Christmas Morning

I was going to work up a caption featuring a topic I've been interested in recently (namely adults pretending to be teens but no-one noticing) but I didn't have time in the end so I've done it as a short scene. It's a bit rough but I hope you like. 

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"Breakfast is on the table now! Anyone not here in five minutes will meet a very well fed cat!" I shouted to the family upstairs. I'm not sure if mum would have said the same thing but since I'm driving now, I think I'm entitled to go off book every now and again. 

One by one all three came downstairs. Although they looked the same to the outside world, to me things still looked askew. I only hoped the effect didn't last long or that I would find a way to reverse it.  Either way, this was going to be the strangest Christmas the Davis family ever had. We were a tight knit unit: mother, father and two teenagers, a boy and a girl, but, as I said, things were a little more askew this year and it was like we had all been knocked to the left a little. I had prepared a special breakfast for Christmas Day, some reindeer shaped pancakes with some sausages and eggs, and I hoped not only would they like it but they would not suspect my cooking knowledge was minimal at best. I was the mother of the house, you see, a kind and dutiful housewife, dressed in a very festive red dress, black tights and tinsel earrings. A comical pair of antlers adorned my head and I was wearing a special apron with Santa on. Nobody would think it unusual to look in on us now that a 17 year old boy was the mother of the house. Somehow they would think that my tall, gangly frame, short brown hair and scattering of acne was not that odd for a housewife in her early 40s.

"Sausages from Tesco again?" my husband asked while chewing. "Yes, I got some new ones with apple in. I thought you would like them," I replied. "Well I do, very nice," came the response. This took me aback a little as I had never known my 16 year old sister to be pleased about much, certainly not in the last few years, but now to all intents and purposes she was my husband. Her blonde hair was somewhat shorter than usual and she was dressed in an old white t-shirt, striped shorts and a blue dressing gown but she was still my sister. My dad's clothes fit her perfectly, as did all of ours, only she wasn't aware of the change. That burden was on my shoulders alone, eye of the storm I guess as I was the one that caused this, and I'm not sure if I would rather live in ignorance. I know what you're thinking and, yes, I tried to avoid all forms of contact with her. I had a few 'headaches' over the past couple of days. She still seemed like my dad though from the way he would slump in front of the news every night with a glass of beer to the dirty jokes I heard occasionally heard him say to his friends on the phone. This time though it was the disapproving looks of his wife rather than his giggling son that heard them. 

My mum was the biggest surprise of all. I knew it would be weird dealing with myself, essentially, but I never knew how weird. She came to the table dressed in a Star Wars t-shirt, black shorts and a striped dressing gown, slumped into a seat and didn't speak two words to me other than to ask some syrup for the pancakes. Her body shape was still the same but her hair was shorter and a little spikier than before, less salon fresh, but still with some grey around the edges. Was that really how I acted? I didn't realise that before, well, you don't know how others look at you. If I manage to reverse this then I'm going to make some changes although I would much rather have my old life back today. My mum had to cook the dinner and basically plan Christmas whereas I only eat it and sit on my arse watching TV all day. 

"Kelly! Are you coming" I shouted upstairs. "Yes, in a minute, I'm talking to Kayla." The proper question would be when was 'she' not talking to Kayla. Those girls were never off the phone to each other. I say girls, by the way, but the part of Kelly was now given to my father. He came around the corner, about 6ft in height with long, greying hair but with the unshakable belief that he was a 16 year old girl. My dad was dressed in Kelly's usual night attire, a pink strappy top and booty shorts with lips branded on them and 'kiss-chase champ' on the front of the top, fluffy pink slippers and a pink dressing gown with hearts on. He drifted into his seat and turned his nose up at the food I offered and insisted on some cereal instead as he was 'staying away from fatty foods'. "Mum, can I go to Kayla's for dinner?," he asked, smiling at me. "No, dear," I replied firmly "It's Christmas and your grandparents are coming over so we are all eating here." "But that's not fair!" "Tough. You can go to Kayla's on Boxing Day," I said. "Daddy!" he protested. "Robert!" I added, remembering my mum's usual tactic of getting my dad on side. "Your mother's right, you can go to Kayla's tomorrow," my sister replied, the irony of her refusing her own request was not lost on me. "Yeah, my parents said tomorrow, total bummer," 'Kelly' complained with the phone clamped to his ear, twirling his hair around one finger "yeah, I know right. Face Time later, kay."

"What time's dinner today, Emma?" my sister suddenly said. "About half three," I replied, luckily I retained enough of my mum's cookery knowledge and recipe books to cobble together a competent Christmas dinner. "Oh good," she smiled "just enough time for me to wrap that little gift I got you". I sighed at the mention of her 'little gift' as that's what got us into this situation to begin with. When my dad got back from his last trip to Romania I saw him stow away a small orb under some socks in his drawer. Intrigued, I dug it out and that was when my mum called me downstairs for some help with the washing up and it was in that moment I wished to be a proper adult. The next morning I woke up in my my parents' bed clad in my mum's nightdress and no matter how much I searched for the orb I couldn't find it. Suddenly I thought, if my sister can actually find the orb then maybe we have a chance at changing back. After I put in the turkey, and peel the veg, oh and then there's the stuffing... 

Christmas 2020

We all knew this year would be a bit different in terms of Christmas but thanks to new Government announcements about the tier system here in the UK, it looks like I may not see my family at all and so I'll be stuck on my own without even my housemate for company as he's since left (well, still in the process really). I knew that sooner or later the dark day would come when I would spend the festivities by myself but I never thought it would come this soon. It's one day of the year I really look forward too and I don't know what it will do to my mental health but at least it looks like I'll have some time off work which is always nice. 

Anyway, enough doom and gloom and onto things of a more frilly nature. Recently I have bought a couple of new things. Another Clara dress (red and black with a black collar) I really wanted (despite the fact I probably have enough already) and a pair of blue ankle boots. I still need a replacement pair of black ankle boots and I would really love a pair of white ones and possible a pair of white knee high boots as well to fully go for that 1960s look. Now all I need is a place to wear them and it doesn't look like that's going to happen anytime soon due to the pandemic and unfortunately since the cold weather started I've been dressing for work less and less.  

One further thing I would recommend is Sarah Keyworth's short radio series Are You a Boy or a Girl which explores her own gender fluidity and sexuality. There are four episodes, about 15 minutes each, and I really enjoyed it. The series can be found here (apologies if this may not be available in all regions): Sarah Keyworth: Are You A Boy or A Girl?

Still, there's a new Doctor Who special coming up and both UK and US versions of Drag Race are coming back in January. From looking at the intro videos online, long pointy nails seem to be in this year. 

So anyway, I'll wish everyone out there a merry Christmas for the coming week and I'll leave you with a caption. This was created for my 25 Caps of Christmas thread on Rachel's Haven back in 2016 using an old Christmas card. 

One of the Family (2016)

Quantum Leap #6: A Song for the Soul

A Song for the Soul

(07 April 1963)

Sam is...Cheree Watkins, Supreme Singer 

The Mission...Ensure bandmate Lynelle Walters doesn't sign a contract with sleazy club owner Bobby Lee

This episode holds a special significance for me as it's one of the first Quantum Leap stories I ever saw and I was drawn in purely by my burgeoning love for crossdressing and bodyswapping back when I was a teenager. I can't remember if I saw a trailer for it or just read the description in the TV Times but it was clear that a man was going to be dressing up as a woman and I had to see it. 

The opening scene doesn't disappoint either as Sam leaps straight into a performance by aspiring girl band, The Dovettes, all clad in black strappy bin-bag-like dresses with beehive hairdos. The mission is a straightforward one for Sam as he has to stop bandmate Lynelle signing the contract with club owner Bobby Lee and also bring her father round to the idea of his daughter wanting to pursue a singing career. This is made easier by the fact that he moves in with them for a time as Cheree's parents are handily 'not at home' and that's the last we hear of them. This episode also gives Scott Bakula another chance to show off his wonderful singing voice. 

This is another example of an episode that would probably not be made in this day and age but yet would have seemed more progressive back in the early 1990s. It's admirable that while all but the regular cast (Bakula and Stockwell) are black, the optics of a white man acting the part of a black female teen would not be looked on so kindly. Saying that though, seeing said man dressed as a woman was a big thing for this teenager interested in exploring their gender identity. 

As ever, Scott Bakula puts in a wonderful performance especially portraying Sam's awkwardness in the initial 'leap in' singing scenes when he's one step behind the others. He does seem to shift into the role of a mother hen at times, trying to protect the other two girls when he should be trying to fit in and is a little patronising at times. Support is provided by Tamara Townsend as Lynelle and T'Keyah 'Crystal' Keymáh as Paula who play the rest of The Dovettes and are very believable teenagers. Townsend is the main focus as Lynelle and does a great job as well as showing off her marvellous singing voice. Harrison Page is Lynelle's preacher father and a pre-E.R Eriq La Salle appears as our villain Bobby Lee. While The Dovettes are a proto Supremes, there are shades of Ike and Tina Turner's relationship in Bobby and Lynelle's. There are some lovely 1960s fashions too in the dresses the girls wear especially the bright pink sparkly ones they don for their big performance at Bobby's club (which looks more like a café). 

There are a few issues. The overall plot feels a bit hackneyed but then Quantum Leap plots were usually quite simple missions. Sam initially seems to side with Lynelle's strict father who nearly hits her in one scene. Bobby seems to walk straight into Lynelle's house and up into her bedroom without much trouble so did he break in? You also wonder what may have happened to the girl band he had The Dovettes' pink dresses made for. The reason for Lynelle's mother's death isn't really clear and why are they so concerned about having her father hear her sing anyway when she sings in the church's gospel choir every week? 

Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be a real conclusion to the story, just a tearful father and daughter reunion which tells you that things are most likely going to be alright despite the fact they never have much of a discussion. Did Lynelle sign with Bobby Lee? Presumably she told him to take a running jump otherwise Sam wouldn't have left. We also learn nothing about what the future has in store for the characters which was always a nice coda to the episode for me. All in all, this is a middling episode of Quantum Leap but one which I will always remember. 

Whamageddon

 As we begin December then so does the game of Whamageddon. 

This is a little game played here in the UK (not sure if anywhere else does it so apologies if I have that wrong). The game revolves around Wham's 1984 Christmas hit Last Christmas. If you can survive from 1st  December to midnight on 24th December without hearing the song then you win, if not then you are out and sent to Whamhalla. It's only the original version though and you have to recognise it so if it's a cover version or you are unsure if you might have heard a bit of it then you're still in the game.  

But Terri why are you telling us this? Why are you not talking about cute skirts? Well, it has to do with the caption I'm putting up this week and it's one I recently rediscovered from last year and I quite liked it. As I've said, I always enjoy writing captions for my witchy character Ember Montoya and I really liked the dialogue I came up with for this one. It's also rather topical as the photograph is a still of Emilia Clarke from the film Last Christmas, featuring the song, which was released last year. 

This caption was created for the 25 Caps of Christmas thread on Rachel's Haven. 

Hope you like.   

Whamageddon (2019)