One of my favourite little fantasies is the end of the world.
Ok, just to draw it back from the edge I'll explain what I mean. The idea of waking up to find that you are the lone survivor of some kind of apocalypse or not even that I suppose but just to wake up and find that you are the only person alone in the world. There might be people alive from whatever MacGuffin has wiped us out but lets not go too far into that, I'm not writing The Walking Dead fanfic here.
No, my fantasy involves, unsuprisingly, clothes shops. Imagine going to a shopping centre and finding it deserted with many clothes shops ripe for the picking. I know I would be tempted to just go in and play dress up with all those wonderful tops, skirts, dresses and tights. Initially, I would be wary that there were people still watching me or that it was all going to be a big joke and Jeremy Beadle would jump out grinning ( I know he's dead but dammit I grew up in the 1980s and I have my reference points!). Once I got used to it though, I would enjoy the freedom just to experiment. Whether or not I would feel confident to wear such clothes in my everyday life, even with no-one seemingly around to judge, would remain to be seen.
I was going to leave the blog post there, just another CD fantasy of mine, but then I went shopping yesterday and realised how nervous I still get in womens clothing sections of stores. I feel like I'm being watched, like I'm going to get 'found out' somehow. I went into Claire's, half to look for cosplay stuff but also because my niece has a birthday soon, a legitimate reason but still I felt like I needed to get out of there as quick as I could. I'm getting good at the quick browse, just eyeing up certain areas and moving on. Wanting to flip through the skirts or tights or whatever but making it as quick as I can.
It's always been like that for as long as I remember. Maybe it was because my mum used to tease me a little about it when I was dragged around the shops as a youngster. Does she know? Probably not but I wouldn't put it past her. I guess if I was with a woman, it might be different. Perhaps if I had more experience, as it were, been dragged around shops by girlfriends it would be easier. I guess this says something about me though. I mean, if I was just a normal man it wouldn't bother me, I would probably be bored and wanting to look in menswear or just to go and sit down somewhere which is what used to happen to me. Perhaps that I'm actively considering looking around and even buying items shows that I'm developing finally. It all goes to whether or not I want to continue exploring this side of myself or lock it back in the box. I certainly notice female clothing a lot more these days and the urge to wear it myself is growing.
Oh I so know what you mean!
ReplyDeleteI remember seeing a film adaptation of some H. G. Wells story, whose title escapes me, in which a cloud wiped out the whole of humankind whilst this man was on the North Pole or something. Anyway, I must have been about five or something and there was this bloke wearing a dress and shooting a shotgun at a church because he could.
I remember thinking: "Wow, that actually makes a lot of sense!"
I went with the castaway scenario, where only female luggage washes up on shore and you're alone there. Mainly because I couldn't quite get past the 'everyone else is dead' thing, it seemed too sad. Also, it would suck in the long run. However, for a castaway there would always be rescue to 'look forward to' and to get on and dress in the meantime. Sorry, I'm squeeing.
Also, yeah, so with you on the women's section comments. And I *have* a wife. Getting better at it though, in my usual autistic way, because it's just clothes ultimately. Part of me hoped to be challenged at this cool and kooky vintage clothing place whilst I was perusing cool dresses and coats.
Sorry, I'm gushing.
As to the box, I also know what you mean. There is no 'right' answer, I don't think. Just the one you are happy to live with. As much as I gush I'm in the same place, at the moment I am avoiding it. You are facing it head on. Respect.
I don't think the desert island would work for me, too remote.
DeleteThanks for the advice though, Joanna :0
I'm a fan of apocalypse type scenarios. For me it's more the breaking of society, thinking of how everyone who's left would react to the new environment they're forced to cope with. I'm a bit conflicted on thoughts of being the only one left however. While I do savor solitude, I also loath loneliness. I think knowing I would never see anyone else again would be cripplingly depressing. Or perhaps I would snap and start positioning and interacting with mannequins.
ReplyDeleteI don't spend much time in women's clothing departments, but when I do pass through, there is this sense that somehow, other people can sense my special interest in the clothing I walk by, and that they are silently judging me. Not that I'm a fan of shopping in general. I get really frustrated walking around looking for something when I don't know what I'm looking for. I always try and figure out exactly what I want to get before setting foot in the store.
That being said, I find myself paying more and more attention to the outfits girls are wearing. Quietly noting when I see a top or skirt that I like. Once or twice I've remarked on a cute blouse a friend is wearing or the like.
Just keep exploring at a rate that's comfortable for you and you'll find what makes you happy. At least that's what I'm trying to do.
Yes, I get that sense too. You think that everyone knows. I could buy a kids book and wouldn't fear that anyone thought it was for me but clothes is a different matter. I feel like a freak.
DeleteI'm exploring more than I used to at least.
Thanks Kyra :)