Check-Up #16

It's not often that I dream about gender change but it happened last night. I'm sure it must have happened before but I don't recall right now. It was an odd dream and from what I remember I wasn't the only one doing it but I had to switch bodies with a friend (who I think may have been an old flame). The swap worked and I remember feeling so much joy and excitement at being in a female body - however it wasn't long before I worked out that the swap hadn't actually worked and that I still had male genitalia which was disappointing. I woke up shortly after. I've since looked up the dream and it has a number of meanings and like a lot of dreams many more than you may actually think. The main one here is that there are parts of myself or feelings that are fighting to get out. 

It has been quite an interesting month though all told. I had a few days off and went to some events. On Halloween I went to a party as an old favourite go-to costume of mine which was a vampire cheerleader. Although not quite bold enough to travel by train in costume, a few drinks at a party and I ended up travelling back in it which meant a few minutes walking through a town I had never been to before plus an hour and a half on two trains to get back home. 

Earlier that day I had been able to complete a cosplay I had been sort-of planning. As you know I love Clara Oswald's outfits in Doctor Who and I found out through a costuming website that the dress she wore in the 2015 two part story Under the Lake/Before the Flood is available through Miss Patina. I ordered one and, despite it being a little tight (unfortunately there was no bigger size) I was happy with it. I'm also now getting emails about offers from the Miss Patina website which I love because they have some very cute clothes. Anyway the only other thing I needed to complete the costume was a mustard top. There are also some tights and boots but they're generic enough for me to get by with what I have although I do wonder whether the tights are navy or black. Anyway I managed to get a top in a charity shop and it looks so good. I'm stupidly excited about this look and wearing it in the future to a convention. 

Peter Capaldi and Jenna Coleman in a 2015 BBC publicity photograph for the
Doctor Who two part story Under the Lake and Before the Flood

Over the last year or so I have gone back and forth with cosplay and whether I want to still do it including whether my age precludes playing younger characters. I have concerns about whether I'm good enough and whether I will still have the same group of friends still to enjoy it with. I guess I have fears of being left behind while others move on with their lives. Saying that, cosplay still remains an interest for me and I've still been trying to put various outfits together over the last year. Anyway, last week I went to the Destination Star Trek convention and really enjoyed myself despite the fact that a new cosplay I had ordered ( a blue TNG era uniform dress) was delivered the very day I went to the convention. Still there's always next year. I had a good time with my friends though and even had some nice photos taken. 

A couple of other things I would note as well is that I bought a purple top with some black flowers on and wore it to an event in London coupled with some purple tights, black skirt, cardie and boots which is the first time I've been to an event dressed for over a year. The boots are the same I wear for my Star Trek cosplay and there's definitely something about wearing them and hearing the tapping of the heels as you walk down the street. Other than that I missed out on two quite similar dresses recently. One I saw in a charity shop, left it for a week and it was gone when it came back but I did see one with a similar patten yesterday...just as it was being bought by someone else. Oh well. Every so often I do think about asking work if I can dress while I'm in the office but it just seems to be so ingrained in me, perhaps with age, that it's silly to even ask. Still, you never know.