Pause

So I had a bit of a moment today. 

I bought a new dress, black with green birds on it, which is all very nice but it's quite low cut and I didn't really notice before I tried it on. Seeing all that hair on my chest reminded me of what I am, of the stereotypical cross dresser. We may like to think we look super sexy in a hot dress but there are things that remind you that you're a hairy, misshapen lump in a piece of clothing not even designed for your gender but for some pretty young woman. 

I realise that this is easily remedied though; I can shave my body or put on a t-shirt (which is what I did and am in fact wearing at this moment) but I guess seeing myself like that brought it into sharp focus. I am considering taking it back but now I've worn it for a bit, plus the addition of a necklace, it's not so bad. I like a nice bit of neck space and I'm not considering breast forms anytime soon but I may watch out for more low cut stuff in future. 

For further clarification, for anyone that cares, I'm wearing the dress (white t-shirt underneath) with a pair of black leggings and a grey sparkly jumper. I've also painted my nails again and trying something new, light red with half painted in a darker red. Very nice and not chipped yet which is a first. Also bought some red lipstick recently. I've been thinking about trying some bright red lipstick for a while now and it looks nice but I still need more application practice. 

February Update

So anyway, Valentine's Day wasn't all that hot for me. The girl I was dating has said she just wants to be friends. It wasn't a great surprise to be honest but putting a full stop on it still hurts. I guess it's more the realisation that I've now got to start looking and dating again but at least I may get rid of some of my sexual hang-ups.

Of course, I also wonder about my crossdressing. What if I find a new partner and she can't stand it? The point I'm at now, I wonder whether I could give it up but if I really loved her then I guess I would. Better to have lived as I have been for a short while than not at all I guess. It's something that would have to be broached very carefully unless I actually meet someone while dressed or crossplaying which would be a relief. Then again, the crossplaying my be stopping as I've had second thoughts carrying on but I'll post about that at a later date. I've bought a new dress recently and I may have some occasions coming up where I can go out dressed again but I'm now wondering whether I should. I'm still in the mindset of grabbing every opportunity where I can rather than considering whether it's something I feel like doing. I've been wearing necklaces more and more too.

I've also been having something of a new fantasy recently. I'm with a girl, in a relationship, and she's making me dress plus giving me girly things I have to say or do in a kind of gentle domme way. For some reason she calls me Lucy.

Valentine's Day

St Valentine's Day is coming soon so here's a little tip from me.

Lots of guys will be shopping around for gifts for the missus so it won't exactly be that odd to see a man in the women's clothing section of a big clothes store, if you get my drift. A nice excuse to use. If anyone asks, that's all you need to tell them. Perhaps, by suprise, the missus just happens to be the same size as you. As I've said in the past, if you're heading for the changing room then it might be a good idea to mask the clothes you really want to try on with some shirts or something.

Using the changing rooms can be a bit daunting and it's something I'm still getting used to. If it's a unisex changing room though, you may get lucky and find that someone has left something in one of the cubicles which has happened to me a couple of times. Funnily enough, last Saturday was the most recent. I was trying on some jeans and found someone had left a nice top in there. Black with a flowered blouse below cut right up the back like a surgery gown. Quite popular in the summer a couple of years ago, I remember. Just my size too (a bit bigger actually). Didn't buy it, felt a bit funny with the split in the back, but nice to try on and see what it looked like.

Crutch

I'm beginning to wonder if I've been using dressing as a bit of a crutch recently. I've had a really bad couple of weeks at work and I've been finding that I've been wanting to dress more and more when I get home. Perhaps it's my way of escaping into a bit of a fantasy even though it's not really a fantasy by this point.

Just last week, I wore a wonderful dress to my own birthday drink. I had been looking forward to it for ages. I also bought another nice dress at the weekend.

It could be a sign that I'm getting more confident and that I'm progressing more and more. Not sure where it will lead but I'm looking forward to it. Summer is certainly going to be interesting. Perhaps I'm trying to claw back something of myself from the day.

Rather random thoughts, I know.