Christmas Morning

I was going to work up a caption featuring a topic I've been interested in recently (namely adults pretending to be teens but no-one noticing) but I didn't have time in the end so I've done it as a short scene. It's a bit rough but I hope you like. 

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"Breakfast is on the table now! Anyone not here in five minutes will meet a very well fed cat!" I shouted to the family upstairs. I'm not sure if mum would have said the same thing but since I'm driving now, I think I'm entitled to go off book every now and again. 

One by one all three came downstairs. Although they looked the same to the outside world, to me things still looked askew. I only hoped the effect didn't last long or that I would find a way to reverse it.  Either way, this was going to be the strangest Christmas the Davis family ever had. We were a tight knit unit: mother, father and two teenagers, a boy and a girl, but, as I said, things were a little more askew this year and it was like we had all been knocked to the left a little. I had prepared a special breakfast for Christmas Day, some reindeer shaped pancakes with some sausages and eggs, and I hoped not only would they like it but they would not suspect my cooking knowledge was minimal at best. I was the mother of the house, you see, a kind and dutiful housewife, dressed in a very festive red dress, black tights and tinsel earrings. A comical pair of antlers adorned my head and I was wearing a special apron with Santa on. Nobody would think it unusual to look in on us now that a 17 year old boy was the mother of the house. Somehow they would think that my tall, gangly frame, short brown hair and scattering of acne was not that odd for a housewife in her early 40s.

"Sausages from Tesco again?" my husband asked while chewing. "Yes, I got some new ones with apple in. I thought you would like them," I replied. "Well I do, very nice," came the response. This took me aback a little as I had never known my 16 year old sister to be pleased about much, certainly not in the last few years, but now to all intents and purposes she was my husband. Her blonde hair was somewhat shorter than usual and she was dressed in an old white t-shirt, striped shorts and a blue dressing gown but she was still my sister. My dad's clothes fit her perfectly, as did all of ours, only she wasn't aware of the change. That burden was on my shoulders alone, eye of the storm I guess as I was the one that caused this, and I'm not sure if I would rather live in ignorance. I know what you're thinking and, yes, I tried to avoid all forms of contact with her. I had a few 'headaches' over the past couple of days. She still seemed like my dad though from the way he would slump in front of the news every night with a glass of beer to the dirty jokes I heard occasionally heard him say to his friends on the phone. This time though it was the disapproving looks of his wife rather than his giggling son that heard them. 

My mum was the biggest surprise of all. I knew it would be weird dealing with myself, essentially, but I never knew how weird. She came to the table dressed in a Star Wars t-shirt, black shorts and a striped dressing gown, slumped into a seat and didn't speak two words to me other than to ask some syrup for the pancakes. Her body shape was still the same but her hair was shorter and a little spikier than before, less salon fresh, but still with some grey around the edges. Was that really how I acted? I didn't realise that before, well, you don't know how others look at you. If I manage to reverse this then I'm going to make some changes although I would much rather have my old life back today. My mum had to cook the dinner and basically plan Christmas whereas I only eat it and sit on my arse watching TV all day. 

"Kelly! Are you coming" I shouted upstairs. "Yes, in a minute, I'm talking to Kayla." The proper question would be when was 'she' not talking to Kayla. Those girls were never off the phone to each other. I say girls, by the way, but the part of Kelly was now given to my father. He came around the corner, about 6ft in height with long, greying hair but with the unshakable belief that he was a 16 year old girl. My dad was dressed in Kelly's usual night attire, a pink strappy top and booty shorts with lips branded on them and 'kiss-chase champ' on the front of the top, fluffy pink slippers and a pink dressing gown with hearts on. He drifted into his seat and turned his nose up at the food I offered and insisted on some cereal instead as he was 'staying away from fatty foods'. "Mum, can I go to Kayla's for dinner?," he asked, smiling at me. "No, dear," I replied firmly "It's Christmas and your grandparents are coming over so we are all eating here." "But that's not fair!" "Tough. You can go to Kayla's on Boxing Day," I said. "Daddy!" he protested. "Robert!" I added, remembering my mum's usual tactic of getting my dad on side. "Your mother's right, you can go to Kayla's tomorrow," my sister replied, the irony of her refusing her own request was not lost on me. "Yeah, my parents said tomorrow, total bummer," 'Kelly' complained with the phone clamped to his ear, twirling his hair around one finger "yeah, I know right. Face Time later, kay."

"What time's dinner today, Emma?" my sister suddenly said. "About half three," I replied, luckily I retained enough of my mum's cookery knowledge and recipe books to cobble together a competent Christmas dinner. "Oh good," she smiled "just enough time for me to wrap that little gift I got you". I sighed at the mention of her 'little gift' as that's what got us into this situation to begin with. When my dad got back from his last trip to Romania I saw him stow away a small orb under some socks in his drawer. Intrigued, I dug it out and that was when my mum called me downstairs for some help with the washing up and it was in that moment I wished to be a proper adult. The next morning I woke up in my my parents' bed clad in my mum's nightdress and no matter how much I searched for the orb I couldn't find it. Suddenly I thought, if my sister can actually find the orb then maybe we have a chance at changing back. After I put in the turkey, and peel the veg, oh and then there's the stuffing... 

Christmas 2020

We all knew this year would be a bit different in terms of Christmas but thanks to new Government announcements about the tier system here in the UK, it looks like I may not see my family at all and so I'll be stuck on my own without even my housemate for company as he's since left (well, still in the process really). I knew that sooner or later the dark day would come when I would spend the festivities by myself but I never thought it would come this soon. It's one day of the year I really look forward too and I don't know what it will do to my mental health but at least it looks like I'll have some time off work which is always nice. 

Anyway, enough doom and gloom and onto things of a more frilly nature. Recently I have bought a couple of new things. Another Clara dress (red and black with a black collar) I really wanted (despite the fact I probably have enough already) and a pair of blue ankle boots. I still need a replacement pair of black ankle boots and I would really love a pair of white ones and possible a pair of white knee high boots as well to fully go for that 1960s look. Now all I need is a place to wear them and it doesn't look like that's going to happen anytime soon due to the pandemic and unfortunately since the cold weather started I've been dressing for work less and less.  

One further thing I would recommend is Sarah Keyworth's short radio series Are You a Boy or a Girl which explores her own gender fluidity and sexuality. There are four episodes, about 15 minutes each, and I really enjoyed it. The series can be found here (apologies if this may not be available in all regions): Sarah Keyworth: Are You A Boy or A Girl?

Still, there's a new Doctor Who special coming up and both UK and US versions of Drag Race are coming back in January. From looking at the intro videos online, long pointy nails seem to be in this year. 

So anyway, I'll wish everyone out there a merry Christmas for the coming week and I'll leave you with a caption. This was created for my 25 Caps of Christmas thread on Rachel's Haven back in 2016 using an old Christmas card. 

One of the Family (2016)

Quantum Leap #6: A Song for the Soul

A Song for the Soul

(07 April 1963)

Sam is...Cheree Watkins, Supreme Singer 

The Mission...Ensure bandmate Lynelle Walters doesn't sign a contract with sleazy club owner Bobby Lee

This episode holds a special significance for me as it's one of the first Quantum Leap stories I ever saw and I was drawn in purely by my burgeoning love for crossdressing and bodyswapping back when I was a teenager. I can't remember if I saw a trailer for it or just read the description in the TV Times but it was clear that a man was going to be dressing up as a woman and I had to see it. 

The opening scene doesn't disappoint either as Sam leaps straight into a performance by aspiring girl band, The Dovettes, all clad in black strappy bin-bag-like dresses with beehive hairdos. The mission is a straightforward one for Sam as he has to stop bandmate Lynelle signing the contract with club owner Bobby Lee and also bring her father round to the idea of his daughter wanting to pursue a singing career. This is made easier by the fact that he moves in with them for a time as Cheree's parents are handily 'not at home' and that's the last we hear of them. This episode also gives Scott Bakula another chance to show off his wonderful singing voice. 

This is another example of an episode that would probably not be made in this day and age but yet would have seemed more progressive back in the early 1990s. It's admirable that while all but the regular cast (Bakula and Stockwell) are black, the optics of a white man acting the part of a black female teen would not be looked on so kindly. Saying that though, seeing said man dressed as a woman was a big thing for this teenager interested in exploring their gender identity. 

As ever, Scott Bakula puts in a wonderful performance especially portraying Sam's awkwardness in the initial 'leap in' singing scenes when he's one step behind the others. He does seem to shift into the role of a mother hen at times, trying to protect the other two girls when he should be trying to fit in and is a little patronising at times. Support is provided by Tamara Townsend as Lynelle and T'Keyah 'Crystal' Keymáh as Paula who play the rest of The Dovettes and are very believable teenagers. Townsend is the main focus as Lynelle and does a great job as well as showing off her marvellous singing voice. Harrison Page is Lynelle's preacher father and a pre-E.R Eriq La Salle appears as our villain Bobby Lee. While The Dovettes are a proto Supremes, there are shades of Ike and Tina Turner's relationship in Bobby and Lynelle's. There are some lovely 1960s fashions too in the dresses the girls wear especially the bright pink sparkly ones they don for their big performance at Bobby's club (which looks more like a café). 

There are a few issues. The overall plot feels a bit hackneyed but then Quantum Leap plots were usually quite simple missions. Sam initially seems to side with Lynelle's strict father who nearly hits her in one scene. Bobby seems to walk straight into Lynelle's house and up into her bedroom without much trouble so did he break in? You also wonder what may have happened to the girl band he had The Dovettes' pink dresses made for. The reason for Lynelle's mother's death isn't really clear and why are they so concerned about having her father hear her sing anyway when she sings in the church's gospel choir every week? 

Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be a real conclusion to the story, just a tearful father and daughter reunion which tells you that things are most likely going to be alright despite the fact they never have much of a discussion. Did Lynelle sign with Bobby Lee? Presumably she told him to take a running jump otherwise Sam wouldn't have left. We also learn nothing about what the future has in store for the characters which was always a nice coda to the episode for me. All in all, this is a middling episode of Quantum Leap but one which I will always remember. 

Whamageddon

 As we begin December then so does the game of Whamageddon. 

This is a little game played here in the UK (not sure if anywhere else does it so apologies if I have that wrong). The game revolves around Wham's 1984 Christmas hit Last Christmas. If you can survive from 1st  December to midnight on 24th December without hearing the song then you win, if not then you are out and sent to Whamhalla. It's only the original version though and you have to recognise it so if it's a cover version or you are unsure if you might have heard a bit of it then you're still in the game.  

But Terri why are you telling us this? Why are you not talking about cute skirts? Well, it has to do with the caption I'm putting up this week and it's one I recently rediscovered from last year and I quite liked it. As I've said, I always enjoy writing captions for my witchy character Ember Montoya and I really liked the dialogue I came up with for this one. It's also rather topical as the photograph is a still of Emilia Clarke from the film Last Christmas, featuring the song, which was released last year. 

This caption was created for the 25 Caps of Christmas thread on Rachel's Haven. 

Hope you like.   

Whamageddon (2019)

Empire Records

Last weekend I rewatched a film I hadn't seen for many years. It wasn't that successful on release but has since become something of a cult classic and had a minor effect on me when I was young. 

Empire Records (1995) is very much in the slacker comedy vein that emerged in the early 1990s and one which included one of my favourite movies, Clerks. It also has much of a Breakfast Club vibe. The plot, as much as there is one, revolves around the lives and loves of the staff of the titular record store over one 24-hour period as they try to save their workplace from being turned into a chain store, Music Town, and prepare for the visit of singer Rex Manning. In fact, if you've ever heard the phrase 'Rex Manning Day' or seen it pop up on Twitter then this is what that's referring to. The day is celebrated by fans every year on 8th April. The cast has quite a few future well-known names among it including Renee Zellweger who, although these days is more well known playing the hopeless romantic in films like the Bridget Jones series, (see Note below) here she's playing 'turbo slut' Gina. With it's 'damn the man' teen spirit it's one of those that works well when you're young but is a painful reminder of your lost youth when you reach your 40s. 

However it was Liv Tyler, playing student Cory Mason, who made the biggest impression on me though. I was a teenager at the time and the only reason I needed to rent the video of this was the front cover showing Liv front and centre in a blue cropped jumper, plaid mini skirt and boots (see below). Perhaps this and Clueless fuelled my love of plaid skirts and there certainly seemed to be a lot of it about in the 90s. 

Theatrical poster of Empire Records (1995)
Credit: IMDB

Fast forward a few decades and, watching it again, I started wondering if I could cosplay it. That outfit has become iconic now and, doing a quick Google search, there are quite a few people choosing to cosplay it. It's certainly no weirder than my recent thoughts about doing more waitress cosplays (Alongside Clara Oswald I've thought of doing the outfits from Twin Peaks and Two Broke Girls. I may have a problem).

This brought to mind one of my long held dilemmas about being a straight crossdresser - namely the issue of whether I fancy someone or just want to wear the outfit and in this case I've had a little change. There's no doubt that I found (and still do) Liv Tyler attractive but this time around I was thinking about whether I could cosplay the outfit and how much fun it might be to wear it. Were these my thoughts all along and I simply wasn't expressing them and choosing to subconsciously hide behind sexuality? I don't think so but over the years as I have started to dress more I have allowed myself to think these thoughts, not that I was consciously repressing them in the first place but I just opened the door a bit wider and my world has grown so much that I can think about such things and they don't seem so alien or weird anymore.  

Overall I would recommend the film if you're looking for a fun teen movie with some peppy 90s nostalgia and a great soundtrack. 

Note: One of my first ways of dealing with my crossdressing fantasies was to draw myself in different situations. One of which was as Bridget Jones in a cardigan and mini skirt on the poster when Bridget Jones' Diary was released in 2001. 

The Week in Crossdressing #6

 I've written before about Harry Styles and his penchant for crossdressing which is always nice to see from someone in the public eye. This week he appeared on the cover of Vogue's December 2020 edition not only being the first solo male ever to do so in the magazine's long history but the first one to do so wearing a dress. 

There's a full interview with him about it on Vogue's website here: 

https://www.vogue.com/article/harry-styles-cover-december-2020

One choice quote I would definitely pick out from the article is: "I find myself looking at women’s clothes, thinking they’re amazing" which I'm sure is a sentiment many of us (certainly me, hopefully you reading this) will agree with. 

Harry Styles on the cover of Vogue
Photographer: Tyler Mitchell
Credit: Vogue.com

Of course this has sparked debate which is mainly about masculinity and whether it undermines it (depending on whether you think that is for good or bad), whether he looks sexy and whether it makes any difference that a cis het white male is doing it as opposed someone from a different background. There are also articles recreating the shoot and others in which 'brave men' (actual wording) walk down the street wearing dresses. 

I guess this is really a cross section of where male crossdressing is in 2020. On the one hand we have more people like Styles, especially those in the public eye, embracing gender fluidity and yet it's still seen as something a bit weird for men to do and I suppose some will always hold that opinion unless things change a lot and with fashion that's always possible. Personally I'm thrilled that this has happened and hope more men will embrace it and see it as not so much of an odd thing to do after all. 

Laundry Day

I was working on another review which I had hoped to put up this week but work has been a bit crazy and I actually had to rewatch the programme I was meant to be reviewing since I originally saw it a few months back and needed a refresh. 

Instead I thought I would put up another caption and this week I have coincidentally been going through a lot of my old captions in particular those featuring Ember Montoya, my witchy character. This was mainly because I have another one in mind to do featuring her and this time in the guise of a matchmaker. I've given Ember a number of jobs over the years and in fact the caption below was part of a Witch for Hire caption offer in which participants could hire Ember to do a job for them...or perhaps they would be the job themselves. I particularly love the last line in this one. 

This was originally created for SP2000 on Rachel's Haven. 

Laundry Day (2015)

 

My Week #10

 As we in the UK enter lockdown for the second time I was able to get one last clothes shop in and bought a new dress from a charity shop partly because I decided I need some more colours in my wardrobe other than black and blue. Ok, so it's still blue but a lighter blue and with some red flowers all over it. Probably a bit too late for such a summery dress but I wore it last weekend and it was rather nice. 

One slightly odd thing I've been thinking this week is about taking a course in fashion. I did do fashion briefly as part of a BTEC course in art I did back in college over 20 years ago and I approached it rather gingerly and I do wonder whether I was repressing something back then. Maybe if I had taken more of an interest it may have helped me but I think I was just too young at the time. The main part I did though was to write a brief history of fashion and I really enjoyed researching it and looking into it all. I'm only thinking about doing a brief online course though, perhaps leaning more towards a history of fashion rather than the design part. Designing would be an interesting thing though but I doubt I would be that good at it or even know what I'm trying to do. Maybe it's just this little fantasy I have of wanting to be a fashionista type girl or to have that kind of persona. Anyway, that's just something that's cropped up this week. 

To round off, it's been quite hard to escape the ongoing US election this week and while I haven't really got any US election themed captions, I did do a UK one back in 2015 and it's always been one of my favourites perhaps because it involves a 'he'll become what he hates' scenario. 

This was created for the April 2015 caption contest on Rachel's Haven with the theme of The Backfire. 

Tory Girl (2015)

Halloween 2020

Well it's coming up to Halloween now and although it's not something I'm often involved in that much I did have a party to go to this year which unfortunately looks like it will now be cancelled due to the new COVID restrictions and the rule of six. 

There was of course the issue of a costume and I did look for something much like the caption I'm going to post below but then I was able to find a costume that I coveted quite a few years ago, perhaps over 10 years. It was a 'gangster's moll' costume which was basically a pinstripe dress and pink neckerchief. Hopefully I will get to do it at some point in the future but I had started to really look forward to it. I didn't even buy it in the end so I can't do a bit of dressing up just to see what it's like. 

Anyway, for Halloween here's a devilish caption and this, I think, is one of my favourites possibly of all the ones I've done. I really enjoyed the dialogue between the girl and the devil and how she's starting to the enjoy the idea of being wicked. 

This is from the Haven's October 2018 caption contest. 

The Devil's Cheerleaders (2018)

 

The Week in Crossdressing #5

I have a couple of things to add this week. 

Firstly, I was able to get a skirt fixed for cosplay. I was a bit nervous as it's a bespoke garment but it seems to be fine now. I just need a couple more items including some shoes and I'll be able to wear it somewhere once conventions start up again. I have thought about getting some photographs done but right now they just end up being very poorly lit ones in my house unless I can sort out something else. I have also thought about getting some more professional ones done but I feel a bit sheepish about it because of the way I look which I think is mainly the hair and make-up aspect of it. It's like I would almost feel bad about wasting someone's time. 

Last weekend I went out for a walk to a local park which I often do especially in my lunch hour while working from home just to get some exercise. Most times I'm dressed when I do so as I still enjoy dressing while working from home (winter leggings and thermal tights have been brilliant at the time of year, by the way) and this day I was wearing a black and white flowery dress, bright blue tights and knee length black boots plus a long black coat. Walking down the road I suddenly heard a screech of tyres and someone shout out "Is that a geezer?". Needless to say, I sped up quite a bit to get home. Apologies for sharing such a brief incident but I thought it would be interesting. At least I was convincing in some aspects I guess and I wonder if it would have been better with a wig. 

One more thing which shows the flip side of crossdressing, I watched Theatre of Blood this week which is a horror movie from 1973 starring the legendary Vincent Price and the wonderful Dame Diana Rigg who passed away recently. Rigg was a fashion icon in her own right back in the 1960s when she took on her most famous role, that of Emma Peel in spy series The Avengers. The plot sees Price as an actor who takes revenge on the circle of critics that denied him an award by killing them in a variety of ways from the works of Shakespeare. Rigg takes on the role of the dutiful daughter who joins him in his criminal enterprise along with a gang of meth addicts. 

So why am I telling you this? Does the master of horror don a dress? Well no not really although he does have a number of disguises but it's Diana Rigg who spends a great deal of the film clad in a curly wig, moustache and sunglasses and male drag as Price's accomplice. While I did mention the cross dressing killer trope a few weeks ago there isn't really a fetish element to this and it's more for a disguise than anything else. Rigg also has a few scenes clad in a lovely white top, skirt and go-go boots. The film is presently on Amazon Prime and if you are partial to some horror then I would definitely recommend it. 

Pink Library #11: Trans-Hypnosis

This is quite a sweet story I've found over at The Changing Mirror which involves a cis woman being hypnotised into believing she is trans in order to experience what it's like. 

Trans-Hypnosis by PilsburyDoughZoe

I've read a few of Zoe's stories over there and they are always interesting. Unlike most transformation stories, we don't see revenge being taken on a despicable human being but actually a willing protagonist and one that actually knows what is happening to her and has chosen that course of action for herself. As she experiences her new life she goes through the highs and lows and it's also interesting how she looks at herself; seeing masculine qualities that just aren't there.  

It's quite a short tale and it would be nice to see a longer take on Zoe's life as a transwoman and how it ultimately affects her.

Rats and Ruffles

Nothing much has been happening recently but I have got another new wig. Black hair again this time with redder highlights. I have seen a nice few dresses recently but nothing I'm that interested in at the moment. 

I'm hoping to start up with some caps again soon as I've managed to get a new laptop and everything should be sorted out now. Although I have managed the odd one or two I've missed doing them and as ever I've had a lot of ideas for things I want to write about and not the time to sit down and properly do them justice. As such I'm afraid things are a bit thin on the ground this week but I have got a couple of things for you. 

I spotted an article in Esquire the other day about ruffles coming back in fashion for men, certainly shirt-wise, in these more genderfluid times and it does seem to make sense. While the article mentions spotty teens at proms in the 1970s, I can't help but think of Jon Pertwee as the Third Doctor who was rarely seen without a ruffled shirt and smoking jacket. I doubt it's something I would be interested in though except on a skirt. 

Article: Real Men Wear Ruffles by Murray Clark

As it's the Halloween month, I have some suitably spooky captions from my back catalogue I may put up. This is one of my lesser seen ones and was created as part of Rachel's Haven's caption contest for March 2016 which had Initiation Ceremony as the theme. Not exactly horror based but I know but I thought it would fit ok. 

The Loyal Order of Mouse Rats (2016)

Silver Steel

 As I still try to get back to normal, this week I thought I would post another caption. 

As James Bond's latest adventure No Time To Die has been delayed again I thought you all might enjoy some Bond themed Role Exchanger action. 

This caption was created for RMP42661 over at Rachels Haven. 

Silver Steel (2015)

Hair

 Despite my tech problems over the last few weeks at last I seem to have a new laptop so I'm still getting used to that which usually involves downloading all the stuff you had on the last one and yet it also seems somewhat needier as I'm getting a lot more pop-ups now...but you all probably don't want to hear about stuff like this. 

Something bigger though is that my living situation may be about to change as my housemate is moving out soon although before all that he recently gifted me a wig that his girlfriend bought for reasons as yet unknown. Now, as I have said before, I've never really been one much for wigs as I've often found them a bit hot and cumbersome when I've worn them for cosplay. This one however, which is black with blonde highlights, is really comfortable and fits really nice. I think my cosplay wigs are often the cheapest I can buy too but this is quite well made. I've been trying it on more and more and seeing how it looks but it still looks rather odd with my face there and I can see it kind of sticking out. 

I've been thinking a bit more about cosplay recently and I do follow quite a lot of other cosplayers on social media and right now I'm feeling a rather inadequate. I think with the kind of cosplay I do I feel I need to do the wigs and make-up part and it's something I've never really mastered or, to be honest, attempted much of. I think that's also why I've never tried to get some more proper pictures taken because I don't feel good enough. I don't see myself stopping anytime soon though as there are still some costumes I would love to wear but, thinking about it for a bit, I wonder if, although I started out with cosplay, I haven't moved on a bit and that my new cosplay has become the everyday. Putting together outfits for work (from home of course) or going out (when such things still happened) has become my main goal and what I want to do with my fashion for the moment. It's easier when it's all laid out for you of course but there's a lot of fun in the discovery and playing about with different clothes and looks. 

The Week in Crossdressing #4

It's not been the best of weeks. Crossdressing was in the news this week due to author J.K Rowling's new detective novel Troubled Blood (written under the pseudonym Robert Galbraith). I won't go heavily into this as Ms Rowling and her comments on trans people are quite well known and this has stirred everything up again. Also, I've not read the source material myself. The story can be found below.

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/jk-rowling-new-book-troubled-blood-transphobic-strike-tweet-b444955.html

I find it a shame that transvestite killers are still a trope in this day and age. Silence of the Lambs has been mentioned however I think it goes back at least to Alfred Hitchcock's 1960 film Psycho although there was at least a reason why Norman Bates dressed up and it wasn't anything to do with a fetish. It's still seen as something very seedy and something to be scared of. Hopefully programmes like Ru Paul's Drag Race and more public figures embracing crossdressing along with ongoing discussions about different gender identities will at least help it become more acceptable and less like a seedy, perverted activity performed by lonely men in run down bedsits.

One more thing I wanted to mention is something I meant to last week and that's a TV programme Hayley Goes...Gender Curious. It's one in a series in which Hayley Pearce, former star of The Call Centre documentary, tries out various things for a month including going sober and going vegan. It was a pleasing grab bag of various gender related talking points including pronouns, crossdressing, male make-up, gender identity and trans issues. Hayley is a bubbly, likeable, down to earth presenter which I think helps with the issues presented. There's also a particularly good explanation of the 'they' pronoun through the use of a jacket on a chair.

One final mention is for a company I've just come across, Bettertights. I can't vouch for the quality of the product though. So why am I mentioning it? Well they're another company who have championed diversity and inclusivity which is always nice to hear because we all need less judgment in our choice of clothing.

My Week #9

 I had hoped to complete (or even start) the third and final part of The Beach this week but unfortunately I haven't really had the time plus some technology issues. I was due to have a new laptop this week but looks like it was delivered to the wrong address or someone just plain stole it so that's a depressing thought. Not that I'm oblivious to the fact that people can be shits but I had a little more faith in humanity than that. Mistakes I can handle.

Anyway, in lieu of that I thought I would add a couple of things I saw this week. First up was the film Predestination which is a 2014 sci-fi movie starring Ethan Hawke and Sarah Snook that centres around time travel. I don't want to say an awful lot about it as it's best going in cold but if generally you like time travel movies then give this a go. It's still on Amazon Prime here in the UK. The film deals with transgender themes alongside those of identity although they aren't the main focus. The design aspect is brilliant too with some great 1960s style dresses for the Space Force sequences and a cool take on a time machine.

The other one is a music video. I'm surprised I've never done a series on music videos as there are more that deal with TG, crossdressing and body swapping than you would think. The below is the 2011 song TYP D.I.S.C.O by Israeli electro pop group The Young Professionals which also stars Israeli drag artist and gay icon Uriel Yekutiel.

Looking up the details for this post I'm surprised that this is nine years old. I know that musically I don't have my finger on the pulse much anymore but this is ridiculous. Anyway this is an excellent video with a cool 80s vibe to it and I'm thrilled that a male performer is wearing the same outfits as the female dancers. He's very Freddie Mercury too. 

The Beach: Part Two

Becky sauntered along the beach, her long blonde hair flowing in the wind almost colliding with the ice creams she had just bought. Dressed in a skimpy pink bikini she attracted a lot of attention and loved every minute of it. She always flashed back a wink and a grin at whichever man’s eyes caught hers. By contrast Samantha was dressed a little too warmly for a day on the beach as a brown shawl covered her shoulders with black socks and Doc Marten boots covering her feet. Her one concession to the beach was the blue one-piece swimsuit she wore and not even the sun would make her look up from her Charles Dickens omnibus. The one thing that did make her do so though was a mint choc-chip ice cream casually placed in the large tome like a bookmark and a giggling Becky as she licked her raspberry ripple; the colour almost matching her bright red fingernails. The two girls, both in their early 20s were college roommates but had very different outlooks on the day.

“Uh…thanks…I think,” said Samantha lifting the treat from the pages of her book. “Welcome!” trilled Becky. “Now are you going to put that down and come and have a swim with me? You said you would try and enjoy the day.” “How can I with all this revision and college starting up in a few weeks. You know, you should be doing this too!” “I will do but c’mon Sam it’s summer. We’re entitled to a break to recharge our thingummies,” “Yeah, and we both know what you like to plug into to recharge,” Samantha noted as two men with washboard chests and tiny Speedos jogged by and caught Becky’s eye. “I can’t help it if there are so many hotties down…” her voice trailed off as the beach went silent and a bell tolled somewhere in the background.

The ice creams were the first casualty as the girls dropped them into the sand with Samantha’s book making a dull thud as it hit the ground when she stood up but yet she didn’t seem to worry as they were both caught in the Silent Swapper’s trance. The two friends then began undressing and switching clothes. It didn’t take Becky long to untie her short bikini and take off her pink flip-flops to present them to Samantha while the other girl peeled off her layers. A few moments ago Samantha, as much as she liked her friend, would not have been seen dead in her beach attire but now she casually slipped into it as if she had done so that morning; tying the top around her neck as a bigger chest filled it up and pulling up the thong bikini bottom which accentuated her ass as it was rounding itself out. Her skin was a little more tanned and evidence of a skincare regime could be seen. Smart red fingernails replaced her stubby ones and long brown hair with pink highlights replaced her black bob. She slid her feet, also with matching red toenails, into Becky’s pink flip-flops.

Becky’s skin grew less tanned and a little greasier to match a life spent inside reading as she dressed in Samantha’s blue swimsuit that covered more of her body than she usually liked. She pulled on the black socks over her now colourless toenails and covered them in the black boots with the thick soles. As her once bright blonde hair dulled and shortened itself into a dirty brown bob, she pulled the brown shawl over her shoulders and gave a shiver. Her nails grew shorter and she picked up the book from the sand. Becky then gave Samantha her hot pink heart-shaped sunglasses from the top of her head in exchange for her more functional silver reading glasses and took her seat on the blanket. Time soon restarted and the chatter from the beach filled the air once more.

“What…was I saying?” Sammie looked puzzled. “Oh darn and where’s my ice cream!” “You probably ate it,” Rebecca looked up from her book, wiping the sand away “What the hell happened to this? Did I fall asleep?” “Probably. That book looks way boring,” snorted Sammie. “See, just another reason why you shouldn’t be reading at the beach. Come for a swim with me, pleeease!” “Ok, ok, maybe in like half an hour. I need to sort this out” she replied. Sammie looked up as a new car arrived in the car park and suddenly her face lit up. “Oooh fresh fish! I’m gonna go and greet them” she smiled, adjusting her bikini slightly and prancing away. “Typical. Those poor dudes,” Rebecca smiled and said to herself as she turned the page and resumed reading her book.

The Beach: Part One

 It was a warm and sunny day at Brincombe with many locals and visitors taking advantage of the good weather and the Bank Holiday to spend the day at the local beach. While the weather was warm, a chill was about to hit the beach and spread along the coast. It would change everything for the people enjoying the day but only last for a few moments and leave no memory of its visit. The Silent Swapper was in town for the day.

Trying to keep up with demand at the Vanilla Skies ice cream shack was Kelly Matthews. The dark haired 21 year old was relieved to have just finished serving a long queue with her last two ices, a mint choc-chip and a raspberry ripple, to a blonde girl in a skimpy pink bikini, and she was about ready to collapse into a chair. The company uniform wasn’t too flattering with its red polo shirt, black knee length skirt and white apron. When she took the job she thought it would be wonderful to spend summer by the beach however the idea that she would actually need to do some work didn’t seem to hit home then as much as it did now. She glanced out over the rest of the beach patrons with jealousy and then turned to her boss Brian Long, nearly twenty years older and sat scribbling in the corner at his small wooden desk at the back of the small, wooden shack. He was dressed similarly in a red shirt and black trousers both of which had seen better days. “That was quite a long one that last one,” she said. He grunted a little. “Could have done with help,” she continued. “Really, really quite long…” “Yes, yes I get the idea. Privilege of rank, Kelly,” he turned around sighing. “Once you get to wear this fantastic yellow apron,” Brian replied twanging his apron strings, “you’ve really made it in this world and while you get smile at the great British public, I get to sit here crunching the numbers and wonder where we’ve lost five boxes of flakes in the last week,” he added through a half smile, tapping his pencil on the desk.

As Kelly turned back to face the front of the stall everything went quiet. Somewhere in the distance a clock bell sounded and a breeze swept through the vicinity. The whole beach became enraptured in its spell. Up and down the sandy coast the patrons began switching clothes with one another. Back in the shack, Brian and Kelly turned to face each other, both in a trance, and started to strip off. As they shed another layer they began to hand the garments to each other. Brian struggled into Kelly’s pale blue bra and knickers set, putting it on as if he had his whole life, while she pulled his rather large white boxer shorts. Already their bodies began to change to fit their new outfits.

As Brian pulled on Kelly’s red polo shirt and black skirt, the years were wound back and he became a twentysomething again. His hair grew darker and longer, breasts filled out his shirt and the bulge disappeared from his knickers. As Kelly pulled on Brian’s rather older red polo shirt she started gaining a few more muscles as well as another couple of decades. Short brown haired topped her head and her breasts disappeared into her chest as she pulled up Brian’s trousers (complete with bulge) and tied the laces on his black, shiny shoes as he did the same with her light blue Chuck Taylors. Then they switched the all important aprons before Kelly removed what little make-up she usually wore and Brian grabbed her handbag to add a touch to his own new face. A little red lipstick and some eyeshadow worked wonders.

 Time unfroze and suddenly Brianna and Ken were left looking at other. “Um, that was weird…did you just feel something,” Brianna said looking around. “Perhaps the tide’s about to come in,” Ken mused before sitting back down at the desk. “Anyway you have customers” he indicated to a group approaching the shack “and I have flakes to find.” “One day, I’ll wear that apron!” she said defiantly. “Good I can retire and you can chase up lost confectionary” “Oh it’s probably the seagulls or the mice aga…” Brianna blushed and turned to face her customer a very round, very red man “aga…a good day to you sir, how can I help you today?” she smiled. 

Ten Years of Terri

This week I celebrated my tenth anniversary on Rachel's Haven so I wrote the below post to sum up my feelings.

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Well everybody, today marks a whole decade since I joined the Haven and it's been such an amazing experience. Transformative in many ways.

I can't remember what drew me to the Haven initially but I do remember Leila Stoat posted some of her caps (with her own illustrations) on DeviantArt and it set me thinking. I was looking for a place to explore my kinks for CD, personality change and gender transformation and at the time I just used to do it in chat rooms. I had a few long, dark nights of the soul and did some things I'm not proud of but today I look back at it as something which set me on the path to where I am now. Initially I remember trying a sissy school forum but it never felt like a good fit. I heard a lot of good things about this site plus I had started reading some blogs that mentioned the site as well.

Initially I didn't know if I was going to post caps or not but I was interested in reading them. Not quite sure what happened but I guess inspiration struck and I decided to give it a shot. The first one I did was for the August 2010 caption contest and I think the first personal one I did was for Totalditz whose blog I was already avidly following. I guess it took off from there as I started doing it more and more.

It's been wonderful to write captions over all these years. Kinks are very personal things so when someone tells me that I hit all their buttons and maybe found a few new ones then I feel very proud of myself. Over the years I've also found out more about myself and moved into some areas I didn't think would excite me but I found a way to do it. Although a cap you do for someone obviously has to hit their buttons if it works for you as well then it gives you the impetus to make it better. Like telling a joke, you're the first one that should find it funny because if you don't then no-one else probably will. Even though I may berate myself for not doing more fiction writing over the years I remember my caps and feel that I've done a good job, essentially writing micro-stories and putting them out there. Lately I seem to favour dialogue-only caps but I really enjoy working in that medium especially when I'm writing an Ember Montoya cap. I could just write her dialogue for days as she's such a fun character. I hope I have made some people happy over the years and although I haven't done a lot over the last year or so I'm hoping to rectify that soon. I'm also pleased to have entered practically every monthly caption contest on here.

I'm so pleased to have made so many friends and capping partners over the years like Dementia, Totalditz, Licy, Jinny, Steffie, Evie, Crow, Jay, Chelsea and countless others and thanks also to Rachel for setting up this whole place.  I feel that this forum has also helped me to develop in real life and has give me more confidence to try crossdressing and live out some of my fantasies, broadly speaking, and although I've seen people move away once they have translated their feelings into real life, whether it's dressing or transitioning or just moving on with their lives, I don't think I've lost the want to make captions or the stories that come to me at the oddest of times in the strangest situations.

Thanks for a great decade, Haven 

Summer Fun #2

Unfortunately I still haven't had the time to work up some of the stuff I've wanted to for this blog but I hope to have a little something at the weekend. 

In the meantime, here's another summer based caption which was originally created for the July 2014 caption contest on Rachel's Haven with the theme of water- based transformation. Bikini Beach was a no-no so I invented my own take on it which ended up becoming a Famous Five pastiche. 

Enjoy!

One Piece Swimsuit Cove (2014)

Short Dresses and Summer Fun

As I said last week there's quite a lot of stuff I want to do but time and equipment seems to be a factor especially this week since work has been a lot busier and I think I've been a bit more slack since lockdown. 

I did find the time to buy a dress though. It's black and covered with white flowers, like a couple of other dresses I own, with long sleeves and it's a bit shorter than I would have liked so probably one to wear with tights. One reason I liked it was because it's quite 1960s which is always a plus with me. I've seen people wear shorter though so I should be able to make it work. It does seem appropriate that I'm working my way through 1960s Doctor Who too. Perhaps I now need to learn how to do mascara properly so I can really do the look. No beehives I expect though.

As I haven't got much to say this week I thought I would put up a summer-themed caption. This one was created for Jay Seaver at Rachel's Haven and features my Ember Montoya character. I've probably said this before but I love writing dialogue for her.

Enjoy!

Sand in my Bikini (2016)

My Week #8

This week I've mainly been working and continuing on with my Doctor Who rewatch however I have had some ideas about future things I'd like to do on here including putting up some more captions to celebrate my 10 years on Rachel's Haven and some tributes to some of the more stylish characters on the small screen. I've also had an idea for a short story I might write to put up here while I'm away on holiday in a few week's time. It involves a trip to the beach and my Silent Swapper entity.

Since I've been going into the office all week for the first time in months I haven't had much time to dress for work however I have now started playing around with the gender swap function on FaceApp and I'm loving the results so I'm now resisting the urge to transform all my photos. Using it on photos of me dressed though it's very much "oh so that's what that's supposed to look like". At least it's a new way of trying out certain outfit combinations and I would certainly give it a look if you're interested in what your female self would look like.

Check-Up #10

Things are still getting back to normal around here so there's not been a lot going on recently. I do want to get back to more captioning too but I'm still having some laptop issues so I'm a bit hamstrung at the moment with the amount of time I can spend on it. There's also some cosplay stuff I need to sort out plus another blog I want to start but I'm having trouble coming up with a name which is really frustrating when you want to get going on something. As you can tell by the name of this blog, I'm not the best at doing so. 

I'm also doing the Doctor Who pilgrimage which means watching every single episode from the very first back in 1963. In addition, along with season 5 of Drag Race All Stars I'm also watching yet another iteration - Canada's Drag Race which is quite good so far.

I also bought a dress recently from a local charity shop as well. It has a black, ribbed top leading into a patterned skirt. I would have preferred perhaps a houndstooth skirt but it still works well. Trouble is at the moment it feels like even more eyes are on you when you go into a shop and look around plus you have to trust your size even more than usual as there are no changing rooms. 

Just to update on my Ask Me Anything offer I put up a few weeks back on here and Rachel's Haven and unfortunately I haven't had any takers so there won't be a follow up post.

Finally, I've been going back to a story I've mentioned before on here in my Pink Library strand - With The Blink of an Eye by Brittany Montgomery which has six parts to it and is the charming story of a man who suddenly becomes a teenage girl after encountering a car of them on his way to work. It's well written and very enjoyable.

The author's page on Fictionmania is here: Brittany Montgomery

Wig

Despite the title this isn't a blog about how I've bought a new wig but this is about a documentary I saw earlier this week that I very much enjoyed.

Wig is a documentary made in 2019 and directed by Chris Moukarbel regarding the Wigstock festival regularly held in New York by drag queens. It was a fascinating watch and a delve into the flip side of the culture which has now become somewhat mainstream thanks to Ru Paul's Drag Race. The festival started out in 1986 as a one off performance by some of the regulars at New York's Pyramid club and was so popular it returned every year until 2001 when, in the wake of the 9/11 attacks, it was decided to stop as the mood of the city had changed. That is until 2018 when drag legend The Lady Bunny, one of the driving forces behind the original shows, decided to bring it back. The documentary follows her as she does and looks at the history of the festival and the comeback show itself. 

As any Drag Race viewer knows, queens come from a variety of backgrounds from the primped and perfect pageant queens to the more edgy club kids and this is more a celebration of the latter with some very edgy performances reminding us how pioneering drag performers are. It's not just about putting on a dress and a pair of false breasts but pushing the envelope in not just performance terms but in gender barriers as well. 

While Ru Paul only appears in archive footage, Drag Race does loom large over the documentary (some familiar faces from the show also appear) as it has catapulted drag to the mainstream like never before and some argue that it's not necessarily for the better. In some ways Ru Paul and Lady Bunny represent both ends of the spectrum of drag with Ru taking it mainstream and Bunny preferring the more edgy, envelope pushing, performers. It's a nice exploration of the different generations of drag artists too.

If you have an interest in drag then this is definitely worth a look. Here in the UK I saw it on Now TV as it was originally shown on Sky Documentaries. I'm not sure about other streaming services but I think it's also available via HBO. I'm also intending to check out Wigstock: The Movie, an earlier documentary on the festival made in 1995. It's also inspired me to check out some of the drag based films I've never seen such as Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Kinky Boots, The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (which surely has one of the most bizarre titles in the history of cinema). 

I sometimes wonder if, in another life, I could have been a drag performer and films like this are certainly inspiring. I know I certainly wouldn't have the courage to do a lot of what these girls have.

Ask Me Anything!

Ok so next month I will have been on Rachel's Haven for 10 whole years and I've been blogging here for around eight years.

It's been a wonderful experience and one that has helped me grow a lot as a person and create some wonderful stories. With that in mind I thought I would do a Q&A to see if anyone would like to ask me anything about my 10 years in captioning or anything else. I've documented on here my experiences cosplaying and how I started and become more confident with crossdressing and getting to know my own style again.

Please let me know either by putting questions in the comments section below or by completing the form to the left and I'll do my best to answer. Now, I  know the form asks for an email address and it's marked as a required field and of course I realise that given the topics covered some may not want to give this away. I fully respect that and, truth be told, I have no idea how to get rid of that section or not make it a required field so please by all means put in a false address. I have absolutely  no intention to privately email people (unless asked) or to pass any data on. Alternatively, if anyone knows how i can disable this then please let me know.

I'll put this up for a couple of weeks and we'll see if anything comes of it. I do feel a little self conscious offering this but I thought I would give it a shot for better or worse. 

Breaking Free: Part Two

Here is the second part of my Breaking Free story which I wrote as part of the writing challenge on Rachel's Haven. The theme was 'Sun Down'

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I don’t think I’ve ever properly seen the sunset. I mean, I guess I could have caught it if I had wanted to but it’s not an easy thing to catch. I imagine if you intend to catch sundown then you’re either too early or too late. Once I finish college for the day most times I just slump in front of the TV so I miss the sunset and by the time the thought enters my mind, it’s pitch black outside.

It’s not like that with Lucy. She’s one of those people who likes to run barefoot through fields of grass no matter the weather and insists on dragging me out into nature to see things. Tonight though I’ve brought her down to my level, well almost, we did intend watching something on Netflix but we never got out of the pub. It’s the most beautiful, and hot, summer's night and I’m sitting on a vaguely damp bench outside The Kings Head watching the sun slowly sink into the distance. I finally caught it. A cool breeze wafts through the beer garden and whips up my dress a little. I shift my body, padding my dress down lest anyone should see, and feeling the heels of my shoes dig into the ground a little reminding me that I’ll have to walk home in them. It was my own fault for wanting to try heels and I’m determined to master it – until I fall and break my ankle at least. I raise a hand to wipe my hair from my eyes and tuck it behind my ears as my bracelets jangle on my arms and my bright red nails shine in the dimming light. It’s hard not to feel self conscious as I sit here alone with only two other patrons for company although they’re more interested in each other than they are in me. At least I hope. After dressing like this on and off for a few months you wait for the inevitable moment when they turn to you and start asking questions.

And then my fear goes just that because she’s back. Lucy comes through the back door unsteadily carrying a tray of drinks for us both. She smiles at me and I smirk back and once again it feels like we are the only two people in that garden. Lucy’s wearing the same black dress as I am but carrying it off a lot better. She’s wearing it as it’s meant to be worn, as it’s meant to look on a woman and not a misshapen lump like me. If I said that out loud she would scold me for it. This was her idea though, in fact we bought the dresses together in Next. Ever since that night Lucy has encouraged me to dress more and far from switching clothes she finds it quite amusing for us to wear the same outfits. It’s certainly perked the interest of some of the photography students we know.

Lucy put the tray down, spilling some of my beer onto it in the process. I laughed slightly but I knew that my turn would be next and that these heels would not make it easy but at least we’re wearing the same thing so it’s a level playing field which is more than can be said for the garden which has more varied surfaces than Crystal Maze zones. The crazy paving alone looks like it will be my downfall. Lucy asks me why I was looking into the sky. “The truth is out there” I tell her and receive a playful slap on my arm. Then I told her that I think I had just seen my first sunset. “Rubbish!” she replied. “What about our weekend at Beckfest or the prom last month or when we all had to walk back three hours from Stanford?” “Yes, ok, Miss Memory” I replied “maybe I could be wrong and it wasn’t the first. It’s certainly the best though,” I smiled back, contented, and no longer confined.

Check-Up #9

I'm continuing my trend of not having an awful lot to talk about recently due to one thing or another. I guess it may be the time of year or the ongoing crisis although the lockdown is easing here so things may be back to normal, or approaching normal, quite soon. I'm probably still going to be on my amended work schedule for the next couple of months which is no bad thing as I've been getting more downtime recently and it's quite nice.

Anyway, I've been buying clothing again and this time I bought a smart black skirt for work. Still no changing rooms so it had to be a rough guess that my regular size would fit me and thankfully it did. I don't really have the confidence to slip it on in the store in front of people.  I know I did say it was a work skirt but I am still working from home a lot so it's mainly for that but like the traditional LBD I think a smart black skirt is something that comes in useful and already I've coupled it with some tops and it looks really nice. There are a couple of decorative buttons on the top as well and I'm a sucker for that sort of thing and I think this is also down to the costumes from Clueless and that spoiled rich girl look.

In other media, I've mainly been watching season three of Ru Paul's Drag Race as I think it's the only one I've never seen. I remember watching the first two late night in my bedroom hoping that my parents wouldn't hear and ask too many questions about why I was watching. By the time it changed channels I had moved out and was a little more confident. I'm also watching the fifth season of Drag Race All Stars and I caught an episode of Neighbours today which was Pride themed and with former Drag Race contestant Courtney Act. The show has a transgender character now as well which is quite cool and I was reading about her and the actress earlier.

Terri Is Sick #10

While I have some more ideas for potential virus themed caps (I'm sure this won't be the last) I thought I would bring this strand to a close with a nice round number and a crossdressing nurse caption.

This was originally created for Chrono180 on Rachel's Haven.

A Naughty Nurse for Halloween (2012)

Check-Up #8

One thing I notice as time goes on is that I'm getting a little more hesitant to go out in public dressed especially compared to the beginning of the year when I was prepared to do the weekly shop like it. I think it just may be the times we live in and when things bounce back a little more towards normal I may feel better about it. I still tend to hide myself a little mostly by wearing big coats but it's harder to hide when you can't nip in and out of shops anymore and have to remain in a long queue to get in. Of course I know that this isn't the real issue here but I thought I would talk about it.

If I do go out dressed it's often to a local park. I do get the odd stare but mostly things are ok. I do remember one couple looking at me very oddly while I was walking around in my new dress one hot day the other week. I'm still dressing for work which does seem to cheer me up on days I don't really feel like it. There is a lot of joy still to be found in putting together outfits and they seem to be very well received so at least I feel I'm doing something right. I did get a new cosplay outfit this week but it may need some adjustments before I can wear it out fully. It's ironic that I've managed to put together a few new cosplays to do this year but of course everything has been called off. Hopefully next year may be better for it.

I've also been watching a lot of Third Doctor era Doctor Who recently and the Doctor's companion Jo Grant had some wonderful outfits and I would love to cosplay as her at some point especially her outfit from The Three Doctors story.
Finally, vampire comedy What We Do In The Shadows started its second series on UK TV tonight and I love Nadja's big, black, lacy gothic dresses. I would still love to go full goth girl at some point just to try it if nothing else.

Breaking Free: Part One

This week I thought I would put up a piece of fiction I recently wrote.

This was my entry in the Haven Writing Challenge which had the topic of Confinement. There will be another part coming shortly. I did write it in a bit of a rush as I forgot the deadline for entries and so I would have liked to have written a bit more including more dialogue as the characters walk back to the halls at the end. I could have punched it up a bit to publish it here but I thought I would rather put it up in its original form. It  may sound a little autobiographical but it isn't really although there are bits and pieces that are inspired by various things/ideas/fantasies.

Hope you like.


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So what does confinement mean?

Well, being confined obviously. Being imprisoned, restrained, detained or held in captivity. I’m used to being confined and so much so that I thought I would never be free. The worst thing about it was that I just didn’t realise I had been confined. That confinement was my life and I just didn’t know any other way to be. I was confined to a male body and couldn’t get out.

Femininity wasn’t something I craved while growing up but it was something I saw out of the corner of my eye. Wonder Woman in her sparkly costume, make-up advertisements, long, flowing hair, girls’ school uniforms with such smart black tights and pleated skirts and every so often they all came together in someone I just envied like crazy and didn’t know why. I guess I thought I just fancied them but no matter who I dated I never came close to branching the subject of possibly trying on one of those nice dresses or maybe a skirt. No. I couldn’t let myself entertain the thought as it just wasn’t manly. It wasn’t for me and I couldn’t let it. That’s what I was told anyway, told by my relatives the television, the movies and the media. Stay in your box as that’s the way it had always been. There was that brief moment in the school play…with that blue dress …I was told it couldn’t happen again. It was embarrassing.

I hadn’t thought about it in years until I got to college and moved into the halls of residence. I found a small group of friends and we were inseparable for a while. All on the same Art Theory course so we would stay up into the night talking about… mainly rubbish but it was fun rubbish. After a late night’s drinking pre-Eurovision one night there was an idea. Lucy’s idea. What would it be like to switch clothes? Just for fun. Lucy was always suggesting odd ideas ‘just for fun’. There were three boys (me, Chris and Tom) and three girls (Lucy, Charlotte and Kim). Perfect match. I agreed reluctantly, as did we all, and so we swapped. Lucy took me into her bedroom and removed her short green dress, underwear and trainers while I did the same with my t-shirt, pants and jeans and needless to say it took one of us a longer time than the other. In fact Lucy had pretty much finished dressing by the time it took me to do up her faded pink bra. Well, put it on anyway, I still needed her help to do it up. Slipping into her pink knickers felt like something else though, so smooth and comforting. I wasn’t sure what I should feel at first and whether or not I should let myself feel pleasure for doing this. Was that wrong? When I put her black tights on my feelings doubled as I felt the nylon against my legs. I looked down and they didn’t resemble my legs at all. These were the sort of legs I would catch myself staring at while walking down the street.

The green dress fit better than I thought it would. Tighter most certainly and as Lucy zipped up the back I felt like I was being trapped in it for the night. Then she had an idea – there were wigs in the drama department, which would still be open. As I hastily tied up her trainers, feeling tight against my larger feet, she grabbed my hand and we rushed out the door and judging from the sounds in the other rooms the other guys were still struggling with bras. We ran over the common to the college, sneaked into the back room of the drama block and started trying on wigs until we found one that was the same length and shade of brown as Lucy’s hair. She jammed it on my head, gave it a little brush just to get the dust out (and some fake blood left over from a production of Dracula – I hope anyway) and give it some shape. Then we ran back and I can’t describe how free I felt running back hand in hand with Lucy.

My long hair flew around my head in the wind, I could feel the dress flying up and a gust of wind blasting my lower body. Lucy giggled and told me to stop flashing my knickers to everyone. Have I been doing dating wrong then, I asked with mock ignorance like a ditzy starlet. I just don’t know where that came from but it seemed like the right response. It certainly was to Lucy as she laughed so much all the way back asking me ‘in character’ questions. I loved it, I felt so free running back that night. In fact I don’t think I did come back that night; someone else did.

Check-Up #7

Things seem to be a little brighter this week.

The sun is out, the weather is getting warmer and more people are going back to work so things are a bit more crowded again. I still can't help but yearn for normality like a lot of people but that's probably still many months away, maybe even a year or so. Summer means I start becoming obsessed with the amount of hair on my body and feeling very down because of it. I don't think I suit summer clothes. I'm more an autumn/winter person. I can wrap up warm and cover myself in jumpers, long coats and tights when I wear dresses and skirts. Summer puts me all out there for everyone although there is something about feeling the material of a dress or skirt against your body and I do have some passable summer clothes which I added to today.

Yes, I have bought a nice new dress which is ankle length and has a floral pattern in black and white. Although I got it in a sale it was still a size bigger than I normally buy however that size does sometimes fit me better depending on the garmant. No changing rooms though to try it on and because I paid at a different checkout the alarm went off so I had to sheepishly show the security guard my receipt. It still feels a little big but otherwise I'm pleased with it. I'm still trying to resist temptation to buy some other bits and pieces, including whole cosplay outfits, that I have my eye on though.

Check-Up #6

As has now become traditional for these posts, I've not really got a lot to say about continuing life in lockdown other than that things keep rolling on as they have before.

One thing I've been doing a little of is trying to get used to wearing heels. I've got a couple of heeled boots that I've been meaning to wear more but I shirk away from them a bit as I'm wary of not being able to walk without tripping over. As I've been walking everyday I've started wearing them a bit more and I feel more confident now. Whether or not I'll move on to proper high heeled shoes, I don't know yet, but it would be inteesting to try. Summer has hit as well and the weather is getting hotter. I'm not a big fan of it and I think I've explained before my issues with body hair and going bare legged even though when I do it does feel really good. Bare legs make me feel a little more nervous when going out, perhaps because I can hide behind tights and, if cold enough, a big coat but there's nowhere to hide with summer.

This year I have had a thought though that perhaps I need more long summer dresses rather than my usual short skirts and knee length dresses. I was looking at some earlier in the week in one of the supermarkets although the other problem now is that changing rooms are closed off due to social distancing so it's a case of hoping that your size will defiinitely fit or trying it on in the middle of the shop and I'm not that bold plus that's probably against health guidelines now.

Stay safe everyone.

Terri Is Sick #9

Here is another nursing themed caption from my medicine cabinet.

This was originally created for Linda Mallone over at Rachel's Haven.

The New Nurse (2013)

Terri Is Sick #8

We've looked at viruses in various forms but how about caregivers and the medical profession?

Naughty Nurse is another one on the crossdressing fantasy list although it's not one I've had particularly but given the chance why not? A sexy nurse costume with some white stockings and heels would be a lot of fun. Looking through my back catalougue and it seems I've done more nurse themed caps than I thought I had so I might add those to this little series.

The below caption was first created for Evie over on Rachel's Haven and uses her wonderful Role With It concept. This is one of my favourite caption concepts and as you all know I love playing around with roles and identities. The basic idea was based around a wooden box which contained cards with roles such as 'Homewrecker' and 'Party Girl'. The players would then grab some clothes to become that role and - suprise, suprise - they would morph into that 'role'.

Enjoy!

Naughty Nurse Evie (2012)

Terri Is Sick #7

Continuing on with the zombie theme, here's one of my captions throwing us deep into the zombie apocalypse and finding a mysterious hero to save us.

This caption was first created for Commentator over at Rachel's Haven.

Dawn of the Dead (2017)

Terri Is Sick #6

Often when a virus crops up in popular culture it's the reason for the dead rising in a zombie movie and looking back over the years I've done a suprising amount of captions set during a zombie apocalypse. You don't think it would be such an interesting setting for aTG caption but if the dead rise, who knows what else might change as well.

The below caption isn't strictly set during a zombie apocalypse (I never seem to outrightly state it) but there's no denying I was inspired by George Romero's 1978 classic Dawn of the Dead in that the protagonist takes shelter in a large, empty shopping centre. This was quite a fantasy of mine when I was younger; being left to my own devices in a shopping centre, everything in one spot plus a bunch of clothes shops and no-one around to judge. I also love the idea of trying on different personas like outfits;being a different person every day.

I see I have posted this on here before but it was a number of years ago plus it hits the virus theme so I hope you don't mind. 

This caption was originally posted as an entry for the December 2012 caption contest on Rachel's Haven which had the theme of The End of the World.

The Last Mallrat (2012)

Check-Up #5

Well everyone, I finally bought some new clothes this week...ok so a replacement pair of blue tights for a pair I tore by accident. The colour is slightly off so I may still have to shop around but I'll keep them as I expect I'll find out what works with them. As they say over at Buzzfeed, the results will suprise you. One thing I'm proud of is my developing fashion sense and it's exciting to keep trying new things and new combinations of skirts, tights, tops etc. When everything finally clicks and you find an outfit you love then it feels so rewarding and you feel so good about it. I will write a lengthier piece about this at some point but I would just say it's something you learn over time so if you're in a quandry about starting to dress because you think you have little idea about women's fashion then don't worry as it will come in time and you will develop a style you like if you find it's something that you're into.

Speaking of tights I just wanted to mention Snag Tights. Some of my friends have highlighted how much they love these tights and how the company are struggling in this time of lockdown as are many others. Full disclosure: I've never tried the tights myself but I will be ordering some soon especially the Rasberry Pie pair and possibly the Beach Bum. They also seem to be using male models in a couple of shots too which is quite cool.

EDIT: Checking out the website they also specify that they are a fully inclusive brand and welcome people of all ages, sizes and genders which is pleasing to see. 

https://snagtights.com/  

One final thing I'll mention this week is a programme I was watching today. It was called My Life: I'm Not Just A Boy In A Dress and was a half hour programme shown on CBBC which I noticed as I was looking through the TV listings. Even at my age and despite working out some of my issues, my eyes are still drawn to any programmes to do with drag, crossdressing or explorations of gender identity as I still feel I may learn something about myself.  The programme centered on a lad named Lewis who at 14 has his own drag personality, Athena, and put on a drag show in his town with some of his friends. Shows like this usually bring back a lot of feelings I had as a teenager and how much I wish I had that sense of identity at that age but then I also grew up in a very different time and perhaps like anyone else I had to go through the things I did to become the person I am. At least it gives me hope for future generations. Drag itself has certainly changed and become a lot more acceptable since I was a teen which I expect is mainly down to Ru Paul's Drag Race. As with anything though I expect I would still have been too awkward and shy to do anything about it at that age.

Check-Up #4

So how is everyone doing?

Well, I'm a little up and down at the moment but my work at least breaks up my week and I'm getting a bit more free time which means I'm feeling less tired of a night so at least that's something. As I've said previously, I've started leaving my nails painted all week and this week my boss came into the office which was something I was only half expecting. My nails were all painted different colours, by the way. If she did notice something then she didn't say it. The same thing might happen again this week however now I have bright blue nails. I did initially hide them in gloves but now I just don't care. 

These days I do wonder what would happen if I was 'caught' dressed. I'm not sure it would bother me too much as I'm so used to it as being a part of myself. It now feels so natural to be wearing skirts dresses and tights and in fact I think the only thing that would make me ashamed is other people's reaction and getting caught in that emotion. This also led me to wonder what if I was to get caught while on a video Zoom chat with people from work. I know there are quite a few people out there who love the humiliation part of it. Imagine getting caught on camera unexpectedly, dressed up to the nines clad in a wig and coated with make-up? What if you were then blackmailed? What would you do? 

What about if you have to answer the door as well? Delivery drivers and various post people have seen me dressed over the past few years and have never really made comment on this. I expect, especially during this lockdown period, there are much stranger things out there than me. However I imagine that would feed the humiliation though, imagine being caught by many a caller. What would you say to them? Would you have something planned out or would that just make it better?  

I do have a few more captions I may put up shortly. It seems those are often my most read posts on this blog especially the Role Exchanger ones so I may see if I can feature more on here. 

Check-Up #3

As various lockdowns continue across the world (ours in the UK has just been extended for another 3 weeks) the world of fashion has been discussing the issue of how you dress while working from home. Sweatpants and a comfy jumper everyday or dressing to the nines just because it makes you feel good. Apparently the only clothing people are buying these days is tops specifically for meetings on video conferencing apps. 

Blogging about what you wear while working from home and how it has affected your style has become the latest topic of the day however it's one I have covered before and as I have said it's a great opportunity for the crossdresser to experiment more and even wear 'to work' what we've always wanted to. Lockdown hasn't really changed my style at all as I gave up sweatpants a few years ago apart from the occasions when I've been quite ill and want to wear something other than pyjamas. Personally I do like to get up and change clothes as it helps me get up rather than stay in pyjamas all day plus even if you're staying at home to work I feel I would at least dress smart enough to make me feel good rather than dressing as if I've just dragged myself out of bed. I'm still dressing for work and still rather enjoying it although I fear I may be running out of outfits soon. Work wear has always been an interesting one for me and I've often been tempted to buy things but stopped myself because they are too work-y and I would never wear them. Perhaps when this is over I might treat myself a little more as I expect I'll still find myself doing a few days working from home. 

So what about after lockdown? Well it could go two ways- either comfy and more casual clothes will take over as people don't want to give up their comfort to travel in to work again or the opposite and they will relish the opportunity to dress up and strut down the streets once more. Back in an earlier time (well, January) I remember reading about the Roaring Twenties in which the Bright Young Things used the post-war world to dress up and have fun. Wearing make-up was also fashionable too. We may be about to enter another recession or another great depression once we come out of this but I think there will be a lot of celebration too as we suddenly start appreciating the smaller things in life like just being able to go out go to the pub or cinema or have the opportunity to browse a clothes store. I certainly miss my weekends looking around various second hand stores for clothes.

I'm still ok where I am and at least I feel a little more settled now after the constant changes to daily life in the last month or so. I'll leave you with another little story I found about men now choosing to wear the jerseys of female sports stars. 

https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/lifestyle-buzz/why-men-started-wearing-female-athlete-jerseys/ar-BB125hxg