Wig

Despite the title this isn't a blog about how I've bought a new wig but this is about a documentary I saw earlier this week that I very much enjoyed.

Wig is a documentary made in 2019 and directed by Chris Moukarbel regarding the Wigstock festival regularly held in New York by drag queens. It was a fascinating watch and a delve into the flip side of the culture which has now become somewhat mainstream thanks to Ru Paul's Drag Race. The festival started out in 1986 as a one off performance by some of the regulars at New York's Pyramid club and was so popular it returned every year until 2001 when, in the wake of the 9/11 attacks, it was decided to stop as the mood of the city had changed. That is until 2018 when drag legend The Lady Bunny, one of the driving forces behind the original shows, decided to bring it back. The documentary follows her as she does and looks at the history of the festival and the comeback show itself. 

As any Drag Race viewer knows, queens come from a variety of backgrounds from the primped and perfect pageant queens to the more edgy club kids and this is more a celebration of the latter with some very edgy performances reminding us how pioneering drag performers are. It's not just about putting on a dress and a pair of false breasts but pushing the envelope in not just performance terms but in gender barriers as well. 

While Ru Paul only appears in archive footage, Drag Race does loom large over the documentary (some familiar faces from the show also appear) as it has catapulted drag to the mainstream like never before and some argue that it's not necessarily for the better. In some ways Ru Paul and Lady Bunny represent both ends of the spectrum of drag with Ru taking it mainstream and Bunny preferring the more edgy, envelope pushing, performers. It's a nice exploration of the different generations of drag artists too.

If you have an interest in drag then this is definitely worth a look. Here in the UK I saw it on Now TV as it was originally shown on Sky Documentaries. I'm not sure about other streaming services but I think it's also available via HBO. I'm also intending to check out Wigstock: The Movie, an earlier documentary on the festival made in 1995. It's also inspired me to check out some of the drag based films I've never seen such as Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Kinky Boots, The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (which surely has one of the most bizarre titles in the history of cinema). 

I sometimes wonder if, in another life, I could have been a drag performer and films like this are certainly inspiring. I know I certainly wouldn't have the courage to do a lot of what these girls have.

Ask Me Anything!

Ok so next month I will have been on Rachel's Haven for 10 whole years and I've been blogging here for around eight years.

It's been a wonderful experience and one that has helped me grow a lot as a person and create some wonderful stories. With that in mind I thought I would do a Q&A to see if anyone would like to ask me anything about my 10 years in captioning or anything else. I've documented on here my experiences cosplaying and how I started and become more confident with crossdressing and getting to know my own style again.

Please let me know either by putting questions in the comments section below or by completing the form to the left and I'll do my best to answer. Now, I  know the form asks for an email address and it's marked as a required field and of course I realise that given the topics covered some may not want to give this away. I fully respect that and, truth be told, I have no idea how to get rid of that section or not make it a required field so please by all means put in a false address. I have absolutely  no intention to privately email people (unless asked) or to pass any data on. Alternatively, if anyone knows how i can disable this then please let me know.

I'll put this up for a couple of weeks and we'll see if anything comes of it. I do feel a little self conscious offering this but I thought I would give it a shot for better or worse. 

Breaking Free: Part Two

Here is the second part of my Breaking Free story which I wrote as part of the writing challenge on Rachel's Haven. The theme was 'Sun Down'

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I don’t think I’ve ever properly seen the sunset. I mean, I guess I could have caught it if I had wanted to but it’s not an easy thing to catch. I imagine if you intend to catch sundown then you’re either too early or too late. Once I finish college for the day most times I just slump in front of the TV so I miss the sunset and by the time the thought enters my mind, it’s pitch black outside.

It’s not like that with Lucy. She’s one of those people who likes to run barefoot through fields of grass no matter the weather and insists on dragging me out into nature to see things. Tonight though I’ve brought her down to my level, well almost, we did intend watching something on Netflix but we never got out of the pub. It’s the most beautiful, and hot, summer's night and I’m sitting on a vaguely damp bench outside The Kings Head watching the sun slowly sink into the distance. I finally caught it. A cool breeze wafts through the beer garden and whips up my dress a little. I shift my body, padding my dress down lest anyone should see, and feeling the heels of my shoes dig into the ground a little reminding me that I’ll have to walk home in them. It was my own fault for wanting to try heels and I’m determined to master it – until I fall and break my ankle at least. I raise a hand to wipe my hair from my eyes and tuck it behind my ears as my bracelets jangle on my arms and my bright red nails shine in the dimming light. It’s hard not to feel self conscious as I sit here alone with only two other patrons for company although they’re more interested in each other than they are in me. At least I hope. After dressing like this on and off for a few months you wait for the inevitable moment when they turn to you and start asking questions.

And then my fear goes just that because she’s back. Lucy comes through the back door unsteadily carrying a tray of drinks for us both. She smiles at me and I smirk back and once again it feels like we are the only two people in that garden. Lucy’s wearing the same black dress as I am but carrying it off a lot better. She’s wearing it as it’s meant to be worn, as it’s meant to look on a woman and not a misshapen lump like me. If I said that out loud she would scold me for it. This was her idea though, in fact we bought the dresses together in Next. Ever since that night Lucy has encouraged me to dress more and far from switching clothes she finds it quite amusing for us to wear the same outfits. It’s certainly perked the interest of some of the photography students we know.

Lucy put the tray down, spilling some of my beer onto it in the process. I laughed slightly but I knew that my turn would be next and that these heels would not make it easy but at least we’re wearing the same thing so it’s a level playing field which is more than can be said for the garden which has more varied surfaces than Crystal Maze zones. The crazy paving alone looks like it will be my downfall. Lucy asks me why I was looking into the sky. “The truth is out there” I tell her and receive a playful slap on my arm. Then I told her that I think I had just seen my first sunset. “Rubbish!” she replied. “What about our weekend at Beckfest or the prom last month or when we all had to walk back three hours from Stanford?” “Yes, ok, Miss Memory” I replied “maybe I could be wrong and it wasn’t the first. It’s certainly the best though,” I smiled back, contented, and no longer confined.

Check-Up #9

I'm continuing my trend of not having an awful lot to talk about recently due to one thing or another. I guess it may be the time of year or the ongoing crisis although the lockdown is easing here so things may be back to normal, or approaching normal, quite soon. I'm probably still going to be on my amended work schedule for the next couple of months which is no bad thing as I've been getting more downtime recently and it's quite nice.

Anyway, I've been buying clothing again and this time I bought a smart black skirt for work. Still no changing rooms so it had to be a rough guess that my regular size would fit me and thankfully it did. I don't really have the confidence to slip it on in the store in front of people.  I know I did say it was a work skirt but I am still working from home a lot so it's mainly for that but like the traditional LBD I think a smart black skirt is something that comes in useful and already I've coupled it with some tops and it looks really nice. There are a couple of decorative buttons on the top as well and I'm a sucker for that sort of thing and I think this is also down to the costumes from Clueless and that spoiled rich girl look.

In other media, I've mainly been watching season three of Ru Paul's Drag Race as I think it's the only one I've never seen. I remember watching the first two late night in my bedroom hoping that my parents wouldn't hear and ask too many questions about why I was watching. By the time it changed channels I had moved out and was a little more confident. I'm also watching the fifth season of Drag Race All Stars and I caught an episode of Neighbours today which was Pride themed and with former Drag Race contestant Courtney Act. The show has a transgender character now as well which is quite cool and I was reading about her and the actress earlier.

Terri Is Sick #10

While I have some more ideas for potential virus themed caps (I'm sure this won't be the last) I thought I would bring this strand to a close with a nice round number and a crossdressing nurse caption.

This was originally created for Chrono180 on Rachel's Haven.

A Naughty Nurse for Halloween (2012)

Check-Up #8

One thing I notice as time goes on is that I'm getting a little more hesitant to go out in public dressed especially compared to the beginning of the year when I was prepared to do the weekly shop like it. I think it just may be the times we live in and when things bounce back a little more towards normal I may feel better about it. I still tend to hide myself a little mostly by wearing big coats but it's harder to hide when you can't nip in and out of shops anymore and have to remain in a long queue to get in. Of course I know that this isn't the real issue here but I thought I would talk about it.

If I do go out dressed it's often to a local park. I do get the odd stare but mostly things are ok. I do remember one couple looking at me very oddly while I was walking around in my new dress one hot day the other week. I'm still dressing for work which does seem to cheer me up on days I don't really feel like it. There is a lot of joy still to be found in putting together outfits and they seem to be very well received so at least I feel I'm doing something right. I did get a new cosplay outfit this week but it may need some adjustments before I can wear it out fully. It's ironic that I've managed to put together a few new cosplays to do this year but of course everything has been called off. Hopefully next year may be better for it.

I've also been watching a lot of Third Doctor era Doctor Who recently and the Doctor's companion Jo Grant had some wonderful outfits and I would love to cosplay as her at some point especially her outfit from The Three Doctors story.
Finally, vampire comedy What We Do In The Shadows started its second series on UK TV tonight and I love Nadja's big, black, lacy gothic dresses. I would still love to go full goth girl at some point just to try it if nothing else.

Breaking Free: Part One

This week I thought I would put up a piece of fiction I recently wrote.

This was my entry in the Haven Writing Challenge which had the topic of Confinement. There will be another part coming shortly. I did write it in a bit of a rush as I forgot the deadline for entries and so I would have liked to have written a bit more including more dialogue as the characters walk back to the halls at the end. I could have punched it up a bit to publish it here but I thought I would rather put it up in its original form. It  may sound a little autobiographical but it isn't really although there are bits and pieces that are inspired by various things/ideas/fantasies.

Hope you like.


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So what does confinement mean?

Well, being confined obviously. Being imprisoned, restrained, detained or held in captivity. I’m used to being confined and so much so that I thought I would never be free. The worst thing about it was that I just didn’t realise I had been confined. That confinement was my life and I just didn’t know any other way to be. I was confined to a male body and couldn’t get out.

Femininity wasn’t something I craved while growing up but it was something I saw out of the corner of my eye. Wonder Woman in her sparkly costume, make-up advertisements, long, flowing hair, girls’ school uniforms with such smart black tights and pleated skirts and every so often they all came together in someone I just envied like crazy and didn’t know why. I guess I thought I just fancied them but no matter who I dated I never came close to branching the subject of possibly trying on one of those nice dresses or maybe a skirt. No. I couldn’t let myself entertain the thought as it just wasn’t manly. It wasn’t for me and I couldn’t let it. That’s what I was told anyway, told by my relatives the television, the movies and the media. Stay in your box as that’s the way it had always been. There was that brief moment in the school play…with that blue dress …I was told it couldn’t happen again. It was embarrassing.

I hadn’t thought about it in years until I got to college and moved into the halls of residence. I found a small group of friends and we were inseparable for a while. All on the same Art Theory course so we would stay up into the night talking about… mainly rubbish but it was fun rubbish. After a late night’s drinking pre-Eurovision one night there was an idea. Lucy’s idea. What would it be like to switch clothes? Just for fun. Lucy was always suggesting odd ideas ‘just for fun’. There were three boys (me, Chris and Tom) and three girls (Lucy, Charlotte and Kim). Perfect match. I agreed reluctantly, as did we all, and so we swapped. Lucy took me into her bedroom and removed her short green dress, underwear and trainers while I did the same with my t-shirt, pants and jeans and needless to say it took one of us a longer time than the other. In fact Lucy had pretty much finished dressing by the time it took me to do up her faded pink bra. Well, put it on anyway, I still needed her help to do it up. Slipping into her pink knickers felt like something else though, so smooth and comforting. I wasn’t sure what I should feel at first and whether or not I should let myself feel pleasure for doing this. Was that wrong? When I put her black tights on my feelings doubled as I felt the nylon against my legs. I looked down and they didn’t resemble my legs at all. These were the sort of legs I would catch myself staring at while walking down the street.

The green dress fit better than I thought it would. Tighter most certainly and as Lucy zipped up the back I felt like I was being trapped in it for the night. Then she had an idea – there were wigs in the drama department, which would still be open. As I hastily tied up her trainers, feeling tight against my larger feet, she grabbed my hand and we rushed out the door and judging from the sounds in the other rooms the other guys were still struggling with bras. We ran over the common to the college, sneaked into the back room of the drama block and started trying on wigs until we found one that was the same length and shade of brown as Lucy’s hair. She jammed it on my head, gave it a little brush just to get the dust out (and some fake blood left over from a production of Dracula – I hope anyway) and give it some shape. Then we ran back and I can’t describe how free I felt running back hand in hand with Lucy.

My long hair flew around my head in the wind, I could feel the dress flying up and a gust of wind blasting my lower body. Lucy giggled and told me to stop flashing my knickers to everyone. Have I been doing dating wrong then, I asked with mock ignorance like a ditzy starlet. I just don’t know where that came from but it seemed like the right response. It certainly was to Lucy as she laughed so much all the way back asking me ‘in character’ questions. I loved it, I felt so free running back that night. In fact I don’t think I did come back that night; someone else did.