girl look.

In other media, I've mainly been watching season three of Ru Paul's Drag Race as I think it's the only one I've never seen. I remember watching the first two late night in my bedroom hoping that my parents wouldn't hear and ask too many questions about why I was watching. By the time it changed channels I had moved out and was a little more confident. I'm also watching the fifth season of Drag Race All Stars and I caught an episode of Neighbours today which was Pride themed and with former Drag Race contestant Courtney Act. The show has a transgender character now as well which is quite cool and I was reading about her and the actress earlier.

Check-Up #7

Things seem to be a little brighter this week.

The sun is out, the weather is getting warmer and more people are going back to work so things are a bit more crowded again. I still can't help but yearn for normality like a lot of people but that's probably still many months away, maybe even a year or so. Summer means I start becoming obsessed with the amount of hair on my body and feeling very down because of it. I don't think I suit summer clothes. I'm more an autumn/winter person. I can wrap up warm and cover myself in jumpers, long coats and tights when I wear dresses and skirts. Summer puts me all out there for everyone although there is something about feeling the material of a dress or skirt against your body and I do have some passable summer clothes which I added to today.

Yes, I have bought a nice new dress which is ankle length and has a floral pattern in black and white. Although I got it in a sale it was still a size bigger than I normally buy however that size does sometimes fit me better depending on the garmant. No changing rooms though to try it on and because I paid at a different checkout the alarm went off so I had to sheepishly show the security guard my receipt. It still feels a little big but otherwise I'm pleased with it. I'm still trying to resist temptation to buy some other bits and pieces, including whole cosplay outfits, that I have my eye on though.

Check-Up #6

As has now become traditional for these posts, I've not really got a lot to say about continuing life in lockdown other than that things keep rolling on as they have before.

One thing I've been doing a little of is trying to get used to wearing heels. I've got a couple of heeled boots that I've been meaning to wear more but I shirk away from them a bit as I'm wary of not being able to walk without tripping over. As I've been walking everyday I've started wearing them a bit more and I feel more confident now. Whether or not I'll move on to proper high heeled shoes, I don't know yet, but it would be inteesting to try. Summer has hit as well and the weather is getting hotter. I'm not a big fan of it and I think I've explained before my issues with body hair and going bare legged even though when I do it does feel really good. Bare legs make me feel a little more nervous when going out, perhaps because I can hide behind tights and, if cold enough, a big coat but there's nowhere to hide with summer.

This year I have had a thought though that perhaps I need more long summer dresses rather than my usual short skirts and knee length dresses. I was looking at some earlier in the week in one of the supermarkets although the other problem now is that changing rooms are closed off due to social distancing so it's a case of hoping that your size will defiinitely fit or trying it on in the middle of the shop and I'm not that bold plus that's probably against health guidelines now.

Stay safe everyone.

Saturday Shopping

This weekend I bought some new clothes and these days although I love it I do feel I may be buying a bit too many or maybe I just don't have space but yet I just can't resist.

Anyway so first I bought a black, pleated pleather mini skirt and I have to note it was not unlike one I was going to buy last year but was stopped by a patronising sales assistant (Look for my entry 'Some Dude, a Zip and a Changing Room'). For those wondering what I did in the wake of this, whether I went back or not, the answer is no. I've never darkened their door since although I walk by there at least once a week. I still think about going back fully dressed and just walking around a bit but I doubt anyone remembers me and sure I think I'll stand there and make some grand speech like in a TV show but ultimately it won't make a difference. I guess the fact that that I still think about it indicates how strongly I feel about it. It's a lovely skirt though and I do love the pleated maxi skirts that have been in for the last few years so i hope to finally get one for the warmer weather 

The other item was a black checkered dress that I was initially unsure of but it fit me so nicely I bought it and sometimes you just love the look of something on you. Last year I bought a lovely pink jacket in the same shop. Initially I didn't get it but I went back the next day and as I was leaving the male shop assistant complimented me and said it would look nice on me (no, you haven't just wandered into the beginning of a TG story). Now, I wasn't quite sure how to take this and spent  minute or so trying to work out whether it was good natured humour, sarcasm, banter or a compliment. In the end I believe it was a compliment and I was quite taken aback by it as I didn't expect it. I'll leave out the part about walking through a supermarket on the way home and was suspected of stealing the thing from there. I think I mostly expect a negative reaction from people but perhaps I shouldn't. Coincidentally I was in there the other week buying a top. Usually it gets rung up as a ladies garment but it went through as a mens. Because of me? Who knows. 

   

Resolutions

I'm not normally one for New Years resolutions these days. For a long time, certainly over the last couple of decades, my resolutions remained much the same. I wanted a new job, wanted to move out of my parents' house and to have a relationship and for one brief point during 2010s I achieved all three. You may be surprised, especially considering this blog, but crossdressing never featured that highly on it as it was something that lived in the back of my head and for a while I thought it was something I would explore with a sexual partner. While I came close, it was ultimately something that never happened.

This year though I was having some thoughts about things I might want to do and writing more is one of them so hopefully I can update this a lot more (can't be worse than last year) but another one is having a full MTF makeover one day. As I've said before, I'm not really one for a lot of make-up, wigs, breast forms, bras, hip pads etc. I mainly just like the clothes. Recently however I've been thinking about it a lot, just getting the full makeover just once to see what it would be like. Some services also offer photoshoots as well and they have some lovely outfits to choose from. So anyway, that's what I hope to do at some point the year. You may see me go full girl.

One thing I was determined to do those was to continue dressing and try not to be too scared of doing it around my home town. On New Year's Day I went to have breakfast in a nearly restaurant dressed in a t-shirt, tights, skirt and cardigan. Pleased to say everything went alright and I've even started going up to do my weekly shopping wearing a skirt and leggings. Oh I haven't even mentioned the gorgeous pink coat I bought last year (which I'm still a little nervous of wearing for some reason.I guess it's a bit more striking than my usual long black coat to try and hide in).

Anyway, just to end up I just thought I would put a picture up of a lovely 2 in 1 black dogtooth dress I saw in New Look today. Not in my size at the moment unfortunately but you never know.

Photo Credit: Newlook.com

Some Dude, a Zip and a Changing Room

While in the last few years I feel I've grown in confidence every so often I get a bit of a knock and occasionally wonder why I continue to do this. Thankfully it seems my resolve is strong enough to keep on despite the knocks but today was one of the worst.

Now changing rooms have always been a sticking point for me and I've gradually built up my confidence in using them. Today I went into a vintage store and there was a male store assistant standing in front of the small changing rooms. I've had my eye on a black pleated mini skirt for a while and decided to try it on today. It depends on my mood sometimes how I approach a situation like this and I'm suprised I actually had the will to go up there with this dude in front but I've had largely positive experiences and London is quite understanding, so to speak. 

The upshot was I wasn't allowed to try on the skirt. Apparently they have a 'big problem'with men trying on women's clothes and noted that zips get busted by men trying them on. So in one way it a little comforting that there are so many out there but I felt a bit humiliated by this I tried to stick up for myself by saying that I knew my own size and wouldn't have wanted to try if I didn't. According to this guy he has more experience and he can see that it won't. Not wanting to get into an argument and to be honest not having any arguement to present I left the store.I also didn't want to have a row with some guy just doing his job and having worked with the public I know how trying it can be but I felt humiliated. To be fair I do sort of see his point especially with vintage clothes and it wasn't like I was banned form buying it but I'm sure the guy could still have handled the situation a bit better rather than basically tell me I was too fat to try something on and I don't think there are many who would want to try anything on, male or female, with some dude standing in the way. I don't know why I just didn't buy it untried. Damn changing rooms. 

Now like anyone I have fantasies of going back and saying something or maybe buying the skirt outright but I'm leaning towards never darkening their door again. Screw them I'll spend money elsewhere. Should I stand up a little more though? Not just for me but for those who are too embarrassed to? Not sure.

I feel a bit rubbish and humiliated tonight but I hope it will pass. I don't want this to stop me.  

Cor Blimey Mary Poppins!

I saw the below picture in the Metro newspaper today and was very taken with it.

The picture shows actress Emily Blunt in a photoshoot for the January 2019 edition of Harper's Bazaar UK in celebration of her new role as Mary Poppins in Mary Poppins Returns. I just adore her outfit in this picture and it feels like the perfect blend of the masculine and feminine. A very male shirt, jacket and tie (love a woman in a tie) coupled with a long, flowing skirt and boots. The colours all blend so well together especially the red of the umbrella providing a drop of colour.

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/

Photograph by Richard Phibbs for Harper's Bazaar

Perfect Plaid

Now, anyone who reads this blog (and I hope there are still people that do) will know that I'm a fan of the movie Clueless and Cher's wonderful range of outfits and in particular her iconic yellow plaid skirt suit (which I hope to cosplay one day).

A couple of months ago I was saying how I bought a yellow plaid skirt (zip still needs to be fixed before I can wear it though) well the style seems to be making a comeback as I've seen yellow plaid jumpers, skirts, jackets and dresses pop into numerous shops over the past few weeks. Various colours of plaid skirts are also about and also checks, the main being houndstooth, continue to be popular. In fact most of the patterns I associated with my Grandad's jackets growing up are now being worn by young women.

So now I have decide exactly how much yellow plaid I want to invest in...

July Update

I've had a few ups and downs this month.

I did go to a friend's birthday wearing a dress (the one I bought last time) and did get a little self conscious. Not too sure why this time, sometimes I just get attacks of doubt especially with the amount of travelling I have to do although I am learning to manage it more. I did have someone ask me my pronoun though for the first time.

I haven't bought much recently but again I had a few doubts when I was trying on some stuff. I just thought I looked lumpy and hairy and horrible. However this can change because I also saw some skirts I really wanted earlier that same day.

Lots more I've wanted to post about recently but I never seem ti have the time to sit down and do it. Hope to have more soon.

June Update

So then after a brief wobble last time, I actually had a really good night a couple of weeks ago when I did a pub quiz. Seriously, I was still smiling the next morning in work and a Monday morning at that so it has to have been really good. I wore a dark blue top with a white Peter Pan collar (which I adore and it fits me so well. Not too tight or too loose) and a lighter blue skirt with a some black tights and my trainers (which always make me feel more at ease anyway).

It wasn't a great night for us in the quiz but I ended up in some interesting conversations especially on the bus back about why I do this. So yes, overall positive.

As for any recent shopping, I bought another dress. I totally didn't mean to though as I have enough already... but I thought I would just try it on...just to see what it looked like...and I loved it. It's black with a small collar with squares and flowers and is a bit Clara Oswald which I suppose it part of why I like it. Rule one - don't fall in love. Oh and there was also a bright red heart necklace.