Well, it's the end of 2014 and I'm feeling rather positive about the year ahead.
I started this year with everything I ever wanted. Or thought I did anyway. Well, not quite or at least the version closest to it I could achieve at this stage in my life. I end this year a little worse for wear. People have passed on, situations have changed but things still had a kind of stability. I'm not going out this evening either, just staying in and probably watching a movie with my housemate. Sometimes I prefer more intimate nights in with friends to going out to a noisy pub or club. Never liked going to clubs in my youth but the chief idea was to meet women which I always failed to do. I think I was born too late too, at least then I would have enjoyed the music rather than some of the techno shit we got in the 1990s. I still seem to wish my time away as I've been doing on this week off work. It's on my mind that at I'll be back next week. I can't just enjoy the moment.
So, resolutions then?
Well, as I've already said I would like to buy more feminine clothing and hopefully I'll end up doing some more cosplay this year. I've also got to find more time to do writing and hopefully that will mean posting more on this blog and at least completing some of the stuff I set out to write about my life.
Work got harder this year but I'm proud that I managed to rise to the challenge. Every time we get settled something happens to shake it up and we had another poke before Christmas so we'll just have to see how that goes. I guess at some point I'll think about dating again. If only to try and prove something to myself.
All in all, despite my moans it has been a fun year and I hope that this blog has bought some enjoyment to its readers over the past year despite the small amount of actual posts.
We'll just have to see what 2015 brings.
Happy New Year everyone :)
Wednesday, 31 December 2014
Tuesday, 30 December 2014
Scarlet Witch
I've never been a big comics guy especially not the big two: Marvel and DC.
Well, perhaps more Marvel since I used to read Transformers comics when I was younger. Most of the stuff I read was TV tie-ins or The Beano. In recent years though I have become a big follower of the Marvel cinematic universe. Such a great series of movies, fun and action packed. The Avengers was one of the best and most enjoyable movies of recent times and this year Guardians of the Galaxy proved to have the same mix of action and humour. It's been my favourite film of the last year.
While DC may be floundering a bit when it comes to getting their films up and going, they are killing it when it comes to television. I've been enjoying Gotham, Arrow and Constantine recently and hope to catch The Flash at some point.
Anyway, all this waffle just provides a bit of a back drop. I'm really looking forward to Avengers 2: Age of Ultron next year and I've seen a few on-set photographs. A friend of mine was even able to take some footage of them filming over here.
I've been loving the shots of Elizabeth Olsen in her costume as the Scarlet Witch. She has a great grungy, gothy look especially the red jacket. I remember wanting a red jacket back in the late 1990s. Bulls blood leather jackets were in fashion for a while and I think it was down to Victoria Beckham. I think I wanted a longer one though in either red or green.
This is definitely another cosplay idea I would consider.
Photograph: MTV.com
Well, perhaps more Marvel since I used to read Transformers comics when I was younger. Most of the stuff I read was TV tie-ins or The Beano. In recent years though I have become a big follower of the Marvel cinematic universe. Such a great series of movies, fun and action packed. The Avengers was one of the best and most enjoyable movies of recent times and this year Guardians of the Galaxy proved to have the same mix of action and humour. It's been my favourite film of the last year.
While DC may be floundering a bit when it comes to getting their films up and going, they are killing it when it comes to television. I've been enjoying Gotham, Arrow and Constantine recently and hope to catch The Flash at some point.
Anyway, all this waffle just provides a bit of a back drop. I'm really looking forward to Avengers 2: Age of Ultron next year and I've seen a few on-set photographs. A friend of mine was even able to take some footage of them filming over here.
I've been loving the shots of Elizabeth Olsen in her costume as the Scarlet Witch. She has a great grungy, gothy look especially the red jacket. I remember wanting a red jacket back in the late 1990s. Bulls blood leather jackets were in fashion for a while and I think it was down to Victoria Beckham. I think I wanted a longer one though in either red or green.
This is definitely another cosplay idea I would consider.
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| Elizabeth Olsen on set as the Scarlet Witch |
New Year Approaching
As we get closer to 2015, my thoughts turn to the New Year and its inevitable resolutions.
One of them is indulging in some more feminine clothing. I've been feeling really invigorated recently especially writing this blog every day. I've set myself the challenge of putting something in for every day for a month and so far it's going good. I know it may seem on and off by the posting dates but I have been sticking to it and sometimes I end up pressing the 'publish' button the wrong side of midnight. I do forsee this failing on a couple of upcoming dates though and if it interrupts with my sleep too much once I go back to work I may have to miss it for the day. My bed time does keep creeping up though and it really shouldn't.
Anyway, when I've been thinking about this I wonder when I'm going to find the time to wear the clothes or where to store them. The idea does give that frisson of excitement though especially on the days when I'm alone in the house. Imagine wearing a nice dress or skirt for a few hours. Not the most advisable thing in this cold weather though. I've thought of maybe just walking down the street like it. Long coat, skirt and tights or maybe leggings. I see a lot of cyclists in leggings in London. I'm sure I would get a few double takes but nothing much else. My area is not the most liberal though, I would have said, so it's still something I would approach with caution.
While I was out shopping today I did think of buying something. Nearly did it too. I approached the racks but still the idea of being 'seen' looking through them still scares me a bit so ultimately I came away with nothing. I was so determined today too. Still there's always online and I know there's at least one convention coming up next year I'll be going to so hopefully I'll be able to do something for that.
It's another step I suppose.
One of them is indulging in some more feminine clothing. I've been feeling really invigorated recently especially writing this blog every day. I've set myself the challenge of putting something in for every day for a month and so far it's going good. I know it may seem on and off by the posting dates but I have been sticking to it and sometimes I end up pressing the 'publish' button the wrong side of midnight. I do forsee this failing on a couple of upcoming dates though and if it interrupts with my sleep too much once I go back to work I may have to miss it for the day. My bed time does keep creeping up though and it really shouldn't.
Anyway, when I've been thinking about this I wonder when I'm going to find the time to wear the clothes or where to store them. The idea does give that frisson of excitement though especially on the days when I'm alone in the house. Imagine wearing a nice dress or skirt for a few hours. Not the most advisable thing in this cold weather though. I've thought of maybe just walking down the street like it. Long coat, skirt and tights or maybe leggings. I see a lot of cyclists in leggings in London. I'm sure I would get a few double takes but nothing much else. My area is not the most liberal though, I would have said, so it's still something I would approach with caution.
While I was out shopping today I did think of buying something. Nearly did it too. I approached the racks but still the idea of being 'seen' looking through them still scares me a bit so ultimately I came away with nothing. I was so determined today too. Still there's always online and I know there's at least one convention coming up next year I'll be going to so hopefully I'll be able to do something for that.
It's another step I suppose.
Monday, 29 December 2014
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice...
Well, at this time of year all the Christmas annuals have come out. When I was younger I used to get the Beano Annual, the Transformers Annual and a few others I can't remember the name of right now but one of them ignited transformation desires within me (and no, it wasn't Transformers, oddly enough. I have no desire to turn into an automobile). This was (as far as memory serves) the Beetlejuice Annual for 1991.
I was a bit too young for the original film when it came out and to be honest it scared the shit out of me. There's one bit in which one of the ghosts begins to crumble and it was just...urgh. For anyone who hasn't the faintest what I'm talking about, Beetlejuice is a 1988 film by director Tim Burton and starring future Batman, Michael Keaton. To be honest, I always associate Keaton with the role of Batman and I have a strong memory of Batmania back in 1989 but I'm getting offtopic. The plot of Beetlejuice revolved a newly married couple who die and begin haunting their house until a new family, The Deetzes, move in. The couple then hire another spirit, Beetlejuice, to scare them away. In 1990 they made an animated series involving Beetlejuice's adventures in the afterlife with the Lydia, The Deetzes' goth daughter who became his best friend. I used to watch this series every Saturday and really enjoyed it. I also remember bugging my parents for the Gameboy game.
Anyway, I was walking around a market one day when I came across the annual on sale and a picture of Lydia dressed in Beetlejuice's trademark stripey suit (remade into a skirt suit) after having been given his powers for some reason. In full disclosure, I have no idea whether this was the 1991 annual and if the picture was on the front cover or inside the book with the story. I just have this image in my mind. I've tried to find an image of it but I haven't been able to, which is really suprising as the internet holds every picture of everything ever ever (probably). I saw the cover of the 1992 annual though so it definitely isn't that but in any case it's given me a lovely nostalgia trip looking through the old pictures.
I think it was just the idea of one character switching clothes and attributes with another that intrigued me so much but yet I also shy away from bodyswap stories in film and TV for some reason. I never bought that annual for some reason I can't remember but the image and idea stayed with and really excited me. It was around the same time I remember drawing a series of pictures of fictional characters swapping clothes. I have to wonder whether it was this picture that started it for me or just drew out a desire.
By the way, apologies if i have blogged about this before. It was something I always meant to but I can't remember if I did. Doesn't look like it though.
Picture Source: Beetlejuice Wiki
I was a bit too young for the original film when it came out and to be honest it scared the shit out of me. There's one bit in which one of the ghosts begins to crumble and it was just...urgh. For anyone who hasn't the faintest what I'm talking about, Beetlejuice is a 1988 film by director Tim Burton and starring future Batman, Michael Keaton. To be honest, I always associate Keaton with the role of Batman and I have a strong memory of Batmania back in 1989 but I'm getting offtopic. The plot of Beetlejuice revolved a newly married couple who die and begin haunting their house until a new family, The Deetzes, move in. The couple then hire another spirit, Beetlejuice, to scare them away. In 1990 they made an animated series involving Beetlejuice's adventures in the afterlife with the Lydia, The Deetzes' goth daughter who became his best friend. I used to watch this series every Saturday and really enjoyed it. I also remember bugging my parents for the Gameboy game.
Anyway, I was walking around a market one day when I came across the annual on sale and a picture of Lydia dressed in Beetlejuice's trademark stripey suit (remade into a skirt suit) after having been given his powers for some reason. In full disclosure, I have no idea whether this was the 1991 annual and if the picture was on the front cover or inside the book with the story. I just have this image in my mind. I've tried to find an image of it but I haven't been able to, which is really suprising as the internet holds every picture of everything ever ever (probably). I saw the cover of the 1992 annual though so it definitely isn't that but in any case it's given me a lovely nostalgia trip looking through the old pictures.
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| Promo picture for the 1990 Beetlejuice animated series |
By the way, apologies if i have blogged about this before. It was something I always meant to but I can't remember if I did. Doesn't look like it though.
Picture Source: Beetlejuice Wiki
Saturday, 27 December 2014
Pink Library #4: Bimbos and Backwoods Beauticians
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Conchita Wurst
I was watching The Big Fat Quiz of the Year tonight and was reminded of Conchita Wurst, the drag queen who won this year's Eurovision Song Contest.
I always meant to blog about her at the time but it was a case of the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I was having some problems, basically. I've never really been one for Eurovision but a couple of years ago I discovered the sheer joy of ripping the piss out of it with friends on social media.
I love that Conchita even entered, let alone one. She was not afraid to be herself, beard and all. More gender fluidity.
Photograph from the Daily Express webiste (www.express.co.uk).
I always meant to blog about her at the time but it was a case of the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I was having some problems, basically. I've never really been one for Eurovision but a couple of years ago I discovered the sheer joy of ripping the piss out of it with friends on social media.
I love that Conchita even entered, let alone one. She was not afraid to be herself, beard and all. More gender fluidity.
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| Conchita Wurst on stage at Eurovision 2014 |
Friday, 26 December 2014
The Boy In The Dress.
This drama, based on David Walliams' book was shown on BBC1 today and I really enjoyed it.
I did wonder whether it would be a bit like Billy's New Frock which inspired me when I was younger. In some ways it was but this was more the boy's choice rather than something forced upon him which effects a change.
Young Dennis lives in a miserable household with his Dad and brother following his parents split. The only drop of colour in his life was his mum who has now left but he always remembered how she was and what fabulous clothes she wore. One day he buys a copy of Vogue and soon attracts the attention of popular girl Lisa who provides a friend to talk and someone to push his new found interests further.
It's nice that Dennis is a typical young boy with an interest in football and a lot of talent. The stereotype of the crossdresser is often that of a gay young man with no interest in sports. In fact Dennis' sexual preference is never really explored. The closest we come to that is Lisa and she could either be a crush or a really good friend. Lisa is perhaps the crossdresser's dream made flesh. A bright, popular girl who is willing to talk about fashion with you, dress you up and inspire you to go out dressed.
Typically, it feels an idealised ending with the football team deciding that they can't do without the expelled Dennis so much they are willing to drag up to get him back an much like the gay bashers who turn out to be repressing their own homosexual feelings, the hardline headmaster (a brilliant Tim McInnerny) turns out to be a crossdresser too. There are some nice parallels with Dennis' sikh friend putting up with religious intolerance and his depressed Dad's world opening up because of the incident. There was a good cast and I especially liked Jennifer Saunders' batty French teacher, the Arkwright-esque newsagent Raj and James Buckley's apathetic gym teacher.
Overall, it was a light and enjoyable piece of Boxing Day children's drama. I wonder what effect it would have had on me if I was still in school. Would I have even been interested in watching it? Perhaps it would have been something illicit I would have hidden my viewing of, much like the Clueless TV series years ago. Being afraid of looks from my parents, wondering why I was interested in such a thing and probably making fun of me a little. At least it would have been something to think about and I may not have felt ashamed. It's worth it just to let you know that there's someone out there like you or something that you can believe in.
Christmas Day 2014
Merry Christmas everyone!
Lovely day, I spent it with my family as per usual. Christmas Day always has a real buzz about it and a feeling like no other day of the year. Everything seems to shut down, in this country at least, people head over to friends and relatives houses to eat and drink way too much and there are tons of specials on TV.
I really enjoyed Doctor Who this year too. It has that stripped down feel of much of the last series. I won't say much more just to be wary of spoilers.
On a more feminine note, I loved the outfit Michelle Keegan had on tonight on the Michael McIntyre Christmas show. Black jumper, beige skirt, black tight and boots. Smart and sexy,I used to love the look of a short skirt and knee length boots when I was a teenager. Although there must have been something alluring about knees that I'm missing since they are the only part not covered up...
Lovely day, I spent it with my family as per usual. Christmas Day always has a real buzz about it and a feeling like no other day of the year. Everything seems to shut down, in this country at least, people head over to friends and relatives houses to eat and drink way too much and there are tons of specials on TV.
I really enjoyed Doctor Who this year too. It has that stripped down feel of much of the last series. I won't say much more just to be wary of spoilers.
On a more feminine note, I loved the outfit Michelle Keegan had on tonight on the Michael McIntyre Christmas show. Black jumper, beige skirt, black tight and boots. Smart and sexy,I used to love the look of a short skirt and knee length boots when I was a teenager. Although there must have been something alluring about knees that I'm missing since they are the only part not covered up...
Wednesday, 24 December 2014
Christmas Eve
Well, Christmas is nearly here.
Work hasn't been too bad this week and I was very pleased to end early today. I really like Christmas and am always pleased when it comes around. The main thing I will be looking forward to though is the Doctor Who Christmas special.
I've been meaning to rewatch them again but for some reason I haven't had the time this year. Last year I went through the whole Matt Smith era in preparation for the finale. Earlier this year we had a new series and Doctor. Overall, I liked series eight and thought it was very strong although the finale was, in my opinion, the weakest of the Moffat years. It took a while for Capaldi's Doctor to gel with me too. I suppose I should comment on the Master's sex change at some point but I don't know if there's much I could say on the subject.
I loved Clara's outfits in last year's special. This year it just seems to be a blue dressing gown. She had some lovely outfits in The Caretaker though.
Another thing I'm looking forward to seeing as well is the TV adaptation of David Walliams' The Boy in the Dress on Boxing Day.
Work hasn't been too bad this week and I was very pleased to end early today. I really like Christmas and am always pleased when it comes around. The main thing I will be looking forward to though is the Doctor Who Christmas special.
I've been meaning to rewatch them again but for some reason I haven't had the time this year. Last year I went through the whole Matt Smith era in preparation for the finale. Earlier this year we had a new series and Doctor. Overall, I liked series eight and thought it was very strong although the finale was, in my opinion, the weakest of the Moffat years. It took a while for Capaldi's Doctor to gel with me too. I suppose I should comment on the Master's sex change at some point but I don't know if there's much I could say on the subject.
I loved Clara's outfits in last year's special. This year it just seems to be a blue dressing gown. She had some lovely outfits in The Caretaker though.
Another thing I'm looking forward to seeing as well is the TV adaptation of David Walliams' The Boy in the Dress on Boxing Day.
Womens Department
Hello all, a little late again tonight. One more day and I'm off work for Christmas which will be a relief because I've been rushing around trying to get things done. Everyone seems to be off Christmas Eve, still at least the trains will be relatively clear and the office will be virtually deserted.
Anyway, I've been thinking about The Apprentice again and one of the guys, Daniel, looking extremely uncomfortable amongst all the tights in a shop. Not manly enough I suppose. I know that feeling but I'm not sure why it happens. It happened to me in a shop today. Surely if this is my 'thing' then I would be more pleased and relaxed. Maybe it was my mother teasing me so many years ago or maybe I'm just scared that someone will see me looking too closely and give me an odd look.
It happens all the time when I'm in shops. I never like to linger around the more feminine clothing, I'll take a look of course but only very briefly. No-one's ever made a comment though even the couple of time I've bought a skirt and some tights. I expect the assistants just thought I was buying something for a partner. Again, it comes down to confidence even if it's just to look through the clothes never mind actually picking something out and trying it on or buying it. I saw a lovely dress in a shop recently and my mind races. What would my size be? Should I buy it? Will I have the confidence to buy it? When would I wear it and if I don't is there any point? Is it just better ordering by internet and keeping things to myself.
Still it would be nice to own some more clothing, A little New Year inspiration
Anyway, I've been thinking about The Apprentice again and one of the guys, Daniel, looking extremely uncomfortable amongst all the tights in a shop. Not manly enough I suppose. I know that feeling but I'm not sure why it happens. It happened to me in a shop today. Surely if this is my 'thing' then I would be more pleased and relaxed. Maybe it was my mother teasing me so many years ago or maybe I'm just scared that someone will see me looking too closely and give me an odd look.
It happens all the time when I'm in shops. I never like to linger around the more feminine clothing, I'll take a look of course but only very briefly. No-one's ever made a comment though even the couple of time I've bought a skirt and some tights. I expect the assistants just thought I was buying something for a partner. Again, it comes down to confidence even if it's just to look through the clothes never mind actually picking something out and trying it on or buying it. I saw a lovely dress in a shop recently and my mind races. What would my size be? Should I buy it? Will I have the confidence to buy it? When would I wear it and if I don't is there any point? Is it just better ordering by internet and keeping things to myself.
Still it would be nice to own some more clothing, A little New Year inspiration
Tuesday, 23 December 2014
Ben In Dresses
Ok, slightly later for today's post so it's more of a quick one. I've reached the end of a rubbish day. Somehow the boss thought it was better to have a soul-crushing meeting before Christmas rather than after when we come back in the New Year. There is a logic to it I guess. There's probably no good time anyway. It seems just as the department settles down after a shake-up, another comes along.
Anyway, onto what I wanted to talk about today:
I came across this Tumblr site the other day while looking up something for previous post.
Ben In Dresses
I really admire this guy for just going ahead and dressing how he wants. No pretensions of even trying to look like a woman, just wearing what he wants to wear. In the end it does come down to confidence and feeling good in the clothes you're in. Owning the outfit fully rather than feeling out of place with it on. I think getting used to the clothes helps too. If you wear a skirt every day, for example, even for an hour at home, it seems a less alien piece of clothing for you to wear. Anyway, this has been a real inspiration to me this week.
Anyway, onto what I wanted to talk about today:
I came across this Tumblr site the other day while looking up something for previous post.
Ben In Dresses
I really admire this guy for just going ahead and dressing how he wants. No pretensions of even trying to look like a woman, just wearing what he wants to wear. In the end it does come down to confidence and feeling good in the clothes you're in. Owning the outfit fully rather than feeling out of place with it on. I think getting used to the clothes helps too. If you wear a skirt every day, for example, even for an hour at home, it seems a less alien piece of clothing for you to wear. Anyway, this has been a real inspiration to me this week.
Sunday, 21 December 2014
Alan Sugar In Tights
I was watching the final of The Apprentice tonight.
One of the candidates' business ideas was to start a company selling tights matching skin tones and it was interesting to note some of the comments made by the men when talking to each other about "getting into tights" in a jokey manner. Now I don't mean to get all mad and po-faced about it because that's just the way things are, it's still very much a joke to a lot of people to see men in traditionally female clothing like it's unmanly. Hell, we have a pantomime industry built on the foundations of people playing roles of the opposite gender. I just wonder if we will ever get to a point when it's normal. Probably not in my lifetime anyway.
Then again, look at the ways we dressed in years gone by and look at some of the things in today's society that are more acceptable than they were decades ago. Everything changes. This year in fashion, tacky Christmas jumpers have made a comeback and now they even have an element of cool to them as geeky icons like Star Wars or Guardians of the Galaxy have been put into patterns in pixelated forms. Back when I was growing up in the 1980s this kind of jumper was still in vogue a little until it became a symbol of naffness. Now, this is a bit of a glib example but it's the one that sprang immediately to mind.
I was watching QI the other night and apparently back when women were campaigning to get the vote, there were some women that disagreed with the idea. Of course, men made a joke of it and I remember seeing propaganda once in history class suggesting that even criminals and madmen should be given the vote ahead of women. It seems like such an obvious decision to us in this day and age. Again, I'm probably being too glib. Perhaps with some of the gender fluidity that's beginning to emerge these days, the idea of a man wearing tights won't be something to make fun of in the future.
One of the candidates' business ideas was to start a company selling tights matching skin tones and it was interesting to note some of the comments made by the men when talking to each other about "getting into tights" in a jokey manner. Now I don't mean to get all mad and po-faced about it because that's just the way things are, it's still very much a joke to a lot of people to see men in traditionally female clothing like it's unmanly. Hell, we have a pantomime industry built on the foundations of people playing roles of the opposite gender. I just wonder if we will ever get to a point when it's normal. Probably not in my lifetime anyway.
Then again, look at the ways we dressed in years gone by and look at some of the things in today's society that are more acceptable than they were decades ago. Everything changes. This year in fashion, tacky Christmas jumpers have made a comeback and now they even have an element of cool to them as geeky icons like Star Wars or Guardians of the Galaxy have been put into patterns in pixelated forms. Back when I was growing up in the 1980s this kind of jumper was still in vogue a little until it became a symbol of naffness. Now, this is a bit of a glib example but it's the one that sprang immediately to mind.
I was watching QI the other night and apparently back when women were campaigning to get the vote, there were some women that disagreed with the idea. Of course, men made a joke of it and I remember seeing propaganda once in history class suggesting that even criminals and madmen should be given the vote ahead of women. It seems like such an obvious decision to us in this day and age. Again, I'm probably being too glib. Perhaps with some of the gender fluidity that's beginning to emerge these days, the idea of a man wearing tights won't be something to make fun of in the future.
Saturday, 20 December 2014
Tales From The Role Exchanger #3
For a while now I've been thinking of doing some Role Exchanger caps over at the Haven not involving gender change and focusing on more personality changes. Now, I expect this may go down like a lead balloon but it's still something I'm interested in. If I don't do it on the Haven I may start doing it here or start a separate blog.
So anyway, I took the opportunity on 25 Caps of Christmas to do a little experiment to see how it goes down. My Role Exchanger posts seem to be the most popular on here which make me feel guilty because it's basically piggybacking on Morpheus' genius idea but it's one that has been a big influence on me and is one of my favourite concepts within the TG world and I wanted to celebrate it.
So here's an original piece by me using the concept. Hope y'all like :)
So anyway, I took the opportunity on 25 Caps of Christmas to do a little experiment to see how it goes down. My Role Exchanger posts seem to be the most popular on here which make me feel guilty because it's basically piggybacking on Morpheus' genius idea but it's one that has been a big influence on me and is one of my favourite concepts within the TG world and I wanted to celebrate it.
So here's an original piece by me using the concept. Hope y'all like :)
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| Role Exchanger: Sam and Denise (2014) |
The Power of Trans
I was reading an interview with Eddie Izzard in SFX magazine today.
He was speaking about his role in the new superhero series Powers. When if he had an affinity to superhero stories he replied that "I have the power of trans in my own life. It looks like a massive curse but it's actually a massive blessing. It's genetics and not a choice and that links me to the powers thing."
Wise words and now I see the power of trans as being a bit like Wonder Woman for some reason which reminded me of when I was much younger and my sister had a set of Wonder Woman underwear that I really wanted to try on. It's scary when I think about how far this thing goes back in my life. There's no one incident I can point to as being the beginning so I guess it really is genetics, a fetish or otherwise part of me that was there when I was born.
Eddie Izzard is someone who I really admire too. He dresses exactly how he wants and that's like I want to do. When once asked if he still wore women's clothes he replied that he doesn't, they're his clothes. I know I'll never pass but I don't think I would want to. I'm not transsexual and I'm happy being a man. I'm also too much of a slob to deal with stuff like make-up and wigs although, oddly enough, the idea of trying it, I mean really giving it a go, even once would be cool. In some ways that's the appeal, immaculate hair, make up and fancy clothes. I'm not saying I would choose to wear feminine clothes every day but it would be nice to have the choice to go out in a dress or skirt and tights one day. I'm probably too old by now to change anyway. Oh, to be young and androgynous these days. You would still need confidence to do these things though and I can't even seem to buy clothes let alone have the confidence to wear them in public but then there's a lot more gender fluidity these days than when I was growing up.
So anyway, I'm hoping to post more regularly here. I'm going to try and post every day for a month and see how I go. Should really have done it at the beginning of December really.
He was speaking about his role in the new superhero series Powers. When if he had an affinity to superhero stories he replied that "I have the power of trans in my own life. It looks like a massive curse but it's actually a massive blessing. It's genetics and not a choice and that links me to the powers thing."
Wise words and now I see the power of trans as being a bit like Wonder Woman for some reason which reminded me of when I was much younger and my sister had a set of Wonder Woman underwear that I really wanted to try on. It's scary when I think about how far this thing goes back in my life. There's no one incident I can point to as being the beginning so I guess it really is genetics, a fetish or otherwise part of me that was there when I was born.
Eddie Izzard is someone who I really admire too. He dresses exactly how he wants and that's like I want to do. When once asked if he still wore women's clothes he replied that he doesn't, they're his clothes. I know I'll never pass but I don't think I would want to. I'm not transsexual and I'm happy being a man. I'm also too much of a slob to deal with stuff like make-up and wigs although, oddly enough, the idea of trying it, I mean really giving it a go, even once would be cool. In some ways that's the appeal, immaculate hair, make up and fancy clothes. I'm not saying I would choose to wear feminine clothes every day but it would be nice to have the choice to go out in a dress or skirt and tights one day. I'm probably too old by now to change anyway. Oh, to be young and androgynous these days. You would still need confidence to do these things though and I can't even seem to buy clothes let alone have the confidence to wear them in public but then there's a lot more gender fluidity these days than when I was growing up.
So anyway, I'm hoping to post more regularly here. I'm going to try and post every day for a month and see how I go. Should really have done it at the beginning of December really.
Saturday, 13 December 2014
25 Caps of Christmas 2014
Over the last couple of weeks, I have been contributing to the usual 25 Caps of Christmas thread on Rachel's Haven.
This year the wonderful AnneOniMouse has put all of them together in an advent calender for us.
Here's the link: http://aomouse.org/hac14/. You need to be logged to the Haven to view the caps though.
Enjoy!
Saturday, 18 October 2014
Future
Ok, so I'm feeling a bit better now.
The crying has stopped at least although I still can't stop thinking about her, wondering what I had done and when the rot set in. I have been learning not to put it all onto myself though and at least I was willing to fix it if I had been given the chance.
I still haven't lost the thought that we might get back together at some point which I know is a bit unhealthy but I guess it's how far you take it. I think it's nice to have a little pocket of hope somewhere at the back of your head. We are still friends after all and there wasn't anything as bad as an affair between us. Looking back, I have a tendency to liken it to a Doctor Who episode The Name of the Doctor. The Great Intelligence sets out to infest the Doctor's timeline, turning every success into a defeat. That's what it feels like, every time you enjoyed something together or were happy, looking back you feel the sadness returning.
I hate being back to square one as well. I never enjoyed being single and was never any good at it although I am looking forward to meeting new people. Well, let's say about 10% because the rest is wrapped up in fear and neuroses but it's something. Speaking of which, I am considering having some therapy, see if that can solve any of the problems I have or at least point me in a direction. Perhaps I can get some stuff sorted out.
I have also been pondering a new blog idea which basically consists of writing about television. taking an episode of something I've watched recently and blogging about it whether it's this week's Doctor Who or, say, an episode of Babylon 5 which I have been watching for the first time recently. I got the idea from a book I read recently. Trouble is, I don't think I would have the time. I don't update this as much as I would want to despite having a slight wobble earlier in the year.
Anyway, I don't intend blogging on this subject again unless there are any further developments in my love life. Hopefully something a bit more cheery soon. I'm honestly not as gloomy as these posts sound sometimes. Well, apart from these last two.
The crying has stopped at least although I still can't stop thinking about her, wondering what I had done and when the rot set in. I have been learning not to put it all onto myself though and at least I was willing to fix it if I had been given the chance.
I still haven't lost the thought that we might get back together at some point which I know is a bit unhealthy but I guess it's how far you take it. I think it's nice to have a little pocket of hope somewhere at the back of your head. We are still friends after all and there wasn't anything as bad as an affair between us. Looking back, I have a tendency to liken it to a Doctor Who episode The Name of the Doctor. The Great Intelligence sets out to infest the Doctor's timeline, turning every success into a defeat. That's what it feels like, every time you enjoyed something together or were happy, looking back you feel the sadness returning.
I hate being back to square one as well. I never enjoyed being single and was never any good at it although I am looking forward to meeting new people. Well, let's say about 10% because the rest is wrapped up in fear and neuroses but it's something. Speaking of which, I am considering having some therapy, see if that can solve any of the problems I have or at least point me in a direction. Perhaps I can get some stuff sorted out.
I have also been pondering a new blog idea which basically consists of writing about television. taking an episode of something I've watched recently and blogging about it whether it's this week's Doctor Who or, say, an episode of Babylon 5 which I have been watching for the first time recently. I got the idea from a book I read recently. Trouble is, I don't think I would have the time. I don't update this as much as I would want to despite having a slight wobble earlier in the year.
Anyway, I don't intend blogging on this subject again unless there are any further developments in my love life. Hopefully something a bit more cheery soon. I'm honestly not as gloomy as these posts sound sometimes. Well, apart from these last two.
Thursday, 9 October 2014
The Break-Up
Yesterday my girlfriend broke up with me.
It's not as though this was a complete suprise since since she's been very distant for the past month. I thought that whatever it was there would be a way of fixing it but nope. She wasn't interested. We have apparently hit a dead end.
Needless to say, I've cried a lot over the past couple of days. This was my first relationship too. I think I began to get complacent and thought that our love would carry us through. She was the first person who seemed to fancy me and want to be with me and I thought that would continue. Apparently I was on a time frame. We did have some sexual problems and I was close to telling her about my crossdressing. I think she would have been accepting of it especially if it may have spiced things up.
It kind of feels like death. The other person has died and you can't help but see them everywhere, think about your lives and think of all the things you meant to do together. Of course, she wasn't perfect and there is some stuff I won't miss but right now I would give anything to have her back. Time heals and I may even meet someone else. If this is it for the rest of my life then at least I experienced a proper relationship.
In the end, time heals but right now it just bloody hurts.
It's not as though this was a complete suprise since since she's been very distant for the past month. I thought that whatever it was there would be a way of fixing it but nope. She wasn't interested. We have apparently hit a dead end.
Needless to say, I've cried a lot over the past couple of days. This was my first relationship too. I think I began to get complacent and thought that our love would carry us through. She was the first person who seemed to fancy me and want to be with me and I thought that would continue. Apparently I was on a time frame. We did have some sexual problems and I was close to telling her about my crossdressing. I think she would have been accepting of it especially if it may have spiced things up.
It kind of feels like death. The other person has died and you can't help but see them everywhere, think about your lives and think of all the things you meant to do together. Of course, she wasn't perfect and there is some stuff I won't miss but right now I would give anything to have her back. Time heals and I may even meet someone else. If this is it for the rest of my life then at least I experienced a proper relationship.
In the end, time heals but right now it just bloody hurts.
Wednesday, 13 August 2014
Nine Worlds
Over the last weekend I've been attending the Nine Worlds convention in London. It was unlike any convention I've been to in that it was mostly talk based whereas I'm more used to the odd talk amongst signings or celebrities doing Q&As . This was mainly made up on panels discussing various subjects and it was a very enjoyable weekend which covered a wide range of subjects.
So I expect you may be wondering whether I'm about to reveal a brand new attempted cosplay for the weekend, well...unfortunately not. Once again I was struck by chronic indecision after not really wanting to do the same cosplays as I have before. So the convention crept up on me a bit and I couldn't settle on an idea. There's still a lot that I would love to do one day though. I could go for Amy Pond again but a different look. Pirate Amy from The Curse of the Black Spot would be cool. I would also love to do Clara one day too or perhaps wear one of those Star Trek OS mini dresses complete with tights and boots. Since I've been watching Farscape for the first time I've also had thoughts about doing Chiana but to be honest I would never want to go as far as all that grey body make-up. My inherent laziness would kick in.
Of course, I need not have gone in cosplay at all if I wanted to dress as the con was very friendly towards those with trans issues (not that I have trans issues I'm more CD but you get my meaning) so I could have easy just worn a dress or put on a skirt. Indeed I saw one or two guys doing the same and to be honest it's all I really want, I think. A t-shirt, a mini skirt (maybe black), tights and a pair of Chucks. Simple.
Thursday, 17 July 2014
Yes
I've mentioned previously that I like receiving the odd email from American Apparel well today I received one from Amazon. Nothing special in that but it also contained the following headline:
Still Looking for Women's Clothing?
Well, that's an interesting existential question considering my fears of the social climate and the larger question about male sexual desires but yes, yes I am.
It then goes on to offer me some deals on leggings. Yes, I've been looking at some leggings recently and possibly some disco pants. High waists are really in this year. Someone suggested I should get gold leggings and I'm quite taken with the idea because it's not a colour I would usually consider so it feels a little daring. I have bought stuff with them before for a fancy dress party. Yes, for real a fancy dress party.
The same as always though, I just can't seem to make an order. It's easier now of course with teh internetz so I don't have to go into an actual shop but I still get nervous. I suppose I fear a big package turning up with a logo emblazoned on it and having to explain it. I remember once a dress I ordered had to be taken in by a neighbour and I got a bit nervous then although that was in a plain package.
Anyway, not much of an update but something that amused me.
Still Looking for Women's Clothing?
Well, that's an interesting existential question considering my fears of the social climate and the larger question about male sexual desires but yes, yes I am.
It then goes on to offer me some deals on leggings. Yes, I've been looking at some leggings recently and possibly some disco pants. High waists are really in this year. Someone suggested I should get gold leggings and I'm quite taken with the idea because it's not a colour I would usually consider so it feels a little daring. I have bought stuff with them before for a fancy dress party. Yes, for real a fancy dress party.
The same as always though, I just can't seem to make an order. It's easier now of course with teh internetz so I don't have to go into an actual shop but I still get nervous. I suppose I fear a big package turning up with a logo emblazoned on it and having to explain it. I remember once a dress I ordered had to be taken in by a neighbour and I got a bit nervous then although that was in a plain package.
Anyway, not much of an update but something that amused me.
Saturday, 14 June 2014
Temptation
Hello everyone.
I have been meaning to do updates before now but I've been finding myself a bit blocked recently. As any writer knows, sometimes the hardest thing to do can be just to make yourself sit down and actually write no matter what subject you happen to be writing about. Well, that's been my experience anyway.
Anyway, I had an experience today that I thought I would share. I was doing some shopping this morning and needed to buy a new pair of trousers. I went to the changing room and on a hook on the door was a pair of girls shorts and a pink lacy top. I wondered if the lady who had just vacated the room would be returning for the clothes but she never did. Having them there it was very tempting to try them on. It's just clothes after all isn't it?
I tried on my trousers and looked over at the clothes. Gingerly I tried on the shorts...and was surprised that they actually fit me. Then I started to wonder if there were CCTV cameras around and felt a bit embarrassed. I didn't see any though. The shorts felt nice, just like normal jeans really. I nearly tried on the top but felt it was a bit too small for me. For some reason I also felt that if I put them back wrong on the hanger then that would further expose me.
A small opportunity then but one I may have regretted if I passed it up. I've been watching a TV show recently, Drag Queens of London, which has given me a bit of renewed confidence.
I have been meaning to do updates before now but I've been finding myself a bit blocked recently. As any writer knows, sometimes the hardest thing to do can be just to make yourself sit down and actually write no matter what subject you happen to be writing about. Well, that's been my experience anyway.
Anyway, I had an experience today that I thought I would share. I was doing some shopping this morning and needed to buy a new pair of trousers. I went to the changing room and on a hook on the door was a pair of girls shorts and a pink lacy top. I wondered if the lady who had just vacated the room would be returning for the clothes but she never did. Having them there it was very tempting to try them on. It's just clothes after all isn't it?
I tried on my trousers and looked over at the clothes. Gingerly I tried on the shorts...and was surprised that they actually fit me. Then I started to wonder if there were CCTV cameras around and felt a bit embarrassed. I didn't see any though. The shorts felt nice, just like normal jeans really. I nearly tried on the top but felt it was a bit too small for me. For some reason I also felt that if I put them back wrong on the hanger then that would further expose me.
A small opportunity then but one I may have regretted if I passed it up. I've been watching a TV show recently, Drag Queens of London, which has given me a bit of renewed confidence.
Sunday, 6 April 2014
Update: April 2014
Hi everyone
Sorry I haven't been about for a while but I've been really busy lately plus I kind of haven't felt like blogging for a while. There's many things I've wanted to say but haven't quite had the time or inclination to start typing. I've had a few knocks to my confidence recently too.
Anyway, hope to be back doing some more stuff soon.
Sorry I haven't been about for a while but I've been really busy lately plus I kind of haven't felt like blogging for a while. There's many things I've wanted to say but haven't quite had the time or inclination to start typing. I've had a few knocks to my confidence recently too.
Anyway, hope to be back doing some more stuff soon.
Saturday, 11 January 2014
Take Me Out 2014
Now, I'm sure I've spoken before about this game show which seems to somehow pull me in every series for the past couple of years and that is probably due to my housemate. Anyway, it's just started up again so I thought I would add a little sartorial appreciation for some of the new Flirty Thirty.
Love Coryn's yellow dress here especially the frill around the middle and the tight skirt. A shame that she picked a date on the first show. Best of luck to her though.
The Rockabilly style is another one I like and the fashion for sheer blouses is continues to roll on. It hints at the sexiness underneath but the colours and the spotty pattern keep it to a minimum. Very classy.
Sadie would be one of my picks of the show. I've always had a thing for small brunettes and again she has a nice sheer blouse but coupled with that necklace and (not in shot) a cool earring. She also found a date on the first show.
Hopefully post some more updates in the coming weeks.
Photo Source: http://www.michael84.co.uk. Originally sourced at http://neilmonnery.co.uk/
 |
| Coryn |
Love Coryn's yellow dress here especially the frill around the middle and the tight skirt. A shame that she picked a date on the first show. Best of luck to her though.
 |
| Stacey |
The Rockabilly style is another one I like and the fashion for sheer blouses is continues to roll on. It hints at the sexiness underneath but the colours and the spotty pattern keep it to a minimum. Very classy.
 |
| Sadie |
Sadie would be one of my picks of the show. I've always had a thing for small brunettes and again she has a nice sheer blouse but coupled with that necklace and (not in shot) a cool earring. She also found a date on the first show.
Hopefully post some more updates in the coming weeks.
Photo Source: http://www.michael84.co.uk. Originally sourced at http://neilmonnery.co.uk/
Thursday, 2 January 2014
Christmas Clara
As regular readers know, I'm a Doctor Who fan and I adore the style of the Doctor's latest companion Clara. The cute dresses, skirts and collars are really sweet and a very 'now' look. In fact I wonder how she will look in years to come, whether the look is so of its time that it will age badly but then that's fashion. What looks stylish today won't tomorrow...and will probably come back in about 30 years time.
Anyway, here's the two outfits Clara wore in The Time of the Doctor:
Love the Tarten skirt and the black cardigan. The cute necklace around the collar is sweet too.
Lovely combination of the mustard top and leather skirt especially with the cute Peter Pan collar.
Anyway, here's the two outfits Clara wore in The Time of the Doctor:
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| The Eleventh Doctor and Clara explore Christmas Town |
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| Clara and her turkey. Time Winds now avaliable in Waitrose |
I'm not sure which one I prefer, probably the top one. Would love to cosplay either one of these. I wonder if I would have to carry a turkey around as an accessory?
Wednesday, 1 January 2014
Looking Forward to 2014
Happy New Year everyone and thanks to all who have continued reading my blog this year.
One of my regrets over this year is that I haven't kept up with this blog as much as I would have liked to. Of course a blog is written to reflect what is going on and what is influencing a person at that moment whereas I would have something to write about and just put it on the backburner for later. 'Later' sometimes never comes, the moment just passes and it doesn't seem like news anymore. For example, last year I was briefly interested in mother/son role switches but I now can't recall the title of the story that got me into it.
As far as crossdressing goes, I crossplayed as Amy Pond again and did a vampire cheerleader as well. I've continued wearing skirts and tights around the house at times and I wish I had more clothes and a wider selection. I doubt I will ever get much beyond this perhaps due to a combination of the times and my own fears and in a way I'm fine with that.
Of course the biggest thing to happen to me this year is that I now have a girlfriend.
So, let's see what this 2014 brings.
One of my regrets over this year is that I haven't kept up with this blog as much as I would have liked to. Of course a blog is written to reflect what is going on and what is influencing a person at that moment whereas I would have something to write about and just put it on the backburner for later. 'Later' sometimes never comes, the moment just passes and it doesn't seem like news anymore. For example, last year I was briefly interested in mother/son role switches but I now can't recall the title of the story that got me into it.
As far as crossdressing goes, I crossplayed as Amy Pond again and did a vampire cheerleader as well. I've continued wearing skirts and tights around the house at times and I wish I had more clothes and a wider selection. I doubt I will ever get much beyond this perhaps due to a combination of the times and my own fears and in a way I'm fine with that.
Of course the biggest thing to happen to me this year is that I now have a girlfriend.
So, let's see what this 2014 brings.
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