Nine Worlds 2015

I went to the Nine Worlds convention a couple of weeks ago and had a really positive experience.

Now, I wasn't sure if I was going to do any cosplay at all there. As I said a few months again, I was going to get a Star Trek dress from a friend of mine which unfortunately fell through as she couldn't go any more plus time constraints and I needed to get some boots too. I did have a TARDIS themed cosplay ready for the other convention that fell through though (still waiting to hear about that) so I still chucked it in my bag along with some other stuff just in case.

This convention is extremely welcoming to all types of people and, as I said last year, there were quite a few crossdressers there and even more so this year. This wasn't restricted to cosplay though as come the Saturday afternoon and evening I would see more guys in geeky dresses, leggings, playsuits, tops and skirts and nobody batting much of an eyelid about it. This made me think a lot about my own situation and whether I should do anything about it since I had some clothes with me. I used to think that even if the societal rules did change within my lifetime then I wouldn't be of much use to take advantage of them but as I looked around me that evening I realised that the world was already changing and maybe I hadn't missed the boat after all. Plus, change doesn't just happen overnight; it needs people standing up for themselves and living how they want to in order to make other take notice. We are only here for a short time so you might as well make the most of life while you can and live it how you want. Trouble is, that's easy to say, even easier to type, but not so much when you get the fear and paranoia creeping in. Conventions are one thing but walking through some towns at midnight or getting caught on a bus with a bunch of yobs is another. Sometimes you have to take those knocks though. Oddly enough, this is one area that doesn't affect me that much. I can be overly sensitive about a lot of things but my crossdressing I've always been able to front out perhaps because I'm prepared for it. I know that I'm putting myself in harm's way and I know why I want to. Because fuck it, that's why.

So anyway, come the Sunday and I had all this swimming around my head. I knew I wanted to do something but what? I began to think that cosplaying would still be hiding it a way. Maybe I should just wear the skirt and some tights, come out properly. In the end I went with the cosplay and my TARDIS costume (t-shirt, blue skirt, blue tights, blue Chucks and a blue wig. No make-up though) after a quick shave of my legs. Now, a lot of my friends have seen my previous costumes but there were a few there that hadn't and it was their reaction that I was dreading most of all and the reason why I hadn't done it earlier. Their reaction was the the usual "what the fuck?" but very positive...and my photo went up online which is something I genuinely hadn't counted on. I should have expected it but for some reason it didn't occur to me. I now wish I had the guts to do it on the Saturday which was the busier day of the two. I had some really positive comments from others and even had a long discussion with someone about my outfit.

It did give me an overwhelming confidence boost though and I was very much at ease walking around the convention dressed how I was. Not overly fond of the wig though but that can always be changed for another time. Maybe I should go all decora girl and put a lot of Who themed hair clips and bows and stuff in it. I even had a brief fantasy of a girl putting my long blue hair in pigtails. As I went back to my room to change for the night, I even had cause to go to reception still clad in my costume to complain about the fact my keycard didn't work. Took the wig off though but regretted it as it got caught in the zip of my bag. That's another thing as well, I'm considering maybe getting a smaller TARDIS themed bag. Maybe a key to put around my neck as well. Not sure how many more times I'll use the same costume though as I'm always looking to do other things but it was fun.

I fretted so much about my costumes for this convention because I didn't want to squander the chance I had and ended up forgetting about the other good stuff: the talks, panels, entertainment and just having a drink and a laugh with friends but as I said earlier, it had given me renewed confidence and vigor for continuing to crossdress. Maybe one year I won't need a costume or character to hide behind.



 

Aftercon

Hey everyone.

I was going to write something about what happened to me this weekend. Something I was dreading but it turned out to be a really positive experience and actually has given me a renewed vigor for crossdressing.

However, I've not had the best time at work during the last week and actually for the past month which is ironic since I've taken some time off recently. Yesterday was a really low ebb for me. I'm sick of my fears getting the better of me and it seems like I'm constantly trying to prove myself time and time again. I just don't seem to develop and yesterday saw me chicken out of something important and lie about it afterwards.

It looks like I'll have to rectify this by the end of the week and I hope that things will get better during the coming weeks. I would really love to do another Fashionista post as there are quite a few things I've noticed recently. Don't know how much time I'll have this week anyway.

Oh, and I won the Haven caption contest for the first time in five years which has made me quite happy.

Anyway, hopefully more soon.

July Update

Well, provided I get this one in under the wire this will be my first update in a month.

It's been an odd month, not much in the way of crossdressing and the like. I've taken some time off and have just got back from a week's holiday so I do feel rested although I do wish I had left work on better terms. Still, all that to come Monday I suppose.

Earlier I mentioned the TARDIS outfit I was going to do, well everything turned up but the convention I was going to was cancelled. Non-refundable hotel tickets though so i had a weekend away. I have another convention coming up so I may wear it there. Sadly I may not be able to get the Star Trek dress though. My bottle is starting to go anyway and I think it's because of some friends of mine going to the same convention. Now, these are good people who i don't expect will react that badly to me if I do choose to wear a dress but I still have a little fear about what their reactions will be so that's kind of giving me some angst.

I've been having a few fantasies recently and they seem to revolve around a convention and me being forced to wear various things by a woman or women I meet there. Being forced to act like a little bimbo or dressed how they want me. Nothing more specific I'm afraid.

Relative Dimensions

In my last post I talked about dressing as the TARDIS at the next con and I've ordered a few things to help that along, namely a t-shirt and some blue tights.  Now, I've been thinking about possible accessories, maybe even a purse or something to carry about, especially a headband. There are a couple of nice designs around featuring a TARDIS blue lamp on top which would be a nice addition to the outfit...except they all seem to be sold out.

So I've been thinking of making my own little lamp thing. Making things with my hands isn't really something I do that much but I'm still considering it which means I've been looking at yogurt pots in a funny way recently, trying to find one that looks right. No idea how to do the top though, I need some kind of blue triangle thing and at the moment I'm just thinking of some blue card.

Now, there's also a problem with the bottom and I suddenly thought of using a blue ribbon tied around it, maybe in a bow. This is possibly one of the girliest thoughts I've had and it intrigues me how comfortable I am with it now that I consider ribbons and bows and accessorizing in this way. Now, if only I can get someone to lend me a hot glue gun without saying what it's for...

June Update

I've been a bit up and down recently due to work stuff and general life stuff. I'm still letting fear consume me in nearly all areas of my life. It can make you so tired too. I still intend to try and start dating again at some point. Recently I realised that it would have been my two year anniversary with my ex. I really don't know how to feel about her anymore. I miss her an awful lot though, all the conversations we used to have but I don't think I would want to get back with her. I don't want her as a friend either; that would be too weird. At least I don't see her about that much on social media these days.

 I haven't bought any new clothes recently but I have been dipping in and out of crossdressing as my mood takes me. Hopefully I'm going to be cosplaying again soon at an upcoming convention. I did want to put together a Clara outfit but time has got the best of me although I did have an idea that I might go as the TARDIS if I can get a t-shirt and a few accessories to go with my blue skirt. Very excited!

Dressing Service

In addition to thinking about going on holiday I did think about going to a dressing service while I have some time off. Pay for a couple of hours and get a fully feminine makeover. As you know, for me it's mainly about the clothes and the freedom to wear what I want. Make-up has never much been something I want to experiment with, I'm too much of a slob for that, but it would be nice to get the full works from a professional: wig, make-up and a nice dress. Maybe it might change my mind about a few things.

I'm still scared going into shops and looking through clothes. I should just go back to shopping on the internet to expand my wardrobe. I saw a wonderful dress in the window of a charity shop yesterday. It wouldn't have fit me but wow I would have loved to try it on or wear something similar.

Anyway, that led me onto a little fantasy I've been having recently regarding this. I keep thinking of a scene, undertaken while I'm at the dressing service, so it's all staged purely for my benefit. I would enter a sitting room dressed a bit 1950s in a Lindy Bop dress, matching cardigan, heels, tights and hair styled in a particular way with a large headband and clutching a handbag. I would join a couple of other (GG) girls and our 'men' would be dressed in suits sitting on the sofa talking (now these could be real men or maybe even women in drag. I like a woman in a tie, very sexy, which I expect says something interesting about my tastes). I would gossip with the girls before being called over by my man and sitting by his side. He would ask me to fetch things for him and generally be a subservient wife. Not sure how it would go from there. Perhaps we leave and I wave goodbye to my new friends. Might have to think more about that one.

Update: May 2015

Hello everyone,

I have been meaning to write something recently so here is a kind of omnibus edition of stuff.

~

I haven't really had a good month at work and had a very bad week at the beginning of the month. Things are starting to even out now though but I'm in a profession in which there's so much negativity that I don't know if I can put up with it any more. Never mind the fact that I'm drowning in work. The boss seems happy though and I've begun to get a better attitude to it thanks to a friend of mine. I've started leaving earlier and that's been a boost.

~

I'm beginning to think that when I split up with my girlfriend that it was a greater knock to me than I thought it was. I'm still expecting to look down and find a text from her and the issue of sex still worries me. It's like being a horny teenager again, I feel a desire to go out and find someone to have sex with just to prove that I can. It's an odd thing to say in a place like this but I don't feel like a man. I feel I've lost whatever masculinity I had. Of course I know that sex isn't the be all and end all but having never had much of it I really was looking forward to getting into it with a partner. It's like fixing something. If the TV breaks I must try to fix it straight away or whatever device is on the turn this week. I'm the same when I come back from holiday, I must unpack my stuff within a few hours to get things back to normal; to maintain the status quo (nothing to do with Rick Parfitt) and this is something I feel I need to fix for my own peace of mind. I had over a year with her and I still couldn't get it right but then I did get the feeling that I would have more time. I guess that's another thing I resent her for, throwing me back into dating and forcing myself to try and socialise and chat up women again. I was supposed to be rid of all that.

~

The summer is upon us so I might go away for a holiday soon. Last year I realised that I wanted a bit more out of a holiday than seeing the inside of a convention centre. Not sure where to go though but it would be nice to get some sun. I'm also thinking of going to Cardiff, see some Doctor Who locations at some point this year.

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Finally: Tagging. When the Haven got a new tagging system I have to admit I didn't see much use for it but a lot of people have been using it so I've been trying it recently, going back and tagging my old captions. It's been quite a fun game for myself. While out walking I would recall a caption and try and think what tags I would need for it, what the story entails: TG change? Crossdressing? Brother to Sister? Boyfriend to BFF? Personality change? I hope to go through all my work but I've not long finished updating all my links after the Haven's data loss so this one may have to wait.