Thursday, 9 December 2021

First Day of Advent

The regular '25 Caps of Christmas' thread has kicked off over on Rachel's Haven and I did want to post my first caption here as I was quite pleased with how it turned out but first of all I may just mention something that happened today which was a little embarrassing.

One of my favourite looks and one I wanted to try once I started dressing was a pair of denim shorts, rolled up at the leg and paired with black tights. I have a pair which don't really fit that well and have meant to replace them (wore them to a party once. Not sure why). I saw a pair in a supermarket today at a reduced price so decided to get them. Unable to try them on as the fitting rooms are still off limits due to COVID. However it was only when I got them to the self-service tills that I found out they were a maternity pair. The reduced sticker was covering the description. Unfortunately I had to call a member of staff to cancel the whole order so that I could rescan the rest of the goods I was buying. Dreading speaking to a member of staff about it at least she didn't ask me why I was trying to buy them. I left feeling somewhat humiliated but not really sure why. At times I feel so angry that other people's opinions or what I feel they will be are holding me back.

Anyway, here's the caption I wanted to post featuring my witchy character Ember entering the advent calendar market. I think my favourite part of this one was writing about the various final things that will change the opener into a variety of different women. The photo is of a beauty advent calendar produced by Chanel. 

First Day of Advent (2021)


Sunday, 21 November 2021

Check-Up #16

It's not often that I dream about gender change but it happened last night. I'm sure it must have happened before but I don't recall right now. It was an odd dream and from what I remember I wasn't the only one doing it but I had to switch bodies with a friend (who I think may have been an old flame). The swap worked and I remember feeling so much joy and excitement at being in a female body - however it wasn't long before I worked out that the swap hadn't actually worked and that I still had male genitalia which was disappointing. I woke up shortly after. I've since looked up the dream and it has a number of meanings and like a lot of dreams many more than you may actually think. The main one here is that there are parts of myself or feelings that are fighting to get out. 

It has been quite an interesting month though all told. I had a few days off and went to some events. On Halloween I went to a party as an old favourite go-to costume of mine which was a vampire cheerleader. Although not quite bold enough to travel by train in costume, a few drinks at a party and I ended up travelling back in it which meant a few minutes walking through a town I had never been to before plus an hour and a half on two trains to get back home. 

Earlier that day I had been able to complete a cosplay I had been sort-of planning. As you know I love Clara Oswald's outfits in Doctor Who and I found out through a costuming website that the dress she wore in the 2015 two part story Under the Lake/Before the Flood is available through Miss Patina. I ordered one and, despite it being a little tight (unfortunately there was no bigger size) I was happy with it. I'm also now getting emails about offers from the Miss Patina website which I love because they have some very cute clothes. Anyway the only other thing I needed to complete the costume was a mustard top. There are also some tights and boots but they're generic enough for me to get by with what I have although I do wonder whether the tights are navy or black. Anyway I managed to get a top in a charity shop and it looks so good. I'm stupidly excited about this look and wearing it in the future to a convention. 

Peter Capaldi and Jenna Coleman in a 2015 BBC publicity photograph for the
Doctor Who two part story Under the Lake and Before the Flood

Over the last year or so I have gone back and forth with cosplay and whether I want to still do it including whether my age precludes playing younger characters. I have concerns about whether I'm good enough and whether I will still have the same group of friends still to enjoy it with. I guess I have fears of being left behind while others move on with their lives. Saying that, cosplay still remains an interest for me and I've still been trying to put various outfits together over the last year. Anyway, last week I went to the Destination Star Trek convention and really enjoyed myself despite the fact that a new cosplay I had ordered ( a blue TNG era uniform dress) was delivered the very day I went to the convention. Still there's always next year. I had a good time with my friends though and even had some nice photos taken. 

A couple of other things I would note as well is that I bought a purple top with some black flowers on and wore it to an event in London coupled with some purple tights, black skirt, cardie and boots which is the first time I've been to an event dressed for over a year. The boots are the same I wear for my Star Trek cosplay and there's definitely something about wearing them and hearing the tapping of the heels as you walk down the street. Other than that I missed out on two quite similar dresses recently. One I saw in a charity shop, left it for a week and it was gone when it came back but I did see one with a similar patten yesterday...just as it was being bought by someone else. Oh well. Every so often I do think about asking work if I can dress while I'm in the office but it just seems to be so ingrained in me, perhaps with age, that it's silly to even ask. Still, you never know. 

Friday, 29 October 2021


Here's something a bit folk horror related for the upcoming Halloween. 

This caption was created for the November 2020 competition on Rachel's Haven which was based around seasons. I used a still from the 1971 film Blood on Satan's Claw for this and I'm quite pleased with the story and how I managed to bring it full circle. 

Sacrifice (2020)

Thursday, 30 September 2021

Check-Up #15

 It's been an up and down month for me. 

Recently I was able to have a holiday for a week which was quite nice and the weather stayed well. I even bought a new necklace. I've not really bought any new clothes recently apart from some cosplay which I'm only half hoping to do at some point (if I can get one more bit). In fact I veer between all the stuff I want to do and just throwing in the towel. I never wanted to just buy stuff, wear it once and never wear it again. I know there are some outfits I'm tempted by but are a bit too revealing for me to wear to a convention. 

In October I'll no longer be working from home which I'm a little sad about because I've enjoyed dressing up for it and sharing my photos online. Positive comments mean a lot but every so often, this week for example, I'm made aware of how much harder it is for acceptance in the wider world. I often come back to the idea of asking if I can wear dresses and skirts and to be honest I'm probably in the best position I could be having celebrated a big work anniversary but I don't know if I should do and if I even want to anymore. I'm not sure when I'll have the opportunity anymore as I rarely feel like it when I get in from work and at the weekend I often have to go out and even just for a short walk makes me a bit nervous. In fact I've become a little obsessed with the few moments I go out for a walk and how I look when I do. 

Monday, 30 August 2021

Check-Up #14

Apologies for not posting anything recently (if anyone is still reading this) but there's not been an awful lot happening. I wanted to make sure I put something up this month though so here we are late at night on Bank Holiday Monday. I've not made any new purchases recently and I'm still pondering my options for cosplay. Still in that same position of being really psyched for it and feeling inadequate. Probably best to keep off social media for a bit. Summer is ending shortly but hopefully it will hold on for a bit longer so I can go on holiday at last this year. 

I've mentioned The Changing Mirror website before and I would definitely recommend it as a great source of TF stories of various types (especially if you like weight gain stories) and in particular I've been enjoying the work of Grace Fairway recently. Unfortunately actually joining up has proved a challenge so it's a problem I've now been trying to solve. I have recently signed up to another site which I've been thinking about stories I may want to contribute so hopefully if I do then I will post them here as well. 

I've had rather a girly day today although trying a wig on for the first time in ages made me feel a bit down although it was nice to have the longer hair (which I always end up playing with) plus to tell the truth I am going a bit bald and at the moment it's terrifying me more than any other part of the aging process. I guess I feel more my authentic self with my own hair and when I have a wig on it just feels fake. I feel like the stereotypical transvestite rather than just myself which bring out a self-loathing I rarely have around my dressing. Before COVID hit I was looking at using a dressing service but I note that some do just hair and make-up tips so I'm wondering if a crash-course in make-up might help things. 

Sunday, 4 July 2021


 As it's Independence Day today, I thought I would put something up about a occasional caption preference of mine: Americanization. 

Race or Nationality change is a lovely topic to explore and one of my favourites over the years has been Americanisation. As a Brit it's fun to be turned from the stuffy, reserved stereotype into an outgoing American draped in the Stars and Stripes with a southern fried accent and probably a spot on a cheerleading squad. 

Although it's been done to me a lot over the years I've only used it a handful of times for others (and spoilers sweetie but I'm going to be using it again very soon although I'm not saying on who for now...). The first time I used it was for a 'Please Americanise Me' topic for the lovely Evie Hyde over on Rachel's Haven who now runs Evie's Emporium and that is the caption I would like to present for you now. This was among the first I did so it's still a bit rough around the edges especially the bright red text on top of the photo so I apologise for the look. Hopefully it's readable enough and that you like it anyway. 

Tourist Trap (2011)

Sunday, 27 June 2021

Check-Up #13

 I had meant to post something earlier but I've not been doing an awful lot recently.

I've bought a new (well, second hand) skirt which has a blue and grey checked pattern. I've not worn it yet as it's more of an autumn/winter wear and it's been really hot here recently. As always with the hot weather though I feel a little trapped between wanting to wear cooler clothes and the amount of hair I have which just disgusts me at times. No matter how much I shave there always seems to be stubble there so I don't seem to be able to get rid of it completely plus I do enjoy wearing tights over having bare legs as I think it looks better. Maybe this is the time for longer skirts although not today as it's quite grey at the moment. I also bought a quite cute Harley Quinn t-shirt. 

Cosplay is something that continues to be on my mind, not that I have plans to go to any conventions at the moment and in fact I'm not even sure if any have started up again. I do wonder whether eschewing wigs and make-up in the future might be the best for me although I do feel that they do lend themselves better to some characters like Amy Pond with her gorgeous red hair, Cher Horowitz with her long blonde hair and of course Harley Quinn with her pigtails and white make-up which brings so much to the character I couldn't imagine doing her without it. I am thinking though that maybe it's my five o'clock shadow that's causing me the most grief so if I find a way to cover it up that may be half the battle. I expect all I would need to learn is a few tips on concealing it and it would probably be easy to do in fact I don't know why I put off just sitting down and learning about this stuff. I think my interests lie more in the clothes themselves than any other part of my appearance.  I guess they are the main thing for me. 

Sorry I haven't got more to add at this time but hopefully more soon.