May Update #2

A few things from the weekend: I crossplayed at the MCM Expo again, wearing my Star Trek dress and it seemed to go over just as well as it has done previously. I even had someone ask me to pose for some professional shots which was fun. It's always confidence boosting to have people ask you for photos and I had quite a few.  

Today was a Bank Holiday and I was at home so I dressed for the day. My green top with black spots and white collar and a black mini skirt I bought for cosplay. Oh and bright red nails and a heart necklace. Now, I rarely go for a walk in my home town dressed and in the past it's only been when I'm going up to the station but today I walked around the corner to the cornershop to get something to eat. May not sound like anything but I was a bit nervous since it was such a familiar place. Strangers are one thing but people know me round here although I would be prepared to go shopping like this although I'm a little wary for the odd reason that most of my clothes come from the second hand shops in town. In the end I also ended up walking back and forth to the car helping my housemate unload it. 

May Update

Wow! Three months just flies by doesn't it?

Ok, I honestly didn't mean to leave it that long before I posted but, truth be told, ever since I've been dressing and going out dressed more regularly it's not a big thing anymore to chronicle every little step I make or everything new I buy. Funnily enough, I do seem to be buying things once a week now. This is not to say that there is, um, nothing left to say. I still feel myself wanting to post on various topics and life in general as I still feel that there is plenty left to say. This isn't over for me by any means and I still feel that this is a journey. I'm still experimenting with looks and myself in general.

I can't recall actually going out dressed in the last few months but I have spent the odd day dressed (when I have a day off) rather than on the weekends or in the evenings when I come home from work. I'm still using it as a bit of a crutch; a way of escaping the day. So anyway, new clothes bought include a black and grey striped dress (which I love), black mini skirt (for cosplay), green and black polka-dotted top with Peter Pan collar, plain white top, purple top with flowers embroidered on and plaid mini skirt. The latter I was unsure of because its not exactly me and a bit chavvy/poor little rich girl although those are both looks I like. I discarded another dress for much the same reason. I still have a problem with dressing rooms although a few weeks ago, bold as brass, I took two dresses into one. Then again yesterday I felt a bit self conscious while out in Camden market and to be honest if there's any place which is likely to be cool with all types of people, it's Camden. Not been down there in many years though and I've always felt like I wasn't alternative enough for it which is a bit silly, I know.

Cosplay wise, I've had a bit of a boost recently as I may be getting some clothes made for me by a seamstress which will be nice because I've not been feeling that good about it since the end of last year. I have been meaning to elaborate on this further though. I've also been meaning to do a few more reviews of TG related film and TV including getting back to the Quantum Leap reviews.

Another thought: how come wearing shorts I don't mind having hairy legs but I feel the need to shave while wearing a skirt or dress. Is it just the aesthetic aspect? Shaving is probably for the best though.

Pause

So I had a bit of a moment today. 

I bought a new dress, black with green birds on it, which is all very nice but it's quite low cut and I didn't really notice before I tried it on. Seeing all that hair on my chest reminded me of what I am, of the stereotypical cross dresser. We may like to think we look super sexy in a hot dress but there are things that remind you that you're a hairy, misshapen lump in a piece of clothing not even designed for your gender but for some pretty young woman. 

I realise that this is easily remedied though; I can shave my body or put on a t-shirt (which is what I did and am in fact wearing at this moment) but I guess seeing myself like that brought it into sharp focus. I am considering taking it back but now I've worn it for a bit, plus the addition of a necklace, it's not so bad. I like a nice bit of neck space and I'm not considering breast forms anytime soon but I may watch out for more low cut stuff in future. 

For further clarification, for anyone that cares, I'm wearing the dress (white t-shirt underneath) with a pair of black leggings and a grey sparkly jumper. I've also painted my nails again and trying something new, light red with half painted in a darker red. Very nice and not chipped yet which is a first. Also bought some red lipstick recently. I've been thinking about trying some bright red lipstick for a while now and it looks nice but I still need more application practice. 

February Update

So anyway, Valentine's Day wasn't all that hot for me. The girl I was dating has said she just wants to be friends. It wasn't a great surprise to be honest but putting a full stop on it still hurts. I guess it's more the realisation that I've now got to start looking and dating again but at least I may get rid of some of my sexual hang-ups.

Of course, I also wonder about my crossdressing. What if I find a new partner and she can't stand it? The point I'm at now, I wonder whether I could give it up but if I really loved her then I guess I would. Better to have lived as I have been for a short while than not at all I guess. It's something that would have to be broached very carefully unless I actually meet someone while dressed or crossplaying which would be a relief. Then again, the crossplaying my be stopping as I've had second thoughts carrying on but I'll post about that at a later date. I've bought a new dress recently and I may have some occasions coming up where I can go out dressed again but I'm now wondering whether I should. I'm still in the mindset of grabbing every opportunity where I can rather than considering whether it's something I feel like doing. I've been wearing necklaces more and more too.

I've also been having something of a new fantasy recently. I'm with a girl, in a relationship, and she's making me dress plus giving me girly things I have to say or do in a kind of gentle domme way. For some reason she calls me Lucy.

Valentine's Day

St Valentine's Day is coming soon so here's a little tip from me.

Lots of guys will be shopping around for gifts for the missus so it won't exactly be that odd to see a man in the women's clothing section of a big clothes store, if you get my drift. A nice excuse to use. If anyone asks, that's all you need to tell them. Perhaps, by suprise, the missus just happens to be the same size as you. As I've said in the past, if you're heading for the changing room then it might be a good idea to mask the clothes you really want to try on with some shirts or something.

Using the changing rooms can be a bit daunting and it's something I'm still getting used to. If it's a unisex changing room though, you may get lucky and find that someone has left something in one of the cubicles which has happened to me a couple of times. Funnily enough, last Saturday was the most recent. I was trying on some jeans and found someone had left a nice top in there. Black with a flowered blouse below cut right up the back like a surgery gown. Quite popular in the summer a couple of years ago, I remember. Just my size too (a bit bigger actually). Didn't buy it, felt a bit funny with the split in the back, but nice to try on and see what it looked like.

Crutch

I'm beginning to wonder if I've been using dressing as a bit of a crutch recently. I've had a really bad couple of weeks at work and I've been finding that I've been wanting to dress more and more when I get home. Perhaps it's my way of escaping into a bit of a fantasy even though it's not really a fantasy by this point.

Just last week, I wore a wonderful dress to my own birthday drink. I had been looking forward to it for ages. I also bought another nice dress at the weekend.

It could be a sign that I'm getting more confident and that I'm progressing more and more. Not sure where it will lead but I'm looking forward to it. Summer is certainly going to be interesting. Perhaps I'm trying to claw back something of myself from the day.

Rather random thoughts, I know.

January Update

Well, it's a been a while since my last update. Nothing major has really happened but it's been an interesting few weeks.

Christmas was the usual family affair, always very enjoyable and relaxing few days. During the break between Christmas and the New Year I went out a couple of times for drinks with friends and even 'dressed' for it. One day I spent a sizable chunk actually getting ready. Bought a new pair of boots. Really nice black with a buckle on the side. The sort you see girls wearing that makes it look like they're just one size too big and look really nice when coupled with a dress and tights. I painted my nails again and although I still enjoy the look, it's getting to be a bit frustrating when it keeps coming off even with a coat of non-chip. Still, everything went fine with no major incidents and I got some nice compliments.

Now, New Year was meant to be a full circle for me as I was due to wear my lovely black dress to my friends' party. I was going to get new shoes and maybe try a bit more make-up proving to myself how far I had come in a year and achieved an ambition I never even knew I had. Alas, though the party was called off due to illness and troublesome facilities so it was a night in with a Marvel movie, various firework displays and Robbie Williams singing for some reason.

I've bought a couple of nice necklaces now as well and ran into a little bit of trouble while looking at belts in a second hand store when one of the assistants informed me that I was looking in womens' section and directed me to the mens'. Now, I could have made a fuss and indeed I've been mentally preparing for this sort of thing but to be honest I didn't see the worth in it and mumbled over to the mens section. She was a nice old lady only trying to help and of the many fights I could potentially face, this is not the hill I want to die on.

I've returned to work which is getting busier and more stressful by the day as I'm struggling to catch up. Last week though I saw my girlfriend and admitted my crossdressing to her and had a nice response. She's a little apprehensive although she admits it's because she really hasn't much experience of it and I'm wondering what the first time she sees me 'dressed' (probably in a few weeks) will be like. She's only the second person I think I've actually told; everyone else got the visual first. She sent me some nice texts the next day too. So that's basically where I am at the moment