I've not really had the best day today.
Work has been manic recently so I've been a little down despite the 4 day holiday. So anyway, I went back to the shopping centre to get the black skirt but it was gone so I guess it must have been on the sale rail or something. This led to me traipsing round quite a few shops in search of a black skirt and for such a simple and ubiquitous item it proved hard to find.
Going round all those shops just depressed me and I couldn't help but get paranoid that all eyes were on me and wondering why a guy like me would be flipping through the skirts on the rails. I even had the perfect excuse, which was the truth anyway. The old lie: going to a fancy dress party. Women's clothing departments seem oddly arranged too. I guess with men it's simpler because there's less choice. however the placing is odd too, normally the mens department is upstairs or they place it next to the lingerie. I haven't had a problem buying female clothing in the past; on the rare times I have no-one has said anything but being paranoid I can't help but think that people are going to laugh at me behind my back or gossip that they served a man today.
This is the odd thing about it really, it sounds like I don't enjoy crossdressing at all but maybe I just haven't found the way in which it works for me. I've rarely hated my fetishes more than today and was quite relieved when I finally purchased a skirt. When I got home though and tried it on, I have to say I really liked it and felt an illicit thrill about trying it on or even thinking about it.
Finally, I've just read that Petra is leaving Rachel's Haven. A shame but she's found love and that can be a rare thing. I have to wonder whether a relationship would temper my urges or simply give me another channel for them. The Haven is the best outlet I've found so far.
Huh. You don't like crossdressing? Is it the act you don't like, just the experience of putting clothing?
ReplyDeleteI understand the paranoia thing, completely. I've had times I've been wandering around at 2am convinced everyone was awake, looking at me through the window of their darkened kitchen.
I'm so glad that you enjoy Rachel's Haven as you do. I've made so many friends there throughout the years and its one of the most pleasant TG communities you could visit.
ReplyDeleteI wrote about Petra on my blog and she will be missed. I'm sure she'll pop in from time to time, but being as active as she was in the TG scene takes a lot of work. I bet she'll stop in from time to time and look around.
As for the cross dressing, is it the process of acquiring the feminine garb that bothers you? Some people enjoy the thrill and others hate it because they are shy.
I don't really know your living situation so I'm not sure if buying online is possible for you but if it is, I would suggest that, at least for the start. Amazon, for instance, pretty much uses "AMAZON" boxes regardless of what is inside them so you could play it off as 'bought some new books!" to roommates or whatever.
Thanks for you comments, girls. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to explain how I feel about crossdressing and I will try to in this blog at some point since its mainly the reason for it being here. The truth is I've felt like this for a huge chunk of my life an it's only been in the past few years I've been trying to get to the root of it. I guess I do like crossdressing but I don't know whether it's something I should keep for private or maybe bring it out into the open a bit. I don't enjoy it as much as I think I should be.
I guess some people enjoy the thrill but the humiliation can play a part in that but I'm mainly just shy. Amazon would be handy and I'm tempted to give it a go, Dee but in this instance this is the chain of events that I ended up with. I wish I had bought a ginger wig I saw on the net though.