Check-Up #45

 It's been a rather stressful time at work recently and unfortunately I couldn't even take some time off without it bleeding in. I went away for a week recently and was lucky enough to catch the end of the good weather. I also managed to pick up a lovely yellow pleated maxi-skirt and a couple of necklaces which was nice. 

I've also started publishing stories on Tumblr here: Terri's Tumblr. I've had an account for a while but not used it much. Captioning on BlueSky is frustrating sometimes due to the character limit so it's nice to be able to do extended versions. If I start to write stories on here I feel it can take a time but for some reason I feel less pressure doing it on there however I do keep making things longer and longer. This has sparked a lot of ideas though but it may take some time to write them all up and remember them all. I'll probably post some here too but we'll see how it goes. 

Ru Paul's Drag Race UK was cancelled recently after 8 series. It's not the most unexpected thing ever and 8 series is more than I thought the BBC would give it. Of course it's apparently going onto the production company's subscription service. Everyone seems to have their own subscription service these days but it's at least nice to have it all in one place if you're a fan of it. I think the only programme I might consider that with is Taskmaster. However what I wasn't prepared for was the outpouring of bile against the series from the usual quarters. Probably serves me right for going on to Twitter. This has put me in a bit of a funk and makes me wonder what the point is of trying to be yourself in a world that seems to be so against it these days. Maybe I just wonder if they're right and I'm doing something wrong but on the other hand I have a lot of friends who support me so I don't know why I don't listen to them instead of the more negative ones.

Why is it that men exploring their gender identity seems to be more invalid than it is for women? At least a couple of weeks ago on SNL UK it was nice to see some men crossdressing in CMAT's band. The more I think about it, the more conflicted I get although dressing still feels like one of the only joyful things I get out of life at the moment. 

Check-Up #44

I haven't been up to a lot recently. Life just kind of grinds on and I still haven't been able to get away on holiday but hopefully I will within the next couple of weeks. I've bought a few things recently: a nice black sweater dress that will definitely need a splash of colour to it somewhere, a red sweater top, a houndstooth dress from Hell Bunny and a Captain America themed purse. However with each purchase now comes the worry that I'm buying too much and that I have nowhere to store it and that's without the worries over my weight. Dressing is still one of the only joys I get out of life now. The other day at work I was given an award for long service and I didn't feel anything. I just felt sort of numb. Not that it's been the greatest time at work. 

So anyway onto a few other things and recently I've been using an AI clothes changer to try on different outfits. The one I'm using is here https://bitstudio.ai/ai-clothes-changer but there are plenty of others out there. It reminds me a little of Cher's 'Dress Me' computer program in Clueless and feels like a continuation of what I started over 30 years ago by drawing myself in different outfits and later on using Photoshop. You simply upload a photograph of yourself in one section and one of the outfit you want in the other. This can be grabbed from anywhere by it a clothes website, photograph or a still from a film or TV show. The site I'm using at the moment gives you 5 free images per day or you can sign up and pay for more. 

Onto a couple of media things and recently I saw the film Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma which was an interesting one. The writer/ director is Jane Schoenbrun who previously did We're All Going To The World's Fair and I Saw the TV Glow so if you like queer horror that riffs on the Friday the 13th movies then give it a watch. One of the film's themes is repression and there's a scene in it that made me think of TF captions and stories when our heroine Kris describes wanting to be in the film and going from being the nerdy girl to the 'slut' running away from the killer through the woods in a crop top and pants. I've also been watching sitcom Silicon Valley for the first time and I love the style of Monica Hall, very much the sort of business casual I would love to wear for work. I'm also watching The Big Bang Theory spin-off Stuart Fails to Save the Universe and Denise's nerdy style is also fun. 

What It Feels Like For a Girl

Recently I've been catching up with some television including Russell T Davies latest series Tip-Toe which was really powerful plus What It Feels Like For A Girl. This series came out in 2025 and is an 8 part adaptation of trans woman Paris Lees' 2021 fictionalised memoir of the same name. Lees took events from her life but added the fictional character of Byron as a proxy for her younger self. 

I also found this a powerful series. Set in Hucknall in Nottinghamshire in the early 2000s it centres around teenager Byron. They aren't the nicest of characters and when they get into terrible situations they seem to make it worse with their own acid tongue but yet you still sympathise with them due to Ellis Howard's magnetic performance and an understandable background. Byron's dad is a macho type who wants his son to be just like him and mum did a 'Shirley Valentine' which made me think about how that cultural touchstone seems to have faded from memory now (Shirley Valentine is a 1989 film based on a stage play about a woman who leaves her husband in the UK behind to live a new life in Greece). 

Byron's journey to realising they are trans is handled in an interesting, almost matter of fact way. There are no huge, defining moments like staring at a dress in a shop window or trying on mum's bra in fact, despite some hints from their past, they don't seem to think about it much until they steal a wig in a scene which is played mainly for laughs. To rewind slightly, Byron falls in love but when their boyfriend suddenly ghosts them they are inspired to go looking for him in Nottingham and instead find a new queer friend group including transwomen Lady Die and Sasha. Once the wig is 'obtained' Sasha offers to do Byron's make-up and from then on they start to dress more femme on a regular basis. The final episode sees Byron out and proud and starting again after a spell in prison and, in one of my favourite moments, following a rift with Die the two make up in the very British way of bonding over taking the mick out of a friend. It did make me quite emotional by the end too and made me wish I was a bit more confident in dressing how I want to. 

Here in the UK the series is still available on the BBC iPlayer. 

Ellis Howard as Byron in a BBC publicity photo for
What It Feels Like For A Girl (2025)

The Meeting Room

Picture the scene. You enter a building, somewhere bland and nondescript down an alley somewhere. You go though a door, give your name to the woman at the desk, because you always have to at these places, and once the initial details are taken she then leads you through to a locker room. It's not very well kept, perhaps a fresh lick of paint would help, and the lockers are past their best having been bought from an office closure or a second hand store. One of the lockers is yours. You open it and take out your outfit for the afternoon. Excited, you take it through to a small changing area and it fits perfectly (ok so it probably won 't but just go with it). Your regular clothes are hung up in the locker and the assistant takes you through to a much nicer room where a group of women are sat round a table talking. They are all dressed in a similar manner to you and greet you as one of the group. In fact they can now get started with since you've finally arrived. Now you must make it through the rest of the indeterminate period of time without letting your new identity slip...

So how am I dressed, you must be asking. Well, that's all down to you and your particular fantasy as to what awaits you in the locker. Maybe it's a cheerleader uniform, maybe a very gothy dress in fact what about a goth Lolita dress, or a sweet Lolita dress or a Cybergoth? Maybe you want to be a trophy wife, a trad wife, a Stepford wife or a Real Housewife of wherever it is. How about a rich, bratty party girl? Part of a bitchy high school clique? A proper nerdy girl, a chavette in her trackies or maybe a blonde bimbo babe. Perhaps you're a MILF or a cougar talking about your latest conquest, a Karen, a maid, a stripper or supermodel. The girls at the meeting are all in on it and will let you bring out the person you want to be. 

This was a little fantasy I was toying round with and it's kind of like an escape room for crossdressers. While I'm not the greatest improvisor a scenario like this sounded kind of fun for me. Dressing up as different archetypes has always been a thing for me. This is one of a few scenarios I've been thinking of putting on Infinite Worlds but I guess we'll see. Hope you liked reading it though and found a little fantasy of your own in there. 

Check-Up #43

Just as a quick addendum to my last post as I thought I would do an update about some other stuff. I've bought some new skirts recently just in time for the hot weather. A nice red maxi one which I'm currently wearing, a black pleated maxi and a knee length denim one with a nice pattern on the bottom. I also bought a nice green dress which is exactly the same as a red one I bought last year. Now I just need a chance to wear them. I was also called 'Miss' in the street recently which was slightly weird considering I was wearing my work suit. I can't deny it cheered me up a bit. 

I also bought some new Star Trek cosplay recently - a blue TOS era dress to match my red one and a yellow SNW era one. Neither of which I've coveted much but one of the cosplay websites had a special offer on which I couldn't resist. Both fit wonderfully as well. I also see that Loungefly have bought out a new Tricorder inspired bag which I may have to purchase. As the new Supergirl has been released this weekend seeing lots of cosplayers online makes me which I had bought that costume last year after all although I still intend to.  

To end with, a couple of links to some stuff I've been enjoying recently: 

1. I don't need to tell you how great Evie Hyde is at this stage but I've really been enjoying her most recent stories featuring Lexi the Gen-Z Genie who is a wonderful character. There are three so far featuring Lexi's brand of twisted wishes helping us oldies 'understand' the younger generation: Gen-Z Genie

2. Many moons ago I used to be on DeviantArt and recently I've been looking back in on it. Now if you've been reading this for a while you'll know how much I like Quantum Leap and that it was a formative show for me that very much stoked my interest in gender swaps. One of the stock scenes in each episode was when Sam Beckett looked into a mirror to see the person he had leaped into well the artist Tharzog has created a number of these scenes which put Sam into numerous other bodies and characters from pop culture. I've really been enjoying their work recently so if this may interest you then please take a look: Tharzog's Gallery 

 

The Model

 Last time I said that I was going to be doing a photoshoot the following weekend, well I did and I really enjoyed it. Turning up early in the morning to an unfamiliar place with two big bags of clothes was a bit nerve wracking but once everything got going I was fine. It wasn't exactly a full feminisation process (which I never expected) but more like a normal photoshoot except that before I went in a make-up artist fully did my make-up for me which wasn't full drag or anything but I had some foundation, lipstick, mascara and eyeshadow. I even had my hair curled a little bit. 

I bought a number of cosplays with me and a few dresses hoping to do at least one in something non-costumey. First up was a lovely summery blue dress with flowers on I have worn only once to a wedding reception. I did have a photo of it already but it wasn't the most flattering (no shade on the photographer of course) but this time when I put it on and looked at myself in the mirror with my hair and make-up done, well, I just couldn't believe how lovely I looked. I will also add I didn't use any enhancements like breastforms, hip pads or a gaff so it was just my own body which, incidentally, I shaved so much the night before. We went through 3 more costumes, which someone had pressed and hung up for me which was very nice and it was a bit of a rush in the end as we went over time but I've rarely had such an adrenalin rush at least these days. I've not done much work with photographers as a proper cosplay model and with my anxiety I always feel that if I'm given direction then I'm doing something wrong but of course not everyone hits a perfect pose every time and even if you're a pro you don't know what the photographer wants to achieve. 

It wasn't until I had finished that I realised that I had been treated like any other girl in regards to the poses and positions I was asked to do. The positions of my feet, holding flowers to my chin, crossing my legs in certain places, smoothing out my skirts, positioning my hands etc. I just went with it at the time but now I've thought about it, it was really great of them to do that. I think I learned a few new things too. I admit I felt rather nervous discussing what I wanted to wear and also confirming that they do deal with more diverse individuals. I never really considered myself to be LGBTQ+ but as I explore my dressing more I realise I must be on the acronym somewhere. If I need any sewing work done one of the first things I do is to check how LGBTQ+ friendly the person/company are. 

So anyway, yes, I had a really enjoyable day and a lovely set of photos. 

Check-Up #42

 I haven't been doing much out of the ordinary recently although it has been very busy at work. The weather has been quite hot here and once again I get self conscious about my legs however starting to wear maxi skirts a lot more has helped with that some the summer months. I'm also concerned about putting on weight as everything I have seems to be that little bit tighter although sometimes that's just sitting down and I'm perfectly fine if I stand. I know if I can just lose a bit then I should be fine. 

MCM Comic Con in London was last weekend and although I had plans to cosplay it didn't quite work out due to a bout of illness the night before. I did go though but wearing a basic t-shirt and maxi skirt. I did feel comfortable though and it was nice not to have to do a quick change in a toilet cubicle and queue at the cloakroom to hand in a bag before I even got into the actual convention for once though. It did give me cause to lament that I hadn't got any new outfits though especially as I had been eying a Supergirl outfit and a Starfleet Academy uniform for a bit. I did buy something recently though and it was to do a very rare male cosplay. There aren't many I've wanted to do apart from the Tenth Doctor, possibly the 14th Doctor too and maybe Star Lord but I've put that on the back burner for now. No, this one is Number Six (or possibly just any bod from The Village) from 1960s series The Prisoner. All I really needed was the jacket and ironically it was a ladies one I ended up buying. 

Patrick McGoohan as Number Six being pursued
by Rover in a scene from The Prisoner (1967)

Staying with TV, in a previous blog I mentioned the series Smoggie Queens about an LGBTQ+ friend group in Middlesbrough which has just returned for a second series. I've been watching it this week and found it as enjoyable as the first. 

Back onto the cosplay though and I have mentioned before that I wanted to try a femme dressing service at some point well I have booked up for a photoshoot through an offer I saw at a convention so now all I need to do is choose my outfits. This will include cosplay but I'm hoping I will also be able to do a full dress and make-up experience. Thinking about it is making me a bit nervous but hopefully it will turn out ok.