Check-Up #30

So what have I been up to recently then? Not much really but life still continues and I'm still doing much the same as I always did.  

I've bought some new cosplay outfits most of which fit but there are a couple I've been trying to return for a couple of months which sadly don't so I'm hoping to either get a refund or a larger size. Always seems to be the Harley Quinn ones too which is a shame. I do have some more Doctor Who stuff too. Coincidentally the only convention I've been to recently I didn't feel like dressing for although I did earlier in the year. I also bought a new Hell Bunny dress and a couple of yellow summery ones as well as a lovely velvety green one with long sleeves and a pleated skirt. Part of the reason for this may or may not be a slight split that happened when I tried it on. I also bought a pink jacket earlier in the year (bonus content - one screwed up tissue and one pencil) which makes three pink jackets of various sizes but this time I've actually worn it. Usually I wear a normal overcoat when I go out dressed because more often than not it's cold and/or wet plus it also gives me the opportunity to hide my outfit. On one occasion though I wore this jacket and it made me stupidly happy to see myself in a complete femme outfit. 

One night a few weeks ago I was asked by a friend at a social evening how I decide what to wear when I come out. Now often these evenings are after work so I come in my usual office wear of shirt and trousers but every so often I do bring clothes to change into with me and when I do this, much like travelling with The Doctor, you have to factor in time and space. I've got changing time down quite well over the years and it's usually the place I have an issue with so most times I end up in a public toilet struggling to put tights on. There is a nice unisex toilet at work though which I can literally walk out of, round a corner and out into the street...which I never use. It's a big building so of course I'm not going to run into anyone from my office - apart from all the close shaves I've had over the years. So now it's normally a train station somewhere. For an easy life I could just decide not to do it but this sort of life is seldom easy and you need to work at it if you want to achieve any sense of feeling euphoria or even that it's worth doing. Sometimes I feel it's the only thing keeping me going. It's constantly on my mind and on some occasions feels like denying it hurts so much. I have noticed I become almost a different person when I do though. My body language changes too and I'm not afraid to leaning into femininity a bit more. 

So my more condensed answer to the question was that it depended on my mood that day and sometimes the event as I usually decide on the outfit and pack a bag the night before so I know what I'm doing. I still feel nervous about it but most times I tell myself that I'll feel worse if I don't do it.