Summer Party

So, over the last month or so I've been thinking about wearing a dress to my friends' wedding vow renewal. This also meant possibly getting new shoes, handbag and I was considering a necklace.

Now, I know that my friends will be cool with it but there was someone else going to be there ironically someone I've known a lot longer and who has seen me do crossplay but then this is different. This is full on admitting I crossdress. It's an odd problem I've found that sometimes a stranger or acquaintance is easier to open up to than someone I've known for a number of years. To say that I'm worried about ever telling my parents goes without saying (and I doubt I ever will, to be honest) but what about my best friend of 20+ years? I don't want to make things difficult and although I think he would be cool with it, something like this does change a relationship. 

Talking of relationships, I may have a new one on the horizon. A friend set me up with a friend of his girlfriend and it's only been one sort-of date but we've been talking and we should hopefully be going out sometime next week. To be honest, she's one of the brighter spots in my life recently with the possibility of redundancies looming at work this week. It's too early to know whether she will be cool with this, although we did have a short conversation about drag queens, but it's still a bit early for discussions like this and to have me in a dress tagged and plastered over social media and the inevitable explanation to my parents. 

So, I pretty much decided not to do it and to make my peace with myself over it...until I had drinks with a friend a few days ago and through circumstances I ended up talking about all this. I'm not sure I've ever opened up about this in such a way before or even openly admitted it. Wasn't even all that drunk either which is a little worrying. She was encouraging me to do it, even saying I could bring the dress with me and change in her room if I wanted. This got me thinking about it again and whether I should go ahead. 

The party was yesterday...and I'll leave it there for now.  

Shorts and Dress

I forgot to mention a couple of other pieces of clothing I bought recently, namely a pair of leggings (first time I've bought a par) and a pair of flippy shorts. Really like the shorts, wearing them right now in fact and I might continue throughout the summer.

Anyway, I have an event coming up fairly soon. I have some friends renewing their wedding vows and I'm considering wearing my new black dress. Rather excited by the thought actually. So should I just wear it or go full girlie with wigs and make-up and stuff? I think I'll have to wear tights with it and buy some appropriate shoes plus a handbag (no pockets and I need to have money and my phone and stuff near me).

The only trouble is that the dress has no unfortunately got a couple of holes in it due to the intricate embroidery on the top. While it fits well, it's not the easiest to get on and off which is how I think it got torn. In fact I tried it on again today and spent a while trying to take it off without tearing it further. Sounds like a subject for a TG caption doesn't it? Stuck in a dress. Maybe I could try and get it repaired or cover it up with a coat or cardigan or something. Ooh I might need one of those too. Not sure if I'll go through with this but it will be fun to see.

July Update

My mood has a horrible habit of shifting with each passing week. I really enjoy my Saturdays shopping, even more so since I started buying more clothes. I don't think I realised before how much its opened up my world although I swear that one of the shops has started applying 'men' and 'women' labels to their racks especially for me (ok, so I'm exaggerating for self-deprecation purposes here).

Some weeks I feel really good about myself but others I just feel really down, like what I'm doing is somehow seedy and unacceptable. I wonder if it would be better if I just put the genie back in the bottle and never dress again for the rest of my life. Would it affect me? Could I live without it? Maybe a few years exploring it is fine but somehow it just keeps coming back up. I should be glad to be living in a free country where I can fully explore it (well, within reason. I would still fear going out dressed) and in this year, which has taken so many people from us, I am feeling that I should live my life more the way I want to as it's so short. Too short to be afraid.

I did buy some more clothes over the weekend using up an old voucher. Such a wonderful black evening dress, looks gorgeous and fits well. I would love a place to wear it to. I do worry that I'm getting more clothes with no place to put them or even to wear them too. At least putting together a cosplay outfit means it will be seen. This almost feels like a useless hobby.

I even had a dream last night. I was wearing a dress, big poofy thing with big sleeves and a long skirt and I was constantly running from people trying to find some place to hide, feeling ever more embarrassed. Now, according to various dream interpretations, crossdressing in dreams for men means that you need to get more in touch with your feminine side (and on the flip side getting in touch with your masculine side if a woman dreams of crossdressing) but I think maybe for me its a more literal interpretation.