Apologies for not updating this sooner but it's been really busy lately.
Not been in the best of health recently, I have a cold at the moment.
I have been continuing trying to talk to strangers though and mostly succeeding apart from the last couple of days. It's all an exercise in confidence building and hopefully I may get to the stage where I'm just not scared of saying things at all. There are lots of times when I've wanted to, no matter how mundane, and felt bad because I couldn't get the words out.
However there is a reason why I'm finally typing. I'm going away for a weekend with friends in a couple of months and we usually have a fancy dress thing. This year there was going to be a Harry Pottter theme and I hadn't decided whether I was taking part yet. I had a message from a friend today asking me if I was going to take part...and told me a secret cos/crossplay twist.
This has of course piqued my interest but also set me wondering why he thought I would enjoy this. Now, obviously he has been present when I have crossplayed before and saw the Amy Pond photos (BTW really enjoying this latest series) but lately I have been getting annoyed that people expect me to do this and that if it's fancy dress the of course I'll turn up in a dress. This could be my own neurosis but it's also that I don't like doing what people expect, I don't like being stereotyped or anyone thinking they now exactly how I'm going to act.
Perhaps I could just shut up and enjoy myself. Would I though or do I think that I should just because I'm a crossdresser regardless of whether I might enjoy it? It's the same kind of dilemma that I've been struggling with for many years now.
I will expand on these details at another time but or now that's been my day.
Good to hear you're still trying to talk to strangers! Seriously, I do it all the time and the fear is always there but it does pay off in so many ways.
ReplyDeleteAs for your dilemma... It's your call. If it's any consolation I think everyone has that conflict, but I know what you mean by trying hard not to be what everyone expects, even if it's something that you would like to do. I've always wanted to cross-play in fancy dress parties but never had the 'excuse' so I envy you your dilemma I guess. Not to cheapen it, it's a big thing.
In the end you should do what feels 'right' to you and for you. I'm not a moral relativist, but in this case, you'll enjoy yourself best when you're happy with what you're doing. You know this, I don't know why I'm saying it!
Sorry, I'm out of things to say that aren't "I envy you" or "you're a bit awesome" so I'll stop. :)
What was the twist exactly? I'm not up on cosplay so I am not sure what is implied.
ReplyDeleteMaybe they were trying to gauge your reaction in an innocent way, like "would you be on board if we DID do it? I know you've done it in the past, so would you MIND if we all did it this time?" Maybe they all thought it looked fun and were envious that you did it a previous time?
And not to put a fine point on it, but if they DO think of you as a cross dresser .. isn't that kind of a good thing? If they do, they don't seem to be too bothered by it.
Thanks for your comments, girls :)
DeleteJoanna: The trouble is I'm not sure what I enjoy any more and what I think I should be doing. Is it worth exploring this side of myself or laying it to rest. I still say that you will get your chance to dress up at some point.
Dee: Sorry, I did leave it deliberately vague but basically everyone's dressing up as the same female character. It's going ahead whether I do it or not but I was just being asked whether I was going to take part in it.
I doubt they would be bothered by it, one of our group is a t-girl, but I guess I'm very self conscious about it. I don't like to be teased and occasionally i get the odd comment.