Check-Up #25

Ok, I've meant to update this for a while now and suddenly we're at the end of December and getting ready for the New Year. I may just go with the bullet points again for brevity's sake. 

• I've had an up and down couple of months. I went away for a few days in November and came back with a cold (nothing serious, not COVID or anything) but it just proved hard to get shot of so I wasn't feeling up to much. Before that though I went to a sci-fi convention for a nice couple of days. I was able to do some cosplay as well, rolling out my 13th Doctor and Star Trek cosplays. In the evenings I also had the opportunity to dress which was quite nice and I had some compliments which is always welcome (apart from the odd moment in which someone half-heartedly tried to steal a necklace from me). 
• I'm glad I had the opportunity to do more cosplay this year but it's something that, for me, the future is uncertain. I'm not sure if I want to keep going to shows as it can be lonely if I'm always going on my own. You do get used to it after a number of years though but then we also don't know how many years we have left. There are still a few I would love to do like the 10th Doctor, Missy, more Clara stuff, more Harley Quinn. Seeing Star Trek: Strange New Worlds this year I've been thinking about Nurse Chapel and also in the last month or so I've been thinking about the 14th Doctor's outfit as well. 
• I recently bought a couple of new skirts, one purple with a black pleather ring around the bottom and the other is an argyle patten in blue, black, white and yellow. I also bought a necklace in the shape of a key but I think that's about it for things I've bought recently. 
• Regarding fashion, I notice that argyle is quite trendy recently, tank tops are back and also large collars on dresses and jumpers. 
• One thing I have noticed is that nowadays when I go out or purchase tickets for events I do consider whether or not I'll be able to dress at them. It's really one of the first things that pops into my head. I did have an event planned for early December which unfortunately had to be cancelled due to the ongoing train strikes here in the UK. Luckily though around the same time I was able to book up for a podcast recording and I was able to dress for that which I was quite pleased with. 
• I had a nice Christmas with my family in the end and got some lovely gifts. New Year's Eve is probably just going to involve me and the TV again and to be honest I've been a little down this past week due to changes at work and preparing to move house in January so unfortunately things probably aren't going to settle down for a bit. 

Finally, here's a Christmas caption I devised for a more slimline version of the Christmas advent calendar I usually oversee on Rache's Haven so I hope you like. 

A Sissy for Christmas (2022)

Check-Up #24

 Ok, I've been meaning to update this for quite a while. Nothing earth shattering has happened but I would still like to add a few things. Some bullet points, I think:

• Back to the wedding I attended a couple of months ago and I forgot to add that I was asked the immortal question by a teenager, namely 'why are you wearing a dress?' I just said that it was a wedding and left it at that. I did get serious dress envy at that wedding though, there were some gorgeous dresses I saw that day. Oh and on the flip side the groom thanked me for wearing a dress because it confused an elderly relative of his wife's that he didn't like. Glad to be of service, I guess.
• Went out to an event after work and this involves my aforementioned habit of deciding to change at work and despite the fact that I work in a large building I've come close to running into members of my firm on a couple of occasions. This time (striped top and blue skirt as you ask so nicely. Bare legs too so I was feeling bold but it was still summer) I saw a colleague waiting at a bus stop and so snuck down the road to cross over and make it safely into the tube station. Thinking he must have gone I made it into the station and onto the down escalator...only to see him going up the opposite one. How that happened I don't know but he never said anything so I think I got away with it. I swear it's like a Whitehall farce at times
• Went on holiday for a week and saw a dress in a charity shop. Nearly bought it but, as I was staying with my parents, I resisted. I did think of going back and had many visions of how to get it back into the house through maybe some system of hiding it in a bush or a bin or something and going back. In the end I did go back but it had gone. Always the rule of second hand shops, never leave it more than a day as it will almost always have gone. I did buy a nice dress before I went away though plus a nice necklace. 
• In addition, I am trying to resist buying everything I see and sometimes it's hard but I must try to consider what I really, really want. Which is the true lesson of the Spice Girls. Maybe. Today however ever I did some some great stuff round the shops but if only it had been one of two sizes bigger. Shame really.
• Brad Pitt wore a skirt so...that was that. The debate was reopened in the papers for a bit but that was about it. Not sure if it will change anything but it was nice to see such a high profile male celebrity choosing to dress differently.
• Saw Ed Wood recently. This is a 1994 film directed by Tim Burton and starring Johnny Depp and Martin Landau which is based on the life of the famous B-movie director who was also a crossdresser. Perhaps best known as director of Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959) he also directed early cross dressing film Glen or Glenda (1953) which I may give a look if I can find it. There's definitely something I like about the RP way Depp says "I like to wear women's clothes. I just feel more comfortable in them." I did think about doing a full review of this but I think the time has passed but I may do in the future
• I still watch most iterations of Ru Paul's Drag Race and the UK version has just started. Dakota Schiffer is the first trans queen on the show (the UK version anyway) and I must say her confessional outfit makes my little preppy girl heart jump. I always love the vintage queens especially if they go all 1960s and already I'm loving her outfits. 
• On a similar tack, I've been watching She-Hulk recently and the character of her paralegal Nikki Ramos (Played by Ginger Gonzaga) is also giving me severe outfit envy. Business wear seems to be a thing of mine and also makes my preppy girl heart sing. 

Quantum Leap #7: Liberation

 Liberation

(16 October 1968)

Sam is...Margaret Sanders, protesting parent

The Mission...Stop women's liberation protester Diana St. Cloud being shot and keep Margaret's marriage together whilst trying to open up her husband George's eyes to the inequality faced by women. 

This is another episode I fondly remember watching while growing up and it's another example of Quantum Leap tackling a big social issue. We open on Sam leaping into a protest and I love the way of Sam seeing his new host body in this one by him suddenly being handed a photograph (and one that will come back to haunt him). After some heckling the police break up the protest and everyone is hauled off to jail. 

It's here that things get a little muddy plot wise as it's Sam standing up to the aggressive police chief Tipton (Stephen Mills) that inspires protest leader Diana (Deborah Van Valkenburgh) to pursue more violent means of getting her message across. So much so that Sam's mission becomes the prevention of her shooting but in that case what was the original history? Did Diana originally reach that conclusion herself following her assault by Tipton in the cell? With a violent father in her past surely it was only a matter of time before she decided to take a more violent approach. Could this be a self fulfilling prophecy in that Sam had to leap in to set in motion the actions that he himself had to counter? It's certainly one of the messier situations he's been in. 

The final showdown takes place at at gentlemen's club in which the women's libbers stage a sit -in...except they don't sit and it's one of the most unpassionate protests ever committed to film. Margaret's daughter Suzi (Megyn Price) heroically saves Chief Tipton from being shot by Diana despite putting his life in danger in the first place by handing Diana the gun that she had bought. Sam gives a typical QL speech about the virtues of using the law to change things. To sit and talk instead of using violence. The ending to this scene is particularly interesting as Diana is led away by police still ranting and Suzi has regrets ever following her and it's at this point a lesser production would have faded to black but Sam takes Suzi aside and convinces her that there was nothing wrong with Diana's views, just her actions. In fact, following her release from jail, we learn that she still played a big part in the movement. 

The other plotline here is with Margaret's husband George (Max Gail) who is a more sympathetic figure than you would expect. He could have been made a misogynistic, bully of a man that Margaret and the kids would be well shot of but instead he's kind and caring (in his own way) but, like Sam, a man out of time. As Al points out, he was brought up a certain way and it's going to take a lot to change his whole way of thinking but there are signs that he is starting to understand. One of the ways he does so is with a little nudge from Sam as two people vie for a promotion at his office - Tipton's son Peter (Bill Calvert) and Evy (Jordan Baker). Evy, despite having seniority, is afraid to put herself forward due to looking bossy but she impresses George with her ideas after a chat with Sam. After this latest rewatch  there was an exchange from the dinner party that I rather enjoyed as Peter bemoans that his wife Dora (Mary Elizabeth Murphy) bought a set of encyclopaedias missing three volumes. "I don't need to know everything" she quips back. It's played a little ditzily but could be a nice zinger if spat back in the manner of either comedies today or the fast moving ones of the 1940s. I could certainly imagine Joey from Friends saying it. 

There are the usual jokes about Sam wearing women's clothes and never wanting to see a bra again after he burns his and he leaps out during an uncomfortable kiss from George which has potential for looking homophobic today but then the idea of kissing someone, male or female, you don't want to is a comedy trope. Al is also quite cringingly sexist when he first shows up in the prison cell. 

Overall I still like this story. Scott Bakula and Dean Stockwell are as good as always with Sam being as harassed as ever trying to keep a number of plates spinning and makes a decent fist of trying to explain the issues of the time and societal changes from a suburban perspective. There are a couple of plot niggles as explained above plus the sit-in protest at the club is conveniently explained to George like it was common knowledge and also how did Suzi escape her locked room? 

As I write this, the long awaited reboot of Quantum Leap is set to air on the 19th September 2022 (the same day as the funeral of Queen Elizabeth II which is quite the juxtaposition for you) so there may yet be more episodes for me to comment on rather than the two I have left. although it has taken me nearly a year to sit down and do this after writing initial notes last November. We know from the trailers that the new leaper, Dr Ben Song, will definitely be leaping into a woman at some point, in particular a 1980s rock star, and it will be interesting to see how much of a Trans angle is put on things. There are elements in the original series which certainly felt like it could be further explored. 

Shulkie

Yes, it's another Marvel tie-in. 

Anyway, the new series She-Hulk: Attorney at Law dropped today and I must say I really enjoyed the first episode. A few years ago I did read the graphic novel of Dan Slott's 2004 run on the comic, Single Green Female, which I picked up in a charity shop and enjoyed it so much I bought a few more so I was really pleased to see this one pop up on Marvel's slate. Tatiana Maslany is a brilliant actress as anyone who watched the fantastic Orphan Black will know. I have also toyed with the idea of cosplaying She-Hulk as dressed in the black skirt suit of Jennifer Walters but I think it may be too much make-up for me. 

So as she's currently in the news here's a caption featuring the green goddess I did for Chelsea Baker on Rachel's Haven. I quite like it although I'm not too sure about the scream at the end. Feels a bit much now. Anyway, hope you like. 

Shulkie (2015)

Check-Up #23

On the hottest days of the year so far I attended a wedding. 

Now what was I wearing you may ask? Well I did end up wearing a shirt, tie and trousers but in the end it was my decision and not something I felt compelled to do due to the social situation plus there was a specific outfit I was thinking of doing. My friends are quite liberal and accepting and we were all in a big hotel out of the way so I did feel safe to dress a couple of times, mainly on the night before the wedding and at the reception. I wore my short summer dress I mentioned in a previous post and I did have some nice comments about it particularly how cool it looked on such a hot day although I was constantly trying to make sure it didn't fly up while dancing. I even had someone say to me that they thought that seeing me wearing trousers looked odd now. Always nice to receive some validation too. There were some lovely dresses on show that day as well and I got very envious. 

Speaking of which, I bought a purple maxi-skirt recently and I'm really liking it. I don't often wear maxi-skirts, mainly in summer, and I adore the pleated ones you can get but as of yet I only have meshy light green one. This one is made of a heavy material and is a bit hippyish but I'm liking wearing more than I thought I would.    

Finally, I did have another opportunity to dress at work on a recent dress down day (which are very rare) but in the end I decided not too. I do hear occasional comments from others that make me think it may not be that well received but I may be over-exaggerating slightly. Generally I think it would be ok enough so I don't know what puts me off but maybe it's the different way I think people will look at me if I do end up 'coming out', so to speak. I've been thinking a bit more about this recently and why it concerns me so much and I think that I've got to a point now where it's getting harder to put the genie back into the bottle. I used to think that I would be able to separate my feelings but as I've started to dress more and more especially in more social situations it has started to make me angrier when I feel that I can't because, I guess, that I've gotten so used to it now and myself like this. I used to think it was a secret I would take with me to the grave or that it was the next generation's fight and not something for someone like me but over time I've changed my mind. Maybe one day but then maybe it shouldn't matter as much as I think it does. 

The Capping Years: 2013

The caption I've chosen for 2013 is something a little different which is perhaps why I've selected it. Vancouverite over at Rachel's Haven asked for a twisted wishes type scenario.  There would be a gender change...but with a caveat. In this case you either have large, but fake looking, breasts, a large bum or the dress sense of a hooker once you are outside of the office. As you might be able to tell I loved writing the fashion part of this as I love messing with styles. Never done anything before it before and luckily this was well received so I was proud of it. 

What would you choose? Let me know in the comments...

You Make the Call: Working Girl (1) (2013)

You Make the Call: Working Girl (2) (2013)

Check-Up #22

After a bit of a bumpy start to the month I'm feeling a lot better about myself now after a couple of experiences this week. 

Cosplay has been a worry for me over the last couple of years particularly whether I still enjoy it. I have no doubt that there are plenty of costumes that I would still like to do but do I have places to wear them and if I do will I be doing it alone? I've attended conventions alone for most of the time I've been doing them and after giving them up for a bit I came back when I started cosplay but that was for the most part doing it with friends. I thought I might just feel a bit lonely. This week however I did attend a convention and took the opportunity to wear my 13th Doctor cosplay and, despite once more having to do a quick change in the toilets, I really enjoyed myself. I even met a former cast member who asked me why I wasn't wearing the wig. Also, if you wish to take any fashion advice from me then I must advise that the current geek threads du jour are a Hellfire Club t-shirt from the fourth series of Stranger Things. 

I didn't really get a lot of other comments on my costume but I did get some nods from other Doctor cosplayers which was nice and it was a lot of fun walking around with a big swishy coat. Ok, perhaps not the smartest choice given the hot weather but I didn't feel that bad plus I was wearing a skirt so I was cool in other areas and that's something I've learned through crossdressing. It doesn't matter if parts of you are more exposed than usual, covering up elsewhere helps it. Wearing a short skirt or dress? Try a cardigan or knee socks if it gets too cold.  Anyway, back to the costume and it is a decent one for all weathers as you can choose to do without the coat and just go with the t-shirt for the heat but in the cold you can also wear a jumper for a top or a the t-shirt with a long sleeved white top underneath. So anyway it was a largely positive experience so it might be something I continue in the future.

I also forgot how many great artists you get at these things and there are a couple in particular I would like to mention:

Passing one stall I also saw something on display that made me think of this blog and it was a replica Hooters uniform except the top read 'Femboy Hooters'. So far I have resisted buying it but there was a lot of great stuff on there: https://occulttrash.com

Another one I adored was the work of the Retro Draughtsman over at Cult Locations Ink who draws buildings from cult TV and films and I even left with a couple of them. 

Speaking of movies, I watched Enola Holmes recently starring Millie Bobby Brown from the aforementioned Stranger Things as Sherlock's younger sister. A very fun movie but also one including crossdressing as Enola chooses to wear male clothes as a disguise from time to time and one running gag saw her offering money to a couple of men to switch clothes with her. The TG caption writes itself there. To one, a gardener, she even stipulates that he doesn't have to wear the dress and even offers to tie him up to further cover up why his clothes are missing. Tied up and wearing a dress - this must be the best day of his life! Sadly we never saw any shots of the chaps wearing the dresses but you can always hope. 

Finally, I had an event to go to one evening this week and decided to wear a dress to it as it was a hot night. A good choice, as it turns out, as it was nice and cool. Toilets once again played a role as I got changed in one at work and luckily was able to avoid anyone I worked with despite nearly meeting someone at the traffic lights. The event was in a pub so of course I needed to go to the toilet part way through the night and while I was awaiting the single cubicle in the Gents I spoke briefly with a man in there who seemed genuinely confused as to why I was in there rather than in the Ladies. Whether or not he was being nice or really thought I was a woman (reader - I do not pass) I don't know but it was interesting considering the horrible nature of the Trans discourse recently much of which seems to be centred around lavatories. In fact the same discourse has been worrying me of late (too much Twitter I expect) and I nearly didn't dress that night for those same reasons. Life works in funny ways sometimes. 

Check-Up #21

So anyway a few things that have happened recently. 

Last week I bought a lovely new summer dress. A little short maybe but otherwise fine. I also got a bracelet which looks a little like barbed wire so it's bit punky which is cool. Otherwise I've been a bit preoccupied with my thoughts on dressing for a works party. I thought a lot about it, trying to weight it up, picked out a dress and also sought advice from my friends on social media. The day came and so I stuffed the dress and some jewellery in the suitcase (I was staying in a hotel overnight) and ultimately the time came and I opted not to wear it. Perhaps I need to start a little smaller than the gathering planned. 

I can't say it made me feel more miserable than I think I would have been at a large gathering and as such I didn't feel so self-conscious. I still paint my nails most weeks though so it's not like I don't show that side of myself (this night though they were silver with a coat of glitter on). There is a twist though. I did feel the need to talk to someone about it and the amount of alcohol I had didn't do me any favours but I did end up confiding in a colleague in the end and he seemed ok with it. So I don't know what will happen from here on out so I guess we will see. I was worrying a lot about but I perhaps built it up a little too much in my mind. As a friend of mine said, I had to weigh up how safe and scared I would feel coming out but also the effects on my mental health if I didn't and it's something like that which I had never considered before. 

Strange New Worlds

One of the cosplays I've done most over the years has been my Star Trek red dress from the original series which ran from 1966-1969. I was never a huge fan of Star Trek growing up but in recent years and especially since its recent revival (and availability on Netflix) I have taken the opportunity to start watching the various series. In fact while the dress is more commonly associated with Lt. Uhura it was seeing Yeoman Rand wearing it that made me think about it as a possible cosplay for an upcoming convention. 

Whoever wore it though, it's now an iconic piece of costume design today and one very closely associated with the past. Despite the introduction of the skant in Star Trek: The Next Generation that even men would be seen walking about it, mainly extras would be seen wearing them and it seems to have been phased out especially when the new breed of Star Trek shows began with Star Trek: Discovery in 2017. In fact amongst the jumpsuits only Lt Nhan seemed to be wearing something like them but that involved a red top and skirt and a skant version of the Discovery jumpsuit. Anyway, this brings me on to the very latest show Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. This prequel takes place before the original series and is set on the Enterprise under the command of Captain Christopher Pike and I was heartened to read that Rebecca Romijn, who plays second in command Lt Commander Una Chin-Riley, fought to wear the mini dress and bring that touch of femininity back to the show. 

The full interview can be read here: https://www.slashfilm.com/850009/rebecca-romijn-insisted-on-wearing-a-starfleet-dress-on-star-trek-strange-new-worlds/

Here is a further look at the fashions of Strange New Worlds: https://www.inverse.com/entertainment/star-trek-strange-new-worlds-costume-designer-interview

Rebecca Romijn as Lt Commander Una Chin-Riley in a
promotional poster for Star Trek: Strange New Worlds 

Unisex does seem to be the order of the day with a more masculine look seeming favourable. What's so wrong with looking feminine? It's a lot more fun. Unisex to me always conjures the idea of grey clothes and everyone looking the same. I'm all for breaking down gender boundaries but again it does seem to be skewed towards the masculine like that's all what people are striving for. Is it really that much better or bringing the equality that we need? Skirts for men have been tried over the years and make-up too but it's never really taken off however I think these days more than other men have been making bolder choices with more colourful suits and shirts. 

It was interesting to note how things seem to have come full circle albeit for different reasons. The short dresses of the original series have become much derided over the years and are often held up as an example of the sexism that existed in the series and in particular that of creator Gene Roddenberry. However in the original pilot The Cage they are nowhere to be seen with the uniform consisting of a top and trousers. It was the aforementioned Yeoman Rand herself, actress Grace Lee Whitney who asked the production staff to implement the dresses. In fact dresses like that were everywhere in the late 1960s and were seen as a part of female sexual freedom rather than something enforced. Ironically enough these days it's the fact that they are so short that makes them stand out as a relic of the 1960s. Although I have worn one it wasn't until I watched some of those original episodes that I realised exactly how short they were on the show. Even Nichelle Nichols, Lt Uhura herself, has defended them when asked about what it was like being asked to wear one. 

Nichelle Nicols as Lt Uhura in
Star Trek: The Original Series

There's a nice short piece here about it: https://blog.ha.com/minis-are-maximum-fashion-in-star-trek-the-original-series/

With the classic dresses being derided it's no surprise that they weren't considered for a comeback when the series returned to TV although they did return in the three 'Kelvinverse' films: Star Trek (2009), Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) and Star Trek Beyond (2016) showing that they could be done with a more modern eye. 

Zoe Saldana as Lt Uhura in
Star Trek (2009)

So anyway I'm glad that like Grace Lee Whitney and Nichelle Nichols, Rebecca Romijn has stuck up for a more feminine look on the bridge of the Enterprise and I notice that even her hair and make-up is inspired by the looks of the original series (plus she has some marvellous gold nails). It's been fascinating looking into this and as someone who has an eye towards more feminine clothing I'm surprised that women are still fighting to wear it and to look feminine although I suppose that may be expected on a show dealing with the military and less on the usual type of dramas (certainly to have the wardrobe of a heroine on a DC series would be quite something).

I have thought about doing this cosplay myself and may just do that among with some of the others I have planned although another one from SNW that has caught my eye is the white jumpsuit of Nurse Chapel so who knows. 

Check-Up #20

So what have I been doing recently? 

Not much really. I haven't bought anything new clothes wise apart from a necklace with a large silver heart on it but I have had some opportunities to dress recently as I've had some time working from home. I've also found that shaving most of my body hair has helped with my mood as I've often looked down at my various hairy limbs and despaired somewhat. I always pledge to shave more often but I rarely do plus you do get those horrible stubby hairs that you can never entirely get rid of. Maybe I ought to try waxing or go somewhere professional to try and get it done properly. 

Speaking of work (and I know I may be sounding like a broken record here) but we have a staff event coming up that is partially going to be on a boat. So do I dress? I've thought about it and the various dresses I could wear for it but I fear the confidence may leave me unless my old friend alcohol becomes involved as it has whenever I took a big step in my dressing. I haven't decided whether I will do yet but I still have a few more weeks to think about it. If I don't I know I will be miserable for most of the night but if I do it may be one of my more nerve-wracking nights and I've had quite a few but it's different this time as I won't have any of my friends around me. I expect it's one of those times when I just have to get over the initial awkwardness and questions and it will be fine. Funnily enough also in July I have a friend's wedding coming up in which I have no qualms about dressing for but I'm torn between wearing a suit, at least for the ceremony, or buying a new dress. Well, I probably have something I could wear anyway if I didn't get something new. That should be fun anyway. 

I finished watching Sex Education and I would recommend it and it has some wonderful LGBTQ+ representation. I certainly wish I had something like this when I was younger. Everything I learned about sex I had to pick up myself as neither school nor my parents taught me anything. I doubt it would have made much difference as I still would have been a shy child but you never know. 

I've started to do more captions for the Haven again too and I'm still enjoying producing work over on Twitter so it's a surprisingly creative time for me. 

Ms Marvel

Once again where Marvel goes, I follow. As Ms Marvel has presently landed on Disney + and is doing well I thought I would put up a couple of themed captions. Unfortunately I don't have the names of either cosplayer.  

This one was created for Jeannie over at Rachel's Haven and uses one of my favourite concepts - Secret Cosplay. The premise being that a person receives an envelope with a cosplay choice on they must dress as for a local convention and if they dare ignore it then the choice will be fulfilled whether they like it or not. I seem to remember creating as a way to get some quick capbacks done with a common concept I could use without doing the same thing over and over again. I have varied it and there are quite a few captions and characters I've used it with now. This one is more the classic Carol Danvers version of the character though rather than the Kamala Khan version from the TV show. 

Secret Cosplay: Ms Marvel (2018)

This second caption was created for Jay Seaver over at Rachel's Haven and was inspired by the then recent Captain Marvel movie and riffs on a more conventional bodyswap scenario.

Marvel-ous Cosplay (2019)

Terri in the Multiverse of Madness

Well Multiverses seem to be all the rage these days and the other day by chance I found a couple of captions related to them. 

The below was created for Chelsea Baker on Rachel's Haven and uses a screencap from the makeover (actually more a make-under show as they championed natural beauty and teaching people how to live without tons of make-up) TV show Snog, Marry, Avoid which I used to watch quite a lot. The title was taken from a 2009 episode of Family Guy which itself was a nod to the Bob Hope and Bing Crosby Road To... movies 

Road to the Multiverse (2013)

This second one may be a bit tricky to understand without context since I basically took someone's preferences and flipped them. This was done for Felicia Hextus over at Rachel's Haven who loves to be age reduced, shrunk, teased and humiliated so obviously I turned her into a strong, powerful maneater. Luckily she enjoyed it and also really liked having her preferences turned against her and saw it as a form of teasing in itself. It's always nice when you hit on a kink that may not have been there before. This cap also brings back one of my favourite characters, Ember Montoya, and if I ever mention parallel universes the universe of shrimp often comes up which is a reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Now, I'm not sure if there is a reference in the title unless I thought it just sounded good but knowing me there probably was but I can't remember it now. 

Felicia of Two Worlds (2015)

Sex Education

 Things have been a bit busy recently but there are a couple of things I wanted to talk about. Firstly I mentioned joining Twitter last month and I've really been enjoying it. My captions have been doing quite well (I think, anyway) and it's also taught me the value of brevity as I only have 140 characters to play with. Doing a new caption for the Haven recently I could feel myself editing it a bit more so hopefully it has sharpened up my skills a bit. 

Now, like a lot of other Doctor Who fans have been doing recently, I have started watching Sex Education on Netflix as one of the main roles is played by the new Doctor, Ncuti Gatwa. The show had been on my list for a while but other things had taken precedence so this was as good an excuse as any to begin. For the uninitiated, the show is a comedy drama which revolves around teenager Otis Milburn (Asa Butterfield) and his sex therapist mother Jean (Gillian Anderson). Otis attends sixth form at Moordale Secondary School (which weirdly seems to resemble an American high school) and with another pupil, Maeve Wiley (Emma Mackey) starts an under-the-wire sex clinic of his own advising his fellow students for money. Gatwa plays his gay best friend Eric Effiong. From here on in the spoilers for season one start so please look away now if you are still wanting to watch this and go in cold (please come back if you do though. I'll still be here, hopefully). 

Promo poster for Season One of Sex Education
(L to R: Ncuti Gatwa as Eric, Emma Mackey as Maeve and Asa Butterfield as Otis)
Credit: IMDB

The episode I want to discuss is the fifth episode of season one (no title given) which (surprise, surprise) involves crossdressing. It's Eric's 17th birthday and he and Otis have tickets to a screening of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Both dress in drag for the event and both have very different evenings. While Otis gets side-lined by Maeve and the main plot which involves finding out who has been sending photographs of school mean girl Ruby's vagina to everyone, Eric continues on alone. If he were already being written by Russell T Davies he would doubtless be a super confident charmer and would mostly probably seduce someone at the bus stop but not so much here. We are not in some bustling metropolis but a small town and you feel for Eric as he stands alone at a wooden shack of a bus stop out in the woods. On his own and out of his element he retreats into himself and I know just how he feels. Two lads approach and he turns away and tries to hide himself in a place where he has nowhere to run which is another feeling I know all too well. I often wear a big coat if I can which is all the better for covering yourself up from other people. At least the station platform I often frequent is longer than Eric's bus stop. Noticing his birthday badge though one of the youths smiles and says that not only is it his birthday too but offers Eric a drink and compliments his outfit. 

Sadly that's the best that Eric's evening gets. Not only does Otis never show but his coat is stolen and he gets attacked on his way home. Calling Jean for a lift he returns home with her only to have a bust up with Otis over his desertion. Over the next couple of episodes he's a broken man, choosing less flamboyant clothing and trying not to be seen eventually getting into fights and being suspended from school. I have to say I have been feeling this a little at the moment too due to what happened to me at work a couple of weeks ago. While I've never been the type to scorch the Earth, I haven't painted my nails again since. This being television it does have a happy ending though as Eric rediscovers himself through a service at his local church and a stranger with fierce nails on his way to a wedding. A school dance proves his big opportunity for a comeback and of course he makes up with Otis. 

For Otis himself I'm pleased to see that, being straight, he has no qualms about dressing in drag and attending the show with his friend. No feeling of being made to do it or embarrassment (well no more than that of an average awkward teen). I have to wonder where they both got the outfits though and despite saying it's a yearly thing they do it seems like the first time unless of course it's normally something they do at home. I'm just nitpicking though. Even Otis gets compliments on his outfit which, again is nice to see. We don't have universal acceptance or universal hatred but something inbetween which is what real life is like. Otis may be a little sheepish about his new look but he shrugs it off as no big deal and no-one particularly makes fun of him either. Of course he also stays within the confines of their cosy town and not into the wider world like Eric. 

One final person I would like to mention in all this is Eric's dad, Abeo Effiong (DeObia Oparei), who goes on a journey of his own towards acceptance of his son. A couple of episodes earlier he catches Eric in drag and demands he remove it so you get the impression this he is your typical religious, unaccepting father. In episode five he tries to stop Eric going out in drag by almost pleading with him to rethink his outfit. I recognise this too from the time I told my own parents by turning up at their house wearing a denim miniskirt. It's that same look of trying to work it out, trying to make sense of it and also the realisation that your child has just painted a target on their back, the 'oh he's going to get the shit kicked out of him' look. I can sympathise so much with that. Later when Eric returns home he can tell that something has happened but Eric is in no mood for talking. The next morning he spares his blushes with the rest of the family by making up a cover story and when Eric rediscovers himself and gets dressed up for the dance his father offers to drive him. Outside the school they have a heart to heart and Abeo admits he admires his brave son and that maybe he should be braver himself. Revealing his background as an immigrant made me realise that he must have been hiding for a lot of his life, scared to put his head above the parapet, and that there must be people in this country who have been settled for over 50 years but still have that same sense of keeping their heads down lest somebody try to throw them out. 

I must admit I didn't expect any crossdressing in this show and I doubt it will happen again but I'm glad at the way it was handled.

The Capping Years: 2012

When I was thinking about what captions I wanted to put up for this, Taking Her Place was one at the top of the list. This caption was created for Crow over at Rachel's Haven and is still one of my favourites. 

It features another in the line of alien entities who seem to like messing with accepted roles and DNA. I only did a couple with The Persuader in the end perhaps because it took too much thought to think up the phrases I would need to use but it might be nice to go back to it at some point. Switching clothes and personalities is always a fun topic for me and although this doesn't feature a clothes swap it gets quite close to it. I'm also pleased with the final line which indicates that balance will be restored and she will take his place. 

I'm still playing around with my style here as can be seen by the bold colours of the text box and background and I'm still using a thinner font than I eventually ended up staying with. I think it fits the character too. This was one of the longest stories I had done at the time at least in one picture.

EDIT: I was thinking about this again and one thing that did niggle me was the amount of time Amy was ill as opposed to the amount of time it took for Charlie to change however in these days of COVID and self isolation it doesn't seem that outlandish any more. 

Taking Her Place (2012)

10 Years On

Tonight is a double celebration as not only is it 10 years to the day that I started this blog but this is also my 300th post which has worked out quite nicely. 

Looking back at my first post I hadn't really begun dressing much at all yet. I was just about to start doing cosplay and I wasn't even thinking of dressing on a regular basis and if so then it would just be for a bit in my bedroom privately with an ice princess dress I was dared into buying online. It's true I never thought I would start dressing en femme. Oh maybe with a willing sexual partner but I was never that good at romance so girlfriends were few and far between in fact my longest relationship wasn't going to happen for another year or so. In fact early on I was told that dressing would be a good icebreaker. So it was a secret I thought I would take with me to the grave but things change and I could see ways that I could do what I wanted and even more so people wouldn't want to punch my lights out or recall in disgust. 

I've tried to keep this blog up as best I can but sometimes life gets in the way. In fact I said I wouldn't turn it into a cap blog and to be fair I still haven't but I have started talking about them more on here and they seem to be popular posts. In fact I think my most popular has turned out to be one linking to a Role Exchanger story. I'm still amazed that so many people from around the world read this and I hope that I've inspired people with it even if it makes just one person consider acting on their impulse to dress or maybe take up crossplay and hopefully see that it's not so bad. 

Looking back I can't believe how far I've come in the last decade and how much better it feels now doing something I never thought I would dare to. Sure it's not gone smoothly and life at the moment isn't perfect but I still don't know what that looks like for me. These days although I still love clothes I'm finding myself with less wardrobe space and looking forward to maybe doing make-up. Hopefully it will be fun finding out. 

Thank you to everyone for reading my digital scribblings over the past 10 years!

The Capping Years: 2011

 I knew exactly the cap I wanted to put up for 2011...and then I re-read it and discovered that I made it in a different year so had to pick again. 

There's quite a few I had in mind looking through my old stuff, for example Red Dress Redemption was an early favourite, I introduced my Neighbour Virus and Reflections concepts, Lego Lady was my first caption contest win, The New Lisa allowed me to write up an old fantasy of mine (one of my earliest), In Custody was another favourite and the first chav cap I did and A Punky Phase remains a Medallion of Zulo cap I still love. 

One thing I also noticed was that my caps are a bit more positive and featured protagonists who either didn't mind or welcomed the change or the chance to dress. 

The one I did pick was The Punk Singer though which I did for Vancouverite on Rachel's Haven. It was a kind of 'She'll Become What She Hates' cap but in the end there are a lot of good things about the change so I like to think it ends on a positive. I think must also be my first F2F caption 

The Punk Singer (1) (2011)

The Punk Singer (2) (2011)

Saying and Not Saying

I do have a couple of posts planned over the next few days but I didn't expect to be siting down and writing anything tonight but something happened at work. It regarded someone who worked for a different company on the same floor as us and the way he was dressed (pink shorts and a t-shirt basically) and a colleague of mine mentioned, partially using another colleague as a random example, "Well he could wear a skirt and you couldn't say anything."

Sorry for the vagueness by the way but I'm sure you'll understand why. Anyway, this made me think about my own situation and how I've at times thought of asking if I can wear more feminine clothes in the office. I'm not really trans or at least I don't think so so there's not really much of an excuse. People still look at crossdressers as perverts in some respects but hopefully with the younger generation embracing gender fluidity there may be hope yet. A friend of mine who does dress a little different themselves works in an office where it isn't an issue but then I work in a much stricter profession. 

It's those words that stuck in my craw a bit though "you couldn't say anything" with the implication being that it would be wrong for a man to wear a skirt and the next sentence out would most likely be about 'woke liberal snowflakes' or other such culture war rubbish. Why should something need to be said though? Why can't it just be? The conclusion ended up being that as long it was appropriate office wear it would be within company rules and to be fair to the colleague who had the comment randomly directed at him did say he had no issue with anyone if that's what they wanted to do but just not him. In fact it reminded me a little of something I saw on a train once with a late middle aged couple commenting on one of the people sitting opposite me (I think anyway. I wasn't dressed femme but probably had my nails painted). Both were sitting on opposite seats and stretched a newspaper across them to whisper. It was like a scene from a sitcom, both hiding behind a big newspaper. I recall the man saying something like "probably get done for even asking."

So did I say anything? No. It was hard to know quite what to say especially without outing yourself plus these moments pass by so quickly they can be hard to process. I don't want to think ill of my colleague though as I do like them and they never struck me as that sort. I've also been painting my nails for a while now. I only used to on the weekends and then I became the sole occupant of the office during lockdown so I never stopped. Most people like it but now I wonder if it's just being tolerated because "you can't say anything". I might try and bring it up in a humourous way with them at some point and see how things go. I may be overthinking things and of course I've spoken before about how I'm conflicted about asking my superiors about dressing and how it's something I never even considered would ever come up in my lifetime. I never thought I would go outside fully dressed let alone to pubs with friends. 

People are stuck in their ways and sometimes they just need their eyes opening. I've had experiences like that. I'm not sure if I'm the person to do that though. In cases like this you're either the rabble rouser who wants to make things better for people like you or you just want to get on with your life and live it how you want to. I should be grateful at how many people are so accepting of me. I don't know if I'm the sort of person to change things but then visibility even in small ways is important. This year Ru Paul's Drag Race had its first heterosexual queen - Maddy Morphosis - and she was wonderful to see for someone like me but Maddy also spoke about not wanting to be a role model or trendsetter for cis guys in drag.  

I'm sure I'll think about it a lot in the next few days but things like this never truly affect me or if they do it's only for a little while. I may think I've reached the end of my tether but then I see the next outfit I really want to wear and I feel no shame about it. It's just the way I am. 

Check-Up #19

So what's been going on lately? 

Well quite a bit as it goes. I bought a new pair of jean shorts which I'm quite pleased with although they are advertised as 'mom shorts' which mostly annoys me because here in the UK it should be 'mum shorts' plus it makes me feel my age. I've not worn anything out recently unfortunately but hopefully I'm get some more chances over the summer months although they are never my favourite due to the amount of hair I have and the effort I have to put into it to shave it all. I have been thinking of maybe going for a waxing at some point though which may be expensive but could work. Might make me feel better anyway and less like a hairy lump. I still regularly see things I would love to buy though and recently there's a lovely matching pink jacket and skirt I've seen. If the store in question still had changing rooms I would have loved to try it on but they don't and for some reason they've never re-opened that part since it was closed during lockdown. The set does appeal to my Clueless sense of style though, or something Legally Blonde's Elle Woods might wear, and I don't know if I would ever wear it anywhere but it is tempting. I also hope to get in some cosplay at some point. I still want to buy new stuff but I hardly wear it anywhere and I don't know if I want to go to conventions on my own just to wear an outfit. 

Last month I talked about Twitter and I finally joined. Nothing much up yet apart from some comments on caps and a few tweets of posts from this blog but if you want to drop on by I'm at @TerriDesires. It will probably mainly links to this, maybe some news stuff to do with crossdressing and other bits I find interesting. I don't know if I will do any caps yet but I probably will do and it will be a challenge to keep to 140 characters. 

Finally 'what's in a name?' you may say. Well, this week the actor Dennis Waterman died and that name may not mean much to anyone outside the UK but growing up he was quite the small screen action star in programmes such as The Sweeney, Minder and New Tricks. He was also sent up in the sketch show Little Britain as a diminutive actor who liked to 'write the theme tune, sing the theme tune' (all of which sounded like the Minder theme) on all his projects. Yes, that was based on a real person and yes he really did sing the theme to a number of his shows. He also had the good grace to join Matt Lucas and David Walliams on stage once to perform. 

George Cole (left) and Dennis Waterman (right)
in a 1979 publicity shot for Minder

Photo credit: IMDB

So what does this have to do with me? Well, Waterman played the role of Terry McCann an ex-con turned bodyguard to shady entrepreneur Arthur Daley in Minder which ran from 1979 to 1994 (although Waterman left a few series earlier) and I often thought I would like to have been called Terry (not my real male name though for any that thought I was just being lazy and switching the 'y' for an 'I') so when I joined Rachel's Haven and wanted to put in a female name I thought of Terri. I think mainly though the more femme way of spelling it is Teri but looking it up today I see that is in use as a female name and is a common way of shortening Teresa. It can also be used as a male name and means 'late summer' which I didn't know before. If ever I did go by a more femme name it probably wouldn't be Terri but incidentally if anyone can think up a more suitable name for me, please let me know as I would love to know what people think would suit me. 

The Capping Years: 2010

 Something I wanted to do back in 2020 was to take a cap from each of the 10 years I've been capping and present it here so I guess two years late is better than never. Coincidentally this month I celebrate 10 years of writing this blog so there's a thing. 

The first caption I wanted to put up is my entry for the Rachel's Haven September 2010 caption contest which had the theme of Lessons. The title refers to the innovative1955 film Blackboard Jungle which was the first to use a rock and roll soundtrack and featured a breakout role for the late Sidney Poitier. Not that I refer to any of that in the text though, it was just a suitable title for a school caption. 

The thing I noticed about looking back on some of my 2010 caps is how experimental they are. I'm putting the text in bubbles or in the back of the picture, using different fonts and even editing the photos. In fact in this I seem to have put some panties on the girl perhaps so it would match the text. I settled down to a much clearer uniform style in a couple of years but part of me is a little sad I don't seem to have that same drive anymore however part of a cap is being able to read the damn thing clearly and you couldn't always do that with these early ones of mine. The writing style itself I'm quite pleased with too - telling the whole thing through the lines that the naughty protagonist is being made to write as a punishment. It may be a bit rough around the edges but I still like this one. 

As the chalk font I used can be a little hard to read, the full text on the blackboard is: 

I must behave myself

I must not pull down Kelly's skirt and expose her panties to the class and laugh.

I must not wear strange jewellery given to me by Rachel.

I must answer to the name 'Staci'.

I must wear a short skirt to school.

I must flash my panties to everyone during school assembly. 

I must flash my panties and giggle at any cute guy I see today.

I have learnt my lesson. 

Blackboard Jungle (2010)

April Fools

Although this is way too late now I was thinking about captions related to April Fools Day. I don't think I have written many of them, perhaps just one or two, but I have done some related to practical jokes involved in a TG change. So even though May will be here within another week, here's a joke related caption to end/start the week. 

This was originally entered in the April 2016 caption contest on Rachel's Haven with jokes as the theme. I do love writing monologues sometimes and just from re-reading this I can recall enjoying writing this new 'business bitch' laying down the law.   

Smoking Joe (2016)

Check-Up #18

Once again I have meant to update this more often and I seemed to have missed March out but sometimes I don't feel that I have enough to talk about even though there are a few things I also want to do. I never saw it as a cap blog but I do like putting some of my stuff up from time to time. I also still want to put one of my caps up for each of the years that I've been doing it which will be 12 this year. 

I've been out a couple of times en femme over the last month including to the other end of the country. Had a bit of a girly strop because I forgot my handbag so had to stuff everything into my coat and also had to de-knot a necklace shortly before I did go out. Luckily I was with a nice group of friends. Funnily enough I had someone at work ask me to also de-knot a necklace a few weeks later. I seem to be getting a reputation as a man who might have certain things or would know how to do certain things (apologies for vagueness) which I guess is mostly due to the fact that I paint my nails. I did get a very good assessment recently too and I did feel there was a moment I could have asking about dressing en femme a little more but it's a conversation I just don't know if I'm ready for. I know I seem to comment on this virtually every month on here now. 

As summer approaches we are having warmer weather and even today I'm getting quite down about the amount of hair on my body once again. One advantage of the warmer weather is being able to wear skirts and dresses (even though I prefer to do so with tights) but I always feel self conscious about body hair and it's why I tend to wear longer dresses if I can. 

One thing I have been getting into recently is Twitter. I've been on there for a few years now but I never realised that there was such a capping community there which I have been reading quite a few of including Haven alumnus Evie who can be found at @MissEvieHyde and still produces very hawt work. I do wonder whether I should start a profile on there myself and give it a go if only to show appreciation. I do have a profile and share crossdressing photos sometimes but it's very different from the erotica side of TG stories and caption making and I'm not sure if I could explain that side of myself. One concept I've also enjoyed recently is possession caps which I've not seen a lot of over the years and I've never done one myself but I'll certainly try it at some point. 

Check-Up #17

I have been meaning to update this over the last couple of months so apologies to anyone still reading that nothing new has appeared. Things have gotten busier at work recently and I'm now back at the office full time so it feels like I have less time than I used to especially for relaxing in the evenings. It feels like I just get home, eat something, watch TV and then go to sleep to get back up and do it all over again early in the morning. 

Over the past couple of months I've bought some new clothes - a lovely yellow and black patterned top and a nice dress which, as you know, I do get attracted to work-wear kind of stuff and this is grey with white sleeves with a frill on the end, small collar and a black tie. I don't know if I'll ever find anywhere to wear it but it's still nice. I also bought a black dress with green and blue flowers on it and a little frill on the shoulders. It's quite on trend at the moment so I'm pleased with myself for looking vaguely fashionable. I actually got it due to a voucher for a high street store gifted to me by a colleague for some help with a big project at work so of course my first thought was for clothes. I still have some money left on it too. 

I have had a couple of occasions now where I've dressed femme to go out. One week I met a friend for a drink and ended up staying the night and going home in the early morning feeling a little delicate. Last week I wore the aforementioned flowery dress to a friend's birthday drink at a pub and ended up feeling a little out of sorts. It was a crowded pub which didn't help plus it was Valentine's weekend and the Six Nations rugby was on so sports fans were everywhere. As sometimes happens, I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb and couldn't really get the thought out of my mind despite the fact that I liked the dress and felt comfortable in it. I will add that I did get a few compliments which is always nice and everyone was very friendly. I think it may be the fact that I arrived too early and spent some time waiting around for everyone so I just felt too self conscious. Some nights I end up wondering why I bother and what's the point of it all if I just end up feeling like the odd one out. Of course on the flip side, had I just worn a jumper and jeans I would have felt worse for not taking the opportunity to dress femme. I don't think I'm the type to just scorch the earth and give everything up. In fact, the week just gone I saw a dress in a charity shop I loved. Tried it on and it was a little small which was a shame but I think it goes to prove just how passionate I feel about it and how good it ultimately makes me feel. 

I'm not sure if there's anything I particularly want to do this year but I have been meaning to try and do something about make-up but I just don't have the passion for it yet I think it would do a lot to help me with my self image where cosplay is concerned. 

Occasionally I think again about asking work if I can wear more femme clothes but I go back and forth with it. I think they would probably agree but I'm not sure if I want to make that leap. I could probably weather any comments from colleagues but there's still a nagging feeling that I would be making things worse for myself. Sometimes I think I'm too old for things like this and that maybe it should be for the next generation but then I guess you only get to that point if previous generations fight for these things. Maybe it's just how I grew up and the ingrained attitudes I grew up with. Then again just this week I was writhing on the floor trying to fix the office printer (certainly not very demure) and then just Friday night with Storm Eunice battering Britain the trains were all cancelled so I travelled home on a crowded bus and ended up unexpectedly being picked up by my parents so I don't know how I would have explained that had I been wearing a dress. Oh well, maybe I will one day.