Breaking Free: Part One

This week I thought I would put up a piece of fiction I recently wrote.

This was my entry in the Haven Writing Challenge which had the topic of Confinement. There will be another part coming shortly. I did write it in a bit of a rush as I forgot the deadline for entries and so I would have liked to have written a bit more including more dialogue as the characters walk back to the halls at the end. I could have punched it up a bit to publish it here but I thought I would rather put it up in its original form. It  may sound a little autobiographical but it isn't really although there are bits and pieces that are inspired by various things/ideas/fantasies.

Hope you like.


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So what does confinement mean?

Well, being confined obviously. Being imprisoned, restrained, detained or held in captivity. I’m used to being confined and so much so that I thought I would never be free. The worst thing about it was that I just didn’t realise I had been confined. That confinement was my life and I just didn’t know any other way to be. I was confined to a male body and couldn’t get out.

Femininity wasn’t something I craved while growing up but it was something I saw out of the corner of my eye. Wonder Woman in her sparkly costume, make-up advertisements, long, flowing hair, girls’ school uniforms with such smart black tights and pleated skirts and every so often they all came together in someone I just envied like crazy and didn’t know why. I guess I thought I just fancied them but no matter who I dated I never came close to branching the subject of possibly trying on one of those nice dresses or maybe a skirt. No. I couldn’t let myself entertain the thought as it just wasn’t manly. It wasn’t for me and I couldn’t let it. That’s what I was told anyway, told by my relatives the television, the movies and the media. Stay in your box as that’s the way it had always been. There was that brief moment in the school play…with that blue dress …I was told it couldn’t happen again. It was embarrassing.

I hadn’t thought about it in years until I got to college and moved into the halls of residence. I found a small group of friends and we were inseparable for a while. All on the same Art Theory course so we would stay up into the night talking about… mainly rubbish but it was fun rubbish. After a late night’s drinking pre-Eurovision one night there was an idea. Lucy’s idea. What would it be like to switch clothes? Just for fun. Lucy was always suggesting odd ideas ‘just for fun’. There were three boys (me, Chris and Tom) and three girls (Lucy, Charlotte and Kim). Perfect match. I agreed reluctantly, as did we all, and so we swapped. Lucy took me into her bedroom and removed her short green dress, underwear and trainers while I did the same with my t-shirt, pants and jeans and needless to say it took one of us a longer time than the other. In fact Lucy had pretty much finished dressing by the time it took me to do up her faded pink bra. Well, put it on anyway, I still needed her help to do it up. Slipping into her pink knickers felt like something else though, so smooth and comforting. I wasn’t sure what I should feel at first and whether or not I should let myself feel pleasure for doing this. Was that wrong? When I put her black tights on my feelings doubled as I felt the nylon against my legs. I looked down and they didn’t resemble my legs at all. These were the sort of legs I would catch myself staring at while walking down the street.

The green dress fit better than I thought it would. Tighter most certainly and as Lucy zipped up the back I felt like I was being trapped in it for the night. Then she had an idea – there were wigs in the drama department, which would still be open. As I hastily tied up her trainers, feeling tight against my larger feet, she grabbed my hand and we rushed out the door and judging from the sounds in the other rooms the other guys were still struggling with bras. We ran over the common to the college, sneaked into the back room of the drama block and started trying on wigs until we found one that was the same length and shade of brown as Lucy’s hair. She jammed it on my head, gave it a little brush just to get the dust out (and some fake blood left over from a production of Dracula – I hope anyway) and give it some shape. Then we ran back and I can’t describe how free I felt running back hand in hand with Lucy.

My long hair flew around my head in the wind, I could feel the dress flying up and a gust of wind blasting my lower body. Lucy giggled and told me to stop flashing my knickers to everyone. Have I been doing dating wrong then, I asked with mock ignorance like a ditzy starlet. I just don’t know where that came from but it seemed like the right response. It certainly was to Lucy as she laughed so much all the way back asking me ‘in character’ questions. I loved it, I felt so free running back that night. In fact I don’t think I did come back that night; someone else did.

Check-Up #7

Things seem to be a little brighter this week.

The sun is out, the weather is getting warmer and more people are going back to work so things are a bit more crowded again. I still can't help but yearn for normality like a lot of people but that's probably still many months away, maybe even a year or so. Summer means I start becoming obsessed with the amount of hair on my body and feeling very down because of it. I don't think I suit summer clothes. I'm more an autumn/winter person. I can wrap up warm and cover myself in jumpers, long coats and tights when I wear dresses and skirts. Summer puts me all out there for everyone although there is something about feeling the material of a dress or skirt against your body and I do have some passable summer clothes which I added to today.

Yes, I have bought a nice new dress which is ankle length and has a floral pattern in black and white. Although I got it in a sale it was still a size bigger than I normally buy however that size does sometimes fit me better depending on the garmant. No changing rooms though to try it on and because I paid at a different checkout the alarm went off so I had to sheepishly show the security guard my receipt. It still feels a little big but otherwise I'm pleased with it. I'm still trying to resist temptation to buy some other bits and pieces, including whole cosplay outfits, that I have my eye on though.

Check-Up #6

As has now become traditional for these posts, I've not really got a lot to say about continuing life in lockdown other than that things keep rolling on as they have before.

One thing I've been doing a little of is trying to get used to wearing heels. I've got a couple of heeled boots that I've been meaning to wear more but I shirk away from them a bit as I'm wary of not being able to walk without tripping over. As I've been walking everyday I've started wearing them a bit more and I feel more confident now. Whether or not I'll move on to proper high heeled shoes, I don't know yet, but it would be inteesting to try. Summer has hit as well and the weather is getting hotter. I'm not a big fan of it and I think I've explained before my issues with body hair and going bare legged even though when I do it does feel really good. Bare legs make me feel a little more nervous when going out, perhaps because I can hide behind tights and, if cold enough, a big coat but there's nowhere to hide with summer.

This year I have had a thought though that perhaps I need more long summer dresses rather than my usual short skirts and knee length dresses. I was looking at some earlier in the week in one of the supermarkets although the other problem now is that changing rooms are closed off due to social distancing so it's a case of hoping that your size will defiinitely fit or trying it on in the middle of the shop and I'm not that bold plus that's probably against health guidelines now.

Stay safe everyone.

Terri Is Sick #9

Here is another nursing themed caption from my medicine cabinet.

This was originally created for Linda Mallone over at Rachel's Haven.

The New Nurse (2013)

Terri Is Sick #8

We've looked at viruses in various forms but how about caregivers and the medical profession?

Naughty Nurse is another one on the crossdressing fantasy list although it's not one I've had particularly but given the chance why not? A sexy nurse costume with some white stockings and heels would be a lot of fun. Looking through my back catalougue and it seems I've done more nurse themed caps than I thought I had so I might add those to this little series.

The below caption was first created for Evie over on Rachel's Haven and uses her wonderful Role With It concept. This is one of my favourite caption concepts and as you all know I love playing around with roles and identities. The basic idea was based around a wooden box which contained cards with roles such as 'Homewrecker' and 'Party Girl'. The players would then grab some clothes to become that role and - suprise, suprise - they would morph into that 'role'.

Enjoy!

Naughty Nurse Evie (2012)

Terri Is Sick #7

Continuing on with the zombie theme, here's one of my captions throwing us deep into the zombie apocalypse and finding a mysterious hero to save us.

This caption was first created for Commentator over at Rachel's Haven.

Dawn of the Dead (2017)

Terri Is Sick #6

Often when a virus crops up in popular culture it's the reason for the dead rising in a zombie movie and looking back over the years I've done a suprising amount of captions set during a zombie apocalypse. You don't think it would be such an interesting setting for aTG caption but if the dead rise, who knows what else might change as well.

The below caption isn't strictly set during a zombie apocalypse (I never seem to outrightly state it) but there's no denying I was inspired by George Romero's 1978 classic Dawn of the Dead in that the protagonist takes shelter in a large, empty shopping centre. This was quite a fantasy of mine when I was younger; being left to my own devices in a shopping centre, everything in one spot plus a bunch of clothes shops and no-one around to judge. I also love the idea of trying on different personas like outfits;being a different person every day.

I see I have posted this on here before but it was a number of years ago plus it hits the virus theme so I hope you don't mind. 

This caption was originally posted as an entry for the December 2012 caption contest on Rachel's Haven which had the theme of The End of the World.

The Last Mallrat (2012)