The Apocalypse Scenario

One of my favourite little fantasies is the end of the world.

Ok, just to draw it back from the edge I'll explain what I mean. The idea of waking up to find that you are the lone survivor of some kind of apocalypse or not even that I suppose but just to wake up and find that you are the only person alone in the world. There might be people alive from whatever MacGuffin has wiped us out but lets not go too far into that, I'm not writing The Walking Dead fanfic here.

No, my fantasy involves, unsuprisingly, clothes shops. Imagine going to a shopping centre and finding it deserted with many clothes shops ripe for the picking. I know I would be tempted to just go in and play dress up with all those wonderful tops, skirts, dresses and tights. Initially, I would be wary that there were people still watching me or that it was all going to be a big joke and Jeremy Beadle would jump out grinning ( I know he's dead but dammit I grew up in the 1980s and I have my reference points!). Once I got used to it though, I would enjoy the freedom just to experiment. Whether or not I would feel confident to wear such clothes in my everyday life, even with no-one seemingly around to judge, would remain to be seen.  

I was going to leave the blog post there, just another CD fantasy of mine, but then I went shopping yesterday and realised how nervous I still get in womens clothing sections of stores. I feel like I'm being watched, like I'm going to get 'found out' somehow. I went into Claire's, half to look for cosplay stuff but also because my niece has a birthday soon, a legitimate reason but still I felt like I needed to get out of there as quick as I could. I'm getting good at the quick browse, just eyeing up certain areas and moving on. Wanting to flip through the skirts or tights or whatever but making it as quick as I can.

It's always been like that for as long as I remember. Maybe it was because my mum used to tease me a little about it when I was dragged around the shops as a youngster. Does she know? Probably not but I wouldn't put it past her. I guess if I was with a woman, it might be different. Perhaps if I had more experience, as it were, been dragged around shops by girlfriends it would be easier. I guess this says something about me though. I mean, if I was just a normal man it wouldn't bother me, I would probably be bored and wanting to look in menswear or just to go and sit down somewhere which is what used to happen to me. Perhaps that I'm actively considering looking around and even buying items shows that I'm developing finally. It all goes to whether or not I want to continue exploring this side of myself or lock it back in the box. I certainly notice female clothing a lot more these days and the urge to wear it myself is growing.

My Week #6

Hi everyone

Apologies for not updating this recently. There's still a lot I want to write about but at the moment I'm just a bit lethargic. I've had a busy few weeks at work, a flurry of new work like never before and then the catching up. I just don't feel that I'm on top of it right now.

I'm still hoping I might see that girl again but it's looking more unlikely and I'm filled with so much regret because of it.

I've also been trying to catch up with my DeviantArt account and I'm trying out a new roleplay chat room. This is proving to be a bit frustrating as after about 5 minutes after starting a personal chat with someone, they tend to go silent. I don't feel like I'm being given a fair chance. Of course I could leave but then there's the temptation that you might find someone you really click with. So exciting!

Hmm. Just watching the dating show Baggage on Channel 4. The girl is asked to choose between 2 pieces of made up 'baggage' from her potential suitor. Either he's a crossdresser or he will never share his bed with her. It turned out to be the latter but the amount of women shouting for crossdresser is quite encouraging. Even the girl said they could share clothes.

Anyway, hope to write more soon.