New Skirt

Well, I ended up sending the dress back. There wasn't an option to swap it unfortunately but I will be either buying it again or another one. It would be great to have a proper dress for myself.

Luckily though the skirt I ordered arrived and it fits well. It's a lovely flared blue skater mini skirt. I'm also thinking of getting something tighter like a pencil skirt. The style seems to be against me these days; all neat and buttoned up. Tops and t- shirts are tucked into skirts and shirts are buttoned up to the top. I often joke that perhaps it was because I was born in the 1970s, the age of open necks and medallion man, it's not natural for me. I do tend to wear shirts out and top buttons undone though because it relaxes me more plus not being exactly a slender man it covers up the bulge a bit. Wearing a long coat often helps too.

It's been a busy week although I have been talking to a t-girl friend of mine about some stuff and she may give me some help regarding make-up and going shopping. I've developed a possible tactic for shopping and it's not up to much but perhaps if I just take one item and just look it over for a minute or so rather than rush looking through stuff it might take some of the stigma away.

One more thing, I caught part of the old hammer horror movie Dr Jekyll and Sister Hyde. had to switch it over but it might be fun to stick a review up here when it comes around again. There were some lovely Victorian dresses though.

Getting

Well the knickers I ordered arrived a few days ago and they fit very well. They're pink cotton with some embroidery and frill on the side. Never worn knickers before but they feel really nice. 

Now, I ordered from a well know online retailer so the packages may not be quite as, um, discreet as you may expect. Luckily I've been ok so far but the latest one was too big for the letterbox and I had to pick it up from the post office...and there was a label emblazoned across the front with exactly what was in it. The guy in the post office never said anything though thankfully and I suppose the situation could have been worse if the parcel had been delivered here and I hadn't got to it first. I've still got a skirt to come too so I wonder what will happen there. 

I was really excited about the dress though. The only time I've worn one before was for a school play about 20 years ago and now I'm buying one of my own. Unfortunately I feel a bit bummed out now. The colour wasn't what I expected, it was a purple instead of a wine red-type colour but that's no big deal. Sadly it was also a bit tight so I will probably need the next size up. Not sure whether or not to send it back, keep it in case I slim down or just order another. I never like returning stuff especially something like this.

Hopefully the skirt will be a bit better. 

For a little while though it was nice to be almost fully 'dressed'.

Waiting

"No they're not mine, I let someone else use my account"

"Yeah, my sister sometimes orders stuff"

"Fancy dress party next week."

"Girlfriend's birthday coming up soon. Sssshh!"

"Yes those are mine. Problem?"

"I can lend them to you if you want."

"Yes, certainly I can model them for you."

Sorry, may have drifted into fantasy there but I'm just practicing some excuses. You see, I've ordered some clothes from a website: a dress, skirt, tights and some knickers and I'm more excited than I thought I would be about them arriving.

There's always the thought though that they may end up being delivered to another address. Our letterbox is quite small and often parcels have to be taken in by neighbours or back to the post office. It's almost worth everything going back to the post office so I can pick it up in one shot rather than risk my housemate or someone else opening it. Still, I might be able to cover it up. The first piece of female clothing I ever ordered was an ice princess dress a couple of years ago and it was taken in by a neighbour.

I procrastinated so much about this but I'm glad I did. I've also been doing a bit of dressing in the evenings recently too.

The tights arrived this morning and very nice too. Grey this time, not black, as I thought they would go well with my new dress. Hmm looks like I'm starting to accessorize now.

Anyway, I'll do an update when the rest arrives I expect.  

Pink Library #7: The Secret Stash

Since I was discussing goth girl fantasies recently it put me in mind of this story which can be found on Fictionmania:

The Secret Stash by StickySteph

One trope of the TG/TF story is a despicable protagonist and here James is trying to steal his gothy sister's money in order to take his date out. Having magical clothes forced on you is a wonderful idea and one I occasionally come back to (hey, anything as long as those clothes get on). The descriptions of the clothing are wonderful too and I love that the wig also rubs his face giving him some gothy make-up.

Obviously the guy has to be humiliated but I have to wonder how everyone laughing can tell it's him under all the clothes, make-up and wig . This story also leaves you wanting more and wondering what will happen when he meets up with the other goths and what they'll make him do to earn freedom. It would be cool to see him become a full member of the group.

A wonderful forced femme tale.

Fancy

I'm probably very behind the times regarding todays popular hit parade but I heard about the video for this song a while ago and after having a still pop up in a picture search I decided to give it a shot.

The song is Fancy by Iggy Azalea featuring Charli XCX and is inspired by the movie Clueless. The video is from YouTube

I've spoken before about my love for Clueless and I'm glad to see scenes recreated for this video. Regarding the song, it's not normally my thing but I found it quite catchy after a few listens and for a tune about rich party girls it's great that they chose to homage something like Clueless rather than the usual kind of rap video content. It really gels with the subject of the song and, rather than just a feel, it heavily references particular scenes from the movie.

Growing up with it it feels odd to see Clueless referenced and held up as a classic but I suppose it was girls my age that fell in love with it back in 1995 especially the look. I know that if I was a teenage girl back then, I would have been hooked by it and there is still something sexy about knee socks. Many of the outfits are recreated well and of course there's Cher's yellow plaid suit and Iggy definitely wears it well. As I've said before, this is a dream outfit of mine. If I were to achieve one thing through cross dressing it would be to wear that outfit (probably at a fancy dress party) and feel like a spoiled 90s teen princess for an evening.

Update

Things haven't really got much better this week.

It kind of hit home to me last night how socially inept I am. In some ways it doesn't feel like any time has passed since I was mumbling around a sixth form social nearly 20 years ago. Of course I realise that I have changed in the intervening years. I'm more worldly, I have life experience and, yes I'm more confident but I still can't apply myself. I still get too intimidated.

A long time ago I thought that I would suddenly have this knowledge when I reach a certain age - I have a very specific memory of it while swimming in a pool - but that doesn't happen. It takes experience like everything else in life. I don't believe I can change though. It would have happened by now if it's going to but I think I'm stuck with myself a certain way for the rest of my life. It's why I don't think I should try therapy or anything like that. You can say whatever platitudes and do as many exercises you want, it's not going to change how of think or how you feel at a core level. It makes me so frustrated. I hate myself because of it. Is this how I'll be remembered? A fool? A drunk? A sissy? I guess as long as I'm remembered.

I think with my ex I'm either going to have to put up or shut now she's reappeared. Either I start talking to her again or just defriend her altogether.  Believe it or not though I think I'm genuinely close to being over her which is what makes last night so frustrating.

I had an idea for a short story too, well, a short piece of fiction. For a while I've been thinking of doing some Role Exchanger captions but not involving TG which of course means I can't really do them on the Haven plus I would have to find pictures. What I may do though is write one just as a short piece for here. I've had an idea and I've been thinking about it for the last few days and I really like it. At least there's the bank holiday coming up.