A Trip to France

When I was 14 I went with my school on a trip to the south of France for a week. I remember we also travelled with another school from the north of England and I remember how odd their accents sounded. Sure I was used to northern accents from the TV but up close it was rather startling. Just one of many things about growing up I guess. I did end up making friends though. Ok, so that little anecdote has no real bearing on this but it was just something I remember along with sharing a tent. One of the girls came in and gave us all a kiss. She hesitated when she got to me but at least it was something.

Anyway, the reason why I'm writing this up is a theme night the company put on for us to do. I can't remember any other activities but a talent show on the last day. This was a gender swap contest. "All the males dress up as females and all the females dress up as males," as one of the hosts told me and it's a phrase that still sticks with me to this day. Now my immediate reaction was one of fear, fear that I will be embarrassed and forced to do something I didn't want to but I had to admit it intrigued me. Most of the guys were game for it and the girls lent them clothes. I was more on the outside of the group anyway. I took some pictures but decided not to dress myself because it was optional although a pair of flowery leggings did come into my possession. I can't recall how; whether another guy had them left over, if they were just in our tent or what but I decided to join in and put them on. I think I changed my mind earlier in the day but was afraid to ask one of the girls to help me.

I felt a bit ridiculous that night in my t-shirt and flowery leggings. The show itself saw the rest of the school put on various poses for contests like 'cutest wiggle' and I really enjoyed it. The leggings were never claimed back though and remained on the washing line for the rest of our trip. Looking back I wished I had conquered my fears and taken part but I was a different person back then and its only by confronting these feelings later on in life that I feel I'm beginning to understand it better. Perhaps one underlying reason for my nervousness was that deep down I knew how it may have made me feel, the rest of the guys wouldn't feel anything at all. It was just girls clothes, a bit of a laugh, but for me something more although I either didn't realise it or want to admit it at the time.