The Convention

Ok, yeah so I totally rocked it.

The convention was a lot of fun in the end. I saw some people I knew from previous years and they had some great guests. I even met Matt Smith, however briefly.

I wore the costume on Saturday night and I couldn't stop thinking about it all day. When the time came to put it on I didn't feel as nervous as I have previous times although as I walked down the corridors it did seem eerily quiet and I could hear every step. I still had doubts over the wig and there were so many good Amys about. I looked down at my feet and I was pretty good although looking at the full thing in the mirror my upper body seemed out of proportion with the rest. I didn't have falsies in, by the way. As always you do get the odd comment but I've always been able to handle them which is strange for me since I usually take such things very personally. "Terrifying but brilliant" was how one of the guests described me. I even met up with another 'drag Amy' and we had a few pictures taken that I believe have made it onto Twitter. Well, I kind of requested one sent to a friend of mine to cheer her up. We even had a few dances once the disco started up. Someone requested "Dude Looks Like A Lady" by Aerosmith. Can't think why...

At one point, early in the morning and through my drunken haze I saw a girl in a UNIT uniform. And reader, I married her. Actually no, I didn't even speak to her but I've always wanted to write that line. I've enjoyed the odd kiss at a convention in the past and I seem to put too much pressure on myself by hoping that it might happen again, some small morsel of romantic entanglement to convince me that I may still have a love life one day. Oh, and as for being drunk as well that was no mean feat at £4.40 a pint at the hotel but one rarely left my hand that night as I used it as a kind of crutch. I believe this was only partially down to the alcohol though; having something to hold in my hand somehow helped my nerves although, as I said, I wasn't really that nervous.

Searching back through the wilderness for my point, the dancing girl brought to mind a couple of things. Firstly, that I hadn't noticed the women in drag getting as much attention as some of us guys and I'm not sure whether I should feel a little jealous of that. Secondly, that I would rather be the Doctor's flighty assistant than a soldier any day. There were some lovely female versions of Doctor costumes around too.

Once I got back to my room I almost didn't want to take the costume off and I was really proud of myself that day. It turned out to be one of the highlights of my weekend. I have to admit to feeling quite sad, as I normally do, when I had to leave and it was all over. I've had a couple of days off and it's back to work tomorrow.

Looking back now even after the post I made yesterday, crossdressing doesn't seem as scary as it once was and I'm not sure what this means for me. Maybe I'm finally coming to terms with it.

Confession

Ok, so I was all set to write about my weekend and I got halfway through it but I had to leave for a bit. Anyway, something else came up that I wanted to write about.

 Tonight I was chatting to my housemate about my weekend. I've known the guy since school so that's around 20 years roughly and he's my best friend. He knows I've dressed up before but he didn't know what I was going to do this time and so asked me straight whether I did it for the attention (as I was speaking about the guy I met in Ibiza earlier) or whether it was something else. I said it was a bit of both which is the first time I've admitted something like that to him.

 We haven't talked about it much since, I later felt the need to assert the fact that I was not a transvestite. I keep turning it all over in my head and it's bothering me slightly. As I say though, we haven't talked about it much and although I have a burning desire to I think it may be better left alone for now. That said, I do know a couple of his fetishes and again we've never really discussed such things although I think sometimes he wishes we could as I've never enjoyed that much of a love life.

My Week #1

Well, it's been an interesting week and one that got me thinking about my fears. 

I had a task to do at work that I kept putting off and once I completed it, I wondered why I had put it off for so long. It got me thinking about a lot of stuff. Fear has always held me back when its come to romance and that fear ends up turning into self-loathing. Whenever I went to a club I always wanted to be a woman just sitting on a high stool, perhaps a long red dress, just waiting for someone to come up to her and talk. It's the starting point that I just need. 

Anyway, off to the convention tomorrow. I'm not back at work until Wednesday and I have 3 days of drinking and star spotting to look forward to. I know I'm going to be nervous about my costume but hopefully I'll get through it.     

Headband

Well, another day, another piece of feminine clothing.

I was re-watching The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone yesterday. I don't know why I din't before and I noticed a few things. First of all the red jumper is more of a hoodie but there's no time to sort that out really. Black socks go over the tights and Amy appears to be wearing a headband too. So, I stopped into a shop on the way home from work and bought one. It's a little tight but hopefully it will also keep the wig in place. I'm still dissatisfied with its colour. I did buy a headband before to go with a cheerleader costume; it was red with a large bow on the top and looks quite cute.

I have to wonder whether if doing something like this, managing to buy something feminine every day no matter how little or large it is would be good and get me used to buying stuff like that but I'm not really sure it's something I would want to do that regularly anyway. For all my paranoia, the people in the shops probably think  it's for my wife or girlfriend. I wonder if anyone's ever thought what a kind boyfriend I am by buying this stuff for my non-existent partner.

The Complete Amy

I bought some tights today and completed my outfit. They're not quite the same colour but look nice and shiny. I tried the whole thing on quickly and I have to admit it looks really good and gives me a bit of a thrill too.

The only downside is that my wig isn't quite the same colour red; it's more of a dark red than a ginger but it's the best I could do so we'll just have to see.

Overall, I'm pretty satisfied with the outfit so far.  

Skirt

I've not really had the best day today.

Work has been manic recently so I've been a little down despite the 4 day holiday. So anyway, I went back to the shopping centre to get the black skirt but it was gone so I guess it must have been on the sale rail or something. This led to me traipsing round quite a few shops in search of a black skirt and for such a simple and ubiquitous item it proved hard to find.

Going round all those shops just depressed me and I couldn't help but get paranoid that all eyes were on me and wondering why a guy like me would be flipping through the skirts on the rails. I even had the perfect excuse, which was the truth anyway. The old lie: going to a fancy dress party. Women's clothing departments seem oddly arranged too. I guess with men it's simpler because there's less choice. however the placing is odd too, normally the mens department is upstairs or they place it next to the lingerie. I haven't had a problem buying female clothing in the past; on the rare times I have no-one has said anything but being paranoid I can't help but think that people are going to laugh at me behind my back or gossip that they served a man today.

This is the odd thing about it really, it sounds like I don't enjoy crossdressing at all but maybe I just haven't found the way in which it works for me. I've rarely hated my fetishes more than today and was quite relieved when I finally purchased a skirt. When I got home though and tried it on, I have to say I really liked it and felt an illicit thrill about trying it on or even thinking about it.

Finally, I've just read that Petra is leaving Rachel's Haven. A shame but she's found love and that can be a rare thing. I have to wonder whether a relationship would temper my urges or simply give me another channel for them. The Haven is the best outlet I've found so far.

Skirts Vs Shorts

Well, yesterday went pretty much as I had feared but it wasn't that bad in the end and the alcohol does seem to make my mood, whatever it may be, higher than it is.

So anyway, here's another little observation of mine. Now, I love the mini-skirt and in particular a nice pleated one.

However, if I was a girl I wonder if I would be the sort to wear one or just stick with trousers. I mean, it has to be really hot weather to get me to wear shorts so a mini skirt? But then if I was a girl I expect I would have worn plenty, especially as part of a school uniform so it's also a surprise that I like the combination of shorts and tights that seems to be in fashion these days. Needless to say I would also pick one of Mary Quant's creations over hotpants. 

Perhaps it's just the hipster chick in me trying to get out but I think it's a really classy look and the woman who made me fall in love with it was Becki Newton who played Amanda on Ugly Betty. If I had a choice of something to wear on a night out it would probably be this but then a skirt is more overtly feminine; shorts are at least still a bit masculine so again it comes from the fear. I was reading Eve's Rib's blog a while back, Jamie Vesta is so wonderfully talented, and it hit me that maybe men are more suited to skirts and women to trousers and shorts. The latter could be as tight as possible because there is noting to crush or embarrassing bulges to hold back but in a skirt it could all hang loose and free although the aforementioned man reaction would probably look a wee bit worse in a skirt. 

Hmm back to the drawing board maybe.