First Day of Advent

The regular '25 Caps of Christmas' thread has kicked off over on Rachel's Haven and I did want to post my first caption here as I was quite pleased with how it turned out but first of all I may just mention something that happened today which was a little embarrassing.

One of my favourite looks and one I wanted to try once I started dressing was a pair of denim shorts, rolled up at the leg and paired with black tights. I have a pair which don't really fit that well and have meant to replace them (wore them to a party once. Not sure why). I saw a pair in a supermarket today at a reduced price so decided to get them. Unable to try them on as the fitting rooms are still off limits due to COVID. However it was only when I got them to the self-service tills that I found out they were a maternity pair. The reduced sticker was covering the description. Unfortunately I had to call a member of staff to cancel the whole order so that I could rescan the rest of the goods I was buying. Dreading speaking to a member of staff about it at least she didn't ask me why I was trying to buy them. I left feeling somewhat humiliated but not really sure why. At times I feel so angry that other people's opinions or what I feel they will be are holding me back.

Anyway, here's the caption I wanted to post featuring my witchy character Ember entering the advent calendar market. I think my favourite part of this one was writing about the various final things that will change the opener into a variety of different women. The photo is of a beauty advent calendar produced by Chanel. 

First Day of Advent (2021)

 

Check-Up #16

It's not often that I dream about gender change but it happened last night. I'm sure it must have happened before but I don't recall right now. It was an odd dream and from what I remember I wasn't the only one doing it but I had to switch bodies with a friend (who I think may have been an old flame). The swap worked and I remember feeling so much joy and excitement at being in a female body - however it wasn't long before I worked out that the swap hadn't actually worked and that I still had male genitalia which was disappointing. I woke up shortly after. I've since looked up the dream and it has a number of meanings and like a lot of dreams many more than you may actually think. The main one here is that there are parts of myself or feelings that are fighting to get out. 

It has been quite an interesting month though all told. I had a few days off and went to some events. On Halloween I went to a party as an old favourite go-to costume of mine which was a vampire cheerleader. Although not quite bold enough to travel by train in costume, a few drinks at a party and I ended up travelling back in it which meant a few minutes walking through a town I had never been to before plus an hour and a half on two trains to get back home. 

Earlier that day I had been able to complete a cosplay I had been sort-of planning. As you know I love Clara Oswald's outfits in Doctor Who and I found out through a costuming website that the dress she wore in the 2015 two part story Under the Lake/Before the Flood is available through Miss Patina. I ordered one and, despite it being a little tight (unfortunately there was no bigger size) I was happy with it. I'm also now getting emails about offers from the Miss Patina website which I love because they have some very cute clothes. Anyway the only other thing I needed to complete the costume was a mustard top. There are also some tights and boots but they're generic enough for me to get by with what I have although I do wonder whether the tights are navy or black. Anyway I managed to get a top in a charity shop and it looks so good. I'm stupidly excited about this look and wearing it in the future to a convention. 

Peter Capaldi and Jenna Coleman in a 2015 BBC publicity photograph for the
Doctor Who two part story Under the Lake and Before the Flood

Over the last year or so I have gone back and forth with cosplay and whether I want to still do it including whether my age precludes playing younger characters. I have concerns about whether I'm good enough and whether I will still have the same group of friends still to enjoy it with. I guess I have fears of being left behind while others move on with their lives. Saying that, cosplay still remains an interest for me and I've still been trying to put various outfits together over the last year. Anyway, last week I went to the Destination Star Trek convention and really enjoyed myself despite the fact that a new cosplay I had ordered ( a blue TNG era uniform dress) was delivered the very day I went to the convention. Still there's always next year. I had a good time with my friends though and even had some nice photos taken. 

A couple of other things I would note as well is that I bought a purple top with some black flowers on and wore it to an event in London coupled with some purple tights, black skirt, cardie and boots which is the first time I've been to an event dressed for over a year. The boots are the same I wear for my Star Trek cosplay and there's definitely something about wearing them and hearing the tapping of the heels as you walk down the street. Other than that I missed out on two quite similar dresses recently. One I saw in a charity shop, left it for a week and it was gone when it came back but I did see one with a similar patten yesterday...just as it was being bought by someone else. Oh well. Every so often I do think about asking work if I can dress while I'm in the office but it just seems to be so ingrained in me, perhaps with age, that it's silly to even ask. Still, you never know. 

Sacrifice

Here's something a bit folk horror related for the upcoming Halloween. 

This caption was created for the November 2020 competition on Rachel's Haven which was based around seasons. I used a still from the 1971 film Blood on Satan's Claw for this and I'm quite pleased with the story and how I managed to bring it full circle. 

Sacrifice (2020)

Check-Up #15

 It's been an up and down month for me. 

Recently I was able to have a holiday for a week which was quite nice and the weather stayed well. I even bought a new necklace. I've not really bought any new clothes recently apart from some cosplay which I'm only half hoping to do at some point (if I can get one more bit). In fact I veer between all the stuff I want to do and just throwing in the towel. I never wanted to just buy stuff, wear it once and never wear it again. I know there are some outfits I'm tempted by but are a bit too revealing for me to wear to a convention. 

In October I'll no longer be working from home which I'm a little sad about because I've enjoyed dressing up for it and sharing my photos online. Positive comments mean a lot but every so often, this week for example, I'm made aware of how much harder it is for acceptance in the wider world. I often come back to the idea of asking if I can wear dresses and skirts and to be honest I'm probably in the best position I could be having celebrated a big work anniversary but I don't know if I should do and if I even want to anymore. I'm not sure when I'll have the opportunity anymore as I rarely feel like it when I get in from work and at the weekend I often have to go out and even just for a short walk makes me a bit nervous. In fact I've become a little obsessed with the few moments I go out for a walk and how I look when I do. 

Check-Up #14

Apologies for not posting anything recently (if anyone is still reading this) but there's not been an awful lot happening. I wanted to make sure I put something up this month though so here we are late at night on Bank Holiday Monday. I've not made any new purchases recently and I'm still pondering my options for cosplay. Still in that same position of being really psyched for it and feeling inadequate. Probably best to keep off social media for a bit. Summer is ending shortly but hopefully it will hold on for a bit longer so I can go on holiday at last this year. 

I've mentioned The Changing Mirror website before and I would definitely recommend it as a great source of TF stories of various types (especially if you like weight gain stories) and in particular I've been enjoying the work of Grace Fairway recently. Unfortunately actually joining up has proved a challenge so it's a problem I've now been trying to solve. I have recently signed up to another site which I've been thinking about stories I may want to contribute so hopefully if I do then I will post them here as well. 

I've had rather a girly day today although trying a wig on for the first time in ages made me feel a bit down although it was nice to have the longer hair (which I always end up playing with) plus to tell the truth I am going a bit bald and at the moment it's terrifying me more than any other part of the aging process. I guess I feel more my authentic self with my own hair and when I have a wig on it just feels fake. I feel like the stereotypical transvestite rather than just myself which bring out a self-loathing I rarely have around my dressing. Before COVID hit I was looking at using a dressing service but I note that some do just hair and make-up tips so I'm wondering if a crash-course in make-up might help things. 

Americanisation

 As it's Independence Day today, I thought I would put something up about a occasional caption preference of mine: Americanization. 

Race or Nationality change is a lovely topic to explore and one of my favourites over the years has been Americanisation. As a Brit it's fun to be turned from the stuffy, reserved stereotype into an outgoing American draped in the Stars and Stripes with a southern fried accent and probably a spot on a cheerleading squad. 

Although it's been done to me a lot over the years I've only used it a handful of times for others (and spoilers sweetie but I'm going to be using it again very soon although I'm not saying on who for now...). The first time I used it was for a 'Please Americanise Me' topic for the lovely Evie Hyde over on Rachel's Haven who now runs Evie's Emporium and that is the caption I would like to present for you now. This was among the first I did so it's still a bit rough around the edges especially the bright red text on top of the photo so I apologise for the look. Hopefully it's readable enough and that you like it anyway. 

Tourist Trap (2011)

Check-Up #13

 I had meant to post something earlier but I've not been doing an awful lot recently.

I've bought a new (well, second hand) skirt which has a blue and grey checked pattern. I've not worn it yet as it's more of an autumn/winter wear and it's been really hot here recently. As always with the hot weather though I feel a little trapped between wanting to wear cooler clothes and the amount of hair I have which just disgusts me at times. No matter how much I shave there always seems to be stubble there so I don't seem to be able to get rid of it completely plus I do enjoy wearing tights over having bare legs as I think it looks better. Maybe this is the time for longer skirts although not today as it's quite grey at the moment. I also bought a quite cute Harley Quinn t-shirt. 

Cosplay is something that continues to be on my mind, not that I have plans to go to any conventions at the moment and in fact I'm not even sure if any have started up again. I do wonder whether eschewing wigs and make-up in the future might be the best for me although I do feel that they do lend themselves better to some characters like Amy Pond with her gorgeous red hair, Cher Horowitz with her long blonde hair and of course Harley Quinn with her pigtails and white make-up which brings so much to the character I couldn't imagine doing her without it. I am thinking though that maybe it's my five o'clock shadow that's causing me the most grief so if I find a way to cover it up that may be half the battle. I expect all I would need to learn is a few tips on concealing it and it would probably be easy to do in fact I don't know why I put off just sitting down and learning about this stuff. I think my interests lie more in the clothes themselves than any other part of my appearance.  I guess they are the main thing for me. 

Sorry I haven't got more to add at this time but hopefully more soon. 

Pink Library #12: Our Girl In Blue

Recently I've found a new author to enjoy over at MC Stories and The Changing Mirror. 

Grace Fairway's work involves F2F transformations and usually sees a straight-laced lady being entranced and enticed into a new subculture. I'm always a big fan of clothes based transformations and her stories so far have involved not a direct clothes swap in some cases but clothes with history, clothes that have been worn by another and they look like it. Descriptions of stepping into laddered tights and pre-worn pants, for example, sound like putting on another person's skin and therefore their persona especially the smell which usually involves cigarette smoke and the protagonist taking up the habit themselves. The story A Case for the Lawyer involves just that - a lawyer finding a mysterious suitcase full of clothes that look like they belong to a hooker and a particular one at that...

All too often as well the either the changer or the changee are unlikeable. Sometimes the person being changed is so loathsome or the life they then are forced into seems a bit mean for what is sometimes a minor misdemeanour or attitude while the person doing the changes just seems go overboard in their smirking cruelty. I recall a 'humiliation conga' story I read years ago about a man whose life is completely ruined with next to no way out of a horrific situation and all because he was a mild chauvinist and, while I know some would enjoy this a lot, it left me cold and I do think about it now and then when regarding stories of similar ilk. One thing that drew me in to Grace's work was the story The New Housemate which has just concluded and sees lesbian goth Alice moving in with straight laced Amy and making her the same. Amy never seemed to mean and Alice was a pleasant character, a world away from the moody goths of some stories I've read. Each to their own of course, some stories fit others better. 

Anyway, one I keep coming back to is Our Girl in Blue, which sees a police officer investigate some illegal raves and encountering a group of cybergoths. 

Our Girl In Blue by Grace Fairway

Grace's other work on MC Stories can be found here: https://mcstories.com/Authors/Grace-Fairway.html

Check Up #12

So what have I been doing recently? 

Well, nothing really. Nothing to note anyway. I had my first vaccination today though which is good news and things seem to be opening up again slowly. I bought a new stripy top today which was nice although I don't seem to have the impetus to do much else recently. I used to enjoy shopping and having a look around clothes stores but the mood has changed now so it doesn't feel quite like it was before plus I seem to be running out of space. I still have a few worries about my living situation but that's hopefully going to be sorted out soon so if I can at least get used to a new normal it will help. I'm still very fortunate to have a job at least even if I do find myself getting worried about money a little. I've started captioning regularly again which is a lot of fun and there are some other sites I'm thinking about joining to write more prose. 

I've also been thinking a lot about cosplay recently and in some cases whether or not to continue it at all. I'm sure once the cons start up it will be nice to go to some again and there are still a lot of costumes I would love to wear but I worry about whether it's still worth it. There are people who can do this sort of thing a lot better than I can and it feels a bit pointless to try sometimes. I've never been one for full on female impersonation but I still think that I may need to start doing wigs and make-up, neither of which I'm much good at. To be fair, I haven't really tried with make-up apart from some Harley Quinn cosplay which involved me putting some talcum powder on my face. I've never liked wigs that much either - I always think I look silly in them. Me in a wig looks like me in a wig. Maybe I should just stick to the clothes but then there's a part of me that wants to do the look justice and that means trying a bit harder. Or maybe I'm just too old for it now although I still have a lot of friends who do cons so it's still fun when I'm going with them. Hopefully I'll get the chance to soon. 

Blitzed!

Last week I watched a documentary Blitzed: The 80s Blitz Kids Story from 2020 which tells the story of The Blitz Club in London. 

The Blitz was a legendary club night which ran on Tuesday nights from 1979 to 1981 and sparked the New Romantic movement which was to influence fashion and music for throughout the decade. I've had an interest in it for a few years now even more so since I discovered the former site of it while out walking during my lunch break one day. A plaque on the wall commemorates that the pop group Spandau Ballet first played there at the Blitz Club on 5th December 1979. While all this was going on while I was a toddler does give me a little thrill that I was alive in such a time. 

The genesis of the club was a night dedicated to David Bowie run by Steve Strange and Rusty Egan for their friends. Bowie was well known for his gender bending fashions and this struck a chord with many in 1970s Britain suddenly noticing a different way you could dress. Indeed Glam Rock and Disco brought out all kinds of new fashions and attitudes. Fashion was a key thing to the Blitz aesthetic and the documentary tells how you needed the right look to get in or at least something outlandish and unique and, presumably, that cost very little. Many of the patrons were all skint young kids in their early 20s or just under with more creativity than money would allow and so they spent time in charity shops or raiding granny's closet for things they could make new outfits from. This was a place where Boy George of Culture Club worked in the cloakroom and men started to wear make-up and ever more extravagant fashions. 

So why am I interested in this? The creative freedom and expression of the time amazes me. Just anything that makes you think "wait, I can do that? This is allowed?" is enough to fire up my senses especially in my own quest for expression and acceptance. As the documentary notes though, there was still a lot of risk in walking down the street dressed up though as violent thugs could be waiting round the corner to beat you up for looking different. I sometimes wonder whether, if I was of the age to get in, if I would have attempted to go the The Blitz. I doubt I would have had the fashion sense or creativity to create an outfit and had I had the confidence to go outside my front door and actually get to the club unscathed  then I may not have even got in. I would probably have been going there alone too although if I had a group of friends it may have been a different story. Although it would have been worth it to say I did. Sometimes just getting outside your front door is enough and at least I could have said I tried. I was there (or not, obviously).  

I did do some clubbing in my youth although I never really enjoyed it. The music and the late nights weren't to my taste and I was never any good talking to women especially in that kind of situation and of course that's the main reason we went to those sorts of places. I remember when I was in college I saw an advert for a clothes swapping night at a club in London and I had a few fantasies about that and maybe ending up with a skirt or dress or something to go home in. Never did though. again, I think I was just too nervous. 

David Bowie ended up using patrons of The Blitz in his video for Ashes to Ashes as did Spandau Ballet in some of their early work. Interestingly the club shows up briefly in the second episode of the first series of time-travel police drama Ashes to Ashes which was set in 1981. Following the documentary I also rewatched that for the first time in years. 

I was also inspired to write a caption featuring the club so I'll leave you with that. This was created for Jay Seaver over at Rachel's Haven using a photo I found online. 

If you're at all interested in what I've said then please check out the documentary which is still available through Now TV or Sky Arts here in the UK at the time of writing but I'm sure it can be found elsewhere as can further information on the club and the New Romantic scene it created. 

New New Romantic (2013)

To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar

To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar is a prime contender for one of the weirdest titles in the history of cinema. 

At least, unlike some movies though, the title has a relevance to the actual movie as it refers to the text of an autographed picture of the former Catwoman actress one of the main characters steals from a restaurant wall. I remember this movie coming out and all the trailers for it although it's not one I've ever watched before now so I can't say it had any influence on me as a youth however just seeing men in drag would have been enough to get me thinking. Back in those days as well you could be familiar with sections of movies just from overplayed trailers and clips on movie review shows. 

Released in 1995, To Wong Foo... tells the story of three drag queens, Vida Boheme (Patrick Swayze), Noxeema Jackson (Wesley Snipes) and Chi-Chi Rodriguez (John Leguizamo) driving across the USA from New York to Hollywood to participate in the Miss Drag Queen USA pageant. Their car breaks down in the small town of Snydersville (I want you all to know I'm resisting a Snyder cut gag about now) where they stay for a few days while it's fixed. Faced with living amongst some potentially hostile locals they set about charming them. 

I watched this yesterday and to be honest I didn't know much about the plot of this movie going in - just that it was a road movie but once it was clear that the queens were going to stick around in Snydersville I was pleased to find a very 90s movie about acceptance and makeovers. The makeover movie was quite a thing for a while especially in the teen film genre. The queens teach the women of the town how to stand up for and believe in themselves and of course dress like absolute divas. Also we have a villain of the piece, a homophobic police officer, Dollard, played by Chris Penn, who is thwarted at the end by the townspeople standing together in support of their new friends. 

For such a light comedy it also features attempted sexual assault and domestic violence. Early on Dollard, pulls the girls' car over and attempts to rape Vida. When she fends him off there's a suspicion that she may have killed him and indeed she spends most of the movie thinking she did although it has little effect. I did wonder if he was really was going to be killed off as that would cast a shadow over the light comedy to follow despite what a loathsome character he was. Penn does put in a great performance though and I had to love the odd list he draws up of places he believes the queens may frequent. As the queens travel throughout the country you can see some of the prejudice that they face. In one scene Chi-Chi barrels into a hotel while Vida and Noxeema try to restrain her, fearful of the reaction inside. I know I've had a few moments like that. 

There are some fabulous outfits of course and way too many for the queens to be keeping in their battered Cadillac but that's the magic of the movies. One of my favourites was the combination of a striped top and purple skirt worn by Chi-Chi.   

I did find it a little odd that all three of the queens were in drag the whole time, indeed the only time we see them out of drag and getting ready is in the opening credits and the ending at the pageant was a little odd unless it was meant to be a dream sequence or a flash forward (I won't spoil it here) but at least it gives Julie Newmar a guest appearance in a film baring her name. Swayze, Snipes and Leguizamo were excellent in this and completely inhabited their personas. All in all, a sweet fun movie that made me nostalgic for the 1990s despite never seeing it the first time round. 

To Wong Foo... is presently on Amazon Prime in the UK. 

Theatrical poster for To Wong Foo,
Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (1995)

Credit: Wikipedia

Census

Today is Census day here in the UK. The last one was 10 years ago when I had just started capping and of course I used it as a source of inspiration. It's amazing how many things have inspired me to cap over the years. I think I also used some of the images I found on the official website. So anyway I thought I would share it with you all. 

This was created for Crow over at Rachel's Haven.

 

Census 2011 (2011)

Check-Up #11

I bought a new dress for the first time in months and in fact it was something I had planned to buy and wear to an event last year which never ended up happening because of the obvious. It was a lovely TARDIS themed dress which I ended up getting at a reduced price. Here's the link below: 

TARDIS Key Dress

I've also been think a lot more about cosplay recently as now would be a good time to work on some stuff although I don't expect any conventions or events to start up again until 2022. I still have some other things I need to get to complete a a couple of cosplays though. Sometimes I do think about whether I want to continue doing it mainly due to the type of cosplay I do and the fact that I'm getting older. If I didn't have a group of friends to do this with I doubt I would continue although there are still a lot of costumes I see on TV that make me really want to dress up so there is still some spark there. Wigs and make-up are probably my biggest concern but I just don't seem to have the impetus to deal with them now. Ironically since the many lockdowns we've had since last March it would probably have been the best time to learn how to do my make-up but still I just seem to lapse into watching TV when I'm not working.

Speaking of which, I'm reaching the end of my Doctor Who rewatch now so of course I've fallen in love with Clara Oswald's wardrobe all over again and in the course of falling down a few internet rabbit holes I've found this wonderful blog that has now got me considering more Clara cosplays:

Clara Oswald Cosplay 

One final link for you, I spoke a while ago briefly about the movie Psycho and it's effects on how crossdressing is now viewed. A friend linked me to this wonderful video on You Tube from Lindsay Ellis explaining in great detail about how the movie and other media has had an effect on transphobia. 

Tracing the Roots of Pop Culture Transphobia

The iGuide to Teenage Girls

The other day I was looking through some very old captions for a specific one to put up here when I thought, since I've been doing this for over a decade now, it would be a fun idea to put up something I published ten years to the day (yes, I get quite anal about dates and stuff like that). 

At the time I had only been capping for about 6 months and was still exploring my style and presentation of captions so it is a bit rough around the edges. I also regretted the very 80s digital font for the download text so apologies if it's a wee bit difficult to read. The main idea behind this one I think came from a story I read in which a lot of new knowledge was downloaded into someone's brain making them into a new person. Can't quite recall which one it was now. 

Anyway, I present the below caption which was created and posted for Totalditz on Rachel's Haven on 27th February 2011. 

The iGuide to Teenage Girls (2011)

New Year 2021

Happy New Year...ok halfway through January. Happy halfway through January. 

I had a nice enough Christmas despite the new lockdown restrictions we have here in the UK and a fun New Year. I saw some friends on Zoom and watched an improv comedy show so all in all it was a fuller New Year's Eve than I've had most years. 

Last year I was pleased with the amount of blogging I was able to do. Not quite sure I'll keep up with it this year as sometimes I have more things to say than others. I have a few ideas about things I would like to do this year. There are a couple of sites I'm thinking of writing for and there's another blog I'm considering starting on. Also, a carry over resolution from last year, is that I wanted to get a full femme makeover done and obviously I wasn't able to do because of COVID but if things start to get better this year then I may be able to go for it. If not, then there's always 2022. Of course there's always cosplay and I'm still making plans for more costumes which I will hopefully get the chance to show off if the conventions restart. 

One small fashion tip though - big collars. I keeps seeing them everywhere on dresses and tops and am quite tempted to get something myself although I still prefer the smaller Peter Pan style collars.