Saying and Not Saying

I do have a couple of posts planned over the next few days but I didn't expect to be siting down and writing anything tonight but something happened at work. It regarded someone who worked for a different company on the same floor as us and the way he was dressed (pink shorts and a t-shirt basically) and a colleague of mine mentioned, partially using another colleague as a random example, "Well he could wear a skirt and you couldn't say anything."

Sorry for the vagueness by the way but I'm sure you'll understand why. Anyway, this made me think about my own situation and how I've at times thought of asking if I can wear more feminine clothes in the office. I'm not really trans or at least I don't think so so there's not really much of an excuse. People still look at crossdressers as perverts in some respects but hopefully with the younger generation embracing gender fluidity there may be hope yet. A friend of mine who does dress a little different themselves works in an office where it isn't an issue but then I work in a much stricter profession. 

It's those words that stuck in my craw a bit though "you couldn't say anything" with the implication being that it would be wrong for a man to wear a skirt and the next sentence out would most likely be about 'woke liberal snowflakes' or other such culture war rubbish. Why should something need to be said though? Why can't it just be? The conclusion ended up being that as long it was appropriate office wear it would be within company rules and to be fair to the colleague who had the comment randomly directed at him did say he had no issue with anyone if that's what they wanted to do but just not him. In fact it reminded me a little of something I saw on a train once with a late middle aged couple commenting on one of the people sitting opposite me (I think anyway. I wasn't dressed femme but probably had my nails painted). Both were sitting on opposite seats and stretched a newspaper across them to whisper. It was like a scene from a sitcom, both hiding behind a big newspaper. I recall the man saying something like "probably get done for even asking."

So did I say anything? No. It was hard to know quite what to say especially without outing yourself plus these moments pass by so quickly they can be hard to process. I don't want to think ill of my colleague though as I do like them and they never struck me as that sort. I've also been painting my nails for a while now. I only used to on the weekends and then I became the sole occupant of the office during lockdown so I never stopped. Most people like it but now I wonder if it's just being tolerated because "you can't say anything". I might try and bring it up in a humourous way with them at some point and see how things go. I may be overthinking things and of course I've spoken before about how I'm conflicted about asking my superiors about dressing and how it's something I never even considered would ever come up in my lifetime. I never thought I would go outside fully dressed let alone to pubs with friends. 

People are stuck in their ways and sometimes they just need their eyes opening. I've had experiences like that. I'm not sure if I'm the person to do that though. In cases like this you're either the rabble rouser who wants to make things better for people like you or you just want to get on with your life and live it how you want to. I should be grateful at how many people are so accepting of me. I don't know if I'm the sort of person to change things but then visibility even in small ways is important. This year Ru Paul's Drag Race had its first heterosexual queen - Maddy Morphosis - and she was wonderful to see for someone like me but Maddy also spoke about not wanting to be a role model or trendsetter for cis guys in drag.  

I'm sure I'll think about it a lot in the next few days but things like this never truly affect me or if they do it's only for a little while. I may think I've reached the end of my tether but then I see the next outfit I really want to wear and I feel no shame about it. It's just the way I am.